So we'd spent the last few days going over our battle plans, which is to say I followed Kemo around as she dug up more information on Temple Bell, or High Arch as she's usually known. Most of the places we went might have been on the slightly seedier side, but we didn't actually get any second looks until we entered the Solar Guard compound. We were stopped at the gates by a pair of guards trying to do their best Imperial Guard impression without actually calling us criminal scum. I'm guessing batponies come in two flavors to these guys: Guard and nuisance. Unfortunately for them, Kemo wasn't in the mood, so she flashed her Lunar Guard insignia and growled at them. If they'd have jumped back faster, they'd have left their teeth clacking in the air.

After scaring the tails off a few more guards, some from her snarls, and some from me giving them feral grins when Kemo wasn't looking, we eventually made it to a door with "Records" written on it. Inside of the room filled to bursting with file cabinets was a dark blue stallion in Solar Guard armor.

Looking up from his records, he gave a wry smile. "Ah, Ke'mot, what kind of trouble are you getting into this time?"

"The same as always, Sergeant Skyfall, the kind that you guys couldn't even dream of getting into."

Skyfall's eye twitched slightly at that. "Just because we aren't from the Lunar branch doesn't mean we're useless, you know."

"I've never called the Solar Guard useless, I just get tired of the starry-eyed ones that think they're a gift to mares everywhere. I've even had one or two try and feel me up while undercover. I'm sure those reports are here as well."

"Ah yes, I remember those, you still owe me a bottle for the headache of filing those without completely ruining their lives."

"But all I did was let them see that they should probably think before they act."

"And fractured a non-zero amount of bones."

"Well, looking in the mirror each morning should be a good reminder of what they aren't." Pulling a bottle out of her saddlebags, she set it on his desk. "As it is, I do indeed come with a peace offering in hopes that you can help me track down everything you've got on High Arch and Temple Bell."

At this point I was starting to worry about my safety, because this mare apparently didn't think twice about beating the shit out of idiots. Meanwhile Skyfall was looking at it, and gave it a tentative sniff.

"Some of Storm's personal brew?"

"Yes."

"Alright," The stallion took a quick sip before finishing, "It looks like you consider this to be important, so let's start."

After two hours we had a copy of all of the files on our mysteriously guildmaster, all in a sadly small envelope.

"Thank you Skyfall, until next time."

"Not a problem as long as you keep up the currently quality of bribery." The stallion was perfectly fine, the bottle on the other hand was already halfway gone. The guy was good, I'd caught a whiff of it earlier and that was definitely some high quality moonshine.

Making our way out of the compound, we went to the Flagon Dragon to get everything together. Making our way through the main room to the steps near the back, Kemo put a handful of coins on the bar as she passed. Apparently she didn't want to walk to her cabin and back every day for this mission. Settling down, she pulled the earrings out of her bag and passed me one.

"Alright Jack, look through everything I pass you and write down anything you think will help us"

Can do boss lady, though I am surprised you'd ask.

A snort followed the mental query. "I can miss things, and you're different world-view just might make a connection that I'd miss. As it happens I know you're not quite as stupid as I insinuate."

D'awww, thanks for the warm and fuzzies Capt'n, what would I ever do without your glowing approval?

She just ignored me and passed a sheet of paper, and so the work began.

After about three hours, I set the final piece of paper to the side and gathered up my notes.

Well, those guys didn't have so much as a parking ticket on High Arch, and all they have on Temple Bell is they believe her to be the person that moves goods between the various fences and storefronts that resell the objects. That evidence is hearsay from a few drunk thieves though, definitely not hard evidence. The reports also say Temple is light blue and purple, while Arch is white and blonde.

"That's as much as I got from it as well, so it looks like we're starting at square one," the mare said with some disgust. "And I really hate having to deal with corruption from the clergy, they're too good at manipulating ponies into thinking they can do no wrong."

Looks like that's one of the law's of the universe then, because I'm pretty sure that's the bane of all investigators. A rumble from my gut interrupts our conversation, not surprising since we hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.

"Let's go get some food, it should help us think."

Making our way down to the common room, we make our way to the back corner, even though we were the only ones not sitting at the bar. After giving the interior of what has to be the most generic fantasy bar ever, a question pops into my mind.

Paranoid much?

Instead of answering me like a normal person, she instead lets the maid that followed us over take her order. "Two stews please, or whatever you happen to have that's hot in the back."

"It's your lucky day ma'am, stew is what we've got for the day! Anything to drink?"

"Cider for me, and some water for the human."

