As I woke up the next morning, I'd come to a single conclusion: I may be a hot-blooded male in his prime, but this last week may have not been such a good move. Maybe it finally just all caught up with me, or maybe the bug was drugging my food to help keep the pain away, it could even be that Frosty was just rougher, but in the end it all lead to a situation where holy fuck was I sore all over.

Rolling out of bed, I noticed Frosty was already up and at it, so I finished getting dressed and made my way to the kitchen, where I noticed we had company over for breakfast today.

"So, I'm gone for a little while, and you've already got caught up in at about three different schemes," Sparx said as she nursed her coffee. "I had a feeling you would probably do that, which is exactly why I was actually quite glad to dump you off on Frosty."

Noticing my notepad sitting on the table beside a plate of waffles, my slightly hazy brain decided to come up with a witty retort.

You're funny looking

The mares looked at me, one looking at me like I was a complete idiot while the other started to giggle as I drowned my waffle in syrupy delight.

"Really? That's all you've got?"

Sssshhhhh, I'm pretending to still be asleep and devour these waffles at the same time

"Don't worry Sparx, I'm sure that Lunar Guard's already chewed him out, and will probably do it again once she sees him again."

"Oh don't worry, I'm going to enjoy that." The unicorn said with a sinister grin. "But until then, I've got a small solution to our problem."

The mare's magic pulls a pair of what look like a small pair of clip on earrings with a ruby in each, then clipped one onto her ear and the other onto mine.

So, can you hear me? Went the voice of Sparx, but it was in my head.

So we think our thoughts and they're passed across? Or are we going to get every stray thought?

Did you hear the six different ways I've thought about inflicting damage to your face in the last three seconds?

Nope, guess it's got some safety features

"Why are you two staring at each other?" Our white-coated questioned.

"The earrings allow whoever's wearing them to communicate telepathically."

"Cool, so that's what your trip was about?"

"Yes, it was definitely only that."

"Good to know."

So are these going to stay in my possession, or are they staying in your care?

A scathing laugh comes from my favorite unicorn as she removes the earring. "Do you know how much these cost me? They aren't leaving my sight."

Now that wasn't very nice, my feelings are hurt that you'd be so rude to me! I write while trying to smile cheekily and chew waffles at the same time. I don't think it worked very well though.

"Behave you two, or no desert." Our winged friend butted in.

"Who eats desert after breakfast? Breakfast is practically desert to begin with."

Before Frosty could make her case, the bell to the front door chimed, catching all of our attention.

"Didn't you lock the door behind me when I came in this morning?"

"Yes... We better go check it out." The mare replied, looking slightly worried and very confused.

Making our way up front, a rather unsurprising surprise greeted our vision.

"Good Morning, I was wondering when Jack was going to come report," Ke'mot said as she stood at the front desk.

"Jack, why is the Lunar Guard asking about your report?" Sparx was giving me the stink eye now, oh boy.

Well, you see, she found me on accident, and the only way to not be thrown to the mercy of the Sun Tyrant was to do some work for her. Which, I might add, comes with some immunity since if I do a good job she can get me into the Lunar Guard.

"And when where you going to tell me this?" The mare asked, going into full death-glare mode.

After we left the room full of stabbing utensils.

Frost, apparently wanting to see me die, decided to try and get the situation under control. "See, he had a good explanation, how about we all go back to the room of stabbing so that Jack can report and we can finish our food?"

"I concur" Our fanged friend put in.

"Fine." And with that hostile note, we went back to the kitchen, where my waffles had become ninety percent syrup, which was probably worth the delay. Digging in as everyone else found a seat, I used the fact that I didn't have to use my mouth to communicate to double task.

So, status report and all. Though I guess I should ask everyone here to keep it all under their belts, some of this would probably cause a panic.

"By Luna's Bearded Moon, what have you gotten into this time!" The thief exclaimed as my favorite of the mares nodded.

