The Pony/Brony Conversations {Season One}

The following is rated M, meaning it contains things of an adult nature. If you can't take a joke, fuck off! Don't come crying to me if you feel offended due to technicolor ponies  talking about fucking each other. There is a reason that Lauren Faust didn't air this shit. So get your shit together, the path only gets rougher from this point onwards.

Enjoy the show!!!!

TV

MA

DLS

Twilight: Wow that warning we had this time got rather mean.

Dash: I know, they seem to get meaner as time goes on.

Twilight, but this is our first episode Rainbow. How can they get meaner if this is only the first episode?

Dash: Maybe it will become a gimmick and each starting episode will get meaner and meaner.

Harrison: We shall see Dash. We shall see.

Pinkie: What's up on the agenda for this episode?

Scootaloo: This time, we be on this bitch motherfuckers!

Harrison: Holy fucking shit, it's Scootaloo!

Rarity: Language, dear! There are foals present and you are quite foul mouthed.

Sweetie Belle: We are not slow simpletons. We know how the world works.

Apple Bloom: (smug) Yeah That's right, we know all there is to know about the world. Why, just the other day, I know that Applejack wanted you to put blueberry jam up her ass and eat it out.

Rarity: You heard that!

Applejack: Dammit Apple Bloom, I thought you were sleeping.

Apple Bloom: Do you know how fucking loud Rarity is when you are eating out her ass?

Rarity: (blushing) Why are we having this conversation?

Applejack: That isn't the point. What I do to Rarity and what objects I insert into her ass is my business and my business alone.

Scootaloo: Hey that sounds like a good cutie mark! Can I help too? Maybe I can get my 'shove things into other ponies asses' cutie mark!

(Everypony and the author stare at Scootaloo in alarm.)

Scootaloo: What? I just asked a question.

(Sweetie slaps Scootaloo on the cheek. She looks mildly annoyed.)

Sweetie: If you want to shove something up an ass, you can do that to me. You are mine. I may have forgiven you for feeling up Babs, but next time I will restrict your wings.

Babs: She was the culprit? I thought it was Apple Bloom. (turns to Apple Bloom) I am sooooo sorry Apple Bloom.

Apple Bloom: (giggling) Don't worry about it Babsey. I kinda liked how you retaliated.

Babs: But I threw a table at you! I then restricted se...... I mean happy fun time for 5 months. If you were a colt, I left you with blue balls for that entire time.

Apple Bloom: (leans in close) But being restricted was part of the pleasure Babsey.

Babs: You are so weird Apple Bloom.

Apple Bloom: The Apple family is into some pretty weird things. There is Applejack's weird fetish of ass play, I like sex restriction. You don't want to know what Big Mac is into.

Applejack: (shuddering) That guy is really weird when in the sack. I feel so bad for Cheerilee.

Fluttershy: (She is intensely blushing and a big puddle of insecurity) I-I-I-I-I just want to S-Start the show already.

(Pinkie leans over and comforts Fluttershy. Oddly enough for everypony, minus the author, she isn't all smiles and sunshine) Don't worry Flutter Butter. We won't sidetrack any more.

Twilight: That is really bizarre thinking about

Dash: I never thought I would see the day.

Harrison: What are we all confused about?

Twilight: But, you are the author and creator of this show! How can you possibly not know what is going on?

Applejack: Anyway, our weird sex lives aside, it is time to get started on the show. We have to ask questions and receive answers....

Dash: That is the most generic summery of this entire show that you could have possibly used. Good job Applesmack

Applejack: AND WE have so little time to do so in.

Fluttershy: (whisper) I would like to ask a question.

Scootaloo: OOH.... OOOH, How about we start?

Harrison: I think Fluttershy......

Sweetie: Yeah, maybe we can finally ask the question to someone that is biased towards us.

Apple Bloom: Yeah.... maybe we can finally get our Marks that way.

Harrison:  But Fluttershy.....

Babs: How in the everlasting fuck do we get our Cutie Marks?

Harrison: (sigh) Sorry Fluttershy!

Fluttershy: It's alright, I wasn't ready after all. You go on ahead and answer the question. That is, if you want to.

Harrison: Alright, well I will start with Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie: You will? Wow, I thought you would start with Scootaloo first since you love her.

Scootaloo: Don't you know anything Sweets? He is saving the best for last.

Dash: (leaning towards Twilight) She really is starting to sound like me.

Twilight: She looks up to you, it only stands for logical fact that a number one fan will reflect the basic personality of their hero. Scootaloo absolutely adores you in every possible way. So the only way she can properly reflect that is to regain elements of your personality.

Dash: I love it when you talk all sciencey Twilight!

Twilight: That isn't the only thing you love!

Harrison: Alright! Back to the conversation at hand! Sweetie, I have no idea how you haven't noticed yet. You have perhaps the loveliest singing voice out of anypony here.

Sweetie: But the crowds.... I don't want to sing in front of crowds. They all look at me, quietly judging me. They will hate it, and reject all my hopes and dreams. I will let everypony who ever loves me down based on their hateful words.

Harrison: Let me tell you a story, Sweetie Belle. When I was 13 or 14, I was in the school play. This school called Havern was putting on a Lion King play. I was in it as a narrator. There is no way in fucking hell, I would be in a bigger part. I never practiced once because I memorized my lines. Well fast forward to opening night and I am absolutely fucking terrified. I do terribly in crowds, and this was the worst one of it's kind, an audience.

Sweetie: See you were terrified! I don't want to let anypony down. They all have such high hope in me, and if I mess up, then I will be ruined.

