I was sitting on Fluttershy's couch, doing pretty much nothing really important. Actually, I was growing bored fairly quickly. No matter what I did, nothing really amused me at this point.

I pulled the Magic Staff from the air and swung it at the wall, not thinking anything would really happen since it was just a model. I was pretty surprised when a large bolt of black fire came out and made a small hole in the wall.

I shrugged, deleting it. "I've seen better."

Next I summoned up Alexis Sinclair, in all her radiant beauty.

She looked around, clearly confused. "Where am I?" she asked.

I scowled, pulling out a .357 Magnum. "And here I was thinking you had a pretty voice," I said, pulling the trigger and making a new hole in her head.

I sighed. "Ugh, I'm bored!" I complained to myself, as Fluttershy had left the small cottage earlier that day. Looking back into my add-ons, I picked one at random and waited to see what would happen.

The dinosaur that spawned in front of me looked just as confused as I was. Well, until it looked at me, that is.

"Fuck!" I yelled, jumping off the couch and avoiding a large mouth full of teeth. As I landed, I raised my gun and fired the remaining five bullets into its head. "Little bastard..."

I waved my hand over the room, cleaning the mess and sat back down on the couch. I shook my head, deciding not to pull anything out at random anymore. Instead, I pulled out an interesting looking little computer pad. "The fuck is this?" I asked myself quietly.

I turned it over in my hands, expecting something to turn on, or a light to flash at me. But nothing happened. I tried shaking it to see if it was motion activated. Nothing happened. I tried pushing some of the buttons, so see if maybe it was off and I needed to turn it on. Still, nothing happened.

I growled at the thing in annoyance. "Stupid fucking add-on doesn't work. Piece of junk."

Then it flashed to life.

I blinked at it, still annoyed. "Oh, now you work? Now you work because I'm fucking annoyed at you, huh?"

The screen went through some kind of quick loading menus before flashing bright blue.

"Language Template: Received.

Voice Template: Received.

Mental Template: In Progress.

Personality Template: In Progress.

Physical Template: In Progress.

Visual Template: In Progress.

Cutie Mark Template: Undefined.

Overall Progress: 27%"

I looked at the thing, not really sure what to think of it. Luckily, I didn't have to think of it, since a beam of blue light shot into my head and gave me a splitting headache. I would have cursed like a trucker, but my entire face was numb as I fell on the floor.

"Mental Template: Received.

Overall Progress: 46%"

As I was picking myself up, I could feel something cold run over my body. It was like a blanket of ice water, but air.

"Physical Template: Received.

Visual Template: Received.

Overall Progress: 62%"

I stood up and grabbed the thing, staring angrily at the little blue screen. "What the fuck are you?" I demanded of it.

"Personality Template: Determining Now."

I raised an eyebrow at it.

"Hello user. How are you on this fine day?"

I scowled. "Fuck you, that's how."

"Wonderful. What is your favorite color and favorite color combination and why?"

"Pink is the real man's color," I said sarcastically. "But the best color is blue. And the best combo is black and red. Very intimidating..."

"Excellent. What is your opinion on your friends and/or family."

I snorted. "Stupid. Very, very stupid."

"Great. What kind of music do you like?"

"I like all music as long as it's not that ghetto wanna-be bullshit."

"Terrific. What is your opinion on politics and the world?"

I chuckled. "It would suit me just fine of the world burned in nuclear fire."

"Very good. Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

I hummed in thought. "Either dead, in prison, or working a shit job because I couldn't find anything better."

"Perfect. Who is your favorite celebrity?"

I chuckled darkly. "I can't decide between Sasha Gray and Marilyn Manson. Also Markiplier is pretty high up there too."

"Good. What is your favorite food?"

"Deep fried catfish, garlic mashed taters with heavy gravy, mac n' cheese, greens, cheddar glazed biscuits, and an ice cold bottle of Jack," I said dreamily, picturing the setup. I was drooling slightly.

