Cocktails, Casinos, and Chaos

Las Pegasus was big. A quarter of a million inhabitants big. Big enough to where the Elements of Harmony even in their intoxicated states knew that to gallop across it would be asinine for all but Rainbow Dash and Applejack.

Or more accurately: They could have galloped to where they had to go in their peak states, since it was only about a third of the length of the city, arriving heroically out of breath and dramatically on time.

But they were far from that peak state.

And so they just assumed they had done it instead of taking a steam bus four fifths of the way there for heroic purposes.

At least they arrived on time. They were very good at arriving at the exact moment they were needed.

"I should have thought of this," Twilight grumbled as she stepped off of the carriage. "I watch this show too much for my own good. Of course Discord would come here to get something random."

Pinkie Pie followed physics, walking off of the bus behind Twilight. "Well, considering how smart you are, Twilight, I bet you know more than all of the experts on the history of... everything!"

"You're damn right I do," Twilight snorted.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash looked silently at each other as they walked off of the bus, contemplating Twilight's growing ego and lack of a vulgarity filter as she drank.

They liked having their ovaries for future sexual pleasure, and so they let Twilight have her hubris, bowing down their own large thoughts of themselves. It was for the best.

"Well the way I thought of it," Applejack said, "was that ya have ta think about all the random stuff that they got. Discord loves random more than Pinkie."

Rarity stroked her own muzzle with a forehoof to fight off the budding fatigue that was swirling through her system like a margarita cocktail. Several of them. And other drinks.

She looked up with her friends toward the Las Pegasus Gold and Silver Pawn Shop in all of its moderately boringly designed glory. The building was rather forgettable looking.

"I shouldn't be thinking this hard at the current moment. Or... ever," Rarity groaned, "but has anypony thought that they simply were here instead of are here right now?"

"Of course I have," Twilight said, perking up her frame with a smug smile. "And that's what I've assumed. It's their last known location, and by the logic that hurts my head it means that this would be where we're going to find clues as to where they went."

"Or... they could be walking toward us." Rainbow Dash pointed toward the main entrance of the pawn shop.

Fluttershy and Discord laughed and giggled to themselves as Discord's white magic hovered several boxes and bags of items from the store.

It wasn't just the fact that Fluttershy and Discord were leaving the shop exactly when the other Elements came that was shocking. Nor the fact that Fluttershy was smiling under what had to have been Discord mentally controlling the poor pegasus. Not even that they willingly were walking toward them as if they were about to say hi that was jarring.

Okay, it was, but that wasn't the point.

It was that they were sober. Completely, one hundred percent sober.

They didn't look impulsive, stumble a bit, ramble, look emotionally distraught, or look like a disheveled mess. They looked as normal as they could be with a slight lack of sleep and having had gone through the events that they had gone through.

Fluttershy and Discord looked.... normal.

It scared the shit out of the five mares staring at them.

Fluttershy noticed immediately, galloping toward her friends. "Girls! Don't be scared! I promise I'm not under his control. Just relax, okay?"

Twilight's neck and muzzle twitched rapidly. "Relax!? How-"

Discord teleported beside Fluttershy with his boxes and bags beside him, wrapping a forehoof around Fluttershy's side. "Why so serious? Don't you trust Fluttershy?"

Pinkie's neck twitched at Discord's words, who only laughed manically at the death glares he received from the five mares in front of him.

Fluttershy's stare however made him flinch as her aqua eyes glared at him.

"That's enough," she whispered firmly. "It's time we tell them the truth."

Discord folded his ears beside his muzzle. "Do we have to? It's so much fun doing this to them!"

Fluttershy nodded. "We do. They're my best friends. They deserve to know the truth."

Discord sighed tiredly, giving Fluttershy's side a squeeze. "If we must."

"Get your hooves off of her you bastard!" Rarity snarled, saliva dripping down her lips. "I'll rip off your head and spit down your neck if you don't."

Fluttershy blinked rapidly. "Umm... Rarity? You might want to talk about your anger."