Rarity: Oh don't be so dramatic Sweetie! The point is we can never hate you.

Harrison: I was backstage, and it was getting closer and closer to my lines.

Scootaloo: Where in the Lion King were you supposed to go on at?

Harrison: It was around the time that Simba and Nala are growing up. That scene transition was around the time my lines were. Though it has been a million years since I was at that school so I might be forgetting some things. Point is, outwardly, I was nervous. Maybe I would fuck up my lines and embarrass myself. I was beginning to regret not practicing.

Twilight: If you had a chance to do it over, would you have studied?

Harrison: Oh hell no! I knew the lines by heart. Point is, I was terrified. When I got on, I thought of playing dead. Maybe they would cancel the show if they thought I had died.

Twilight: You can't just do that! Everypony there was watching their foals put on a play. They expected you to go on.

Harrison: I get supreme stage fright, and I thought about it repeatedly. It was a possibility of delaying the inevitable.

Sweetie: What ended up happening?

Harrison: I didn't want to be the center of attention if I did delay. So many people staring at me because I done fucked up. So  I go onstage and I recount the lines perfectly.

Sweetie: You imagined they were in their underwear didn't you? Everypony says some useless advice like that. It never helps.

Harrison: I did no such thing!

Sweetie: What do you mean? That is what everypony does.

Harrison: I pretended there was no audience. I stared at an imaginary point and pretended that there was not a million parents staring at me. It would only mess me up if I looked at the potential smiling faces of my loved ones. I did this same strategy when in New York being embarrassed by a comedian. He had called on me and interacted with me. I made a few jokes, but I tried not to think of all the people in the audience staring at me. Don't stare at anypony and imagine you are by yourself. It sounds depressing, but it helped me.... It also isn't a fucking cliche that gets told to anyone these days. It helps, or at least it did me.

Sweetie: But what if they don't like my singing? What if I fuck up and disappoint everypony that cares for me?

Scootaloo: We can never be disappointed in you Sweets!

Rarity: You are my sister and you may not be a dress maker like I am, but I can never be disappointed in my own sister.

Twilight: Sweetie, I heard you singing when you were practicing for the talent show. You have a wonderful singing voice.

Dash: You can wow anypony with your voice! Just don't play at any of the Wonderbolt shows or you can upstage even me.

Twilight: Oh Rainbow! Don't say it like that!

Scootaloo: We love you Sweetie Belle and we can never be disappointed in you.

Sweetie: (teary eyed) I don't know what to say you guys.

Scootaloo: Why don't you sing for us. Make this show even more fucking awesome then it already is.

Sweetie: I don't know you guys.

Scootaloo: For me?

Harrison: (leaning back in chair) My work here is done.

Twilight: Yeah sing for us Sweetie Belle!

Sweetie: Well, what if it sucks?

Apple Bloom: Bitch please, if you suck, the show wouldn't have hinted many times with how fucking amazing your singing is. I can think of two instances where you have the voice of an angel.

Sweetie: Am I really that good?

Apple Bloom: Absolutely!

Sweetie: Well...... alright, but if it sucks and I hurt your ears, then don't come whining to me.

(Sweetie takes a microphone out of the void where random objects are stored when they aren't needed. For some reason that isn't explained, a smooth jazzy tune appears in the background, and with one final hesitation, Sweetie takes a deep breath and begins to sing.)

(As Sweetie sings, the words flow out smoothly with little to no interruptions or flaws. Her eyes are closed as if worried that she would be noticed. After awhile though, she opens her eyes and continues to look of into space. Her voice is flawless and everypony is on edge. Finally she comes to the end of the song. When the song finally ends, everypony is speechless for a few seconds. Scootaloo is the first to erupt into applause. Her clapping of her hooves is soon joined in by the others.)

Scootaloo: That was fucking amazing Sweetie! You did very good.

Twilight: Why did you hesitate like that? You were amazing!

Sweetie: Was it really that good? I didn't ....

Scootaloo: You want to know how fucking good it was? Try this!

(She swoops Sweetie off her hooves and leans close, giving her an earth shattering kiss on the lips. Everypony's applause dies swiftly then, as they all stare at the kissing couple. Dash is cheering wildly, with Applejack looking at Rarity with a smoldering expression on her face. Fluttershy and the author are closing their eyes trying to pretend they are invisible. Apple Bloom is kissing Babs in the same way, all the older ponies not paying attention to them. Finally Scootaloo releases Sweetie from the enrapturing bliss of the kiss.)

Scootaloo: Does that answer your question?

Sweetie: I can't brain... please logic answer.... (her brain reboots) Scootaloo please refrain from doing that in public. You know how hot your kisses make me.

Twilight: We are severely off track with this latest distraction. We are only 1990 words in and we still have two questions left to answer.

Dash: (threatening) Quiet you! Can't you see that Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were eating face?

Twilight: But we are off schedule.

Dash: Do you want me to get Mr. Clampy out? I am sure he would love to sit on your horn again.

Twilight: I'll be good. I don't want to make another mess in public again. Not after the last time.

Dash: Then shut it, and bask in the wonders of ScootaBelle.

Apple Bloom: Hey Harrison, what will my Cutie Mark be?

Harrison: Seriously, you are asking me that? Haven't you been paying attention?

Apple Bloom: What am I supposed to be paying attention to?

Babs: I can think of a few things for a start.

Apple Bloom: (blushing) Besides that I mean... I tried everything I can possibly think of and still nothing.

