Chapters When the Circus Came to Town
Back to when I was a small colt is the best place to start my tale. I was born in a small province of Equestria. It was called The Tail Plains, due to the fact that it was off of the lower part of the land. The plains were inhabited by ponies of all kinds, from zebras to unicorns and everything inbetween. The entire province was dedicated to farming, and as such we had a vast amount of small villages with friendly ponies.
Tail Plains was taken up as a province when we had a surplus of food that the princesses thought would benefit Equestria. They sent a messenger that said "you are now a province of the great land of Equestria and under the rule of Princesses Celestia and Luna."
As I said before, we were friendly and spaced out. No military existed to contest the princesses' rule even if we wanted to.
My name was Squirt. Squirt Ironhoof. My mother had a sense of humor or something, because the reason for my name was due to the fact that I was the smallest of all my siblings, and I had a lot of siblings. I grew as any other zebra does, going through the common trials of growing up, but I wasn't the run-of-the-mill citizen of Tail Plains. Where others would pull a plow through the dirt and wrestle in the mud, I took to trying my hoof at whatever came to mind. One day it was books from the public library, the next it was tinkering with some of the rusty scrap metal in our backyard, another day it would be herbalism (which is how my eyes turned red), and the next it would be another random thing. I dabbled in these like hobbies, but it was always the same thing over and over. Do this for a day, then that, and repeat. Until something unheard of in tail plains happened.
The circus came to town.
***********************************
I was fifteen, slightly bruised from the night prior when my father came home after drinking too much cider.
Looking down the dirt path that led to our town I saw something extraordinary, colors that were so outstanding that one would have to be as serious as my father when he hasn't had something to drink not to want to go see what they were about. I ignored my siblings off in the field having fun with their friends. It wasn't hard to, since they never spoke to me, never invited me to play. I squinted and saw a hazy blur of ponies and wooden carts and blue and yellow and orange and-
Why did I have to go do work? My siblings didn't. He never made them do anything, they were his perfect little phillies and colts, not fuck-ups like myself. Even if I tried I couldn't have done what he wanted, I would always have a plow locked to my back that I couldn't pull and as I struggled in a losing battle with the earth he would go into the house to drink some more and only occasionally come out to yell "Why isn't that little patch plowed up yet? Is it too much for the widdle filly?".
I sighed, knowing there was no way to avoid the punishment of not running at his first word. Yet I remained there, on the path, staring.
Usually I would leave, run away for a period of time to let him cool down so that he didn't administer his usual physical and verbal punishment laced with his insults about me being weak and not like the others, but not today. I was too mezmerized, drawn like a moth to a flame. It was as if it called out to me from a place beyond this plane of reality.
"ARE YOUR LEGS THAT WEAK THAT YOU CAN'T DRAG YOURSELF-"
All the anger that I stored for years surged forth. "SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL-" I roared, while turning to face him, in defiance from all the times he insulted me, tortured me both physically and mentally.
Thwack. He punched me with his front hoof across the left side of my face. I fell backwards, down to the ground. A taste formed in my mouth, it was a delicious taste, it tasted like victory, pride, the sensation of finally standing up to the stallion that beat me, insulted me, and tormented me for all that I was. It was blood, my own blood. I had never tasted anything better in my entire life.
Then his words came again, in a low, stern voice like that of an angry behemoth.
"Don't you EVER talk back to me again. Do you understand? DO YOU!?"
My face was a mere decimeter away from the hot, dusty ground. I watched as a trickle of blood came from my mouth and the side of my face where his blow broke the skin.
"I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE ASS!"
The crimson trickle formed a small pool about half the size of a hoofprint in the dust. I grinned, looking at a pool of victory, sweet, salty, crimson victory.
Smack. Another blow landed, this time on my exposed side, just behind where my ribs protected my organs.
"YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
I looked away to the colorful and hazy blur in the distance. His voice pierced my ears like thumbtacks, this time in a tone of sarcasm and malice.
"You want to go see that, don't you?, well you're not going to be able to where you'll be."
He grabbed my tail with his teeth and dragged me down the path toward the wooden structure me and the rest of my so-called family shared with ease. I stared at the blur all the while, silently vowing that I would see what it was before it passed by, half from defiance and the other half from my curiosity.
When the Circus Came to Town
The bleeding stopped by the time we arrived, but in the place of the bleeding was a swelled up bruise. And I was sure that there was some mark on my side, seeing how heavy the blow was. But it was most likely covered by my fur. He dragged me up the stairs leading to the door. Thankfully there were only two of them for me to hit my already throbbing head against. Then came the splintery floor. I picked up at least 3 one-centimeter long spikes of wood with my chest, and more smaller ones on my legs and under my chin on the way to my inevitable prison.
He locked me in my room.
It was nothing to look at. Walls with no paint, mold growing from spaces in the ceiling, a desk I made when tinkering that had a broken leg, and bed with rusty springs protruding through the single sheet that was on it. Even the window that was higher than I could reach was slightly cracked. The door was the only thing that was solid about the whole space. I never really slept on the bed, I always left the house. In fact, I left the house as much as I could. Only occasionally did I go back there, and that was to eat during the winter months because there was nothing growing at that time for me to indulge myself on. Even then I tried to scavenge what I could from under the snow.
The door locked from the outside and there was only one key, he always had it. He dragged me into the dark room and dropped me on the floor, my face throbbing in pain and the splinters under my skin only amplifying it.
"Now this is where you're going to stay until that thing passes."
Not a word was said in response, only silence and an aura of sorrow and pain hanging over me like a thick cloud of dark grey smoke. As he walked out the room I laid there on the floor, attempting to ignore the stinging pain of the dirty floor on my newly acquired splinters, all the while listening to his heavy hoofsteps, the door slamming shut, the click of the lock sealing my sentence.