Well, you see, I was minding my own business while trying to infiltrate the Thieves Guild for Kemo here, and I got intercepted by some information mafia run by a changeling, who's name wasn't given so I've decided to call "The Crimson Rose" due to her cutie mark and that it sounds awesome. Anyway, so I was her sex slave for about a week before she confronted me and did the whole buggy thing, and I have to say seeing a pony go up in flames is rather disturbing. Anyway, she told me to tell you that she'd like to have a working relationship between the Lunar Guard and her information ring and as a goodwill gift she told me it's some pony named High Arch, though apparently the paper trail is under Temple Bell. Ta Da I finish my writing and do some jazz hands for added effect.

"High Arch huh? She's a priestess at the Temple of Celestia." Ke'mot mused on it for a second. "It looks like I need to do some digging, I've really only glanced over anypony that was apart of the Temples."

"So you're hunting down the Guild? Good for you, the less I see of those idiots the better." Sparx said as she angrily ate what was left of her waffle.

"I guess you do see the lower rungs often, don't you Sparx? If only those idiots would see more, it'd make my life easier."

"Wait... How do you know Sparx's name? I don't think anypony's mentioned it." Frost put in, looking confused.

"That's because I've seen her file. You're giving the Solar Guard quite a headache, they never have quite enough evidence to do anything, but a few of them are sure you're responsible for some of the trinkets missing from the richer parts of the city."

"So the Solar Guard wants me, but I'm too small of a fish for the Lunar Guard to get involved with?"

"Yes."

"I'm okay with that."

With that conversation over, I decided it was time to talk about the next step. So what now? Are we going to take advantage of the Changeling Mafia's info network? Or are we going to just hunt them down? Since I'm getting the feeling changelings aren't considered allies.

"I'll need to talk to the Commandant, and you'll be coming."

"So you two are going on an adventure? Count me out, I'm good with staying away from the pervy alien." Sparx added in.

"Are you sure you don't need a stallion Sparx? You seem to be a little angry at the poor guy lately." The previously quiet mare asked.

"You can take your opinion and shove it up your ass." Was the angry retort, and I saw a glint as the hint of a smile on Kemo's face that revealed a fang.

It's okay Sparx, we're just teasing you. I lean over and gave the mare a hug, which earned me a magically assisted shove out of my chair.

"No touching, you perv."

I climbed back into my chair, my ass smarting fromt he sudden fall. Well, can we at least borrow the earrings? I'm pretty sure Kemo here is probably the most responsible person in the room, and could probably compensate if something goes wrong.

"Fine, but only if she promises to be responsible for them." The unicorn growled as she put the pair onto the table.

You gave them up remarkably easily considering ten minutes ago you said they weren't leaving your sight.

"That's because I'd rather not have the Lunar Guard giving me any more notice than they already have."

The Guard swiped them with her wing and gave them a closer look, then interrupted our little back and forth. "So what exactly do these do?"

"From what Sparx said earlier, they allow for telepathic communication between the wearers," Frosty helpfully supplied.

"How... unnerving that he thinks these will be necessary."

Since I doubt we're coming back here before the mission is done, I figured they'd be helpful at some point. Better safe than sorry and all that. Guess we'll be on our way, thanks for the food.

Frost swiped all the plates and started washing up as me and Kemo made our way to depart. I waved and gave a slight bow, while Kemo just nodded her thanks. Not one for extra words, that mare.

Our trip to Commandant Crow's cottage went by relatively fast considering the silence, but before I realized it Kemo was knocking on the door.

"Kemo, nice to see you!" The old ranger beamed. "I thought you'd need at least another week to completely round them up."

The mare in question grunted. "Actually, some things have come up, and other mild annoyances."

"Well come in, I even bought a small bag of biscuits for Jack here."

"I don't think he deserves them, but we'll wait until after my report."

Handing me a treat off the counter as we all made our seats, Crow gave a hurt look. "I'm sure he's been a perfectly fine human, doesn't seem to have a malicious bone in his body."

"That's because he's just smart enough to know how to manipulate ponies, but not smart enough to recognize when he's captured by changelings."

"Oh, that doesn't sound good at all. How about starting at the beginning?"