Harrison: Mares and gentlecolts....

Rarity: There aren't any colts or stallions here.

Harrison: That isn't the point Rarity. Anyway, direct your attention to exhibit A. (points to the left)

Twilight: Holy shit! I think that is Big Mac!

Dash: Is he doing what I think he is doing to Cheerilee?

Scootaloo: He is.... He totally is shoving a banana into her ear and fucking it.

Pinkie: Oh dear god my eyes!!!I won't be able to look at a banana the same way again!

Dash: Now he is eating it and shoving it back into her face while he fucks her in the other ear.

Applejack: I told you he is into weird shit. At least Cheerilee hasn't left him yet. That isn't even the worst he can do.

Scootaloo: On Monday, she is going to be walking funny after that!

Harrison: I don't think I want to know, and that wasn't even what I wanted to share in the first place.

Pinkie: It is too late, I have the mental image in my head and now the worms of doom are eating into my brain!

Harrison: What I wanted to show you is the other left. There!

Apple Bloom: Our clubhouse? What does that have to do with anything?

Harrison: Can you take a look at this picture right here?

Apple Bloom: Wow, Applejack can certainly fit her muzzle real deep into Rarity!

Harrison: No, not that one.... this one. Sheesh that joke has already been done too many times.

Apple Bloom: Boy that building really does look condemned!

Harrison: I heard from a reliable source that you were the one who fixed it.

Sweetie: Yeah, it is totally true. That place looked like shit..

Applejack: Hey, that was my clubhouse when I was a filly. It turned out reliable for when I needed it. It made me the mare I am today (grins)

Apple Bloom: I just tried to patch things up. It looked so sad with how angry it looked. The poor thing was dying a slow and agonizing death.

Applejack: That sounds kinda depressing for something that isn't alive in the first place.

Apple Bloom: It was something I just did because it was the right thing to do.

Harrison: Jeeze are the foals here really that slow when it comes to finding their special talents.

Pinkie: The writers are the ones that are responsible for that. Do you know just how many stories there are where they find their Cutie Mark's or are aware of what they could be?

Harrison: That isn't the point. Apple Bloom, I can't believe this show is going down the route of all the other stories. (sighs) How did you feel while you were building the tree house? Anything comes to mind? I hate being cliche.

Apple Bloom: All I really felt was an overwhelming desire to fix what was broken. I may not have had any training or experience or any of that shit really. It felt like I knew what to do...... (A split second pause) It felt right somehow, that I was the happiest I could be while slamming innocent nails into the wood.

Harrison: I think that Rarity's Boutique somehow got knocked down while we were here in this void.

Rarity: WHAT!!?!?!?!?

Sweetie Belle: So that is what that noise was.

Rarity: What noise? I didn't hear anything.

Harrison: That is because Rarity, you were making kissy smoochy faces at Applejack during the adorable kiss of the foals from earlier. If you were paying attention, you would have heard your Boutique explode.

Rarity: You said it was knocked down. Which one is it?

Harrison: It doesn't exist any more... Point is, I had a reliable..... I mean some tragic occurrence randomly demolished your home which I have nothing to do with.... Oh my fucken god, what is THAT!!? (points at a random point off screen)

(Everypony except the author and Scootaloo look and fall for the oldest trick in the non-existent book)

Harrison: (whispers) Did anypony notice you?

Scootaloo: (also whispering) Nope! There is a reason I am called Stalkerloo in some countries. No one notices me if I don't want them to.

Harrison: I hope you got the cat and Rarity's dresses out before using the dynamite.

Scootaloo: Course I fucken did! Now where is the payment we agreed on?

Harrison: Here! It took fucken ages to track down and a lot of effort.

Scootaloo: Thanks... This picture of Rainbow Dash will be useful on those lonely nights I can't have Sweetie Belle with me. But won't you get in trouble for giving this kind of picture to a young, impressionable youngster.

Harrison: I am sure there is a loophole in there somewhere.

Rarity: What did you mean by having us look like simpletons at a random point like that dear?

Harrison: I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about!

Babs: What is my Cutie Mark going to be?

Harrison: You are an interesting case. You only appeared in two episodes and have very little personality like the others do. Judging from what happened the first time, you can be quite slippery.

Apple Bloom: That is so dang true. She can't sit still and I finally have to tie her up to be able to get anywhere.

Applejack: Apple Bloom! Don't be crude!

Harrison: The show might not even feature you anymore for Season 4 and unlike the others, you didn't get a clue as to what you Cutie Mark will be!

Babs: (lowers her head) Oh, so you can't help?

Harrison: I didn't say I have a few theories as to what it could be!

Babs: Well, stop teasing, what the hell is it going to be?

Harrison: Judging from what happened the first time, you can be very tricky. How the fuck did Diamond Tiara not notice you were a blank flank? You covering your non-existent mark should have gotten obvious after awhile?

Apple Bloom: Tiara is a dumb bitch who only cares about herself. I don't think she would have noticed if Silver ate her out."

Applejack: Where did you learn to be so crude AB?

Apple Bloom: (wide, shit eating grin) I learn from the best!

Applejack: (blush) I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or yell at you, so I will just sit here in silence.

Rarity: Bit late for that dear!

Applejack: ...

Harrison: In my fucked up head canon, I picture you as the Apple's future lawyer. Say Apple Bloom accidentally committed a murder...

Rarity: How do you accidentally commit a murder? You either killed the fucker or you didn't. Do or do not do, there is no try.

(Everyone stares at Rarity with wide eyes)

Harrison: You... weren't the one I thought of that would make a Star Wars reference.