I cried, The salty tears making the broken skin on the outside of my cheek sting with more pain than it was experiencing prior. I laid there on the floor silently sobbing, the tears running down my face and landing on the floor with a small plopping noise. The horror that I might never see what that blur was and the sense that I was caged like a dog, at the mercy of the stallion that drew no moderate amount of blood just today tore at me, pushing more tears out of my eyes, only to intensify the pain that he inflicted earlier. The pain was bittersweet, the fact that he could inflict such a sensation was terrifying, but the reason why he did it was euphoric. I grinned at the thought that I had the capability of defying him, even if only for a moment. So there I laid for what must have been an hour, becuase the already low sun set over the horizon, silently sobbing but smiling all the while.
Then I heard it.
A sound that took me out of my state of sobbing, a sound that took me away from the room I was in. It brought me to a place apart from reality, a happy place of sorts where all my pain that hadn't already faded away left entirely. It was coming through the window. I got up from the floor and stood on my hind legs, using the wall under the window for balance. I couldn't see out of the window, it was too high up. I slid my makeshift desk over to the wall for height, not concerned about my family hearing the noise. All of it caused by the rusty metal screeching across the floor could have woken even the heaviest of sleepers with a start, so you could probably guess my surprise when I didn't hear "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE SQUIRT?!?". So disregarding the thought of him catching me looking out the window, I climbed onto the wobbly desk and did just that. What I saw made me drop my jaw in awe, but I quickly closed my mouth again because it hurt to open it.
When the Circus Came to Town
The lights, the colors, the sound, all the happy ponies trotting around in the distance made me smile wider and wider and forget my sorrows for a moment, but they soon caught up. I was separated from what I desired by a thin pane of glass. I closed my eyes. Determined to get out of that place and see what my father barred me from, I brought my hoof back, only to thrust it forward again, shattering the fragile glass. It cut my leg and blood began slowly trickling down, but that couldn't stop me from getting what I wanted. I quickly climbed out the window, disregarding the sharp little shards of glass left in the frame and on the ground below because of the thought that my father heard the shattering and would come running.
I could feel the blood slowly descending my leg and the wind flowing through my mane. The lights were just within my reach, they were in the town square and I dashed with as much speed as I could muster toward them. I got closer, closer, then stopped. I came to my senses and realised that I couldn't run up to this mysterious thing in my current state. All the ponies would wonder what happened and ultimately I would see my father, denying that he had anything to do with it, which he did every time somepony noticed my battered body. Only once did I say something about it, and that night the only reason I slept at all was because he knocked me unconcious.
So I trotted off to the side of the path, looking for one of the few streams that flowed around our town, and conveniently enough, one flowed not far from where I was. I memorized the whole town like the back of my hoof because I had to. The last time I had a bath in a tub was when I was a little colt, now I had to take them in ponds, streams, and the occasional bathroom under a sink. So I went to the closest stream I knew of. I put one hoof into the water to see how cold it was. It was close to freezing, but that was expected, as it was mid-november, but I jumped in anyways. I was determined to discover the mysteries of that wondrous place. Quickly, I scrubbed myself down, making the water run with a redish tint against the reflection of the moon in the water. As fast as possible, I left the cold water because I knew that if I stayed in for long I would risk getting too cold and having to find a way to warm myself and probably drawing attention, and I didn't want that, not tonight. I cleaned the blood and the chill made my blood vessels contract, nearly stopping the bleeding, but one problem remained: my swollen muzzle. I had no way of fixing that, so I had to think of a way to explain how I got it without startling anypony.
I fell on the corner of my desk? no, everypony in town knew that I'm never home, and a few saw me without the bruise earlier.
When I was walking down the street my weak little legs gave out and I fell face-first onto a rock and I'm dumb and weak and durr? they might buy that, since they will believe anything making me look like a fool.
So that was my story, I'm dumb and weak and just go away.
*******************************************
As I approached the Lights and sounds I jumped around to warm up a bit so that I didn't get hypothermia and die in a gutter. That might solve my family's problems, but I didn't quite feel like doing them any favors. Not tonight. The lights grew nearer, brighter. Soon the colors were all around me, enveloping me in a sense of warmth and joy. I smiled an unconditional smile, not a smile of "I stood up to my father" or "I just got to eat something other than raw oats and wheat straight from a field", it was a smile of pure, unbridled joy. I walked from place to place, smelling the smells, hearing the music, seeing the smiling ponies and the aura of joy that enveloped the whole place. I had no bits, so I couldn't indulge in any activities, but just seeing everything made me smile ear to ear. It was a paradise.
But a paradise can turn to a trip to hell in the blink of an eye.
When the Circus Came to Town
He stood there, with the rest of my "family". I was walking by the cotton candy stall when I saw them. 7 ponies in all, 3 zebra mares and 4 earth pony stallions, the stallions were all a light shade of red. My mother, father, 2 sisters, and 3 brothers all at the popcorn stall, smiling ear to ear as my father reached into his bags and pulled out 4 shiny bits, setting them on the counter. That stallion never spent a single bit more than he had to on me. The most he ever spent on something for me was 3 bits for a used schoolbook. I felt my eyes moistening. All my siblings went to the circus as I lay in my room, bloody and weeping. Until that day I never wished for another pony to die, not even my father. I always wanted to run away, never see him again, but right then at that moment I wished that his blood painted the streets.
I watched the mare behind the counter reach into the popcorn maker with her scoop.
She lifted a hefty amount out of the glass box that held the buttery product.
She put it into a bag.
She slid it across the counter.
He took it.
"O SHI-" I nearly shouted that phrase, but then I caught myself and whispered the rest. I didn't imagine them turning, they were about to be looking right at me. I needed to hide, vanish, be somewhere, anywhere, but not here.
I dashed as quick as I could to the side of the tent, lifted the fabric side of it, and got inside as quickly as I could, not checking to see if my family saw me. I was breathing rather heavily now and I tried to take smaller breaths to calm down, but I couldn't. I decided the best way to calm down was to reassure myself that they didn't see me, so holding my breath I got down low to the ground. I lifted the fabric. They were walking away and laughing about something one of them said.
