Your Human and You: Tricks and Treats

So being drug around by this Ranger lass wasn't so bad. I mean, I was still cuffed and leashed, but at least she didn't drag me around and parade me in front of the entire city. I also learned that she was apparently some kind of bat-pony hybrid, judging by the wings. Then, before I knew it, the buildings thinned out and we standing in a green field with what looked like a forest on the other side, it was hard to tell in the waning light. While marching across the field, the eaves of the woods became clearer and clearer, revealing a small cabin nestled between the trees. It was a simple affair, though it did have a covered porch with a pair of comfortable looking chairs.

Upon arrival, instead of going into the cabin, the mare went around to the back, heading towards a little lean-to. Holy shit... That looks like a stable... Sure enough, she put me inside, tied my collar off to the ring, and removed my shackles.

"Here's where you're staying until I can figure out what to do with you. Now, just sit tight while I bring you out some food."

Kind mare, I'll have to figure out how to repay her somehow. She made her way back with a pair of apples, which she tossed at me. Reflexively catching them, I munch on one as I wait to see what she's going to do next.

"Good reflexes, you've been trained well. Such a shame you ended up with the Thieves Guild, you do seem to be quite the clever one." The mare told me before she went into the little cabin for the night.

I spent my time well, examining every inch of the interior of this stable, for lack of a better word. There were brushes, an extra leash and collar, a water trough, a thick blanket hanging off the back wall, and some sort of large pillow like thing. It looked like a big grey dog bed, if it'd been made out of a tarp. Falling down on it, I decided I'd wait before I made my move, since I could use this as an opportunity to learn more about these rangers.

"Up and at it, we're going for a stroll." I cracked my eyes open, and it was still dark... Didn't this mare know what sleep was? Apparently not, since she'd drug me upright before I knew what was going on.

"Heel!" She snapped in a stern voice, walking off with the rope still attached to the collar with her and giving me no choice in the matter. With no other option, I walked along behind her at a steady pace.

One stroll through paradise later, we ended up in front of another cabin, which seemed to look exactly like the one we left. Seriously, if we hadn't just walked half the day away, passing a small set of hills, another stretch of flatland, and even a little forest, I'd have thought we hadn't even left yet. The sun was bright and cheery overhead as the mare knocked on the door. Which was promptly opened by a dark purple stallion with a silvery mane and light green eyes.

"Kemo!" The staillion exclaimed as he wrapped the mare in a hug, ignoring me completely. "How nice to see you! It's been a while, you know."

"It's Ke'mot, Commandant Storm Crow, you know that." She didn't seem as pleased as he did, to be honest, though that didn't mean I didn't have to stifle a chuckle.

"Bah, just call me Storm! It's not like we have to act formal when we're alone Kemo." Storm Crow's face, already grinning, somehow managed to hold an even wider grin.

"Fine, Storm, but I did drop by on business, so shall we head inside?" The mare's face was graced by a small smile, almost more of a smirk.

"Come on in! Is the human trained, or should we put him out back?" The Commandant asked as he made his way into his kitchen.

"He's very well trained, and the reason for this little visit." Ke'mot gave a slight tug on the leash as she walked over to the table and took a seat, so I followed her and sat down next to her chair. "Happen to have any coffee?"

"Of course," Crow poured her a full cup and set it down in front of her before filling his own and taking a seat.

There was a moment of silence as they both nursed their brews, which I took to study my surroundings. It was a cozy little place, a functional room and what looked like a doorway leading to a bedroom. There were a few personal items, a painting of a brown mare, what looked suspiciously like a lute, and some sort of weird tribal mask stuck out the most. It was all rather barren, to be honest, and it seemed like he didn't spend too much time here.

"So, what's so special about this human?" The stallion asked.

"I caught him pick-pocketing some poor stallion last night, I think the Guild's starting to expand their network."

"Hmm, yes, that would indeed be worrying news. Did he have any sort of mark on him?"

"No, this is exactly as I caught him. A collar, pants, and a pair of boots is all he's got, and even the collar is devoid of any type of identification."

"That's not surprising, the Guild wouldn't want anypony to track them down if he messed up." Studying me for a second, he gave me a stern command. "Sit."

Internally shrugging, I did as he asked, dropping comfortably into a cross-legged sitting position. Once there, he studied me awhile longer. I wasn't sure what was so interesting about me, but fortunately, I didn't have to wait long.

"These clothes were made for him," Storm concluded. "They fit him well, and look like they were meant for light protection instead of comfort."