Rarity: ...

Pinkie: YOU ARE WRITING THIS ENTIRE THING! HOW IN THE EVERLASTING BLUE FUCK DO YOU NOT KNOW?

Twilight: Blue fuck?

Pinkie: Shut up!

Harrison: Pinkie! The day someone of my stature can drive somepony like you to madness is a moment few will ever witness. It isn't my fault none of you can fill me on what happens.

Pinkie: You are the freaking author! You are writing these words.... HOW? How is it fucking possible you don't know your own jokes.

Harrison: I am surprised you, yourself haven't figured it out.

Twilight: I knew from day one!

Scootaloo: Even I know what he is doing!

Rarity: (pats Pinkie) You can't know all dear!

Pinkie: But I can break the fourth wall! I can bend physics to my will! I can do anything! Why can't I know what is going on here!

Dash: You are a pony.

Pinkie: Yes, thanks for that Dash. You are Rainbow Dash, But I don't tell you that!

Harrison: You are only Pony. You can't know everything.

Babs: Hey, we were talking about me! I want to know more about my Cutie Mark. Rip off!

Apple Bloom: This is a thing. Seems we can't focus on one topic and go off on many tangents.

Applejack: Where did you learn that word?

Apple Bloom: You spend too long around Sweetie Belle and you pick up new words.

Sweetie: (beaming) I say the same thing about Rarity!

Harrison: I had a story planned where the Crusaders are sick of not getting their Cutie Marks.

Apple Bloom: But we are sick of not getting our Cutie Marks. That isn't anything new.

Harrison: That isn't the point, this story was rather dark and involved Scootaloo going around trying to think up ways to get her Cutie Mark. Eventually, she happens upon you, Apple Bloom, and learns of your machine to steal Cutie Marks from other ponies.

(Silence)

Harrison: It was a grimdark! But oddly enough, no pony actually looses their lives.

Dash: How does that work?

Harrison: Simple, through the powers of bullshitting machines, I was able to say that it was capable of stealing the abilities of the ponies. Say Dash is used as a victim so to speak.

Dash: Hey!

Harrison: What would you say, Dash, is your distinguishing characteristic?

Dash: My what?

Twilight: He means what makes you, you Dash.

Dash: Oh, that would be my wings!

Harrison: You are close... You entire being rests on you being able to fly. Scootaloo treasures you, but is insanely jealous of your ability to fly. So this machine would steal your wings and replace them with Scootaloo's. It also has a side effect of stealing personalities.

Dash: So, Scootaloo's wings would be mine and mine will be hers? That sounds a bit weird.

Harrison: Yes, you get perhaps the worst treatment of all since she gets your personality and pretty much steals everything from you. You basically turn into her. You don't remember life as Rainbow Dash and basically turn into the next Scootaloo.

Dash: Weird

Harrison: I don't remember where I wanted to go with this, but I remember a few things about it, and it leads into my long awaited answer for Babs. Sweetie Belle, again had a musical talent, but hers involved using a musical instrument to basically steal the soul of everypony around her. Her voice was soul stealingly good.... literally.

Sweetie: Cool! So I was a kind of Succubus.

Twilight: A succubus is a sex demon though Sweetie. It basically kills stallions (or mares if that particular succubus swings that way) with sex. Repeated sexual intercourse with said Succubus has been known to lead to eventual health issues or death. I think they suck out your soul while fucking you. There is a colt version called an incubus....

Dash: That was morbid knowing all that. Thanks, I am better off now then I was five minutes ago.

Twilight: I think Sweetie, here is more of a Siren. It is mostly used on sea fairing journeys, but I can't think of any other demon she could potentially be. Sirens basically use songs to lure in their victims.

Harrison: Wow, we are being educational now.

Twilight: Always good to learn new things.

Harrison: Sweetie would sometimes use her voice in nightclubs or other places to steal the life force of those around her. Rarity and the others are clueless, but Scootaloo kinda inadvertently figures it out when she overhears Sweetie singing and gets temporarily knocked out. Can't be killing my favorite character now can we?

Scootaloo and Sweetie: What happens next?

Harrison: Basically Scootabelle! Scootaloo is pleased with Sweetie's voice and tries to strike a deal with Sweetie, who is rather reluctant. She tries not to sing around others if she can help it, hence her fear of singing in public.

Sweetie: Clever!

Harrison: But Scootaloo manages to convince her and Sweetie starts her career in song stealing souls. She slowly changes over the course of the story, becoming a lot more mature looking, taller, and having a darker mane. Only Scootaloo and Apple Bloom notice but everypony else is rather clueless.

Apple Bloom: As they should be!

Applejack: Hey!

Harrison: What I said earlier spoiled what Sweetie does to transform, but it basically happens the same. Apple Bloom uses her machine on Diamond Tiara, Twist, Applejack...

Applejack: Hey! I don't like where this is going.

Harrison: Remember what I said, it doesn't kill, just steals the abilities and turns you into a lifeless husk.

Rarity: Mmm, think of the possibilities.

Apple Bloom: What about Silver Spoon?

Harrison: Before I go into that, it also brings up Babs, though off screen.... Point still stands though. Apple Bloom, tired of Diamond Tiara, decides to use her machine to drain Diamond Tiara but when she goes to foalnap her, Silver Spoon is in the way.

Apple Blooms: Rats!