The cloth fell from my hoof and I turned around only to see my problems get increased tenfold. I stumbled into the dressing room of all the circus' show staff. Ponies putting on clown makeup, others putting on acrobatic suits and others dressing as creatures talked about only in tales of the everfree forest were all staring at me like I had 2 heads. My heart stopped right there. I stood frozen, like a statue, just returning their stares, but mine weren't from confusion, they were from horror. What if one of them called the authorities, or worse, my parents? I could hardly breathe until one of them, an acrobat mare, slightly younger looking than my mother with light brown fur, green eyes and a blonde mane, walked up to me and softly asked "What's going on?"
I stuttered "I... I.... I'm sor-"
Then they all went out into the main part of the tent leaving me to myself, to think.
Never did I want to leave that place behind me more than in that moment.
When the Circus Came to Town
It was fourty-seven minutes before she came back. I stared at the clock while she was gone, occasionally peeking out of the curtain at their amazing aerial stunts with the assistance of suspended bars and rings that swung to and fro. She was the one that drew the most of my attention though. Her stunts were amazing, she flew through the air after releasing one bar, only to catch another and pick up one of her fellow performers on the way back, but I occasionally caught myself thinking of what was to come if I went home after tonight. So many things went through my mind.
What if he hit me again?
What if he locked me away forever?
Not long after she walked in she took off her outfit. When the outfit was off I saw that she had wings that were tucked away under the suit.
After all the waiting I did, I wasn't nervous to talk to them anymore. what could they do that would be worse than what was going to happen when I went back to that house, if I went back to that house?
This time one of the actors spoke up as they were removing a crude suit comprised of different parts of different animals that stood upright on two hooves, or rather a hoof and a dragon leg.
The acrobat mare started talking again.
I tried to think of a reason why I would quickly duck under the side of a tent, breathing heavily, but none came.
I couldn't tell her the real reason, I just couldn't.
She must've sensed the crack in my voice or seen it painted on my face, because she called me out on my lie immediately.
I couldn't lie. I was never a good liar.
She left the tent through a side curtain and I followed, wary of my family. They might have still been near.
"Sorry I forgot my manners and thank you for the oats, they were delicious"
She sat in the stool I placed for her.
I reluctantly gathered my thoughts as to how to best explain my current situation.
I took a deep breath
I thought for a second. She just sat there, waiting intently to hear what I had to say. Wait, he wasn't here, none of them were. Not my mother, not my sisters, not my father, no brothers, no anypony, only her and I. What could it hurt to be honest?
There, I said it. It felt so good to finally get it off my chest. It was as if a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. But that feeling faded into nervousness when she didn't respond to my statement. She just sat there, a look of deep thought on her face. It felt like ages until she said her next statement:
"Is that how you got that bruise?"
"And that's how I got here."
She didn't say a word. She got up from the chair she was sitting in and hugged me. I never knew a touch more caring than hers.
*************************************
For most of the night she patched up my injuries, taking out the splinters, applying bandages and ointment where it was needed. I counted each of the splinters that were pulled out of me. There was a total of 47 individual pieces of wood in my body, each one taken out with the utmost care to make sure I was hurt as little as possible. The sun came up in the morning, neither of us had a bit of sleep, yet we were both wide awake. Then she finally broke the long hours of silence.
"Squirt Ironhoof. I know it isn't a good name, my mother gave it to me because I'm the smallest of my siblings. I'm the only stallion in this town that can't pull a plow more than 5 steps."
"So your mother gave you your name to spite the fact that you were the smallest of your siblings?"
"Yes! Please!" I raised my voice a little from excitement. Watching her do her tricks the night prior was one of the only things that kept me from going insane from the thoughts of what my father would do when... no, if I returned.
"Come on, then" She was trotting toward the door of her carraige and she gestured with her hoof for me to follow.
Lily broke the short silence first.
So I tried it myself. I made the "X" shape and leaned to the side. Once I tipped halfway so that I was on my right back leg and my right front, I chickened out and tumbled into a heap on the ground. We both laughed.
"There you are, honey! I was so worried when you didn't come home last night!"
The voice of my mother cut Lily off. Never had I been so horrified to hear someone's voice than at that moment. I froze where I was laying. Lily fell silent as well.
I remained silent. Frozen from a sense of horror that not even the worst of my father's beatings could possibly invoke. The horror was from the thought that I would have to leave Lily.
"Well fine then, dont tell me" she said with an obviously fake playful voice. "We should really get you home." I shuddered at the thought of going back there. A million scenarios played out in my head. What if I stayed with the circus? What if I just got up and ran? So many ways that I could have never went home, yet I was too afraid to do anything.
"Are you coming, Squirt?" That name ground my very soul to dust. My label, what I was called every day by everypony was a mockery of myself. I remained frozen, not saying a single word to her, not budging an inch.
"Do I have to get your father?" That word was the only thing that drove me to move myself toward her and away from the best thing that had ever happened to me, Father . As I trotted toward my mother I thought of the meaning of that word. Was a father the pony who concieved you? Was being a father something that required love and affection? Or was it a title that was earned by giving you half of your DNA?
I looked back to Lily one last time, I saw a face of fear, not only from the stress of the situation, but from what she probably thought was going to happen next. I turned my head back toward my mother and lowered it near the ground as I walked back toward the house that had my so called "family."
When the Circus Came to Town
It was usually a week between her visits. Each time my mother threw in another bale. I ate it, but always considered not eating it thinking that if I didn't I wouldn't have to live here anymore, but the thing that kept me going was the thought that Lily would be back to take me away from this place. After about 3 weeks in that room, alone with nothing to talk to except the bed and the desk, my wounds healed to minor bumps and bruises. I had my previous strength back, miniscule as it may have been, I had it. I decided that I would try to break out again, to run away and never return. I looked toward the window and to my horror there were bars of solid wood where it once was. My heart sank like a rock. But the thought that if I made it out I had a chance of never returning to this place made me determined to find a way out. Thinking that I could do something to get the bars off, I stacked some of the leftover hay that I accumulated by the window. It made for a perfect boost to my height, and I was now eye-level with the bars and in the perfect position to try my idea. I pushed at the bars, hoping that the nails would come out of the wood and I would be free. The plan was a failure, the bars didn't budge. I don't know what made me think I could push nails out of wood with my minor amount of strength, but a zebra could hope, couldn't he?, especially if it's all he has left?
