I looked around me. Nothing. "Where am I?"

My voiced echoed around me quietly before rearranging itself into new words. "Who am I?" the distortion asked.

I looked around again. "What the fuck's going on?"

Again, my voice echoed from nothing into new words. "Why am I?"

I scowled at the absence of everything around me. "Either tell me or don't, but don't be using my voice like a fucking puppet!"

The distortion warbled and crackled before going quiet. There was no sound until my voice spoke again. "My friends, are they alive? Where is everybody?"

I sighed. "Really dude, really? What's happening right now?"

Silence answered me.

I rolled my eyes. "Am I dead?"

The words didn't echo, so much as continue on without end until a loud shriek of sound, like an electric guitar string being pulled too hard sounded out. "Everything has to end, you know. Even you, and even me. Everything will turn to dust and ash and nothing in time."

I raised an eyebrow. "So I am dead?"

Nothing.

"Well, this sure as fuck ain't Heaven, so I'm guessing it's Hell," I said, looking around again. "Though to be honest, I'm a little disappointed..."

Random sounds echoed around me. A cricket chirping, a girl crying, a car crashing, a gunshot, a wave, a shout of anger, all these and more I had no names for. "Nothing is Heaven or Hell, only decision. What is one's Hell is another's Heaven. Nothing can not be everything, just as you can not be you or you can be you."

I worked my jaw side-to-side. "Perspective, eh? Yeah, I could see that," I said with a nod. "But tell me, where am I, exactly? Am I in my own version of Hell, or..."

My words seemed to dance in the air, lingering longer and longer around me until a response from the void was formed. "You are where you are and where you were. If Hell is around you, then Hell is where you are and where you will be. Nothing is set, but everything is laid."

I nodded. "So, say, if I wanted to wake up... Could I?"

Silence met me head on.

I sighed tiredly. "Listen, even if I am in Hell, the lack of deamons torturing the damned and unholy spawns from the world's worst nightmares is kind of a downer, man. I was hoping that when I died I could meet Hitler, or Stalin, or- hell, I'd settle for Henry the Eighth!" I shook my head. "But nothing here is like I thought it would be, and if what I heard is true, then whatever... this is, " I said, gesturing around me widely, "is fucking bullshit. I pictured Hell full of deamons, abominations, and nightmares. And my version of Heaven is- admittedly- pretty much the same, only I'm on the giving side of the whip." I put my hands on my hips impatiently. "So, I don't know if I'm in some kind of Purgatory or something, but what you said, or what you did, is bullshit. Pick one."

The sound of a tired sigh met my ears. "You really are an angry, miserable mortal, aren't you?" a deep, booming voice asked. The volume and intensity was much like having a clap of thunder bitch slapping me across the mouth twice.

The world rushed by my head, much like if I was skydiving in fast forward.

I sat up with a gasp, my body feeling like I was taking a bath in ice for the last day. "Good God, Hell is fucking boring," I said out loud. I felt something shift at my side, and, looking down, I saw the good sergeant curled into a tight ball sleeping at my side. The very tip of her tail was over her muzzle and with every breath the hairs would float back-and-forth gently. If I wasn't the hardhearted bastard I was, I would have d'awwed at the sight.

"You're awake."

I looked up to see Viking sitting near a small campfire with a worried look on his face "Yeah, I am... What happened after we killed the dragon?"

Viking shook his head and wiped his eyes tiredly. I had never seen him like this. "Well, you died. Broken ribs tore open your lungs, and we had to take your armor off 'cause it was caved in and almost killed you again."

I frowned, mindlessly stroking along Light's back. "So... why didn't the armor fix itself? That's how it works, Viking. We die, then we get a new body with new gear, like nothing ever happened."

He shook his head again. "You didn't respawn for almost an hour, man," he said. "You were... You were dead. Really dead." He wrapped his arms around himself tightly. "You died, and you didn't come back," he said as he stared into the fire. "You... couldn't come back."

I looked at the fire, staring into the depths of the blaze. "So... what happened after that?" I asked as I looked around me. We weren't on the mountain anymore. We seemed to be in some sort of forest, heavy on the trees with a side of bushes.

"She carried you down the mountain with her legs," he said, pointing to Light. "She didn't want to stay on the mountain or leave you, so I climbed down and she flew down with you. Then she went from bug pony to normal pony again."

I nodded. "Makes sense why I'm wearing my Human Hunter Playermodel again, I guess," I said, mostly to myself. "So, after that you just made a camp?"

He nodded slowly. "I was hopin' you would come back, so I just set up a fire." He gaze drifted over to Light. "She hasn't gotten more than a foot away from you since you died."

I looked down at my lover. My lover... She wasn't a lover. She was love. As much bile as it brought up for me to say it, I think I loved her. We only knew each other for a few days, but... I loved her. I couldn't explain it, nor did I want to. I just wanted to let the feeling I got from her spread. "I'm going back to sleep. When I wake up, we're going back to Celestia," I said. "We need to get back home, ASAP."

