Something wet was on my face. That's what woke me up. Not a song bird, or a reed flute, or even a pleasant sunrise. No, I don't get those kinda things. No, what I get is something lukewarm and wet on my face.

I opened my eyes. Viking was right where he was, and Light Hoof was still right where she was, and I could only assume that I was still right where I was. Viking was still passed out, the only difference being he had wrapped his arms around Light and seemed to be playing the role of big spoon for her. Upon further surveillance, I had my arms wrapped around her as well, acting big spoon from the front side. In between us, Light was looking very cozy, despite sleeping on a mountain with nothing but our combined body heats to keep us warm. She was drooling lightly, some of it pooling on the ground and leaking into my visor; hence, the wetness and warmness.

Warmness... something I wasn't feeling. In fact, I seemed to be freezing my nuts off. Sleeping in metal armor while high enough to see snow while drenched in sweat does that, I guess.

I sat up, shivering violently. "Viking!" I said loudly. "Viking, wake up!"

He mumbled something and pulled my lover closer to him. This made me angry.

I pulled my cleaver from my side and readied it for the blow. "Viking, wake up! Now!" I yelled.

He again just mumbled something I didn't understand and continued to sleep.

I scowled and brought the cleaver down, ringing the blunt edge against his helmet as hard as I could.

Viking screamed in pain and fear, flailing his arms in the air and rolling around on his back. Something about getting the equivalent of a church bell in your ears does that to people I suppose. Especially sleeping people.

I stood up completely and scowled down at my howling "friend". Though what kind of friend cuddles up with my lover, I don't know. I kicked him in the side viciously, very nearly sending him over the edge of the little platform we were resting on. "Don't you dare fucking touch her!" I snarled.

"Why?!" Viking yelled. "Why would you do that?!"

I raised my armored foot up and brought it down as hard as I could on his stomach, getting another yell of pain from him. "Don't touch her! Don't even look at her!"

"What's going on?!" Light shouted, disturbed by the sudden bout of violence and rage.

I turned around, focusing my hatred on her. "You!" I seethed.

She took a nervous step backwards. "M- me?" she squeaked.

I stomped up to her, towering over her menacingly. "YOU!!! If I ever see you with another man I'll kill you both!" I raged, leaning closer to her with every word.

She sank to the ground, curling up into a little ball of fear. "Sorry!" she squeaked.

I reached down and grabbed her by the neck, bringing her closer and closer to me until her muzzle scrunched up against my visor. "If you even think about cheating on me, I'll make you beg for death before I even begin to consider giving you mercy," I whispered angrily. "I'll do horrible things to you, and when I'm done nobody'll be able to tell what you are anymore. Much less who."

She whimpered pitifully, tears dripping from her eyes. "I- I'm sorry," she whimpered, sniffling. "I- it w- was co- cold... A- and I- I j- just wan- wanted a l- l- little b- bit of w- warmth..." she stuttered, barely able to speak through the crying and whimpering. She looked absolutely miserable.

I blinked. "Oh, no..." I pulled my helmet off and and pulled her into a crushing hug, rubbing and patting her back gently. "Light, I'm so sorry I didn't realize you were cold. I'm overheating here, and I just figured since you had fur..." I pulled her closer, letting her cry into my armored chest. "I'm an idiot Light. Please, love, please forgive me for being stupid?"

She sniffled. "W- why were y- you so angry at me? I thought y- you love me."

I sighed into her mane. "Listen, I- I just... I... don't know what I feel about you," I said, pulling her away from me to look into her eyes. "I don't know if I can love, but..." I smiled at her. "If I can love, then I think I might be feeling that for you. I just... I can't stand the thought of you with somebody else."

She smiled at me and stroked along my jaw line with her hoof. "Love, I am, and always will be, yours. Only yours."

I smiled a little bit wider. "Forever?"

She smiled back and kissed me lovingly. "Forever and ever."

It felt like something inside of me caught fire at her words. A feeling not burning, but warming. It was pleasant, not amazing, or great, or even good really. Just... pleasant.

"So, now that we're all awake, I guess it's time to kill a dragon, huh?" I asked aloud, not really to anybody in particular.