****************************************************
In the time after the failed attempt, I spent most of my time in my small room practicing what I saw Lily do when I saw her perform. I tried the cartwheel, but I didn't have enough room in my bedroom, or rather my jail cell. I tried some of the contortion that she did, I discovered that I was pretty good at that. So I kept bending myself into strange shapes that would make most ponies think I was posessed, but lucky for me, I was alone. I tried flips, which ended up with me landing on my head the first few times, but I quickly got the hang of that as well. I kept doing this all the way up to September, which was when school started. I was let out of my room, I was no longer confined to it's cold walls. There was no talking during my release except "School, get there". I went to school like every other pony did, I never did fit in anywhere at that school, so nopony ever cared to pay attention to me. I guess that was a good thing. At least I wasn't bullied or picked on, just ignored. The school day went on like any other, no talking to anypony, listening to the teachers go on rants about how 10^0 is 1 and not 0, and eating lunch. Where other ponies had their lunches in bags, mine was growing wherever I felt like eating. Sure I occasionally got a wierd look from the occasional passerby but hey, food's food. After school, I practiced freedom. I ran through fields, slept on the grass (when it wasn't too cold out), took baths in streams, my old agenda from before I was locked away for so long.
Then came the winter months. The snow came down heavily this year, so I had no choice but to depend on my "parents" to provide for me. I hated the idea that my food source was them, and that I needed them to survive. I came into the house for 2 meals a day, I didn't need the third. If it meant less time near them, then I didn't want it. And I came in during the night to stay slightly warmer than I would be if I slept outside. I trained myself to wake up early so that I could have breakfast and get out of that place before the others woke up. My schedule was like this for almost a year; warm days, stay outside and away from them; cold days, stay outside until bed and stay away from them.
When the Circus Came to Town
It was mid-June when I heard it. The sound was faint, but I remember what it was like I heard it was yesterday. I smiled for the first time since Lily left.
I galloped to the path where I first set eyes on that colorful hazy blur almost a year ago. I stood and stared, much like I did back then. This time, though, my father wasn't going to beat me and drag me to my room, only to lock me away from it again. He stopped talking to me entirely. I hadn't heard a single word from his mouth since school started.
But this time was different in more ways than just that, the colors were muted and slightly grey. The music was different, it played a strange melody that messed with my head in a way that I couldn't quite describe. It felt strangely good, not in the way that normal music does, but in a physically appealing manner. It sounded woody, in short bursts of sound that all blended together to make a curious melody. The ponies were all wearing their costumes already, and some were quite unnerving. There were what looked like pegasi with colorful costumes on flying over the caravan, and the three massive carraiges weren't pulled by ponies, rather some strange creatures that looked tubular from the distance I was at. I wondered if Lily was in that group, or if I was just getting my hopes up. I stood there for two more minutes and the shapes became more distinct, as well as some other figures that I didn't notice before found their way into my view. There was a mare riding on a little cart that carried the organ that was making the music. The cart seemed to be pulled by... was that a pony? It looked like one, but it looked like it didn't have eyes or a back half, it was like it's back half was removed and then the front was fused with the cart.
I shuddered.
There were other ponies that were hooded and dragging... maces? Why would circus ponies be dragging maces and swords? I continued to look. There were other ponies in costumes that looked... dead. Some of them looked mangled, torn apart, others seemed intact, but they were covered with what looked like dried blood. Something just didn't feel right. Yet still I wondered, was Lily in there?
I lived for all this time on the hope that she would come back for me, so if she wasn't in that group, if they were actually the nightmares and horrors they looked to be and not just a spooky circus idea by a crazy carney, then I had no reason to live, simple as that. But deep down I felt that she was in there, it was that kind of feeling that you just trust without a doubt about its accuracy.
Warning the town about the strange group coming down the path ocurred to me, but I tossed the idea aside. What did anypony in this town ever do for me? So I sat, watching. The group drew gradually closer. When about two minutes passed I could distinctly see what the tubular objects were that pulled the carraige, but I had never seen anything like them, not even in horror books. They had a single razor-like claw on the end of each of their ten legs, they had a mask on their faces, or was that their face? The scariest thing about these things wasn't their shape, nor their claws. It was their smile. It was spread across their face and it contained pointed teeth that looked even sharper than a dragon's claw.
I almost ran, ran from the town never to return nor speak of what I saw, ran from my fears, the absolute horror that these things would end my life when they got here. But I realized that I was more scared of them not killing me.
The only thing that I lived for was the return of Lily, and I was tired. Tired of waiting, of my family, of this town, of living. I continued to stand there, motionless. I could feel the light rumble of them trotting in, I could hear the music getting louder. The townsponies started to crowd the streets now, looking at what was coming toward them. One of them must have seen one of the things pulling the carraiges, because she screamed a bloodcurdling cry of terror before she turned and galloped the other way down the path. Some of the pegasi broke from the group down the path and flew faster than I've ever seen a pegasus fly before around the town, cutting off the ponies trying to run.
We were trapped, but I still stood there, not worried about what was to come, because either way I didn't have to live here anymore. The pegasi blocking the path had steel blades on their wings and they were laughing maniacally at the ponies that tried to flee. One brave unicorn tried to move the pegasi with his magic. The pegasi that weren't affected by it (and the majority were unaffected) all charged at him, laughing in a manner that would make your blood run cold. He soon fell to the ground, blood pouring from major gashes in his sides. Now almost everypony in the town was running and screaming, trying to hide in their homes and duck into wherever they could fit, I even saw a particularly heavy stallion trying to squeeze into a barrel.
It wasn't a minute after the first pony died that almost every mare and stallion from the town lined the path with pickforks and shovels, ready to fight. One tried to give me a shovel, I refused it and stood there, in between the group of townsponies and the group down the path, which was almost in the town. "Coward!" he said before running back to the group. The maddening melody contiued.
