Author's Note

Oh hey, I'm basically on time! And I was at my computer so I was able to give it a good read over to smooth it out before publishing! Comments n such welcome, as always.

Oops?

A week had passed as I slowly became the chocolate mare's favorite toy, even if I couldn't seem to figure out what her name was. At this point, I was beginning to think no one actually knew it. Her cutie mark, however, was a crimson rose, complete with thorns. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.

Laying in bed while scheming my next move, I hear the door open as my caretaker comes in. A white unicorn with a light blue mane, I could hardly understand how such a sweet little pony got mixed in with the guild. Her mark was a folded towel with a smiley face on it, which pretty much described the mare: Soft and happy.

"Good morning, sleep well?" I look at her, as always, trying to not give away the fact I had more brain cells than a lifetime alcoholic with a penchant for opening doors with his face. "Now be a good dear and let me change your sheets, the boss doesn't like sleeping on the same sheets twice."

With the mare insistently shooing me, I get off the bed and sit on the floor so she can strip the bed in record time. Seriously, I bet this lady is worth a whole castle's worth of maids.

"Alrighty sweetie, come along, it's time for your bath as well." She didn't even look back at me, trusting completely that I wasn't going to give her problems. And I wasn't, I wanted to be on everyone's good side here, and considering she was probably the nicest pony I'd ever met, I wasn't going to give her any grief.

Following the mare as I had the last six days of my mission, we wound through the maze of tiled floors and blue walls. It really felt like a school or something, down to those weird not-white white tiles on the floor. After passing about ten doors and a few hallways, we entered the laundry room, which happened to be where my baths took place. Sitting under the shower head off to the right, I waited for her to throw the sheets in the washing machine.

This place is all over the damn place tech-wise. They've got washing machines and lights, but still pull their own wagons. I just shook my head slowly while she was distracted.

"Alright sweetie, your turn." The nice lady tells me as she comes over. "Just sit still like every other day and we'll be done in a jiffy."

Once she was done scrubbing me down, she lays down on my lap as I begin to pet her and scratch her ears. The first time I had just pulled her down, much to her surprise, but once she realized I was showing my appreciation she became quite willing. It was really quite relaxing for both of us, and she always seemed more relaxed after our little session.

After about ten minutes or so had passed, she gets up and grabs an extra set of sheets. "Thanks sweetie, but now it's time to get you back to your room."

So here I was, sitting on my bed while The Crimson Rose is staring at me like she's contemplating something. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck. She knows something! For some reason, the fact that she doesn't have any muscle in here doesn't console me.

"Don't be so nervous Jack, there's nothing to worry about." The mare told me with a soft smile.

Tilting my head, I blink twice. Well fuck... I liked it better when I was just being paranoid...

"Now don't be silly, I know you can understand what I'm saying."

*blink*

"I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way." She sighs as she says it, like she's disappointed in me.

*gulp*

Then she's engulfed in silver flames, which is good, but when they disappear she's some sort of... holey bug-pony-thing. All I can do is stare at her in confusion.

"If you were a normal human, you'd have started running or attacked me already. Humans just don't seem to care for changelings, and can usually sense them." Tossing her newly silvered mane, she gives me a wink. "We're also emotivores, and you exhibit an extraordinarily large range of emotions of varying intensities, which also doesn't quite add up."

I guess that means I'm fucked, and probably over my fuck-count for the day, time to face the music. Sighing, I mime writing something, so maybe she'll give me something to work with. She nods, and magics a pen and paper to me.

Alright, you got me, I'm an alien who looks like a human and I'm a lone scout who's assessing the mineral worth of this world for central command.

"Emotivore, remember? I can tell that you're not telling me what I want to know." She seems saddened that I'd lie to her. "Of course, I'm pretty sure anyone with half a brain would realize that's a lie.

I'm trying to figure out who the head of the Thieve's Guild is so I don't get neutered?

"Much better, and how's that coming along so far?"

Well, I highly doubt you're the leader, so about as swimmingly as a slug on a salt lick.

"Very true, as it happens I'm more of an information broker, and I've managed to gather a few things on you. Barely a trickle by my usual standards, but I had a feeling there wasn't much information out there on you." There's that winning smile again, definitely not helping me trust the shapeshifter.

So what do you want to know and what am I getting out of it? My wrist is starting to cramp up from all of the activity since my arrival, and I'm getting really tired of having to make deals with new ponies every other day.

