What makes a mare?

This couldn't be happening, this just couldn't. "Why Pinkie? WHY!?" screamed Les....Rainbow Dash. "Because your my super best friend and I thought to my self: CarriageWasher totally needs a party so she can meet everyone in town!" The pink pony took a kazoo out of her mane and blew it. "I already know everyone! Everyone knows me, I'm Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie rolled her eyes. "No silly! They need to meet the real you!" Rainbow Dash eyed Pinkie Pie's face, considering whether or not to hit her. Lyra gave yet another look of sympathy and trotted over to CarriageDash's side. "Just ignore her, besides it can't be that bad!" stated the unicorn.

The pegasus glared. "Yeah maybe if my parents named me Bob or Betilda but they didn't. They named me Lesbian CarriageWasher. That's not even a name!" Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes and grabbed Rainbow in a hug. "Don't worry SBFF (Super Best Friend Forever) everyone will love the new you!" with that Pinkie Pie left, skipping as she did. Tears began spilling down the Pegasus's face. "Hey, it'll be okay" Lyra wrapped a hoof around Rainbow, and pulled her in to a hug. The Pegasus let out a sob and buried her face into the other mares fur. "That's a good girl..." said Lyra licking her lips. Rainbow looked up and cautiously took a step away. "Uh what?"

~

"...And then she tried to kiss me! Kiss me!" Twilight rubbed her eyes, tired from lack of sleep. She had spent last night "reading" till the early hours of the morning. "I mean I thought she was with Bon-Bon! Seriously only a few hours, and now everyone probably thinks I'm an actual lesbian. It's flight school all over again." Lesbian DashWasher sighed and took a bite of her cake. "Well actually darling, I'd hate to gossip but I've heard your not the first to be hit on by Lyra. Apparently she and Bon-Bon have a threesome fetish or something" spoke up Rarity. Rainbow Dash facehooved herself. "Great, just my luck." Rarity patted Rainbows other hoof. "Don't worry, we are all here for you." Just then the door to the library opened and in stepped a mare and what appeared to be her husband. Or boyfriend. Whatever.

The couple took one look at the cyan Pegasus and turned on their heels and left faster then they came in. "Well, everyone else will be here for you" stated Rarity, getting up to leave. "What in Celestia's beard do you mean?" exclaimed Rainbow Dash. Rarity squirmed for a second. "Well I can't let my reputation be tarnished. If we are seen together people would think I was a Lesbian as well. My entire life as a fashion designer would be over. No decent stallion would marry me!" With that she ran to the upper floor of the library and jumped out the window. Rainbow Dash glanced at the rest of her friends. "Really? Really?!? Well I suppose friendship really isn't magic after all." Rainbow sighed again and licked her now empty plate. "Don't worry Sugarcube, we'll stick by ya." said Applejack. "Thanks guys, It's good to  see you care so much about me that you wouldn't let a few rumors tarnish our friendship." Fluttershy shook her head. "Oh no, we just want to make sure we still have someone to pay our tab on Karaoke night." The others nodded in agreement. "Eh, close enough I suppose"

--

Lesbian CarriageWasher was at her wits end. She had lost count of how many times somepony had ran up to her and yelled at her for "sinning" in the name of Jesus Crust, the one true pizza messiah. She really couldn't understand why people made a big deal about her liking anchovies on a pizza. After all, its not like she went up to them and insulted them for liking thin crust over thick. Sighing for the tenth time today, the cyan Pegasus made her way slowly down the main street of Ponyville, munching on her anchovy pizza, earning death glares from passing pedestrians."Damn bigots" She mumbled. Just then Punkie Pie appeared out of nowhere. "There's the girl of the hour! Ready for your coming out party tonight?" Asked the pink mare, running around in circles, attempting to catch her tail, "I'm not a lesbian!" scream Lesbian, smacking Pinkie Pie in the face. "Its okay Dashie! People are not as homophobic as you think. Love and tolerate!" CarriageWasher frowned. "People?" She asked confused. Pinkie rolled her eyes again and before answering the question, ran off. "Whatever, I just can't wait to get home and fill out those forms." Just then the a scream rang through the air behind the pegasus. Turning around, at the end of the street stood a pony in ragged robes. He had long brown hair and a long brown beard with bits of pepperoni stuck in it. "Shun the sinner in the name of Jesus Crust!" The hobo looking stallion pointed at her, which made ponies stop and look. "Shit" was all she could think of.

-

When Rainbow Dash finally got home, which was a good two hours later, the mare walked through the door of her cloud house covered in sauce, pepperoni and cheese. After the stallion, (who she later came to know as Saint Pepperoni, one of Jesus Crust's disciples) confronted her, he managed to convince passing ponies to help him cleanse her in the name of... You guessed it, Jesus Crust. They then dragged her to cave where they marinated her in sauce and threw cheese and pepperoni on her. It was only after lying about being "saved" was she allowed to leave. Lesbian walked across the threshold of her house and into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she took out a jar of anchovies and began eating dipping them in her sauce. The sauce she was covered in that is. After she had ate and rolled around on her cloud carpet to remove the remaining sauce and food bits, the mare made her way to her study.

Sitting down, she rummaged around for her name change application. After a few minutes of looking the Pegasus stopped and frowned. She was positive that she had left them in her desk. Maybe she left them in the living room? Grabbing her photo ID and social insurance cars, she made her way to the living room. Distracted, she did not see the book on the floor. She tripped and the cards in her mouth went flying, landing in the conveniently lit fireplace that the Pegasus didn't remember lighting.

Today was not a good day to be Rainbow Dash.

-

Celestia stared at the plaque in front of her. To her left stood a laughing Princess Luna, and on her right stood Silver Arch, a unicorn with white fur and silver mane. "Is the plaque adequate my liege?" Celestia grinned and turned to her sister. "What do you think sister"? Luna could barely nod as she continued to laugh like a drunk hyena. "I do not laugh like a drunk hyena!" said Luna, waving her hoof at me. Though she did. "Do not!" I laughed. "Do too!' While me and Luna argued, Celestia walked off with Silver Arch by herself. "Hey wait for me wench" said Luna running after her sister. Celestia did not hear her or register her. She was too busy planning. A party that is. "I think it"s time to throw a party in honor of the element bearers" And with that she walked off and began laughing manically.