A scream from in the group of townsponies echoed across the town. I turned to see what made it, and saw that one of the ponies in the group was crumpled up on the ground, a pitchfork buried in his side. I glanced back down the path. The eyes of the group down the path were distinctly visible now. They were close, but not close enough to bury a pitchfork in one of the townsponies. The stallion was killed by another townspony. Two layed dead in the path now, the victim and the killer.
I turned around again and saw a scaly mass no more than two meters ahead of me, towering over me. I had to turn my head up to see the whole thing, it was one of the tubular masses, and it was about to crush me.
"NO! WAIT!"
It was unexpected, it was lovely, it was Lily.
When the Circus Came to Town
The music stopped abruptly and the tubular creature lowered itself to the ground and looked at me, at eye level. I stared into it's eyes, frozen in terror. A sensation pierced through my immobility, a feeling that I hadn't experienced from anypony but one. Lily hugged me, or I thought it was lily by her voice and touch, I saw a bronze mask and an acrobatics suit. A hoof came up and grabbed the mask, pulling it off her face. It was Lily, wearing the mask that I saw hanging from her wall so long ago. She turned to the carraige pulled by the creatures and shouted to the ponies riding it.
"He's with me!"
The music started again, it's melody echoing through me, soothing my nerves.
"None of your business" replied Lily.
They gave a playful little hrumph in response and crossed thier arms.
"LOOK OUT!" cried the mares, pointing one hoof and bringing the other to cover their mouths.
I looked at where they pointed and saw my father charging at Lily and I, pitchfork held in his mouth. He lunged at Lily. I quickly grabbed her and jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding his powerful stab with the pitchfork.
"Use this!" said the mares in the carraige, throwing down a sword while laughing hysterically.
"YOU LITTLE BASTARD! BECAUSE OF YOU THESE... THESE... THINGS ARE HERE!"
I remained silent, like so many times before when he yelled at me.
He charged at me again, pitchfork in mouth. I cowered in fear, pointing the sword at him. The farm tool narrowly missed my head as I curled up in fear, and he tackled me to the ground.
The sword flew from my mouth and skittered away. He brought the pitchfork up above my head, about to thrust it into my eyes.
"Now I won't even have to feed your useless-"
His look of rage turned to surprise. He dropped the pitchfork to the ground next to my head, the handle coming down and hitting me in the muzzle. The stallion towering over me fell to my left, a sword in his side. Again I was frozen in terror, only to be snapped out of it once more by her voice.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded.
I smelled the scent of rotted flesh and fresh blood. I looked around and saw dead ponies walking, I saw more in acrobatics suits and bronze masks, and even more with maces and hoods. The town was overrun in a matter of moments, they didn't stand a chance. The small band of ponies slaughtered the even smaller militia in a matter of minutes, and those who surrendered were tied up and guarded by some of the stallions with maces. It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to think of what was happening. Blood flowed down the path like water, the bodies of the militia piled up in the street.
I heard a gasping noise to my right. I stood up and looked at where it came from. My father was laying there, in the dirt of the path, gasping for air that wouldn't come because of the sword in his side and the blood in his lungs.
"What do you want to do with him?" inquired Lily.
I looked back at the stallion in the dirt, the life slowly draining from his eyes. I grasped the sword with a hoof, slowly sliding it out of his body as he grimaced and howled in pain. I buried it in him again, this time in his side. And again I drew the sword and plunged it into him. And again, and again, over and over until my legs were tired. Lily looked on with a smile the whole time. Another stab for every time he ridiculed me, another for every time he hit me, and another because I wanted to see him bleed more.
No life remained in him. There he lay, in a pool of crimson victory.
I smiled, filled with joy at the fact that I finally held his fate in my hooves, and not the other way around.
"What's your name."
I turned my head inquisitively. Could she have forgotten my name?your name."
Mother I remembered her just then, wondering what was to come to her. But I didn't care what it could have been, I owed her no kindness, in fact I owed her pain. She was the one who ridiculed me, gave me that name, never wanted to be seen with me in public.
I snapped back to the conversation.
So I sat there and thought. Who am I? Was I part of the Ironhoof family? Was I what my mother called me? So many things ran through my head, who was I?
I didn't know.
When the Circus Came to Town
I soon found myself walking along the town with her toward my house. I wanted to pay a visit to those who made my life a nightmare for so very long. The feeling of power, of being able to hold my own fate was amazing. We passed by other ponies from her group, walking dead, hooded mares with maces, the pegasi with bloodied wings. All of them looked so happy, smiling from ear to ear, giggling every once in a while. I wondered why they were so happy, but that was a question saved for later, right now I wanted to destroy the nightmares that I lived in for so long.
When the Circus Came to Town
The rest of the day I stayed pinned to her side, as I was way too scared to leave it. I still wasn't used to the sight of dead ponies walking the streets and tubular creatures (which Lily called "Grinning Worms"). We talked, mainly about my stories of after she left, until night fell and music could be heard and a warm glow seen in the town's center.
"What's that over there?" I pointed a hoof toward the lights and sounds.
With all the events of that day, I expected something along the lines of a blood ritual or sacrifice to some unknown diety.
"Just a party, you know, with cake and stuff."
I was skeptical, with all the things walking around I didn't think it was going to be "just a party."
She finally finished that sentence after almost a year, not being interrupted by my mother. That mare couldn't interrupt her anymore, couldn't take me back to that house. The feeling of freedom flooded over me, it was amazing.
"Thanks."
We trotted together toward the lights, all the while the music grew louder. When we were almost there and had only one more corner to turn, I stopped and took a deep breath, steeling myself against what might have come next.
"Come on!" She gestured for me to follow with a hoof, a smile as wide as a mile across her face.