"The identity of the leader of the Thieve's Guild. And all I ask in return is where are you from, how did you get here, and would you like to continue feeding me information. The latter would mostly deal with information volunteered to you by Ms. Ke'mot. The Lunar Guards know that my little information network exists, but that's all that I've allowed them to know." The rather smug changeling informed me.

But do you want them to know I'm feeding information to you? I don't think I'm smart enough to keep something like that up, or have the patience.

"Of course," Rose says with a small pout. "I don't expect you to deceive the one in charge of you."

Ouch, my ego, thanks for that.

"Not a problem, but that also wasn't an answer." She gently pokes me, just so I know that I didn't give her the correct answer.

Fine, I'll ask her about it as soon as I can see her. So about that Big Bad's name? I raise an unamused eyebrow, just to make sure we know where I stand on the subject.

"Ke'mot will know her as High Arch, but the name you'll need to follow the trail is Temple Bell."

Alright, thanks for that. So can you just drop me off at Frost's place? Inconspicuous and all that, and she'll be able to get Kemo for me.

"Later, I was thinking we could have some fun more before you went home." The mare said in a sultry tone. "After all, I need to punish you for continuing to evade the questions of your homeland."

After a fun filled adventure, and another bath, I was being walked to The Spindle by some random pony, who was possibly a changeling, and on that thought Rose never did tell me her name, or how many changelings she employed, so I'm just going to assume they're all changelings. In the front we go as the bell chimes our entry, then Agent Secret drops my leash and leaves. No reminding me of the rules or anything, it was really quite rude.

"Welcome to the Golden Spindle, how may I help... you?" Frost asked in abundant confusion as I stood there alone. I smile to make her feel better and comfort her, just to remember that smiling humans are weird as it doesn't appear to help.

While she was taking a moment to pull herself together, I walk around to the counter and pop my leash off before grabbing the chalk board from underneath it.

So, I went on a mission for Kemo, was intercepted by another group, given the information I needed in exchange for more information, and now I'm waiting here until I can visit Kemo. Any questions?

"I'll skip on the long version, right now I'm just glad you're all right."

Well in that case, how've you been? I hope I didn't worry you too much."

"Oh no, not at all. Why would I worry about a Lunar Guard waltzing in and just taking you away? It's not like they're known for only getting involved when shit gets really serious." The mare replied.

Sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit you know. It's not even wit at all.

She just gave me a long, hard stare. "So, you're working for the Lunar Guard, and now you're also leaking information to some sketchy group as well? You're going to need some luck to pull that one off."

Don't I know it, at least I'm supposed to let Kemo know about this, instead of sneaking around. And speaking of which, how do we even contact her?

"I'll figure it out tomorrow, but for now you need to explain what's been going on." The mare informed me with a withering look.

The short of it is Kemo thought I was from the Thieves Guild, and once she learned I was intelligent and not apart of said Guild, she gently persuaded me that the best course of action going forward was to help her figure out who actually is in charge of the operation. Rumor has it the boss-lady likes pretty-boys, so I tried to infiltrate the base. It was working well until the Intelligence Mafia intercepted me, and then their leader fucked me silly, it was pretty great actually. Now I'm back here with a name for Kemo and the hopes of starting up an intel bridge for Rose.

"Is that all? You're out of my sight for, what? About a week? And you go off and become some sort of secret agent?!" The mare thought over it for a second, then looked at me like I'd betrayed her. "And wasn't I supposed to be your first pony? Do you just put out for any mare that lifts her tail?"

Well, if it makes you feel better, it wasn't actually a pony.

"A gryphon then? I figured you'd be more scratched up if that was the case."

It's... Classified? She didn't even tell me her name. Secret mafia business and all.

"Really? You're horrible, you know that?" Frost said with a pout.

Yes I am, and no amount of pouting will fix that! Though it is fucking adorable, I'll give you full marks for it.

As she read the sign, my stomach decided now was a good time to come clean on the fact I was starving.

"So you're hungry as well? You're just never satisfied, are you?"

Smirk it up Metal Face, I might just eat you after all!

"Hope that's a promise!"

Make my stomach stop trying to rattle the dishes and we'll find out!

"Well come on, I've got some leftover lasagna in the fridge." The mare responded over her shoulder as dipped into the kitchen.

Not seeing a reason not to, I followed her and soon found myself feasting on some rather delicious tasting lasagna. Not being ambidextrous, I couldn't really "talk" and eat at the same time, so our dinner went by in relative peace. Once we were done, we tossed everything in the sink and made our way back to her room.

"So how about that promise?" The pegasus began with a wink.

Just try and fucking stop me! Was the last thing I wrote that night.