Some Pony Visits the Proctologist!

The Ponyville proctology clinic was abuzz with the typical humdrum conversations that were carried out to pass the time, and for a time it seemed that this would be yet another peaceful Equestrian day. But then the chief proctologist burst into the room and lead into his theme song which was sung to the tune of “Dentist” from the musical Little Shop of Horrors.

“When I was a youthful and wiley kid

My Papa noticed weird things I did

Like sticking things into a doggy’s bum

I’d fuck a fishy, and when I had come

I’d grab a kitty cat and rape it dead

That’s when my papa said

He said ‘There better be no way

That’s what I say

My son ain’t never gonna be gay!

You’ll be a proctologist!

And you’ll do monsterous things with your fist!

You’ll be a proctologist!

A legally certified rapist!

The church has seen it’s share of lewdness

So watch where you stick your penis!

You’ll be a proctologist!

And you’ll be nothing less.’

(Here he is folks, he's looking for your crack!

He’s on the prowl for your bottom!

Does he need to use the whole fist?

He must’ve been raised in sodom!)

They say ‘it hurts!’

They all act dumb!

Turn and cough,

Here I go in your bum!

I am your proctologist!

I’m having fun right near your crotch!

I am your proctologist!

It seems I have misplaced my watch!

I am an expert on what goes on in your rectum!

Ready or not, my methods should be intrusive.

And though my patients may question why

I know, I know back in New Jersey

My Papa may be less disappointed in me!

Because I’m a proctologist!

And I can’t resist!”

Needless to say, everypony was left in a state of absolute fear which was alleviated only when he left the room. Although it could be worse.

“Oh, and we don’t have any more lubricant! Sorry folks.”

I hereby retract that last statement.