Author's Note

(Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to watch the Juggernaut rip Ponyville a new asshole. Soon enough we’ll have a weird encounter between Beast and Ponyville’s token Zebra, the introduction of some OCs who’ll be important later on and the Juggernaut vs more of the ponies…oh, and we’re about to see the beginning of even more insanity. Oh and an allusion to the future of The Servant is here too.)

Juggment is upon us

Twilight Sparkle sat at her reading desk, reading a book on Saddle Arabia, in light of the events currently going on over there and the ‘hairless gorilla’ on the run from the Saddle Arabian military forces. She’d personally been very distrustful of their government, even with the mastermind behind the Manehatten Pegasus bombings thirteen years ago deader than a doorknob, their leaders were very much anti-Equestrian, and that was cause for concern no matter where in Equestria you lived.
So as she was trying to figure out just what the hay was going on there, she heard the front door burst open and the clattering of hooves as they zipped across the floor like a speeding train.
Just as she turned around, she saw Applejack’s sister Apple Bloom stampeding to her with a look of urgency plastered across her snout.
“Twilight!” She yelled out “We’ve got trouble!”

~

“It was so nice of you to help me out Spike” Rarity said to the dragon as he posed in her experimental ‘Baby dragon fashions.’
Spike, being a Rarityphile, had volunteered to model for her, even though he personally viewed modeling as something he’d prefer not to do.
But when it came to trying to impress Rarity and hopefully sire Dragonies with her, he would do almost anything (including insulting a certain pair of psychotic wicked clowns to their face while they have a hatchet and baseball bat handy.) *
The young drake chuckled “Well, I always like helping you out Rar-”
Suddenly the door burst open and Sweetie Belle quickly burst in, panting for breath. “Rarity! There’s a giant monster that wants Opal!” The little pony screamed.
Spike inwardly cursed about his poor luck and how Sweetie Belle threw off his game while Rarity’s eyes widened immensely, and Opal herself (who was napping nearby) quickly ran right underneath a table to hide.
“Sweetie Belle...what happened?”
“Me and the girls were out playing in the woods when some giant two legged monster in a red suit just smashed Scootaloo’s scooter, fought Applejack and would have thrown her to the Moon if we hadn’t saved her with Pinkie Pie’s Party Cannon (patent pending) and an anchor. We’re trying to get everypony warned, because this jerk’s coming to the town to mess up anypony he finds.”
Rarity was more than a little bit distressed at this news (and she doesn’t even know of his rape crazed attitude yet) “Sweetie Belle…what did this monster look like?”
Sweetie Belle got out her crayons and quickly drew her sister a picture of the Juggernaut, and when she drew it…
“Oh my Celestia!” Rarity exclaimed.
“It’s a human!” Spike commented.
“That outfit is horrible!” The fashionista yelled out.
Both Sweetie Belle and Spike exchanged a look that just screamed ‘You have got to be kidding me.’