"That's exactly what I'm bloody doing!" Rarity said, stomping a forehoof onto the ground. "And I think I speak for everypony here in that he has twenty seconds before we rip him to pieces limb from limb and I bathe in his blood. Everlasting youth shall be mine!"

Twilight quickly glanced at Rarity. "Normally I would consider counseling, but Rarity pretty much summed it up."

She grinned darkly. "I'm going to drain his incredible magical reserves and add it to my own once we kill him. Having Rarity as an eternal co-ruler of the universe isn't a bad idea."

"And since he's part fish somewhere, I'll grill him and eat it," Rainbow said, licking her lips. "Seafood is awesome. I bet he's the best and most awesome seafood ever."

"I'll take some bones and give it ta Winona an' make her a super dog," Applejack smiled. "And a new hip for Granny."

"And I will make a fuzzy hat from his corpse," Pinkie giggled, "and it will be very warm and Caneighdian. See, Discord? We don't want much. Just you dying in agony!"

Discord laughed heartily, giving Fluttershy's side a firm squeeze. "Are you mares insane? Can't you see I am completely sober? Yes, Twilight, you have trapped me in this form, but however much it hampers my power it is still leagues above your own, more so in your intoxicated state. You couldn't flip the fail switch spell if you tried. What will you all do, attempt to kill me drunk?"

"We'll try," the Elements of Harmony said in unison.

Except for Fluttershy, who bit her bottom lip nervously.

Fluttershy stomped a forehoof loudly on the street. "Enough! Girls, Discord and I are in love, and we used this as an excuse to go on a vacation to see if we would work together as a couple. And... we do."

Her wings spread meekly by the sides of her body as she rocked gently back and forth on her hooves. "And we may have... umm... taken a blood cleaning machine to make ourselves sober."

Discord smiled sweetly down at Fluttershy, stroking a forehoof through her mane as she squeed to deflect her friends' confusion. "A dialysis machine, m'dear, is the word you are looking for."

In some world, a record player loudly came to a stop.

Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow, Applejack, and Twilight mouthed slowly their thoughts as their brains attempted to process the information they had been given.

Pinkie summed it up for all of them.

"W-w-wat?..."

"I can't go on vacations normally," Fluttershy said. "I have too many responsibilities with my animals. So when Discord and I thought about it, tricking Celestia into making all of us go on vacation meant she'd send some ponies to watch over them."

"And it so happens to be easier to tell your friends you are dating your former enemy when they are intoxicated to the point they can not fight you," Discord hummed, scratching Fluttershy underneath her chin. "Basic strategy, no?"

Fluttershy cooed contently, wrapping her tail around Discord's own. "So we planned everything. Convincing Rainbow and Pinkie to bring Twilight and Rarity together; coming together to Las Pegasus-"

"-oh so humorously making Twilight and Rarity high-"

"-getting tipsy at the bar-"

"-nosing Applejack and Dash together-"

"-because really, Dashie, you stare at her withers all the time and who doesn't like your cute tush, Dashie-"

"-getting Rarity and Twilight to romantically kiss-"

"-I'm jealous, really. Can you teach me, Rarity? Twilight can join. Discord doesn't mind-"

"-I'm a very open-minded being-"

"-and very kinky," Fluttershy rumbled, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips.

She looked back at her shell-shocked friends, her cheeks turning a light pink. "I needed somepony who doesn't mind me roughing them up when we have sex."

Discord picked at one of his forehooves idly. "And to seal our plan I teleported an unused dialysis machine into our room before the heavy drinking began. It was very inconvenient, but it had to be done since somepony didn't let me use all of my magic by trapping me in this form!"

Rainbow lifted up a forehoof. "And getting punched in the balls?"

Discord winced instinctively. "Not... part of the plan."

 "An' the gamblin'?" Applejack asked.

Fluttershy giggled, clopping her forehooves together. "I'm really good at poker. I'm so cute ponies underestimate me. I won over three thousand bits, which is why we got you all some things and how we got the rooms complimented to do all of this. And not get you all something? My best friends who I had to do all of this too? That would be awful!"