"Spectacular. Do you have any trouble with authority or a figure above you in your life?"

I sniffed the air around me. "Quiet down, I smell burnt bacon. The cops must be hear to take away my weed." I raised my fist in the air. "Fuk da pohleece!" I yelled loudly.

The boxed made a few quiet whirring noises before the screen blinked to a brighter shade of blue.

"Personality Template: Received.

Overall Progress: 92%"

I set it down on the table, wary of what it would do if it completed whatever it was trying to do.

"Cutie Mark Template: Determining Now."

I raised a brow and leaned closer to it.

"What is your special talent?"

I thought for a second before answering. What was my special talent? I shrugged. "I'd say it's a mixture of sarcasm, spreading hate and evil, and killing things. Those seem to be what I'm good at." I struck a proud pose. "After all, I am a Satanist, Anarchist, Urban Terrorist, and a Sadist."

The thing beeped and whined for a few minutes, giving me a headache. Well, making mine worse. But after I thought I was about to lose my mind and smash it with a hammer, it stopped.

"Overall Progress: 100%

All Information: Received.

Complete Template: Processed.

Character Name: Pending."

I just said the first thing to come to my mind. "Death. That's a good name, right?"

It made another beep noise before the screen went black.

"Character: Ready.

Please activate to spawn..."

I pushed a big red button. Nothing happened. I pressed a small blue button. Nothing happened. I pressed all the buttons at once. Nothing happened.

"How the fuck do I activate you?" I asked the thing.

It beeped loudly, the screen going white. The screen became so bright I had to squint to stop myself from going blind because of the light.

"The fuck just happened?" I heard myself ask.

The light disappeared, leaving a pegasus pony standing in front of me. He was big. Bigger than Applejack's brother, Big Mac. Not as well built, but taller, and I could clearly see some decent muscles on him; more so than the average stallion in Ponyville, at least. His wings were a lot bigger than any pegasus I'd seen so far too, being nearly as big as Luna's.

He had a shaggy bloody-red coat. His mane and tail were spiky and cut short, with red and black streaks through them both. On his mane though was a single thin line of neon blue. His eyes were an icy blue, giving off a cold look. His left ear was pierced with a small silver hoop, and he was wearing a baggy black hoodie that covered almost his entire body. Around his neck was a pair of enormous red headphones. His Cutie mark was a bullet splattered with blood... and a face wearing a sharp-toothed, malicious grin... with hands... holding a what looked like a Glock 17 in one hand and flipping the bird at me with the other hand.

The most notable thing though, was that he had a gigantic sword strapped across his back. It kinda looked like Cloud's sword from those Final Fantasy games. He also had two large daggers strapped to his left side, which had broad blades and looked quite deadly. On his right side was something resembling a steampunk style flintlock pistol, only it was a revolver with about ten barrels.

"Wow, that's pretty fucking badass," I said to the pony.

He looked himself over, a slight scowl on his face. "Where am I? One second I was listening to this stupid little box and then I'm here as a pony."

I chuckled. "It was me, not you that was talking to that stupid box. I think it made you as a pony me."

He raised a brow at me. "Or you could just be a Human me," he said.

I shrugged. "Either way, you look fucking awesome. Nice blades, by the way."

He chuckled. "Yeah, thanks. Not sure how I'll use them with hooves, but I guess I'll learn."

I smiled evilly. "Want to learn right now?" I asked.

He flashed me an evil smile of his own. "I'd love to."

***

Four hours and many, many, many, brutal murders later we stood facing each other. He was using his wings for balance, thanks to the holes in the back of his hoodie, and was standing on his back legs holding his sword in both of his front hooves. Surprisingly enough, ponies can grab things really well and it only took him a few rounds of practice to get me with his sword.

Thank God that he was a clone of me, because I nearly shat myself after I accidentally killed him. But I began breathing again after a few seconds when he respawned.