Harrison: You go through it anyway, but this time with Silver. Since Silver Spoon isn't really all that mean to begin with, you offer her a choice. I am really proud of this one. You offer Silver Spoon a free chance to just walk away with no strings attached. She will be spared completely. Kinda a sadistic choice here. Abandon your friend or you both get screwed.

Apple Bloom: Ooh, I bet Diamond wasn't happy.

Harrison: No she was not. She pretty much assumes that Silver Spoon is going to stay with her since they are BFF. What happens is Silver thinks Apple Bloom is going to kill her and doesn't want to die, so she actually takes up that offer and walks out... though rather shakily. Diamond screams at Silver to come back but that doesn't happen. Silver Spoon hears Diamond Tiara scream outside the clubhouse where all this is happening, but she and the audience never know what happened to her. Diamond's fate is never revealed but Diamond's tiara crown thing is found by Fluttershy who puts two and two together.

Silver Spoon basically becomes obsessed with Apple Bloom... Calling her mistress, and warning them when Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy try to stop what is happening. When various ponies figure out what is happening, Apple Bloom uses her lawyer, Babs to get out of any situation... Sometimes with forged evidence. Babs, you are extremely gifted and always win the case no matter how flimsy. Pretty much you all are corrupted....

Twilight: How does it end?

Harrison: You... don't want to know

Twilight: That just makes me want to know more.

Dash: Yeah, telling somepony they don't want to know is the worst thing you can do.

Harrison: The bad guy wins. That is all I am saying.... No pony does die, but it isn't happy. That is all I am saying.... We wasted enough time on this topic... At least I answered what Babs will have as a Cutie Mark. Lawyer may not be good, but I picture her as one. But Scootaloo becomes the next Princess of Equestria.

Twilight: What happened to Celestia?

Harrison: You shouldn't ask that question, Twilight!

Dash: What happened to Celestia?

Harrison: Scootaloo tricks Celestia into attacking Twilight's friends and killing them. Celestia is able to work out that the Elements aren't themselves anymore. This is done without Twilight's knowledge and thinking Celestia killed her best friends in the entire world for no reason, attacks Celestia in turn. She is very powerful and retaliates on instinct. This turns out to be a drastic misunderstanding and Celestia dies due to the retaliation. To spite Twilight and Celestia even worse, they come back to life, still puppets of their former selves. Twilight in shock is sent into self-enforced exile, while Scootaloo takes the crown. Discord is released from his stony prison and the Crusaders finally have their cutie marks.

The supposed sequel begins with Twilight trying to take back the crown. Fluttershy and a Scootalooified Rainbow Dash are the only ones who are themselves. Dash, though just acts like Scootaloo. She is very worshipful toward the new princess. Twilight, in this sequel, has to gather an army and try to avenge Celestia and save Luna.

Twilight: Well.... that happened..... HEY, WAIT a minute, you said no pony died.

Harrison: By the machine.... the machine doesn't kill anypony. Scootaloo tricked you and I don't know if you noticed or anything, Twilight, but if stress gets to you, you kinda react without thinking. Seeing your friend's personality change  but not knowing why can't be very healthy and stress free.

Twilight: Oh

Scootaloo (jumps into the author's lap) NOW ME! DO ME!

Harrison: I don't think I should comment on the innuendo here.

Sweetie: (glare) That is a good decision

Harrison: Scootaloo, have you noticed how you have wicked moves....

Sweetie: (glare)

Harrison: On... your scooter. You got some height on some jumps and you even have good choreography for the rehearsal of the talent show.

Scootaloo: Choreowhatta

Dash: Choreography means that you know your moves

Rarity:  I was expecting Twilight to answer that question.

Dash: I live with Twilight. If you hang around Twilight for extended periods of time, you pick up meanings of words. Just because I am dumb doesn't mean I can't have my smart moments.

Twilight: (grinning) I am teaching her how to fetch books for me too

Dash: Hey, I am not a dog

Twilight: That wasn't what happened last night.

Dash: Except on your birthday... I am anything you want on your birthday.... Last year, I was a maid.

Scootaloo and Harrison: Mmm, I am liking this picture

Twilight: It was pretty good. I had her dust behind the bookshelves and clean up things that were.... dirty

Pinkie: OH DEAR CELESTIA!!!! THE IMAGE, IT IS IN MY BRAIN!!! (screams)

Harrison: (looks at non-existent watch) Wow, the time really is dragging on... We spent more time then I planned on that last question. We have time now for only one more question. I wanted to answer at least two more, but we are running short.

Twilight: Who is going to ask the last question?

Fluttershy: I want to ask a question... that is, if you think there is time for it.

Harrison: Yeah, we can have you ask. Everypony else was pretty rude about it earlier. (glares at the others)

Fluttershy: Oh I don't want to cause trouble...

Harrison: Nonsense, think of this as a way to make up for that rudeness. (glares at the others)

Fluttershy: Oh okay, what do you prefer more, Peanut Butter or Jelly?

Dash: That is a la...

Harrison: Good question Fluttershy. I used to prefer creamy peanut butter. I didn't really like jelly all that much and the brand used to be Smuckers.... not really the good stuff but there you go.... I did eat some Strawberry jam though.

Twilight: Hang on, you said that in past tense! What happened to make you not like creamy peanut butter... do you now like crunchy?

Harrison: (pause) That isn't a very happy story. I have no problems telling it, but it isn't a very happy one.

Fluttershy: Oh, is it really that bad... (whispers) sorry!

Harrison: It is in the past! This isn't a happy tale to tell, and this is supposed to be a comedy...

Pinkie: How can telling a story about how you lost interest in creamy peanut butter be that bad?

