Chapter Three:

Peter Williams

The mare stood there as I stirred the food. I had no idea what the hell Hay Bacon was like, but did carry the same greasy aroma of regular bacon. Eggs, while never my preferred source of protein, could be seasoned to satisfactory tastes. Hopefully I could find better sources of meat in town. I doubt it since ponies seem to be primarily vegetarians, but there was always a fleeting chance. I finished up the food and placed them on a plate on the table. I had to stoop down to do a lot, but I suppose that's what comes with being six feet tall in a home for beings only up to my belly button.

The mare continued to look between me and my note. Yeah, if my new dog suddenly shouted 'I'm an alien, Eat my food!' I'd probably freak out too. I decided to ignore her until she snapped out of her stupor. I fixed myself a bowl and started to chow down. The Hay bacon tasted nothing like real bacon, and even the copious amounts of frying couldn't negate the fact I was essentially eating hay. I stopped after my first bite and began eating the fruit. It was just as juicy as last night, so I still had to lean forward. I only had one undershirt, and until I could find a way to wash my dress shirt, it was the only clean shirt I had. Well, clean if you ignored the fact I slept in it... twice. I finished off my meal as Dinky, bleary eyed from waking up, walked in and took a seat at the table.

"Good morning momma. What's for breakfast?" The little unicorn asked. Her mother didn't answer her though, one eye locked on the note I'd left and the other drifting to the left. I pushed a plate of hay bacon and fruit in front of her. "Oh! Thanks Mr. Human!"

"Williams..." The mother muttered, barley loud enough to hear.

"What did you say, mom?" Dinky asked.

"His name is Peter Williams, dear..." The poor mind scrambled mare slid the note over to her daughter without looking at her. Dinky looked at the note and read it. When she finished her eyes rose to my face, which was adorned by a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"You're an alien!" she exclaimed in astonishment. I gave a snort of amusement and nodded. "That's so cool! I have an alien as a pet! This is going to be awesome!" That would be a problem. Time to nip this in the bud. I sat the little pony down and wrote out another note off notepad who's original purpose I believe was a to-do list.

I am NOT your pet.
I am not one of those troglodytes you ponies call humans.
I am an intelligent being with dignity.

"Oh... okay. Sorry Mr. uh, Williams. I didn't mean to upset you." Ah damn it. Now she's going to cry. I was tempted to just let her cry, after all I need these ponies to understand I won't be pushed around, but see was the one who got me out of the forest and into safety. Even if I did save her first, I did owe her one. I wrote another note.

It's okay, stop the waterworks.
I'm not upset, I just wanted to be clear about our situation.
I'd prefer to be a guest than a slave.

"Y-you're not a slave!" Dinky cried, "I just wanted you to be my human so I could show you off at school and stuff." I gave a small huff of amusement as I wrote my response.

So I'd be an accessory? An object to be ogled at and shown off like a jewel?
How is being treated as such any different from enslavement?

Dinky sniffed a little, "Not much I guess. I'm sorry." Instead of writing my response I rubbed her head playfully, smiling. The scent of something burning filled the air. What was that? It smelled like burnt...

THE BACON!

I rushed back to the stove, where the hay bacon had begun to burn and smolder. I quickly tried to salvage as much as I could, but most of it was inedible. I waved a washcloth in the air, trying to dissipate the smoke that had accumulated. I sheepishly looked back to Dinky's mother, trying to apologize for almost setting her kitchen on fire. She was still sitting there, with the same look on her face. Her other eye had drifted off center as well. This was getting a little scary. I stepped forward and waved my hand in front of her. No response. I snapped my fingers by her ears. No response. Finally I nudged her a little. This seemed to get her attention as both eyes found place facing me.

Then she screamed. I screamed as well. Hey you have someone suddenly scream in you're face with no warning!

"ALIEN!" The mare backpedaled out of her chair and to the wall. "ALIEN! THERE'S AN ALIEN IN MY HOUSE! AND IT MADE ME BREAKFAST! WHAT!? HOW!?" She seemed to be trying to both not look at me, as if denying my existence, and keeping her eyes deadlocked on me to ensure I didn't suddenly lunge to eat her face off. Dinky seemed to take the initiative and rushed to her mother.