I followed, not sure of what I was going to see. The corner went by and the party was in full sight. I saw ponies with their hoods down, the acrobatic ones without masks (Lily liked to call them The Jesters of Baltimare, and she said she was one of them), even the pegasi (They were apparently called Euphories) had the steel blades off their wings. The music was lovely, barrel organ in full play and ponies dancing all around. The melody echoing from the organ made me feel strangely good, physically and mentally. Then I saw something peculiar, some of the townsponies were there dancing with members of the group. Upon further examination of the party, I saw more and more of the townsponies. They were eating from the 7-tiered cake in the middle of the party, having cider, talking with the ponies that just killed a large amount of other ponies, and one of the brave souls was on the back of a grinning worm, taking a little ride. (The worms still made me shudder.)
"Why did you let those ponies live?" I asked Lily
A smile spread across her face. I knew what she was going to say next.
"Do you want to join? Come on, join, pretty please? We can be together, friends side by side in this big family of a cult!"
Family. There it was again, that word. All things considered, I never had a -real- family, only a group of ponies that had similar blood to me. I longed for the sensation of a real family, a bunch of ponies who cared, who listened to me, who wanted to see me happy. I probably should have thought my decision through better.
She gave a squee of delight and clopped her hooves together.
I didn't reply, I had no time. She wasn't even done with her own sentence before she turned and was trotting through the party towards the fire that was all set up near the middle of the town center. I quickly caught up and trotted by her side, excited that I was going to finally have a family that cared for me.
"So what's he like, Greytail?"
We arrived at the fire as she finished her response and sure enough, there was an elderly pony sitting on a bench near it, holding an old-looking scroll. She poked him on his shoulder, and he woke with a start.
snort "Huh, wha?"
She rose her voice, yet retained its softness.
She looked over to me, her left eye looking up and the right one looking down and her tongue hanging out, then quickly turned back to him.
Greytail got up slowly, his legs not what they once were, and walked around me in a circle, occasionally poking me. He hit my legs once each, he pushed on my side a little bit here and there, he squeezed my cheeks between his front hooves. All the while I was looking at Lily with a "This stallion is crazy" expression on my face. She had her eyes closed tight, was covering her muzzle with her hoof and bobbing her head up and down because of her supressed laughter. Greytail finished his examination after not too long.
"Can you do anything special, erm... what's your name?"
I forgot all about what Lily said earlier about names, and remembered because he just asked. I still had no idea what my name was. I quickly thought of everything that I was proud of in life, everything that meant something to me. I thought of how I first met Lily, ducking under the tent. I thought of the day I got my mark the circus in all it's glory around me. I thought of when I first stood up to my father, the trickle from my lips, the taste, the pain.
I looked over to Lily and whispered.
She nodded and turned to Greytail.
She turned him around and took a few steps away, leaving me to think. Everything I ever did went through my head, every detail of myself, every name I could think of. Redeye? Scavenger? Woodsy? Stripeybutt? None of them stood out to me. I took a deep breath, thought of the best moments of my life, the thing I was most proud of. My mind was brought back to the first time I stood up to my father and when I first met Lily. The pain, the taste, the color, me dashing to the tent, throwing myself under it's fabric wall.
Crimson. Crimson Dash. That was it, I felt it in my heart. I said it out loud, to myself.
So it was decided, my name was Crimson Dash. I walked up to Lily and tapped her shoulder.
We both laughed once more. It felt good to laugh, to play with other ponies, to be acknowledged and paid attention to.
I stepped toward the elder pony.
I didn't hesitate, I got up on my hind hooves and tumbled backward through the air, displaying a perfect flip. Then I proceeded to contort my body every which way.
Lily wrapped her wing around my side and pulled me along with it. Soon enough, we were in the thick of the party.
When the Circus Came to Town
We walked through the party, Lily telling me a little about each pony there.
"... And that's Skullcrusher, he's a real softie, and that's Featherheart, she's one of the best flyers of the Euphories, and that's..."
I lost interest after a while, I would meet them all later, but right now I wanted to have fun at the party. No longer afraid of the partygoers, I walked away from Lily to the snack stand after telling her I would find her later. A buffet of delicious snacks and ammenities for any and every party was laid out. There were sandwiches with flowers, a carrot stew, vegetable chips, apple cider, and a plethora of party platters with particularly appealing pastries all sprawled out on the tables, but one thing caught my eye. A cake the size of my old bed towered over the other food, covered with pink frosting, darker pink borders and blue and yellow balloons decorating the sides. Some of it was already taken, so I assumed it would be okay to take a bit for myself. I picked up the knife and sliced a little chunk off, putting it on a plate that I grabbed with my mouth. I turned and nearly dropped it before I had a single taste. I almost bumped into a peach-furred mare with a blonde mane and copper eyes, about my age, maybe a little younger. She had a red diamond painted over her right eye, and she was wearing a black and red tight suit, like the Jesters of Baltimare did, and a jester's hat colored the same with little bells at the end of the points.
"Hello there, my name's Dawn." She said.
I just blurted the question out, the answer was obvious, she was wearing an acrobatics suit similar to most of the Jesters.
Well I guess the answer wasn't so obvious.
Dawn raised a hoof to my face.LILY ?" She lowered her hoof as she said it.Blossom . She's my mother." She pointed at her chest with her hoof.
I was surprised, to put it lightly, and I opened my eyes wide to express it.
I gradually returned my facial expression to normal.
"Interrupted me?" I said playfully. She grinned a little, obviously getting my joke. "Well I was saying that I went with Lily... or your mother... or whatever you want me to call her."
I couldn't resist, in the middle of her sentence I took a bite of the cake. It tasted pretty good.
I immediately spit what I didn't already swallow onto the ground in a pinkish spray of half-chewed cake.
I looked at her, back to the cake, and then back at her with a look of disgust and shock on my face. She was on the ground, laughing hysterically, hooves pressed against her chest as she gasped for air.
She tried to stop laughing, but she couldn't. I didn't doubt that there was pony in the cake after all I saw that day. So I removed the rest of the taste from my mouth, set the plate down on a table to my right and sat there, waiting for her to slow her laughing down enough for her to talk again. It was probably a good fourty-five seconds before she had the capability to talk again.
"No there's not pony in the cake!" A little pfftchtpffch and she broke out in laughter again. I chuckled a little. It was a good prank.