Discord's frame sagged. "I lost several hundred playing slots. Damnable machines. You see why I do not like playing with luck on a fair ground, much like you, Twilight. Which is why we didn't want to play with luck today."

"We're sorry," Fluttershy whimpered, "but we did this knowing you would have fun too. And you did!"

"But what about the hours after we were drunk and doing each other?" Twilight shouted.

Discord snuggled his pony frame into Fluttershy's own, listening to Fluttershy trill like a bird. "Why, I happen to be very good at pleasing a mare. You learn to do that over several eons. The blood cleaning took a bit of time, and we needed a bit of a nap before we knew you would look for us here."

Silence.

The Elements of Harmony looked at each other slowly, waiting for one of them to add their thoughts to what they had just heard. They struggled to come up with an answer, more so since five of them were sexed out, hungover, hungry, sleepy, and running on hero juice and adrenaline.

Rarity was the first to speak, scratching at her ruined curls in a manner that would have been barbaric if she were more awake. "No... no chase around Las Pegasus? Surely we were supposed to spend several days finding out what happened today. Some drug-lord was supposed to kidnap me and Twilight would heroically rescue me?"

"And me and Applejack were gonna be forced to join some illegal fight club to get into that bosses secret club," Rainbow said, flickering the end of her tail.

"And I was going to have to dress up as a transvestite because Discord had played with me several years ago when he was drunk," Pinkie whimpered. "I was looking forward to that! Blackmail is fun! Discord was going to bump into me when Fluttershy was asleep and reveal where they were!"

Discord and Fluttershy looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders.

"You would think that mating and getting drunk would be enough for your friends, Fluttershy," Discord said. "I truly think they may be becoming addicted to being heroes and going on adventures. Ponies your age would envy them and what they had done in only just one day."

Fluttershy's ears folded beside her muzzle. "I know," she said softly. "They just can't enjoy things being okay anymore. They can't relax. Unless the world is in danger, nothing works anymore."

"You use cannabis to relax and you got us drunk and Rarity and I drugged up!" Twilight said, blowing out a plume of smoke from the end of her muzzle. "That doesn't make you better than us! Discord brings out an evil side of you, Fluttershy."

Rainbow took several steps away from Twilight. "Y-y-yeah. I shouldn't mention I was in on that part of spiking Rarity."

Pinkie followed Rainbow, whistling to herself as she hid behind Applejack. "And I was in on Fluttershy knocking you out, Twilight. Boop you up so you and Rarity would boop muzzles and butts."

Fluttershy giggled. "And it worked. I... think. You just repress too much, Twilight. You too, Rarity. I let it out meditating. My doctor said my heart is really healthy. Besides, cannabis is a normal way to handle stress if used properly."

"Well, other than how completely immoral that was," Applejack chuckled, "even though we've dragged Fluttershy through Tartarus an' back, at least we know their intentions were good and we all had fun."

"Exactly!" Discord said, walking slowly toward Twilight. "Now how about later on you remove that spell, Twilight. Yes, my little buttercup is far more cunning than you imagined, but she just wanted to go on a vacation with her best friends. Now how about you get some rest, and tomorrow I can purge your pesky hangovers when you release my full power. Think of it like this: Your sweet friend not only arranged your date, but now three of your friends are dating now as well! Good times!"

"Yay!" Fluttershy nickered. "He's better with words than me. So-"

"I'm going to kill all of you if it's the last thing I ever do!"

Twilight stabbed a forehoof at Discord as her friends leaped away from her.

"We were supposed to go on an adventure through Las Pegasus that ended with all of this happening through the adventure, not with it happening in the beginning! That's the worst adventure in history if the climax happened in the beginning!"

Pinkie Pie perked her head above Applejack's frame. "But nopony would expect that! That's-"

Twilight pressed her muzzle into Pinkie Pie's own. "I'm going to turn you into lard for starters!"

She purred darkly, dragging her tongue wetly over Pinkie's lips. "I bet you make a delicious cake batter."