Twilight: PINKIE!!!! You know as well as I do that you never say those wor......

Harrison: Believe me it can Pinkie. For the story that answers that question happens at a kind of sleepaway camp.

Twilight: Is this a painful memory?

Harrison: It is in the past. I like telling the story anyway. Fucked up, but true.... Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Dash: I heard about this. You dropped hints about how camp was fucked up.

Harrison: This camp was called S.O.A.R, which stands for Success Orientated Achievement Realized.... basically it was a sort of alternative camp with a school setting. We would learn what you learn at school, but it was sort of to help in problem  area. Mine was math and homework help. I didn't like to do homework at the designated time and would usually do it at the last minute.

Scootaloo: Oh I know that feel.... I usually get the smart filly in class to help me with mine.

Sweetie: I am the smartest in ..... wait a minute, Scootaloo you give me your work! (glare)

Scootaloo: Only the best for my Sweets

Sweetie: Sometimes I really hate you Scoots. I stayed up to three in the morning once.

Scootaloo: I know! It was the after school special.

Rarity: Are you studying or getting to know one another on a deep and personal level?

Scootaloo and Sweetie: The second one!

Rarity: That was what I thought.

Harrison: This school/camp thing lasted 7 months...

Twilight: Wow that is rather long!

Fluttershy: Weren't you homesick?

Harrison: Yes it is and yes I was. But the whole thing didn't really last that long. The first session was 3 months. That was the best. I made friends and even became a hit with the crowd. I never was liked all that much before and to have people stick up for me and defend me was awesome!

Dash: Sounds good! Any stories?

Harrison: Not that I can remember. I was popular pretty much for the first time in my life. Once the three months were up, I came back home for a month's break, where I beat Banjo Tooie for the first time. That was cool.

Dash: I love that game. Luna and I play the multiplayer.... Fun times, fun times.

Twilight: Yes, but I still wonder what the fuck happened to Tootie. She isn't really in the sequel that much. Fucking writers pass off small details like that....

Harrison: January, I would head back to the same camp. I was hopeful that I would have a terrific time then too.

Fluttershy: How ominous.

Harrison: The kids this time were a bit off. I forget 2 or 3 names, but Conner I will never forget. Nick was another. Will I will NEVER forget. Conner said odd things at weird times. We think he said it for the attention but no one really knew. Some jokes were made that he was dropped as a baby.

Fluttershy: That sounds... just awful....

Harrison: It was horrible but sometimes kids can be cruel. He was nice and we were quick friends. Sometimes though we were prone to arguing. I would usually question him on his crazy comments, and he would insist that his point was valid. We got teased a lot for being a married couple. I am quick to shoot down that theory because I don't like teasing like that. Will and Kendrick were quick to jump on that.

Twilight: and Nick.... what was he like?

Harrison: Nick was a kid that suffered from Tourette Syndrome. He had small jerky movements usually involving grabbing his mouth and shaking. He became known for that. In many ways. Sometimes they would mimic him. He was the go to source for Nintendo Power, something he would sometimes let me read.

Dash: Luna has that magazine. Fun stuff!

Harrison: Once in awhile, he would get angry, usually involving the reward/punishment system

Dash: What the fuck is that? Sounds like something I do with Twilight.

Harrison: This camp has a reward system. We would sometimes get an allowance depending on the good behavior we did. We could pick out minor rewards for doing good things. We also got to choose the punishments. Sometimes we had to do 30 or so pullups, pushups or situps depending on what we chose.

Dash: That sounds lame.

Harrison: (laughing) It was... we couldn't curse or say blaspheme though this was in no way, shape or form a religious camp of any sort. Some people were though and they were being considerate. I can't really do pushups or anything so I was teased for it. I am not... a strong person by any means.

Twilight: Did they at least have to do it?

Harrison: Yeah, and that was what lead to Nick being angry one day. He really exploded one day. He reacted rather violently toward the camp councilors.. they sent him home a few days later.

Pinkie: Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Harrison: With Nick gone and a constant source of entertainment, all my little problems were focused on. When around a group of boys for hours on end, we can get really perverted. Will and some other kid especially acted intensely. I remember one time, they got into a mock argument. They were slapping each other and called each other names. Then they suddenly start wrestling. This somehow led to one of them dry humping the other in a non real sexual way.

Dash: How does that happen? You either hump somepony to death or you kill the fucker.... There is no in between. They either did or didn't.

Harrison: They were playing around, but it was really surreal to watch. Point is, they started teasing me a lot more. Up to around this week or so, I have been and always will be a vegetarian.

Twilight: Wow, so you don't eat meat!

Harrison: Correct, I probably would be the only Human in Equestria that would thrive on the diet. Don't care much for the flowers and leafs, but I wouldn't go crazy or anything. Well, a little further down the week's progression, they started questioning why I was vegetarian.

Fluttershy: Meanies... that was your choice... They shouldn't have to bother you about it.

Harrison: I barely got any attention from them. Yes, I will admit here in this private unaired show, that I was and can be very annoying and that it wasn't completely innocent. I was having trouble with basic necessities and getting my act together. I was annoying like I said and they didn't like how I didn't pick up my end of the work.

Twilight: What.... What did they do?

Harrison: They made me a bet, saying that I would be really cool if I ate meat.

Pinkie: Tell me you didn't

Harrison: I ask you this, if you after hearing hurtful and negative comments on an almost constant basis, being the butt of every joke, getting talked about behind their back and getting told with a straight face about it later, will cause you to do anything for a good word?