So I waited for her to calm down enough to continue the conversation, all the while I listened to her laugh, it was as pleasant as her mother's. I also picked up the cake and considered eating again, but soon put it down once more at the thought of it being made of ponies.
"Have you finished laughing yet?"
Sure enough, she pranced off toward one of the carraiges on the outskirts of the party with me in tow.
When the Circus Came to Town
We reached the carraige and trotted in. There were some sights to behold in there, including a vast amount of rooms for the ponies to rest in, a large rack with clean outfits hanging from it, and a group of ponies over in the corner (mainly Euphories, but there were others there) passing an elaborate smoking apparatus around. She turned a corner and went into one of the rooms, I followed and she closed the door behind us.
"This is my room" She said with a proud look on her face.
I looked around and saw colors, orange, light blue, light green, yellow, happy colors. It looked nothing like what I expected, it was so warm and bright, so unlike the outside of the carraige.
She pushed me toward a chair in front of a large mirror on the wall to our left that had carnival lights all around it, traveling in cascading circles around the frame. I sat in the chair and she trotted out the door. I waited, wondering what she was doing, but I didn't have much time to, because soon enough the door flung open again and she was pushing a rack loaded with different outfits through it. I got up and tried to help her push it.
"I got this, why don't you go get washed up, you smell... funny, and not the good kind of funny."
I noticed that I hadn't taken a bath in almost a week, so I sniffed myself and wondered how she wasn't gagging. I smelled awful.bathtub ."
She smiled a little while pointing and I returned the smile. It was so long since I had a bath in a tub I almost forgot they existed. sure enough there was a wooden door with "In House" painted on the front where she pointed. I chuckled at it as I turned the handle and walked through.
It was a sight to behold, that bathroom. There were little trinkets here and there, rubber duckies, a set of opera masks hanging on the wall, a brass tub and sink, another mirror with lights all around it, and a pipe organ at the end of the tub, the keyboard of which was just within reach if one was in the tub. I turned the brass handle and the spout started to pour it's water into the tub. Soon enough the brass basin was full and I climbed into the warm water.
It was a long time since I had a warm bath, and I sunk in up to my nose because it was just so relaxing. After five-ish minutes of just enjoying myself in the warm water I decided I should clean myself, and I searched for soap. I found it lying on a little table next to the tub. I made sure I was as clean as I could get before I got out. A good ten minutes passed, and I pulled the plug and hopped over the lip of the tub out of the now slightly murky water.
There was a towel on a little towel-holder, so I pulled it off quick and gave a loud cry of surprise, followed by a shower of laughter from beyond the door. Dawn must've put the picture of one of the smiling dead on the other side of the towel. I yelled out so that she could hear "Ha Ha very funny!" I chuckled a little, and toweled myself off. Before I opened the door I turned to the picture and stuck out my tongue. The door swung open and I walked out.
She was sitting on the bed.
I shook my head to get out of my current state of mind.
The pile grew, it went like this for a little while until the pile in the corner of her room was almost as tall as the dresser next to it. There were about 7 things left on the rack when she pulled out one that particularly caught my eye. It was a black jacket with weathered red cloth patches where it tore and somepony patched it up. It came with a jester's hat quite like her own, just without the bells, and a lightly dirty white undershirt.
"That one. I like that one." She jumped once and gave a squee of delight through teeth clenched around a clotheshanger holding the outfit. She darted up to me and gave the outfit to me, I set it on the arm of the chair.
"Okay, one second." I started to put on the outfit, the undershirt slid on like a glove and the jacket came next. It was a perfect fit. I started to pull the buttons together.
Dawn stood there, next to the zebra that now wore attire quite like her own. She looked beautiful, my heart fluttered and I got butterflies in my stomach.
I sat back down in the chair, butterflies flapping away, and she walked up to my side.
I ignored the feelings for a second and replied.
She smiled ear to ear and dabbed her brush in the paints.
I let my eyelids relax and slipped into darkness. Every stroke of the brush tickled my face.
Slowly the mirror came into view, blurry, but it soon focused. She painted a red diamond vertically over a horizontal black one on my right eye.
She took a bottle out of her drawer.Don't I have in here." She stated, giggling some more.
The contents of the bottle were squeezed into her hooves and applied to the tips of my mane. It was red dye.
She reached into the drawer once more and pulled out a bunch of golden rings.
She walked up to me in the chair after our breath came back and started putting the rings on me. One on my arm and three around my neck (they clipped in the back).
"This might hurt for a second."
I felt a sharp pain in my ear, then another just above where the first was.
She trotted over to miniature pipe organ near the wall and started playing. The sound weaved into my ear, into my very core. The pain went away and I felt drowsy. My eyelids got heavy and closed. The music stopped.
"Better?"
She walked up and put two more rings into the new holes in my ear.
"We should get to the initiation ceremony."
When the Circus Came to Town
Ponies from the cult sat around one end of the fire, Dawn played the music. This time it wasn't her barrel organ, but it was kettle drums they had set up. I couldn't see anypony on the other side, the flames were too bright for me to make out shapes and too tall for me to see over.
Dumm Dumm Dumm Dumm.
She played them steadily in a calming, yet serious manner. All the ponies about to be brought into the group stood on the side opposite the ones that were already a part of it. I stood in the horizontal line with the new ones. Greytail spoke in a voice of authority.
"Do you swear to uphold the word of the Laughing Mare and the six prophets without question or doubt?"
Dawn explained what Greytail would be saying as we walked there. The Laughing mare was their diety, and the prophets were the ones that claimed a connection to the Laughing Mare, although everypony in the cult knew that only Cranky, the highest of the prophets, could communicate with the Laughing Mare.
A single voice echoed through the town, the conglomerate of the nine new mares and stallions, phillies and colts that were to bolster the ranks of the cult. "Yes."
"Do you swear to protect your fellow cultists?"
"Do you swear to smile and have fun?"
A decent amount of laughter rumbled from the town center. We replied once it subsided.
"Yes."