She stepped away from me, nodding. "Yes, it is. And once you win," she purred, her eyes becoming much more inviting, "we'll have a celebration. Just the two of us."

I felt my skin crawl, but in a good way. "I'm going to win just for that," I said with a confident smirk.

***

"Well, we're fucked," I said flatly.

"SSHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Viking shushed, almost as loudly as I had spoken.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yes, because pretending to be an angry snake is going to help us kill that thing!" I complained, gesturing to a shape not fifty feet from us. To say it was huge... would earn you a smack to the head. To say it was fucking enormous... would earn you another smack to the head. To say "Holy fucking shit that thing's bigger than a God damned cruise ship!" would actually be about what I had shouted when I first laid eyes on the beast. There may of been a bit more profanity than that, but it was close enough.

So, the two of us- because Light had refused to go in for fear of death- were crouching behind a rather large pile of gold and jewels. Gold and jewels... Gold and jewels... I'm pretty sure I would make a good dragon, because the thought of all of that wealth makes me want to bury myself in it and take a nap. A long nap. And possibly brutally murder anything that comes within a mile's radius of me.

"So, how should we do this?" I asked. This being my very first dragon hunt- barring video games- I had no clue what to do. In Skyrim I had shouts and epic weapons, and in Monster Hunter I had super badass armor and crazy powerful weapons, and even in Spyro I had magic! Right then and there I had measly platemail and weapons that would be better suited for brutalizing hordes of minions than fighting the fucking Dungeon Master!

Viking shrugged. "Like we always do?" he asked.

I smiled darkly. "And a one! And a two! And a one two three four!" I rushed from the pile of treasure, giant mace out and at the ready. "LLLEEEEEEERROOOOOOYYYYYY JJEEEEEENNNKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

"Oh fuck! Look out!" I screamed, jumping out of the way of a fist as big as my house. Yeah, it was big before, and that was when it was curled into a ball and asleep. Now that it had multiple wounds and was in a still-to-be-determined amount of pain, it looked much bigger. Oh, and it was also very, very angry.

I waited until the fist hit the ground before bringing my mace down, brutalizing one of the fingers.

The roar of pain and anger made the cave, and probably even the mountain, shake. The large firebomb that nearly turned me into a cinder was almost as loud, and a lot hotter.

"Fuck you, asshole!" I screamed at the dragon as I threw one of my twelve knives on my chest. They were pretty damn useful against Changelings, so a dragon might be affected... right? The knife hit its neck and buried itself in the thick scales. But other than that, no real fuck was given that day.

The dragon roared again and took a swipe at me. Unfortunately for my body, it connected and sent me flying across the cave. Fortunately for my body, I landed on a large pile of gold.

I looked to my left and saw a jagged stalagmite with a point sharper than any blade I carried only a few inches from my face.

Another roar shook the cave, and a loud scream shook nothing at all.

As I got up I saw Viking dodging and weaving claws, hacking at them with his huge battle ax whenever the dragon wasn't fast enough to protect itself. "Fuckin' die!" he screamed, crashing his ax into the dragon's gigantic hand. It split open the scales and drew some blood, but nothing really devastating.

I rushed at the dragon, my mace at the ready. While it was distracted by Viking, I managed to get behind it without any problems. Once I was there, I raised my mace above my head and aimed at the back left leg. I thought of my family, my friends, the people I went to high school with, the entire planet, and everything else I hate with a burning passion. Then I pictured all of that being in that left leg. I swung the mace so hard I heard it screaming through the air. When it connected, a sickening crunch was heard and the dragon roared pitifully. Soon after, I was smacked away from it by the tail.

The dragon turned to give me a glare that could kill. Probably literally. It moved to kill me, but as it put pressure on the leg I attacked, it roared again and collapsed on the ground with a resounding thud that shook the mountain.

I smirked to myself as I watched the giant red beast fall. "Not so tough with a broken leg, huh, bitch?!" I screamed, jogging up to it with my mace held at the ready. "You think you're tough?!" I pulled my mace back. "You ain't shit, muhfuggah!" I swung my mace, cracking it against the dragon's head. The left eye, to be specific. Yeah, it was kinda gross, but in a funny way.