"Momma! Momma! Stop! Please! You're scaring me!" The young girl cried out. Even the young girl's pleading didn't seem to break the horrific trance her mother seemed to be in. The mare shook terribly and held a silent shriek behind clenched teeth. I needed to do something, and an idea soon formed in my mind. I slowly inched forward, hands out cautiously. As I neared Dinky's mother she tried to recoil in fear, but couldn't because of the wall. I let out soft shushes to try and calm the mare as I got within arms reach. I took the mare into my arms, careful to avoid any flailing hooves, and began stroking her mane like I had the previous night. I had done it before to try to make friendly with my gracious host, but now I pet her to try to calm her panicked state of mind.

As my hand rubbed her yellow hair the mare did indeed calm down. As we sat there for several minuets I had time to think at how horrible an idea this actually was. If this mare hadn't been literally scared stiff, she could have killed me! Last night I would have backed off if she put up to much of a fuss, but today I went in gung-ho when she was petrified. Cornered rats will often try to fight the cat, and in this case the rat might have actually had the advantage in a fight, particularly because the cat didn't want to hurt her. Short story, I got lucky with a stupid idea. I would have to be more careful in the future; just because these ponies are soft and fluffy doesn't mean they enjoy hugs and petting.

After the mare settled down I let her go. She slowly walked out of my grip and to her daughter. I stood back up and took to standing by the wall while the mother collected herself.

"I'm sorry for my outburst." The mare said with a small amount of shame. Nothing really to be ashamed of, I know if you really wanted to hurt us you would have done it already. So I guess since we can sort of talk, would you mind answering a few questions?" I smiled and nodded. She was just told an alien intended to take up board in her house, she was entitled to some Q&A. We moved to the table facing each other with Dinky in the middle. I got my notepad down and checked the lead in my pencil.

"So, first of all, if you're an alien, where are you from?"

I hail from the grand state of Alabama,
United States of America, Planet Earth, Sol System,
Milky Way Galaxy

The mother read my note aloud and cocked her head to the side, "I've never heard of any of those places."

I should think not, this is clearly a different planet,
and seeing as my people can't get a man beyond Mars
It rules out space travel. I believe I may have crossed dimensions.

"W-what!?" The mare asked. "What do you mean dimensions?"

According to multiverse theory, for every possibility there exists a universe where it came to be.
For example, there may be a universe somewhere in which you were never born,
and another in which you became queen of the world.
I have apparently crossed a bridge between my world and your's somehow.

The mother sat quietly for a bit before speaking, "Wow. I never thought a human could ever be so smart, but I suppose if you're an alien, you don't count." I gave her a confident smirk in reply. The mare continued, "So if you're from a whole other world, when do you plan on going home?"I frowned at this as I wrote my reply.

As soon as I am capable. At the moment I'm not sure how I got here to begin with.

"Are you lost, Mr. Williams?" Dinky asked. I gave her a solemn nod. I was indeed lost, abandoned on a strange world like Planet of the Apes, but with ponies instead of primates. I wrote one more note before passing it over to Dinky's mother.

I will be more than willing to earn my keep, or find a source of money to supply rent.

"What, you mean find a job?" She asked. I nodded. "You can't!" She exclaimed, "I mean, think of how ponies would react! Even if they don't believe the alien thing, they'll still freak out about a human who's so intelligent. Worse, somepony might try to hurt you, or take out your brain or-" She cut herself off when she glanced at her clock. "Oh No! I'm late for work! We'll talk about this when I get home! I need to go. Don't leave the house, okay?" I decided to listen for now, wouldn't do to test my new landlord's patience just yet. I gave a calm nod. "Dinky, you need to get to school before you're late as well."

"Okay momma. Have a good day at work!" Dinky said as her mother ran out the door. "I should get going too. School starts soon." She ran into her room and grabbed her backpack, or saddlebags rather, and headed out the door. "Bye Mr. Williams! Sorry again for the whole slave thing." I took a moment to appreciate how strange that statement sounded out of context. Within another second she was gone, and I was alone. Setting down the pad and pencil, I went to the living room and lied on the couch to collect my thoughts.