But being a clone of me, that also meant we were perfectly matched. I knew what he would and could do, and he knew what I would and could do. I knew his tactics, and he knew mine. I knew his strengths and weaknesses, and he knew mine. It was like if Chuck Norris fought Chuck Norris, the only difference being I had slightly less chest hair and my hair was black.

We circled each other on Fluttershy's lawn, the house long since abandoned due to being kinda destroyed by us.

I smirked. "So... you ready... to... give up...?" I asked between pants of breath.

He chuckled weakly. "I... never... give up. You... know that..." he responded, just as winded as me.

In my hands was a bumper sword from Fallout: New Vegas. On my back was the Damascus sword from M9K, and on my right leg I had strapped two machetes. I also had about ten knives for throwing purposes on my chest, just in case.

"You know... you... can't win... right...?" I panted.

He laughed again. "Oh really... now...? Why... is that...?" he asked me.

I gestured behind him with my sword. "Fluttershy's... back... and she... brought... the others..."

He used his sword like a mirror, calling my bluff. "Nice try... but no..."

I smiled darkly at him. "Fine... I'll just... kill you... the hard way..." With that I charged at him. I brought my sword down on him, just barely missing as he jumped away. Even though I had much greater reach and superior strength, he was faster and more agile.

"Nope!" he jeered, preparing for an attack.

I growled and charged him again, not letting him get on the offensive. I rained down blows, every time my sword connected with his he winced from the force of the impact. His speed did him no favors as he blocked me.

"Fucking die!" I screamed loudly, putting easily three times the force into my swing. The result was his sword being knocked away. But seeing as my sword was just a bumper from a car, it broke into about four pieces.

He smirked at me. "Good job... bro... You really... did good... there..."

I pulled out my knives, one at a time I started throwing them at him. My first knife missed. And my second. And my third, fourth, fifth, and sixth. But my seventh knife got him in the leg, stumbling him.

I cheered, throwing the last three knives and hitting him twice, Once in the wing and once in the same leg as before.

I pulled both of my machetes out, sprinting at him like a madman. But as I swung, I felt a sharp stab in my side. He got me with one of his daggers.

"Take that! You... bitch... Ha!"

I staggered back, taking the dagger out and tossing it to the side. "L- lucky... shot..." I hissed out through my teeth.

We went back to circling each other. Me bleeding heavily out of my side, and him with one wing and his left front hoof disabled. I knew that he was trying to wait me out. Just like I knew that he knew that I knew that.

I clenched my teeth and charged him again, raising my machetes in the air. But what he didn't expect was that instead of slicing at him, I kicked him in the gut.

He let out an "OOF!" as he sailed through the air about three feet back. He was lucky, saving himself with a roll.

I didn't let him get up, charging again. That was a mistake.

He used his one good wing to point his revolver at me and fire. The first shot hit my side, the next hit my hand, taking it off.

I yelled out in pain, desperately throwing my second machete at him. I got lucky and managed to slice off at least half of his good wing.

He screamed out, falling to the ground and clutching at his bleeding wing.

I continued the charge, limping at him as I drew my Damascus sword off my back.

He tried to draw his second dagger with his stabbed wing, but couldn't manage it because of the pain.

I reached him, kicking him in the jaw and nearly breaking it. As I put the tip of my sword at his throat, I smirked. "Any last words, heretic?" I asked in my best Arabic accent.

He spit blood on my leg, scowling. "I am no heretic, fool!" he spat in an accent just like mine. "I am free! You, and all of those like you are blinded to the truth!"

I laughed. "Is that what Imam told you? That you are free?" I leaned down, very close to his face. "You are nothing but a gang of fools, lying and stealing in the name of your false God. You will not see Him when you die. You will only meet with darkness, like that of your precious Imam's heart."

He scowled at me bitterly. "You may speak foul of Imam and our God. But it is you, who will meet nothing in death. Not I."

I sneered in his face, pushing the blade through his neck and twisting it. "Tell your fake God that he will meet with flames. If he is even there to welcome you into Hell," I jeered, laughing to myself.