"That's what I was thinking, it looks like whoever owns him put a lot of effort into it, which is what has me worried. It's bad enough trying to keep up with just the ponies of the Guild, the Solar Guard are really going to have their hooves full if they have to start keeping an eye out for humans too." The way she put it, it sounded like she really didn't think much of the Solar Guard's capabilities.

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention Ke'mot, and while I'd love to continue our little chat, I do believe I should get this information to the Princess post-haste." Draining his cup, the stallion started to gather his traveling supplies from around the small cabin. "Do you think you can keep an eye on that human until further notice?"

"Yes sir. Thanks for the coffee, and I'd best be off if I'm to make it home before nightfall. Until next time Commandant."

"See you later Kemo." And with that, we started our little adventure back to Ke'mot's cabin. With all of the fun filled silence that accompanied the first trip. Seriously, this mare needs to lighten up.

Ugh... My legs... I haven't walked this much since... Ever... We'd barely made it to the front of the cabin when my legs finally gave out, causing me to fall heavily to the ground. Kemo just stared at me like I was an alien or something.

"Up boy, we're almost there." Instead of getting up, I just ran my hand through her mane, which was astonishingly soft.

"No, stop." She commanded me as she swatted my hand away.

A slightly insidious thought crept into my mind at that, and I enacted my devious plan at once. While she was standing above me, I grabbed her into the tightest hug I could manage. I even pulled myself up enough that I could nuzzle her face.

"Get off!" The mare seemed a wee bit pissed, though surprise was evident in her voice too. I didn't let go, of course, and just secured my grip. "Seriously, you're supposed to be trained to steal, not to be an escort!"

She was practically thrashing about by now, and I was surprised I was still attached to her and in one piece. This mare was strong, that's for sure. After a few more minutes, I let go and just stared at her blankly, my head tilted to the side much like a dogs.

"What the fuck?" She asked me angrily, dragging me to the shelter and tying me up before stalking off.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say she didn't quite like that. And click, there goes another plan, and this was going to be quite fun. Now all I had to do was wait for nightfall. Until then, though, what I really needed was some rest from all of that damned walking, and taking my boots off was the first step to achieve peace.

The moon was bright, the stars were shining, and getting free took all of thirty seconds. The humans here must be really stupid if this is all they think it requires to bind one. Standing up, I stretched and popped half the bones in my body, causing a blissfully painful feeling to wash over me. Slinking over to the house, I debated the best way to enter with the least amount of noise. I finally decided to just check the front door, so I picked my way to it, testing to see if it was locked. Well, would you look at that, she doesn't even lock the door! Still chuckling internally, I slowly eased the door open, hoping it wasn't booby-trapped. Turns out I was fine, and apparently this mare relied heavily on her image to keep people away. The inside of her house was quite spartan, a couple of chairs around a wooden table, cabinets, and a wood stove. There were two other doors, one leading to the backyard while the other to what I assumed was the only bedroom. Still grinning, I silently made my way to the bedroom door, slowly opening it just wide enough for me to slip in.

The bedroom was just as spartan as the rest of the house, with nothing but a chest, a stand for her armor, and the bed she was currently sleeping on. By this point I was smirking so hard it hurt, and stealthily creeped my way over to the bed. Using every bit of skill that I had, and a silent prayer to any god that would listen, I slipped into bed next to her. Snuggling up to her, I realized just exactly how soft and cuddly these ponies could be, so I wrapped my arms around her and put my face in to her mane. It was quite odd really, her mane smelled of wildflowers, even after all the walking that we'd done today. And, time for a good night's sleep, but I get the feeling I'm going to have a rude awakening.

It turns out I was wrong, I wasn't awoken by an assault from the mare, or even her screams. No, it turns out that having a pony lay on your arm will put that thing to sleep over time, so my wake up call for this morning was the beautiful feeling of my entire arm being asleep. Feeling a stirring beneath me, I readied myself for the inevitable explosion when she realized what was going on. Instead of waking up, she turned over and wrapped me up in a hug. I'm never going to let her live this one down. She pulled my head into her chest and placed her head atop mine. Now if only she had tits... Even if it would be awkward for a quadruped to have tits...

About an hour later, right before sunrise, Ke'mot actually awoke. Her expression was priceless, and was worth the shove I received that sent me sprawling halfway across the room.

"You... You..!" The poor mare was completely speechless. And really, who could blame her? Crawling to a corner, I pulled my knees up to chin and rocked myself back and forth, rocking myself like a small child trying to comfort itself.

