Garry's Mod Vs. Equestria

I sat on Fluttershy's small couch with a piece of tissue stuffed up my nose holes to stop the bleeding. I wanted to set myself on fire, but she made me not kill myself and just let her take care of my bloodied nose. Stupid pony...

It was her fault I had a bloody nose to begin with. Somehow I fell asleep standing up when I was petting her, and after a few seconds I lost my balance and kissed the floor with my whole face. Or at least that's what she told me. I still don't trust her as far as I could throw her, which was about twenty feet if I angled it right.

Fluttershy came in to the room from her kitchen wearing over mitts on her hooves and carrying a pot of steaming liquid. "How's your nose?"

I wheezed loudly. "Oh, I can feel my life slipping out of me! Please, tell me wife I love her!" I then fell on my side. "Bleh," I said, sticking my tongue out and pretending to be dead.

She gave a soft smile, which irritated me. "If you're well enough to be sarcastic, you're well enough to live." She then ignored my suffering sounds and poured two cups of tea.

I sat up and grumbled at her. "If I was really dying you wouldn't even care..." I then downed the boiling liquid in one gulp and screamed for the next few seconds before asking for a refill.

She put the kettle out of my reach and sat down next to me, giving me a hurt look. "Of course I would care! How could you think that?!" she gasped.

I shook my head and spawned a few dozen cans of beer in front of me. Cracking one open, I scowled at her. "No you wouldn't. You would just tell me to stop being a child, or to stop being stupid like everybody else does." I guzzled the beer and opened another one. "You're just too nice to say it, is all."

She frowned at me and pulled the can away from me. "I do care about you, honest! And I'm going to prove it to you by making you as comfortable as possible until you can go home."

I shook my head and drank the beer. "I'll be fine. It'd be better if all of you just went away... or died. Either one works for me."

She cringed back away from me. "You really want us to die...?"

I finished off my fifth beer and opened my sixth as I stared at her. "Nah, not you. Just all the other idiots on this planet. I would prefer it if my planet burned and I was the last one alive actually, but seeing as how unlikely that is, I'd settle for World War Three wiping out most of the Eastern Hemisphere with nuclear weaponry."

She gave me an odd look. "Why do you hate everypony?"

I raised my seventh beer in the air. "Because everypony hates me. It's a system, like a give-and-take, y'know? I hate everybody on the planet and want them to die in horrible, painful, torturous ways, and they want me to go fuck myself and die huddled in a little ball hiding in a dark corner somewhere. It's not perfect, but it works."

She looked like she was pitying me. I don't like that. "That's terrible! Why does everypony hate you so much?" she asked me in a caring voice.

I snorted and spilled a bit of beer on myself. "Hell if I know! I was born into hate, raised with hate, got hate, and gave hate. Hate's as much of me as I am of it."

She looked at me with worry. "Uh, maybe you should go easy on the drinks..."

I snorted, spitting up a bit of my tenth beer. "I'm a fucking computer program, I can't get drunk! And plus, these aren't real beers!" I picked one up and gave it to her, opening it while she held it in her hooves. "I could drink a thousand of these things and not feel anything. So could you! It's all of the taste, with none of the consequences!"

She gave me a nervous look. "I don't think that it-"

I patted her on the back, almost knocking her off of the couch. "C'mon! Live a little! Just one drink won't kill you!"

She stared at the can for a long time while I chugged down several more. Eventually, she raised it to her lips and gave it a delicate sip.

***

"I's gonna win!" I cheered.

Fluttershy giggled. "No, I'm winning!"

I stacked the next can and cheered. "I'm almost there!"

"No you're not!" She yelled. Then she kicked the base of my beer can tower and caused it to collapse. "I win!" she yelled.

I fell onto my backside and looked down at my cans. "No... No... I lost..."

She stumbled over to me, barely managing to stay on her hooves. When she reached me, she sat down with a thump and patted me on the back. "Don't worry, I still think you're a winner."

I looked at her with a frown. "But I lost. I'm all stupid and sucky and stuff..."

She leaned on me, making shushing noises. "It's okay," she whispered in a scream. She patted my head. "You don't need to win to be not-sucky, you can be not-sucky if... uhm... if you..."