I pulled the blade out and stabbed him in the chest multiple times before losing my balance, dizzy from blood loss. Falling on the ground, I relaxed myself and let the darkness invade my vision. "Soon..." I said quietly. "Soon, my dearest. We will see each other again. Soon... Soon... Soo..."

I felt myself fall away from my body, everything going cold and numb.

I respawned. "Good match Death."

He respawned in front of me, smirking. "Yeah. I almost got you too."

I laughed to myself. "Well, speed is nice and all, but if you can't keep up a block you're fucked. I-" but the sound of far off voices interrupted me.

"Well, looks like training is over," I said.

Death gave me an odd look. "You don't want them to see me?"

I shook my head. "Nah, they'd freak out. Plus you probably need a break," I told him.

He snorted. "Not any more than you do," he snarked at me.

I shrugged. "Not gonna argue that. Just try to practice with some Arachnids or something."

He nodded, giving me a lax salute.

I saluted back, waving my other hand over the area to clean the lawn, the house, and myself.

A few seconds later, I saw Fluttershy, Dash, the bitchy white one and Twilight come up the road.

Dash and Fluttershy pick up the pace and reach me before the other two. "Hi!" the both say at once.

I raised an eyebrow at them, crossing my arms over my chest. "And where have you two been all day?! I was bored out of my mind here waiting for you to come back!"

Dash rolled her eyes and flew up to my level, kissing me. "Nopony said you had to stay here, y'know?"

I shrugged, giving Fluttershy an expectant look.

She shrank back a little under my stare. "Um, yes?" she asked.

"Aren't I getting a kiss from you too?" I asked her. "After all, you did say that we were together when the great white bitch came here looking for me."

She blushed heavily, but flew up to me and gave me a quick kiss. Immediately her face turned bright red and she zoomed inside of her house. But I know I saw a little smile on her just before she flew off.

I looked to Dash, getting a glare from her. "What?"

"I thought you liked me?!" she shouted in my face.

I chuckled as I rubbed her head. "I can't like more than one mare in the world?"

She put on a pouty face. "Well, I guess..." Then she smiled saucily. "But only if you promise that I'll always be number one."

I laughed at her. "That spot requires work, little lady. You know that just as well as I do."

She gave me the bedroom eyes. "You know I do," she said suggestively.

"You know you do what?" Twilight asked as she reached us, breaking the mood.

I groaned inwardly. "Nothing you would know about, Edward. Why are you even here?"

She looked like she wanted to say something nasty, but held back. Instead she levitated a scroll into my hand. "It's from the princess. Your eyes only, apparently. Both of your friends got one too."

I noted a hint of jealousy in her voice from us all getting a letter and not her. I smirked at her evilly as I opened it, letting Dash read it over my shoulder.

My eyes went wide. "No fucking way..." I whispered.

Dash looked closer, her eyes wider than mine. "Whoa..."

I heard Twilight clear her throat.

Looking at her, I scowled again. "What?"

She gave me an expectant look.

I snickered. "No thanks, I'm not kissing you."

Author's Note

What was on the letter dude?
You'll find out in a later chapter.
But I wanna know now!
Too fucking bad dude, I'm not telling you!
But- but- but... I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEED TO KNOW!!!!!!!!
Just because of you, I'm not working on the next chapter today. Probably not tomorrow either.
*le gasp* But- no! I'm sorry! Keep writing!
Eenope.
Aww...

As I was describing Death's weapons, I realized that my imagination is probably more detailed than my words are. So I found some pictures on the internet- not mine- to give you an idea of what the blades and gun look like.
http://th04.deviantart.net/fs28/PRE/f/2008/132/f/1/Buster_sword_by_Wen_JR.jpg
http://fc01.deviantart.net/images3/i/2004/091/a/4/My_Dagger.jpg
http://www.urbanghostsmedia.com/home/twamoran/urbanghostsmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/steampunk-nerf-blaster.jpg