Rarity: But you were a vegetarian, surely you weren't that desp.......

Harrison: I don't like that I caved into peer pressure to be something I am not. They weren't very nice. One kid was the worst out of all of them, but yes, for the remainder of the camp for the four long agonizing months, I ate meat. I am back on the no-meat diet, but for a few weeks after camp, I would alternate.

Applejack: What happened after that, if you don't mind?.... I can't help but notice the tone shift a little bit.

Harrison: I am numb to this.... I don't say this for attention or sympathy. Why should I keep this bottled up? Especially after what I did. I figured, as long as I don't come across as attention craving, I can state it. I don't want pity, sympathy or anything. I don't mind it, but I like telling the story for different reasons other then attention.

Twilight: So what happened once Nick left?

Harrison: Little things for awhile. Will would sometimes get fed up with how annoying I was and tell me that I was worthless and I wouldn't amount too much.

Fluttershy: (rage) That doesn't sound....

Harrison: He told me, pretty much every time I made eye contact that I am the worst one out of everyone there. Conner was better then I was and both of us were supposedly annoying. Every time I made small bets with people where they offered stuff, they would rip me off and lie. It wasn't anything really all that worthwhile mostly. Chores and candy were offered and forgotten about.

Twilight: HOW CAN THAT POSSIBLY BE SMALL!?

Dash: That sounds like it was the worst.

Harrison: You don't know anything. I had some supporters, I was able to use their I pods sometimes.  (I have no idea why Will let me use his I pod. He seemed to hate me, but sometimes he would let me use it)

But this one kid, I think Kendrick was his name was the worst. He was the kind of kid that sucked up to Char a teacher there. Another teacher there was from Minnesota and we had a fun time poking fun of her accent. Anyway, occasionally he would put his hand on my leg and caress it a little. He would play slap me when I tried to squirm away. Sometimes hard too. He had no reasons to do this, maybe he did it for the reaction (there were many) maybe he had a thing for me.... That last one was rather doubtful. He HATED me. I can't see him doing that for the usual reasons. He probably did it because I would always react.

One day, I was in their room. Occasionally during the colder months, we would settle in this small cabin area. This is where we could build a fire if it got cold. This was one of MANY survival mechanics I sucked at. We had many different job titles. Little humorous titles that meant nothing.

Godzilla= Leader and Fire builder I hated this... I hated this sooooo much. They led the meetings that we sometimes had and basically did everything first.

Sherpa = Dishwasher and yet another one I didn't like. We would wash with soap, and dip the plastic plate things in bleach after.

Scribe: Exactly what it says on the tin... we would have him write shit down. He basically made the lists for the day. Basically, this was the Twilight of the group.

Twilight: Hey! The list is very sacred.

Dash: According to you, there is nothing that can't be categorized.

Twilight: That is because there isn't.

Dash: You don't take notes when we are doing it though (smug)

Twilight: I can't ! My wings are tied up at the time and what little magic I can use, ends up looking like I had a seizure during it.

Harrsion: I have a feeling I am forgetting a job title, but these were the ones I remember. Anyway, this camp had additional default punishments that several brave souls decided to do. Solo meals and Solo.

Dash: What the fuck is the difference?

Harrison: Solo was where you have time by yourself. Depending on how you fuck up, determines what happens. Solo can also mean being separated. You set up a tent a few feet away from the others and sleep by yourself or away from the others. Yes, even when it was cold out. Sometimes that person will sleep outside that cabin and not have a fire. It hasn't been freezing fucking cold out when it happened as this is in Wyoming, but it sometimes felt like it. I am sure if it ever became below freezing they would modify it somehow, but it never happened.

Solo meals is where you have a set pattern of meals for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner by yourself and away from the group. It was meant to be a punishment.

Breakfast: Oatmeal

Lunch: Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Dinner: Plain Rice

Twilight: So this leads into your question, right?

Harrison: Yes it does. I would get into trouble a lot and the group at the beginning of the 4 months picked a punishment of Solo meals. I can't remember what for, but I got this one a lot. I had this for a straight week once.

Twilight: Yikes!

Dash: Don't you learn?

Harrison: Yes and no.

Dash: Huh?

Harrison: This leads into it. With near constant negative criticism from the other kids, I sort of instinctively stopped doing what I was supposed to. I would be slow in the mornings, be the last one out of the cabin and fed last. Being told everyday that I was worthless got to me, but I don't think I did it consciously.

Twilight: This doesn't sound good.

Harrison: Like I said, I was in their room listening to the risque conversation they were having. I was just hanging out and enjoying the banter, it was one of the few times I was actually allowed to be around the group. They didn't seem to care. Well, maybe I wasn't supposed to laugh at the joke that they told.... Next thing I know, they are insulting me and Kendrick sort of runs over to me and insults me.

Rarity: That ruffian!

Harrison: He then insults my dick size and..... well he and Will sort of molest me..

(silence)

All: What!?

Harrison: They grab it and sort of ....

Twilight: Enough... I get the point.... but how the everlasting fuck did this happen?

Harrison: I have no idea, but when I try to squirm away, they begin throwing things at me.  I get hit in the head with a shoe and sent out of the room.

Applejack: Why!? Did the counselors do anything about this shit? This doesn't seem right!

Harrison: They told me that they didn't see it and to not exaggerate when I was clearly bothering them.

Twilight: Bullshit!..... you weren't bothering them were you?

Harrison: I remember only laughing.... Maybe they didn't like that.... I am starting to question if it happened. I remember getting stuff thrown at me though, but maybe I didn't get molested.... Does it make sense if I can't remember it after a while but think it happened?