***

Five days. That's how long we've been walking, well, trotting for Light. But either way, I decided to tell Light the truth about not being a knight or a merc or anything but a guy who took a job in the hopes of getting home. Viking decided to lose the armor and weapons, seeing no real reason to keep them at this point; he switched back to his Male Model 7 and didn't want anything else blade-wise. I didn't blame him. I was currently sporting an AN-94 across my back, an MP7 hanging down at my right side, and two HK45Cs on either hip, bringing me to six guns with around eight thousand total rounds. I also had a few knives stuffed in discrete places, but that was more for sneaky-peaky things, rather than fuck-you-all-I'm-me-herr-durr type things. Viking had a gun too, an AK-47 on his back with a few hundred rounds, but nothing else. Something about dying after that dragon battle made me paranoid, and I kept getting that sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen. So I made Viking get a gun, and I made Light stay close to me. My guns were all loaded and my trigger finger kept twitching, my eyes roving around and my hairs rising. Something just didn't feel right.

Anyways... Five days on the road. Five days walking from the ass crack of dawn to the pitch darkness of night before the Moon came out. Well, really it was four days, seeing as how most of the first day was a mixture of sleeping, fucking, more sleeping, more fucking, eating, more fucking, and more sleeping, topped off with about two hours of solid walking before fucking some more and finally passing out. But aside from that, it was walking, walking, walking, eating, bathroom break, walking, walking, walking, walking, eating, having a quickie in the bushes, walking, walking, eating, bathroom break, then passing out. I guessed that if this was real life I would have lost several dozen pounds just from the power walking we were doing. Oh yes, power walking. Not quite jogging, but easily three times as fast as normal walking. So much fun... I credit my Gmod energy and stamina for surviving- and on a side note, how I was able to have that much sexy time without my cock falling off.

Today was day six, and we were withing walking distance- hardy-fucking-har- of Canterlot, and in extension, my way home. I wanted my house. I wanted my dog. And I wanted my fucking pizza that I still had cooking in the oven!

"Are you sure you're okay?" Light asked me, worry clear on her face.

I looked around me in a circle, my eyes shifting everywhere at once. "Yeah, of course," I said quickly. "Why wouldn't it be?"

She looked at me with a frown. "Well, you're acting like something's following us."

My eyes snapped to her. "Something's following us?!" I asked quickly.

She shook her head. "No, nonono, nothing's following us!" she assured me, slightly calming me. "You're just acting really... well, paranoid, really."

I gave our surroundings a quick scan before returning my gaze to her once more. "I just feel like... Like... Like..." I groaned loudly. "Damn, what's that feeling? Uh..." I looked around me once more before my eyes widened. "Watched! Yeah, that's it. I feel like something's following us and watching me."

She raised a brow. "Really? Are you sure?" she asked.

I nodded.

She looked around us, glaring at the landscape that made up our surroundings. "I don't know what that feels like, honestly. I'm used to ponies staring, so it's natural..."

I scowled at a particularly suspicious rise in the ground about a hundred feel from our path. I blinked and I could have sworn it moved just a hair's fraction of an inch. "It's like, this feeling of something not being right. Like when you forget something at home and it keeps nagging at you until you remember what you forgot. Like..." I shook my head. "I don't know, but it's bad."

She continued glaring at the areas around us as we walked. "Well, if anything happens, I'll be here for you love," she said.

I felt better at her words. She would make sure nothing happens. She would keep me safe. And if she can't, I'll use everything in my power to brutalize it until nothing's left but a stain. "Thanks, love. I- I feel better now, thanks," I said, an uneasy smile playing at the corners of my mouth.

We shared a smile before she went back to looking ahead and I went back to scowling in suspicion at everything around me. It was because of this that I saw it. "Hey, isn't that Canterlot right there?" I asked, pointing at it.

My companions both looked at it with narrowed eyes. "Yeah," Viking said slowly. "But why does it have a giant fuckin' bubble around it?"

I shrugged. "Maybe it's a pony thing?" I suggested. "I hear giant golden bubbles are popular this time of year."

Author's Note

I did something bad to my friend. I grabbed his arm while I forcefully painted his nails. After that I decided it was kinda mean, so I painted the nails on my right hand to make him feel better. It was a color called "Sinful Colors" and it was one of those paints that reflected like six different colors in the light, but looked like clear coat normally. It was actually... kinda cool looking.
Plus, that day I showed some people my nails and got three phone numbers from girls in my classes. You'd be amazed at how easy it is to get girls to go out with you when you paint your nails. Literally, I had to stop writing for a bit to answer a call from one of them about an hour ago.
Fun Fact: I'm apparently better at painting my nails than most girls in my classes. Should I be worried?