"Quite a clever one you've got there to use a cup, I'll have your stews back in a jiffy!" The mare said as she swooshed her way towards the kitchens. I have no idea how she did it, but ponies are weird.

"And yes having a view of the entire room is important, you never know when somepony might walk in, sit where once nopony sat, and then try to stab you in the back," the guard told me as she placed some bits on the edge of the table.

Definitely paranoid. I'm not saying it's not warranted, but you're definitely paranoid.

The maid came back with our drinks balanced our her back and a tray of food in her mouth. Putting everything down, she beamed at us. "Here's the grub! Hope you enjoy your meal! Just yell if you need something!" And then she swooshed away again, which wasn't any less weird than the first time, though this time with a magic trick that involved swiping coins at the speed of light.

How the fuck is she swooshing? That's a noise reserved for flying, and she ain't got wings or a horn.

My companion just looked pained. "Notice how that pony was nothing but pink?"

Yes..?

"Good, because one of the first rules of living sanely in Equestria is to never try to understand how all-pink ponies function, it never ends well."

So just ignore ponies doing weird shit in the future, got it.

With that final thought, we dug into our food. It turns out it was pretty damn good considering the lack of beef. I'd learned that the cows here were people. And so were the deer, goats, and lambs. Once I learned that much, I decided to keep the fantasy that I'd have bacon again alive by not asking. On a brighter note, rabbits were rabbits, same with squirrels, so dumplings where in my future at some point.

"Got any bright ideas?" Kemo asked while we lazily mopped up the last of our stew with bread.

Nope, not familiar enough with the culture to actually know anything.

"Well, want to try to do the dumb human thing again? They occasionally take in strays, and I'm sure you're smart enough to figure it out somehow. If the Guards come and get you, I can just pick you up at the compound."

Bleh, why is that our plan again?

"Because neither of us have a better idea, and it mostly worked last time."

Can't we just have sexy ass give us the info we need? Since we are doing that thing with them.

"Sexy ass? Really?" Her eyebrow was reaching for the stars. Or at least her mane.

Well, I meant to say Rose, but telapthy conversation gets rid of the ability to think one thing and say another. I replied with a shrug.

"Anyway, the reason is because I don't trust them enough for this, they're changelings after all. We'll have them give us tip-offs for a while in exchange for other minor information before we fully utilize them."

That sounds like I'm not seeing her again.

"No, now stop thinking with the wrong head so we can rid the city of this pain in my ass."

Fine, tomorrow I'll go poke around the church and figure out what I can. Hopefully I won't become a sex slave this time.

"You seem to have enjoyed the last time."

Looking at her dead in the eye I ask. Do you know what a changeling can do with their tongue?

"No."

Exactly.

"So, any further objections to the snooping plan?"

Nope, I expected more out of your Rangers.

She looked at me rather crossly. "And I thought you knew we were Lunar Guards, not those 'Rangers' you keep prattling on about."

I shrugged, there wasn't really much to say, we had finished our food and only had a single plan. Making our way up to our room, I popped the earring off and set it on the night stand before inspecting the new dog bed that arrived while we were gone. Kemo didn't give it a second look, just offloading her bags beside the bed and her knives under the pillow. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, she deals with the worst of her kind, the kind that's pretty okay with keeping human pets. I knew it wasn't much different than us keeping dogs back on Earth, but the role-reversal was just too much. On the bright side, the doggy bed was comfy and clean, so a good night's rest after a day full of walking was going to be great.

We'd passed the Solar Guard compound a few blocks back, and looking down intersection we were passing I almost tripped over my own feet. The road changed to fancy brickwork, and everything was made of marble. Literally everything. Benches, banks, restaurants, and even what looked like a damn smithy. But the church at the end of the lane dwarfed the rest, and I had no idea how I'd never seen the top of the thing before, as high as it was raised. Solid marble, like everything else, but with gold accents and at least six stories high, not including the giant ass sculpture of what I assume to be Celestia sitting on top reaching another fifteen feet into the air with her outstretched wings and horn. Kemo gave me a slight tug to get me to pick my jaw up from the sight.

"Stop gawking, you're supposed to be normal," she quietly growled. Fortunate we had the earrings on, so I got to give her my two cents.

It's not my fault I hadn't realized something so stupidly opulent was in the middle of what is a generic city. I mean seriously, I'm pretty sure that thing cost more than what 80% of the people here make in ten years. Combined.

Not bothering to respond, we continued on our way, looping around to the back side of the church where the gardens were. The garden looked every bit the part as the church did, and even though there was a wrought-iron fence surrounding it, you couldn't see very far due to the trees.