(Silence)

Harrison: The teasing got worse after that. The slaps were getting harder, my few friends abandoned me and Conner would tease me to avoid getting bullied himself.

Babs: That seems kinda familiar.

Applejack: But this had to have gotten noticed. Are you telling me that you had no allies?

Harrison: John, the head counselor scared me. He would sometimes yell at me and make himself unapproachable. I was terrified of the guy every single time he rode up to the camp occasionally. We would sometimes go out and camp while doing school work, but I stopped doing some of the work. Not all the time and not every day.... I would thrive on the school sessions. John wasn't a bad guy, he just wanted me to pull my own weight. He was just terrifying.

Applejack: Why didn't you go to anyone?

Harrison: The two times I did, the counselors would blow me off. They said that it built character and it wasn't all that mean to begin with.

Dash: That's bullshit. I can understand ignoring them, but they were saying mean and hurtful things to you!

Harrison: I know Dash, I know. I stopped caring and hid it inside. I dealt with caresses on my cheek and leg (getting very close sometimes) and increasingly harder slaps. Finally, it reached the end of the 4 months. The kids just got meaner. Conner was excited. The day before his mom rode up to visit him and he was looking forward to seeing her. His mom is really nice and I think I befriended her on the final day. He was there during the first session and we had bonded.

The kids however weren't so nice, and they were laughing and 'joking' to Conner about the possibility of maybe coming across his mother's dead body on the way down that hill. They were laughing and teasing that we would come across her. The reason of the 'joke' was because the roads were really icy at the time and snow was everywhere.

Rarity: That was a joke!?

Harrison: Apparently! He started crying after awhile and they kept laughing.

Fluttershy: How horrible

Harrison: I kept getting felt up and slapped by Kendrick and I got increasingly mean comments directed toward me. Finally I started imagining, that maybe when I got back home, maybe I would do what they wanted me to do and kill my self.

(silence)

Harrison: Anything would have been better! The slaps hurt and I was in pain from the abuse I suffered but felt afraid to tell anybody about. I didn't though... not just because of the obvious or really any cliche bit here. I couldn't do it.... I was afraid and highly sensitive to pain. Dying really hurts and I don't want the agony before the nothing.

(silence)

Harrison: We told the parents what we learned and I smiled after awhile, glad that I was getting away from everybody.  I got a few numbers, but only one person tracked me down. Conner had to be tracked down but his mother was an ally and nudged him to do the right thing.

My time at camp is something I hint to people. I don't care anymore. For the first two months back, I didn't say anything. Afraid that nobody really would care. My mom and dad were supportive over the phone calls back, but I didn't say anything and dealt with the minor anger they had for me not behaving. I figured if the camp counselor didn't care and believe me, then my mom wouldn't either. I had a big freak out later and cried, but still, it was too late then.

John, the guy I was so scared of, felt like he had failed me because I was suffering and didn't tell anyone. The two counselors I have no idea what happened. There was a counselor there during the summer called Becky. She was awesome and made an effort to connect with me. She was how John found out.

Dash: You didn't really try to go through with the suicide did you?

Harrison: It got bad. On the happiest day of my life, I was still bullied horrifically. I became even worse socially (if that were possible) but I didn't think about it after that day. Why upset my parents over this? Yeah, it got bad and I had to deal with this on my own for 4 months.

Turns out the only reason I didn't was because I was a coward. Not very inspiring huh. But I am happy now and I don't really mind telling you all this.

Twilight: Good! Because that was fucking awful.

Harrison: Kinda shifted the tone here.... I hope it wasn't weird or anything.

Pinkie: To be like that is something nopony should have to go through. I know, I have been through that..

Dash: That was our fault Pinkie! We were being so fucking shifty, we should have known how you would take it.

Harrison: Well this makes the 2nd closer that is a bit of a buzz kill..

(A beat of wings is heard and a dark Alicorn appears out of nowhere

Luna: Did I miss anything?

Harrison: Tall tales and legends, but nothing much.

Twilight: Don't say it like that! Luna, you missed this entire episode and came out of fucking nowhere! I sent a letter to you and Celestia ages ago and you show up now!

Luna: Sorry, we have been busy. What did you all talk about and can I join in next time?

Dash: The Apples have really weird sexual tastes.

Luna: That is nothing new Dash. Everypony knows about that.

Dash: I didn't...

Rarity: I have to get going and rebuild my Boutique. I really hope nothing got hurt.

Sweetie: What about Opal, Rarity?

Rarity: That cat should be fine....  the cat is ALWAYS fine, it is my dresses that I am worried about.

Twilight: Dash and I will be going to Canterlot to have a gaming night with Luna here.

Harrison: What will you be playing?

Twilight, Dash and Luna: Super Smash Bros Melee!!!!!

Harrison: Fuck yeah! Who will be who.

Luna: Zelda

Dash: Link

Twilight: Ganondorf

Dash: I won the last three rounds bitches, this time we be betting real Bits this time!

Applejack: I have to take Babs and Apple Bloom back to Appleloosa now.

Harrison: Shouldn't there be some kind of time skip here?

Apple Bloom: (giggling) Plot device Harrison.... Plot device

Fluttershy: I can stay here for a little while!

Harrison: I would like that...

Scootaloo: Can I stay too?

Harrison: Yeah, but don't try anything! I can get into trouble this time if anything happens.

Scootaloo: What the hell does that me.....

Harrison: See you next time, fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Cue Credits*