"Eww..." Pinkie shivered. "I'd make a good steak though! I am kinda chubby. Fat adds to the flavor when cooked!"

Twilight turned toward Rainbow Dash, growling throatily at her. "And you. I'm going to lock you in my dungeon and juice you dry for a decade. You'll make the best wine for Rarity to drink, and then afterwards, I'll show you to anypony who fights against me."

"I'm... not sure if I want to drink that kind of wine." Rarity gulped down a ball of saliva. "But if I must for my life I shall do as you ask. It could be yellow wine, so I shall count myself lucky."

Applejack laughed heartily, holding onto Pinkie for support as she snorted in delight. "Oh ya'll be very happy at what juices come out of her, Twi'. Very happy."

"Thanks, Applejack." Rainbow Dash huffed loudly. "Thanks for defending me from sexual torture."

"Yer welcome, my pegamuffin," Applejack choked under her breath.

Twilight hissed at Applejack. "And you-"

"I didn't do anythin'!" Applejack said. "I wasn't a part of any of this!"

Twilight hesitated. "Fine," she said, "you can torture Rainbow with me."

Applejack shrugged. "I'm okay with that."

Dash blew a puff of steam from her nose. "Choke on Big Mac."

"And you will be the slave that ambassadors greet first, Fluttershy." Twilight's grinned, tittering madly. "So you can remember everything you've done to me."

Fluttershy smiled calmly at Discord. "Just let her get it out. She's like Rarity when she's all pent up. Let her throw her tantrum, and then she'll calm down."

"I will not calm down!" Twilight screamed as she jumped up and down, stomping the concrete as if it were trying to eat her book collection. "No, no, no, no, no!"

"Wow." Pinkie blinked rapidly. "She's mad. I mean sure this was totally uncool for all of this to happen, but I mean, now that I know what happened, I'm okay with it. Everything went better than expected!"

"No!" Twilight frantically looked around at her friends, pointing toward Discord. "This is his fault. If he didn't give us the adventure that we wanted we were supposed to kill him! I was supposed to become a god!"

Discord raised an eyebrow. "Khan would like to have a word with you."

Rarity stroked her chin. "Well I think I may have to reconsider my mating choices in the future. Although a large mansion overlooking the Shayiss Alps does sound orgasmic."

"Oh he will have a word with me," Twilight laughed, "when I become so powerful that nopony will stand up to me. We won't need the Elements of Harmony anymore when I have an army, and an empire than encompasses all of the galaxy! It'll... It'll..."

Twilight wobbled, her violet eyes blinking rapidly. She shook her snout quickly from side to side, staring at Discord.

"It'll... It'll be wonderful! Magic and technology will..."

She hiccuped as she walked forward, stumbling onto the ground with a soft groan. "Don't you clone yourself, Discord! You've bucked Fluttershy enough. You... you... thing! I know your tricks!"

"She's going into shock!" Rainbow Dash leaned down to stroke Twilight's neck. "We need to take her to a hospital!"

"Oh don't worry, Rainbow," Fluttershy smiled, "we can just clean her from our hotel room, and Discord has magic that other ponies can't cast. Alchemy is impossible, except for my little Disky.""

Fluttershy trilled as she nuzzled into Discord's equine body affectionately. "You're so cute as a pony."

Pinkie Pie shook her head from side to side. "What is with us and the hotel today?"

"We've ruined our public image already, Pinkie," Rarity said. "The headlines will either be with us in the hospital or just out in public."

"Good point!"

"Do I have to?" Discord pouted, sniffling back tears. "I'm enjoying this."

"I'm okay!" Twilight panted loudly up at Rainbow. "I just... want to kiss Rainbow. Come closer, Dashie. You like the smell of Applejack's sweat, so what's mine on your tongue?"

Applejack grabbed Discord in her forehooves, standing up on her hind legs as she lifted him up in the air. "Buckin' do it before I kill Twilight, 'cause nopony is kissin' my mare, and that includes Twilight."

Fluttershy didn't look the least bit concerned that Applejack held Discord hostage. "And now you all see why we needed a vacation."