I would have said yes to anything at that moment, I was too happy not to. The thought of my new family, of happiness.
I was in a trance from the drum, my actions weren't my own. I looked at the end of the line of initiates opposite me, a mare four years older than myself stepped up and walked through the blaze, to the other side, out of my sight. Then the next, and the next, and the next. Everypony in the line advanced through the fire, until it came to me. My mind was too far gone, I couldn't have resisted my legs if I wanted to. I got closer to the fire, it got unbearably hot. I entered the flame, my senses were numbed by Dawn's melody. I didn't feel pain, I didn't know that my fur was getting singed. The fire was soon behind me and my new family stood in front of me, Greytail himself patting my back.
"Go, make your addition to the carousel."
I looked to the side and saw the other ponies that walked through the fire. They were all dressed like members of the cult, colors everywhere, paint marking their once bland faces. Each one wrapped a rope around the neck of a corpse and pulled it up to the carousel's rotting wood. Eight were hanging from the slowly spinning structure, one hook remained for me to make my addition. I walked to the pile of corpses to make my selection, rope in mouth. I looked, my old teacher, one or two of the meat-heads from school, somepony I vaguely remembered, my father. My choice was clear, I dragged the stallion's body from the pile and wrapped the rope around his neck. I threw the rope over the hook and lifted the body to the same level as all the others, tying the rope and securing it in place. A smile formed along the faces of the dead, hanging ponies after the last one was put in place.
I smiled back.
The drums stopped after I stepped through the flame and I didn't notice, not until now. I felt hooves on my shoulders. I looked to my left, Lily stood there, looking at me with pride, I looked right, Dawn stood there with the same look on her face.
Life couldn't have been better.
When the Circus Came to Town
I stood there, staring at my work, sure that it would please him. The blood dripping from the smiling faces of unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies and zebras alike as they hung from the slowly spinning carousel by ropes around their necks made me smile like a little colt when he made a work of macaroni art that got put up on the fridge. There were nine of them in all. I counted and smiled wider with each one raised to the slightly rotted wood and chipped paint that comprised the carousel. Some of them were missing parts; Legs, feathers from wings, chips off of horns here and there, small chunks from other parts of their bodies. Their colors varied, a nice shade of teal here, some orange there, I thought I saw some red fur on one of them, but I couldn't be sure, as he was drenched in his own blood.
I never imagined I would ever do anything like that, but life has a funny way of changing who you are.
When the Circus Came to Town
He was furious. I have never seen that stallion in more of a state of pure rage than in that moment. As I looked into his eyes I could have swore that there was a flame of pure, unbridled violence burning in the very fabric of his being.
"WHAT THE HELL WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD DISOBEY ME AND EVEN WORSE, BREAK MY PROPERTY WHILE DOING IT!"
I gave no response. I sat on the stool at the table in our kitchen. I knew everypony else in the house was listening to him screaming at me, it was impossible not to. His voice was so elevated that I was surprised the princesses of Canterlot didn't hear him.
"YOU HAD BETTER TALK THIS TIME! OR IT WILL BE WOR-"
Thwump. A second solid blow to the face, doubling the pain from the one yesterday. More blood, delicious blood.
"DON'T INTERRUPT ME AND DON'T BE A SMARTASS!"
I mumbled a slur under my breath.
Another blow to my face. Above where the others landed, on the side of my skull. A dizzy feeling overtook me, causing me to fall off of my stool. I wasn't sure if it was from a concussion or from the thought that I might never see Lily again.
"GET UP!"
I steadied myself against the table, prepared for another solid hit. It didn't come. I felt the blood pooling in my mouth. It dribbled from my lips to the table.
"CLEAN THAT UP NOW!"
I tried to get up from the stool to get a washcloth. I couldn't take another hit from that stallion, I was already in enough pain as it was. Once I took a single step I fell to the floor, collapsed from the dizziness that lingered from his last one.
"GET UP NOW!"
I tried to no avail. I struggled, but crashed to the floor in a nautious heap. Vomit spilled from my mouth.
When the Circus Came to Town
I woke up to the sound of clinking. I tried to open my eyes, but only the right one opened, the other was swollen shut. Everything was a blur. I blinked a few times to try and focus my view. It worked a little, I could make out the outline of a bed with protruding springs to my left, a desk near a window in front of me. I looked around for what made the clinking noise. I couldn't make much out due to my vision, but it was clearing up with every minute that passed. Eventually I found it. A small glass bottle that must have rolled under my desk. I picked it up and it had a cork in the top. I tried to grip it with my teeth but my head hurt so much that I couldn't put any strain on my body, lest I experience vast amounts of pain. I decided that it would be best to try and wait it out, to open the bottle later. I placed it in the top drawer of my desk, hidden from sight.
So I got up onto my bed with it's protruding springs and closed my eye.
***************************************************
I have no idea how much time passed since I fell asleep, but I know that my strength and vision came back, even if only slightly. I went over to the desk and pulled the top drawer out. The bottle rolled to the front and made a clinking noise. It seemed to have a small object inside of it, and I wanted to find out what it was. I tried my teeth one more time to pull the cork out, but the now larger lump on my face made that impossible. Then I tried my front hooves, my lack of depth perception made it difficult to do, but with a lot of time and determination I managed to uncork the bottle. I immediately tipped it upside down and shook it to extract the contents.
Then there was a noise at the door, like a key sliding into place.
I quickly threw the bottle in the drawer and closed it. It couldn't have been more than a half a second between when the drawer closed and the door opened. My mother stepped in with a small bale of hay. She threw it in my room and without a word, closed the door and locked it.
I could feel my soul shatter then and there. Not even my own mother would talk to me.
I dove back into the drawer to find it, and when I did I snatched it up and found that the object within was halfway protruding from when I tossed it in the drawer. It was a sheet of paper, rolled up and stuffed in there. I pulled it out and unrolled it. It had a note.
Ironhoof,
I'll be back for you, I don't know when, but hold fast to yourself and don't lose it.
It might be all you have left.
-Lily
She didn't use Squirt. She remembered that I hated it.