Some Pony Visits the Proctologist!

The glorious globe that is the sun hung high in the sky, painting golden rays upon the world to encourage the intrinsic beauty in all that the light touched. The grass was greener, the birds were tweetier, and nopony died, yet. Truly the outside world was gorgeous. So naturally one lone unicorn stayed in his bed under the covers, with deliberate scorn of the magnificent star above. His name was of no importance, he was just some pony.

The sun continued to beat down through the windows, and so the nerd used his magic in the most constructive way possible and drew the blinds. The blinds, however, went up in flames in mere moments. Though the rest of the window sill was left unscathed, the persistent annoyance of natural light shone through. It seemed as though nothing would stop Celestia from blighting the pony on this fine noon, and so he rolled out of bed and flopped on the floor. He wiped away some of the sleep sand from his eyes, a reminder that it was probably a bad idea to steal whole sandboxes from the playground. Once his eyes cleared up, he was met with unfortunate news as they beared upon a nearby calendar dangling off of a wall.

“Huh, so I have a calendar now.” He said, followed by “Oh crap, I’m late for my appointment!”

And so he swiftly snatched up his glasses and adorned them as he sped outside his domicile, managing to trip over himself only twice during his rush. Twas a mad dash he made to the local proctology clinic, even if it was only a short journey. He managed to tip over one orange cart, knock over several children, and accidentally murdered an innocent ladybug capable of speaking coherently. Although the ladybug could only speak in spanish, so everything was fine. Today was going just great in comparison to the usual though. Because the trip was so short, he managed to find himself inside the clinic soon enough and flopped on the ceramic tile of the floor trying to catch his breath, which would’ve been easier had he brought a net with him.

After a hair past a freckle, the pony regained consciousness and slithered up to the counter, arising from beneath it and surprising the attendant.

“Hey, I’m some pony. I have an appointment?”

With an ever inquisitive eyebrow, as the attendant's position provided her with little power aside from being able to accuse and judge people, she looked at him and then searched through a clipboard. “Alright, the doctor’s busy at the moment. Please, have a seat.”

The pony went over and sat next to one pony with a so called glandular problem who was eating several cheeseburgers at a time and a pegasus whose feathers were falling out into a pile beneath her. All this scene would need is a hobo using a brown paper bag as a urinal and it may as well be a public bus. Aside from this, the pony sat patiently for several seconds before going to sleep. He awoke in a cold sweat soon afterwards and had his hind legs closed as tight as possible without merging molecules.

“No Celestia, not the strap! Not the Indian yavapai strap, anything but that!”

The neighbors in their chairs were startled, however they calmed down quickly enough before one of them managed to ask a question, and it wasn’t the pony with the cheeseburgers.

“Were you talking about the princess by any chance?”

With that said, the pony began to loudly sweat. He knew that if he admitted to the truth, he would be vulnerable to the princess. Oh, and he’d be thrown in the dungeon too. And given his recent regrettable excursions, he conceived that a lie would do the trick.

“No.”

Truly he was a master of persuasion. And under the belief that this satisfied the ever so inquisitive pegasus, he went back to sleep. He awoke seconds later screaming “Ah! Cobras! Why Celestia, why?”

Maybe this isn’t going to be such a shpadoinkle day.