I was stuck in the house for the next several hours, so I might as well capitalize on the opportunity. I needed to gather information on this world, I needed to know the geography, political systems, countries, history, and cultures. Some men dream of being great explorers, charting new worlds and discovering amazing things, and now the opportunity literally dropped into my lap. I needed to go about this smart though, being seen as a thing instead of a person would make me a target for even the 'civilized' population. I need some sort of legal protection, and the first part of that would be getting recognized as a person.

I though for a brief moment about what might occur without that protection. Without the protection of at least recognition of person hood, and no documentation linking me to Dinky and her family, I could be easily mistaken as a well mannered stray, or property of one of the well connected elite. I can assume clothing is considered a luxury, seeing as almost all the ponies and humans I've seen so far have been naked as the day they were born. With clothes as nice as mine, I might be claimed by some aristocrat, forced into service for them. Naturally I would fight for my independence, but if none acknowledged my person hood, I would be at it alone, against the entire world.

Heroic movie, but terrifying in real life. Nope, gonna get me some citizenship, or at least a work visa.

First thing's first though, I needed to clean my clothes. I'd been sweating and sleeping in them for the past two days, and I could tell they were getting rank. Again, given clothing's exclusivity in this equine world, washer and driers seemed out of the question. By hand it was then. I filled a tub with hot water, mixed in some crushed soap, and set all my clothes in to soak. From there, since I was already naked, I went to the bathroom to wash myself. The bathtub was made for a pony half my size, so fitting in it was a bit of an affair, but I managed to get a decent shower in. Once out and dried off with two of the Hooves' small towels, I looked in the mirror to see myself. I noticed a distinct stubble growing at my sideburns and neck. I would have to add razors to my list of things to get in town. I was growing a neck beard, ruining the manly goatee I had been maintaining for months. With the new shopping item cataloged in my mind, I returned to the tub of clothes and began scrubbing.

As I performed my task, I was again struck by just how strange the scene would have seemed to me one year ago. Naked in an alien's kitchen washing my clothes the old fashioned way. Well technically II'm the alien, but it all is other worldly to me. I had planned to do great things with my life, become a congressman or governor, move on up as a potential presidential candidate, go out and do things people would remember me for. Now I was willing to be more or less a man servant to keep a roof over my head. Baby steps, Peter, baby steps. Who knows, maybe I could become this world's Leonardo da Vinci. Unlikely, but hey, a man can dream.

Once my shirts were satisfactorily stain free, I hung them over the sink to dry. Since I wasn't about to gallivant out-of-doors in naught but by birthday suit, I settles for the place where the dripping would cause the least mess, and the sun could still dry them. I even opened the window to try to use the wind to help. From there I washed my underwear and pants. My suit coat was still tattered and damaged, so I didn't need to wash it until it was fixed, and my hat was dry clean only. I began whistling a happy tune as I washed my clothes.

Do do do do do, Inspector Gadget, do do do do do doo dooo

Dinky Whooves

I ran along the path to school, excited to tell my friends about Mr. Williams. I had an actual alien in my house! The Crusaders were going to freak when I told them. Diamond Tiara would most likely try and call me a liar though. That's why I wanted to bring Mr. Williams with me today, to show I wasn't a liar and Diamond Tiara was just being a bully as usual. When her daddy had gotten her her human, she paraded it in the classroom, saying it was the best human ever, even better than any of the Apples' humans. That really got on Applebloom's nerves, and the two got into it. Miss Cheerilee had to separate them for the rest of the day. Even then Diamond Tiara had gloated over her human, having it carry her all around the playground so she could be above everypony.

Just like what I had wanted to do with Mr. Williams. He was right, all I wanted was to have him parade me around like Diamond Tiara made hers do, and that was what he wanted to avoid. Even if he couldn't talk, Mr. Williams had a lot of pride in his intelligence, and he didn't want to be treated like a stupid troggie thing. And I shouldn't treat him like one, whatever it was. I wondered what Mr Williams was doing at that moment. Probably super important alien things!

I smiled wide as the school house came into view. Lots of foals had already arrived and were going inside to take their seats. I ran inside and sat down just as Miss Cheerilee came in.