"Alright, so slip through the fence and just start wandering around, or whatever it is you do that seems to work out for you. Oh, and give me your collar and the earring."

Nodding, I slip the items off and hand them to her before turning around and seeing if I could actually slip between the bars. They looked close enough together to keep most adult ponies out, but I felt like I could squeeze through. Giving what I guess is technically my superior officer a lazy salute, I squeeze through the bars and began a new journey into the flora of this world.

The gardens were a beautiful sight, there were roses, morning glories, cherry trees, and just about everything else I didn't have a name for. Once inside the perimeter of trees, there were stone markers indicating the trails to follow through the soft grass. I figured it wouldn't take long to run into one of what had to be an army of grounds keepers that kept the place in such order, because if I knew anything it would be that this would become a complete mess if left alone for more than a few weeks. There was also no particular order to the trees and plants, and before long I was pretty sure this was also a maze, because I'm pretty sure I'd passed that blackberry bush twice now. After about an hour my luck finally did something, because as I rounded a bend I was standing in front of a familiar chocolate flavored pegasus.

"Why hello there Jack, fancy seeing you here?" Crimson Rose asked with a smug look. Being mute and with nothing but the clothes on my back, I just gave her a flat stare.

"Oh? Nothing to write on this time? Well just hold still for a bit and I'll fix that," the pegasus told me as a green light appeared above her head and over my right ear. "There, I gave you a one-way hive-link to me, give it a try."

The hell is your name, anyway? I thought at the bug that had been the cause of several things the last week or so.

"Just call me Chrysanthemum."

Fuck that noise, you're chocolate, pink, and have a rose on your ass. That's also too many syllables for casual use so now you're Rose. I crossed my arms to make sure she got the point, even though I have no idea if that particular visual clue meant anything to ponies, or bug ponies.

The mare gave me a sultry look. "Oh, I didn't know you were like that, our next little meet up will be interesting indeed if you spend the night. It'll be nice to have somepony that'll actually tell me no."

So do you use sex to make people do your bidding, or are you just a nympho? I don't know what the odds are of me meeting two in this city are, but I feel like they probably aren't high. I kept a hard look, because letting a women think she could make you do anything with the allure of sex never ended well for anyone. Especially Brad, that poor bastard.

"Oh, well, that's because while lust won't make a good meal like love or curiosity, it's... comparable to chocolate," the changeling smiled at me again. "Though there are a few of my underlings who get a good meal out of it."

That didn't make much sense, how could lust be chocolate to her, but a full meal to others? Apparently, she caught on to my confusion.

"Different hives acquire more energy off of different emotions."

That makes about as much sense as anything else in this place, so sure, why the fuck not. I rant back at her. To be honest, I was getting a headache every time I tried to understand how this world functioned.

"Good boy, now follow me and I'll lead you out of the garden so that you can try your hand at infiltration again." Rose's form was covered in silver flames as she lead the way, turning into a yellow earth pony with a trowel cutie mark and brown mane. Considering that was the basic plan all along, I followed her.

After walking through the still beautiful garden, I eventually began to see the back of the building, which even considering most of the public would never get to see it, was completely and over the top grand. Marble fountains depicting our favorite Ruler of the Sun in various poses were littered across the yard, which itself was criss-crossed with with darker marble pathways. These ponies really had a hard-on for marble. I know it's pretty and exudes wealth, but fucking hell there's such thing as too much. Noticing that I'd stopped, I picked up my pace as to not lose Rose, who seemed to know where she was going.

Eventually we crossed what appeared to be a room full of humans, and deciding I'd had enough of Rose's shenanigans, I split off in hopes that I could fit in better here. After she rounded the bend, I felt a buzz around my right ear, probably the spell fizzling. At least, I hope it fizzled, having her in my head at all times didn't sound like fun.

The humans in the room where cleaned up, wearing some sort of grey robes, and most of them didn't look like they'd been hit too hard with the ugly stick. The room itself didn't seem to have a point, there was a large wooden closet off to the side with more robes, some benches lined along the walls, and a bunch of humans milling about. So in the interest of doing my new job correctly, I found myself a robe and started to mill about, getting a few confused or interested looks from the other humans. It didn't take long for the boredom to set in, so now was the time to see how comfy that wall was.

Author's Note

Alright guys, going to cut this one a little short because I feel like it would otherwise end up as big as two of my other chapters combined. I've also not been writing at the rate I expected I would be once I started posting again. Oops.

A secondary "I just edited this" note is that I'm now at a real job, so who knows how much I'll be writing? I don't want to let you guys down too hard, so I'll warn you it'll probably be at least 2 weeks until the next chapter.