"After I left here I started doing some recon, and as I was walking to check on a second set of contacts he was standing by a display case for a shop like an idiot. I went in, checked to see if the proprietor had his papers, and then took him into custody seeing as she didn't. I also learned his name is Jack."

"In a shop you say? Which one?"

"The Golden Spindle, some place where ponies go to get studded leather clothes for recreational use, apparently. Moving on from that, later I learned that he's not an Equestrian human, but was dragged to this planet against his will and with his vocal chords magically inhibited. From what reports I had I knew that the leader of the Guild was fond of human playthings, and since his best traits are his looks and ability to get caught, I decided to ask him to go undercover."

"Seems like a good plan so far." The stallion said as she took a drink.

"It was, but apparently he got caught by some changelings on the way there. After playing with him for a week, the leader confronted him on not being a normal human and gave him a proposition. Freedom at the price of asking the Lunar Guard to let him be an information liaison between their information network us."

"That's... Unexpected of them, but considering we've not had evidence of hide nor hair of them anywhere in the area, they're either the best of the best, or are doing as they say and subsiding off of being information brokers." Then he looked at me and offered a hoof. "And sorry for not introducing myself properly earlier, it's nice to meet you Jack."

With a nod, I gave him a firm handshake, which felt weird as fuck because I could 'feel' his grip on my hand, even though hooves can't grab. Fucking magical ponies. I decided now was as good of a point as ever to pull out my notepad.

So, any other questions? As you may have guessed, my ability to stay low-profile is sadly lacking, so I figured if I could get into the Lunar Guard somehow that I'd be relatively safe. I believe Princess Luna returned recently, and her banishment predates the whole 'human pet' thing . So, as is, of the two I'm more willing to trust her if I must, though I'd rather not ever have the royals attention.

"Nice and to the point, I like that in a soldier. As it so happens I could use an extra set of eyes to help Kemo. Of course, that would also mean you'd have to play nice and follow her orders, as you're "rank" would pretty much be that of a first year apprentice."

Considering how most of the humans here seem to be treated, I figure that'll be the best I can get. Do I get to be smart around other Rangers, or are we keeping this quiet?

"The Lunar Guard does indeed treat their humans better than most, mostly due to the bonds that are created when it's just a guard and their friendly pet against some of the worst pony-kind has to offer, so there's nothing wrong with them knowing. Though, for now, I'll let Kemo inform any of the Guard that she comes across of you abilities as she sees necessary." Then he tilted his head slightly as he asked a question of his own. "Rangers? I can't say I quite understand why you would call us that."

Meanwhile Kemo, who had been looking like she was already tired of my existence, facepalmed. "If you remember, he said on his note, that we should call ourselves 'Luna's Rangers'."

"Ah, I do remember, but still don't quite understand."

They're figures from my homelands fantasy stories. You know, the ones that pretty much match this world, minus the talking ponies. Anyway, I recall one in particular had a setup eerily familiar to yours, and you have to admit setting yourself apart from the Solar Guards isn't a bad thing, you're a special forces unit while they're mostly grunts.

"I'll have to remember and tell Shining Armor what an alien thinks of his carefully crafted guard. The poor guy dedicated his life to turning it into something great before he got wrangled by Princess Cadenza and shipped to the Empire." The old bastard could barely contain his mirth.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with being the sledgehammer, I'm actually quite fond overkill after all, but compared to them you guys appear to be a scalpel. And small, precise, and deadly are a combination of traits that win wars.

"Indeed. So to round this up, we're recruiting Jack, setting him up as an information relay between us and these changelings to get as much information out of them as possible, and you're going back to beheading the Thieves Guild?"

"Yes sir, I decided that Jack's intelligence and run in with the changelings took priority, but would like to get back to it as soon as possible."

"Good, and now that the soup I've had simmering for the last few hours is done, we can eat before you're off."

"Nothing would please me more."

Author's Note

Another chapter! Comments are always welcomed, and pointing out bits that I've messed up will help me fix them.