"Okay everypony, calm down. It's time to start the day. Is everypony here?" She looked around the class. "Umm, where's Diamond Tiara?"

"Here I am, Miss Cheerilee!" Diamond Tiara's voice screeched as she rode on on the shoulders of her human. It was about five feet and four inches tall and had short hair. He also looked really thin, his legs shaking just a little bit, and he was a little hunched over. It's face looked placid and uninterested, like all other humans. Well, most other humans. Mr. Williams was a special case. "Sorry I'm late Miss Cheerilee, Chuckie here got distracted by the bakery and it took me fifteen minuets to get him back on course." She accentuated her explanation with a bob on the human's head. The creature didn't respond outside of a grunt. I suddenly had a greater appreciation for Mr' Williams expressive habits. If he was as limited as normal humans I never could have told if he was uncomfortable or upset.

"Well you know the rules Diamond Tiara, no humans in the classroom. You'll have to tie up Chuckie outside." Miss Cheerilee said. Diamond Tiara acknowledged her and took her human back outside. When she came back in and took her seat the school day began. By second period an argument broke out.

"Would you jus shut up Diamond Tiara!? Yer human ain't all that good!" I heard Applebloom behind me cry out.

"Don't be jealous just because your family can't breed a human as perfect as my Chuckie, Applebloom!" Diamond Tiara responded.

"Yer human ain't perfect! He slouches too much an looks half starved!" Applebloom retorted.

"He just hasn't gotten used to carrying me around yet is all, and daddy says if he misbehaves I'm supposed to take away his dinner, and he didn't do any tricks when I told him to, so he didn't get any food yesterday." Diamond Tiara answered, looking away from Applebloom.

`"He looks like he hasn't been fed in days!" Applebloom contested.

"Well he still refuses to do the trick!" Diamond Tiara defended herself.

"WHAT! Ya can't just let humans go hungry like that! They can go crazy if they ain't been fed!" Applebloom exclaimed, finally getting Miss Cheerilee to intervene.

"GIRLS! What have I told you about arguing during class?" She scolded the pair, who were decent enough to look ashamed. "This is the third time this week you two have started arguing about Diamond Tiara's human, and I want you to stop." While Miss Cheerilee scolded Applebloom and Diamond, I spotted Chuckie from the corner of my eye. He was lunging at a big bug, but was held back by his leash Diamond had tied to a post. He reached further and further, even starting to choke himself on the collar and making the post tilt. The bug made a fatal mistake, jumping just a little closer than it should have. Chuckie managed to get a hold of it, and quickly ate it. His face had no joy at the kill or eating, only looking placid as he ate his bug with no hesitation and just cramming it in his mouth. He was so unlike Mr. Williams.

Mr. Williams would have tried to remove the leash when he realized it was holding him back. He would have been more hesitant to just eat an icky bug. He would have found something else to eat. Actually, he never would have let Diamond Tiara push him around like Chickie did. Mr. Williams would have shoved that leash right back in Diamond Tiara's face and smiled. Chuckie couldn't even smirk.

When Miss Cheerilee got done with Applebloom and Diamond Tiara I asked, "Miss Cheerilee? Why can't humans smile?"

She sighed and responded, "Well Dinky , it's not really known. They have all the muscles to smile, but there has never really been a study about it, at least none that came up with conclusive answers. It's just one of those unknown facts of life. Humans can't smile. Now I would like to return to our lesson, if we could, about applying thermodynamics in the weather cycle, and how our weather teams have to compensate." The school bell rang, signaling the beginning of lunch period and recess following. Miss Cheerilee let out an exhausted huff and gave up, returning to her desk as the children ran out the door to eat their lunches outside.

Everypony stopped when they heard Diamond Tiara's voice yell out "WHERE'D MY HUMAN GO!" I ran outside with the rest of the fillies and colts to see the post Chuckie was tied to uprooted from the ground and dragged a few feet where it had fallen off the leash.

Chuckie had escaped.

Author's Note

I had wanted this chapter to be longer, but I am a horrible procrastinator. I hope you guys enjoy.

-Cicero Niche