The dragon actually screamed as the eye exploded, splattering clear, foul-smelling fluids all over me and the area around me. I wasn't aware that dragon's could scream.

I raised my mace over my head and brought it down on the dragon's lower jaw while it was screaming, shattering teeth that were nearly as big as me.

It screamed again, twisting away from me in an attempt to spare itself pain. Though it didn't count on Viking already swinging his ax at it.

Viking's ax made contact with its neck, just under the jaw. The power he put behind it must have been tremendous, because the ax blade itself was actually inside of the dragon's neck, as was half of the ax's handle. He must have severed the jugular, or whatever it was dragons had in their necks, because dark red blood was spraying out of the wound like it was a broken fire hydrant.

However, it wasn't out quite yet. It thrashed at us, flailing around to try to somehow smash us or bat us away from it. It worked, kinda. Its tail collided with me and its huge fist smacked away Viking. Now we both were laying in the piles of treasure while it tried to limp out of the cave and save itself.

"Get back here motherfucker!" I growled, getting back up and chasing after it.

Viking did the same, yelling something about shoving his ax up its ass.

We both reached it at about the same time. We climbed up its back from the tail and as we reached the long neck, we bot rained down blows on it until it stopped moving. It wasn't dead, but simply immobilized from pain.

I jumped from its back, landing near its head. "You're fucked, lizard boy. Make this easy on yourself and stop fighting."

It turned its head to face me, the one golden eye left brimming with tears. "Why are you doing this to me?" it asked in a booming voice that rattled my armor.

I blinked. Dragons could talk. Interesting... "Celestia hired us to kill you, fucktard," I said scathingly. "You wouldn't listen to her, so now we're here to teach you what happens when you don't do what Celestia says."

It blinked slowly, the tears running down its scaly cheek. "But... my horde is here... I can't just leave it unguarded!"

I snorted. "Don't worry, you scaly-faced fuck, we'll take good care of your treasure," I said meanly, raising my mace up high.

Viking was on the other side of its head, his battle ax high above his head.

The dragon tried one last time to kill us, breathing out a puff of fire big enough to incinerate a hamster, maybe.

I sneered as I brought my mace down, followed by Viking who brought down his ax. Over and over we slammed our weapons into the monster's head, turning what was once recognizable as a face into something that could easily be mistaken for red toothpaste. We broke through the scales, shredded the flesh, and pulverized the skull. Once we were through, we both took turns smashing the brain, effectively turning it into something that could accurately be described as mush. Yep, it was definitely dead.

I dropped my mace on the ground as I fell back on my ass, breathing heavily from the exertion of killing a dragon. My head felt like it was splitting in half and I felt like I was on fire. The overheating was finally starting to kill me.

I took off my helmet and placed it next to my bloodied mace, gasping for air like a fish on land. No air. No oxygen. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's what was filling my lungs, absolutely nothing. As I tried to breath more and more I could see spots invading the edges of my sight. Everything was becoming more and more unfocused. "Fuck everything," I croaked out just before I fell on my back and everything started to fade to black.

Then, I heard a voice.

Author's Note

Meh, I've read better action scenes.

Anyways...
I've been playing on this really cool server in Gmod called PonyLiving. It's an RP server where you get to create your own pony from the OC creator add-on. Currently, I've been thinking about taking the teacher job and creating a school house for the foals in the server- because you actually can become a foal- and teaching them about things. Like, real things, about actual stuff. It would be pretty funny if I could actually make some of the idiots that play that game learn something, even if it is a small tidbit of knowledge.
Anyways, I'm not sure if I can actually give out an IP for the server because it would be considered advertising on my part, and I could get in trouble if I did that. So, if you know about the server and own Gmod, good on ya. If you own Gmod and don't know about the server, just look up PonyLiving in Steam groups or in Google Chrome- because fuck Internet Explorer! They have forums and stuff, so you can find the IP there.
Fun Fact: My name in that server isn't Fussan, so if you meet me in there you won't know it. If you go stalker-pro on me and try to sniff me out, I'll ignore you so hard you'll begin to doubt your own existence. Also, if you do go looking for me, do everybody a favor and don't tell everybody I write fanfiction. If they were interested, they'd know already.