"I suck at everything!" I wailed. "I hate my life!"

She tried to hug me but missed, hitting me on the head with her hooves. "Shh... Don't be sad... I like your life."

I sobbed into my hands as she semi-held me. "I never win anything! I suck at everything and I don't have any friends! Everybody hates me because of how much I suck! I want to kill myself but I can't because I'll just respawn and still suck at everything!"

She rocked me back and forth as I cried, trying to get me to calm down. "You don't suck at anything," she said to me gently. "You didn't lose, I just won."

I wrapped my arms around her, nearly crushing her. "I suck a making friends! I'm so lonely and nobody cares about me! I just want somebody to care about me! Is that too much to ask?!"

She put her wings around me as best she could. "I care about you. Does that make you feel better?"

I sniffed. "A little..." I said pitifully.

She smiled at me happily. "See? I'll do anything I can to make you feel better because I care."

I sniffled again. "Anything? Like, anything anything?"

She nodded clumsily. "Anything anything anything! As long as you're here, It's my job to make you feel better."

I felt a smile spread across me face. "Well, there is one thing that would make me feel better. But, I don't think you can do it," I told her.

She put her hoof on my chest, jabbing me slightly. "If it helps you, then I can do anything!" she loudly announced.

I grabbed her hoof. "Are you sure? Like, you have to be really, really sure that you can do this."

She nodded again, smiling brightly. "Nurse Fluttershy is here to make you feel better! And as long as you're feeling not good, my work isn't done!"

"You're making this too easy," I slurred. Then I could feel myself falling, not leaning, but falling forward. Then I could taste alcohol and strawberries.

***

The pain...

I sat up and regretted it, as I came into direct contact with a very bright beam of sunlight. "Fuck you Sun," I weakly said. "Go eat a dick..." I then fell off of the side of my bed and came to a rolling stop on my floor. Or, I would have if my floor hadn't been so close to my bed.

I didn't even bother standing up, instead simply rolling across the floor and to the bathroom door. Pushing the door open, I crawled inside and bumped in to something small and fuzzy. "Fucking rats..."

It made a strange noise. Not that of a rat, but something I didn't recognize.

I grabbed it without opening my eyes and squeezed as hard as I could and didn't let go until I heard multiple crunches and snaps and it stop writhing in my hand. I opened my eyes a crack and aimed at the open window above the sink. "Out you go..." I mumbled as I tossed the little white corpse out the window.

I pushed myself up, standing right in front of the sink. I reached to turn on the water and cracked my finger against the wall. "Fucking hell?!" I swore. Looking down at he sink I noticed that it was significantly smaller than it used to be. It was also a different color. And so were the walls... and the floor... and the ceiling... and the window was round, not square... and the tub was in the wrong spot... really, everything was different.

"Fucking drugs..." I mumbled to myself as I lowered my head down to drink water from the sink tap. I couldn't help but notice a taste in my mouth. Not from the water, but it was just... there. It was sweet, and fruity. Not really overpowering, but strong enough to let me know it was there.

I turned off the tap and walked slowly out of the bathroom and back in to my bedroom. I felt something crunch under my foot and, looking down, I could see a flattened squirrel. My instincts kicked in and I kicked it under an unfamiliar rug to clean up later. If I remembered, of course.

As I reached my bed, I flopped down on to it and pulled the blankets around my naked body. I smiled as I felt my morning wood push the blankets up, tenting them. "Good morning junior," I called to my friend from down under.

I reached a hand under the blankets and had him speak back. "Morning, to you too."

"Sleep well?" I asked him.

"About as good as any other night," he responded.

I nodded. "So, what do you want to do today?"

He chuckled. "Well first off, I'd like to get our morning business taken care of, then I need to relieve myself."

I nodded again. "Understandable. So, shall we begin?"

"I'll get the timer ready."

I nodded and narrowed my eyes. "Ready... Steady..."

"Ooohh, my head..."

I froze up, nearly having a heart attack. What the fuck...?

Slowly, oh so slowly, I rolled over and looked at a lump laying next to me. I could see pink hair and yellow fur. "... Oh fuck me..."