The mare sighed, then walked over to me. "It's okay boy, you just startled me is all. I guess the knot came loose in the night. Now, stand." And with that command, I stood up. "Good boy, now let's find something to eat."

And into the kitchen we went where she promptly went to start up breakfast while I took a seat, just to fuck with her some more. As she started her oats, she took an apple off of the counter, and then turned around for the first time to see me sitting at the table. "... Really, they taught you table manners, but nothing about personal space?" I didn't respond to the comment. Instead, I gently took the apple from her hoof and started munching on it, making sure to show off my teeth with each bite. Of course, she ignored me as she went back to fixing her oatmeal.

With the oatmeal done, and slices of apple and a dash of cinnamon and sugar, I was practically drooling over myself from the smell. I thought about trying to steal a bite, but cut that train of thought short. Sure, I'd steal valuables and personal space, but food from someone's plate just isn't something I'll do.

"Eat up," the mare told me as she slid the bowl to me. I wasn't about to argue, and started scooping up the delicious oatmeal up with my fingers, savoring the appetizing meal after my diet of apples. Sadly, it didn't take me long to clean the bowl and my fingers of the delicacy.

Rising from the table, she walked towards the door while giving me a command. "Heel." And like the good little dog I was, I heeled as she walked a couple of yards outside of her house. Looking at me again, she gave another command, "Sit." So I sat cross legged on the ground.

"Lie down." I sprawled backwards on my back, letting my limbs flop onto the ground.

"Stand." And back to my feet I rolled, this was actually starting to get irksome.

"Kneel." Eh, to hell with it. I dropped to my right knee, putting my left fist down on the ground while bowing my head. "Well that's odd... Why would they teach you to kneel like that?" My only response was to look up at her. "Stand." And so I did, again.

"Stay."

I wonder what she's doing... And then she came back, with a rubber ball in hand. Well, fuck, now I really get to be a dog...

"Fetch!" She said, tossing the ball away from the house. Reluctantly, I jogged over to it. Picking up the old thing, I turn around and toss it back to her, much to her surprise.

"Good boy?" She asks, obviously confused. I just keep standing there, waiting to see if she'd continue to try and play 'fetch' with me, or would just play catch instead. After a full minute, she apparently made a decision as she tossed the ball to me. Which I caught using both hands, just to make sure.

"Good job, now throw it back." I wondered if she thought I actually understood what she said, or just thought I'd get the hint. Either way, I tossed it back to her.

We continued playing for hours, sometimes just tossing it to each other, then throwing it off to the side to try and get the other to drop it. It should go without saying that the four legged guard beat the out of shape guy, but the fact she never dropped it once was annoying. She didn't even miss the one I 'accidentally' threw the wrong way, and went from standing to flat out in mere seconds. Of course, that wasn't the only thing we did, since you can't play well on an empty stomach and jelly-like legs. During those times, she'd make some more oatmeal, and actually making a bowl for me, or we would just laze on the front porch.

Today's actually been pretty fun... Even if I am role playing a dog. I allowed my thoughts to wonder as I watched the sunset, which was just absolutely stunning, showing off more colors and shades than I thought possible. After our day filled with fun and food, she was sitting on one of the chairs, and I was lying beside her, hands behind my head. Of course, I'm not going to wear out that new car smell.

"I wonder what you're thinking..." Kemo mused quietly to herself, though still loud enough for me to hear. Now that knocked me out of my dazing, and all I could do was stare at her. Does she know? Noticing me staring at her, she rubs a hoof over my head. "You're a smart human, and I know you can't understand this, but I do wonder what goes through your head."

Well, that was unexpected... I wonder what'd happen if I told her... Eh, maybe later. Instead of reacting in an obviously intelligent manner, I settled on reaching a hand up to scratch her flank. She didn't even jump at the contact, just a slight tensing, which made me rather sad, but I guess years of being a ranger will do that to you.

We probably stayed there for two hours, silently perusing our thoughts and enjoying the company. Well, at least I was, it's hard to read that mare at the best of times, and I'd seen rocks give off more emotion than she was right now.

"Come on, boy, it's time for bed." She finally said with a small sigh as she lead me back to the lean to. Once I was inside it, she made sure each knot was fastened tightly, "Can't have you running off on me, now can I?" I just curled up on the cushion as she turned and entered the cabin.

"Well, look what I've found." A familiar voice woke me from slumber.