~

Meanwhile, down at Fluttershy’s cottage the kindly Pegasus was tending to her animals again, and was in the process of one of the second hardest things to do in the universe (the first being to kill a boner of the Juggernaut’s…no there isn’t a Cutie Mark for that. And really, WHO’D WANT ONE?!)
Yes, she was trying to get Angel to take his vitamins.
“Now Angel, you know you have to take these pills” Fluttershy gently tried to coax to the rabbit, which wasn’t exactly working out due to Angel being a jerk and sticking his nose up at said pills.
She’d been at this for an hour and she had to give the mice their cheese, and then there was that grizzly bear who needed her to perform the job of a chiropractor on.
Angel finally turned towards the pills, but only to just grab them and hurl them off into the woods.
A smirk grew on his face as his saddened master fluttered off to try and find his pills.
What a complete bastard!
But Karma’s a bitch (though not when she’s off the clock), and Angel got his in the form of a giant cyan colored blur that smashed into him and landed right into the henhouse, scattering chickens everywhere.
Fluttershy looked up from her search with worry “Oh my” she said “I hope Rainbow Dash wasn’t hurt.”
She trotted right over to her friend as she saw the Pegasus stand right back up (and nonchalantly scoot a chicken who’d perched atop her head, with Fluttershy barely managing to catch the egg the chicken had laid before it hit the ground) on her hooves, Rainbow Dash was very pissed off, and Fluttershy didn’t have a clue why.
“Motherbucking, flank sucking, bastard son of a bitch!!!” Rainbow Dash loudly cussed “He had the nerve to smack the greatest flyer in all of Equest- scratch that, the whole world, like a bucking ping-pong ball?! I’m going to shove a tree so far up-”
“Um, excuse me Rainbow Dash” Fluttershy meekly began; a tremble in her voice as Rainbow Dash’s swearing was upsetting her “But wh-what happened? Is there some kind of monster in Equestria?!”
“Monster?!” Rainbow Dash snorted indignantly “More like a biped jerk! This giant human in red armor just insulted my house, tried to get me to buck him, claimed he wanted to prevent forest fires by raping zebras, shrugged off one of my punches like it was nothing, AND smacked me like a Celestiadamned ping pong ball with a motherbucking pimp slap!!!!”
Rainbow Dash was fuming so mad Fluttershy was surprised her mane hadn’t caught fire, but then a thought occurred to the yellow pegasus “Human? Like in those books I borrowed to you?”
Rainbow Dash’s mood suddenly changed as Fluttershy brought this up “Uh, I never read them. They’re for nerds, why would you think I’d like those?”
“Because you asked me for them.”
Rainbow Dash sweatdropped as she realized that Fluttershy was right, “Relax Rainbow Dash” the yellow furred Pegasus softly said “Nopony is around to hear-”
“Rainbow Dash!” cried out Scootaloo as she huffed and puffed nearby, trotting right up to her idol “Did the Juggernaut hurt you?”
The rainbow maned Pegasus went from embarrassed to confident, Scootaloo looked up to her and she didn’t want to disappoint the kid “Not much kid, just my pride.”
The little horse looked up at Rainbow Dash a little sadly “You’ve gotta get up, the Juggernaut’s stomping towards Ponyville!”
The Pegasus quickly sprang up, unwittingly smashing apart the rest of the henhouse in the process “The hay he isn’t! Anypony who thinks I’m just gonna sit down on the job while some giant human terrorizes everypony he finds has another thing coming!!! Where’s Twilight?!?!”
“She’s in Ponyville, Apple Bloom’s getting her.”
“Got it!” Rainbow Dash bellowed “Let’s go!!!”
She flew off like a thunderbolt, leaving a quivering Fluttershy “Oh dear. This monster’s coming to Ponyville?”
She suddenly felt herself moving, Scootaloo was right behind her and trying to push her so she’d start moving “C’mon Fluttershy. Ponyville needs us!”
And thus, in spite of her being absolutely terrified of this monster, Fluttershy quickly ran off towards town.
And speaking of mares who’re scared of the Juggernaut…

~

Zecora panted in relief as she finally quit running away from the Baddest Motherbucker on the World.
She suddenly realized something: she just let Rainbow Dash alone with a monster that might have tried to rape her.
“Oh woe, woe and gloom. I may have left Rainbow Dash to her doom!”
She had to make up for this somehow, she was going to head right back to Ponyville and try to stop this beast.
But damn, it’s hard, that motherbucker wanted to rape zebras!...and SHE’S a zebra.
Zecora finally caught her breath and took a deep one; the time had came for action! And she had to go and rescue the Pegasus; nobody would stop her this time.
Suddenly, she jumped in the air when she heard a voice that reminded her of the Juggernaut singing “I need some motherfucking hypno, so I can get my dick swollen…and fuck pigeons!”
Zecora looked from side to side to try and see where the voice came from, only to realize it came from the trees, and when she looked up to see who was making the noise, she saw a large being similar in physique to the Juggernaut, with blue fur all over him, a hawk like haircut, and what looked like a pair of black speedos as his only clothes, he also was much smaller than the Juggernaut.
“Swing on these trees ‘cause my dick is long!” the creature sang as it continued to use the branches to swing around the forest.
Suddenly he looked right at Zecora, realizing he had company “Hell yeah, now this is more like it” he chortled in a relieved tone. It was now that Zecora realized that his voice reminded her an awful lot of that red suited maniac who loudly proclaimed he wanted to rape zebras.
The creature quickly leapt right down in front of her before she had a chance to even run “Hey baby, you want yourself an animal party? Beast’s all the animal you’ll ever need, you feel me?”
As ‘Beast’ hit on the zebra, said zebra narrowed her eyes at the blue furred pervert “If you are looking for fun, you are out of luck, for Zecora is no mood to buck.”
Beast didn’t seem fazed at all at what she said, but she could tell he was both mildly annoyed and slightly concerned about his own luck at scoring “Well I didn’t know if you took money or nothing, I just wanted a freebie.”
“Do not trouble me, perverted Beast, upon my…parts, you shall not feast.”
“Bitch, I wasn’t planning to give you oral sex, I was more hoping you’d know how to suck the dick, you’ve done this before, right?”
“Zecora’s life is not yours to know, now if you value your fur, you must go.”
“Well look, don’t you know what you’re missing out on? I was gonna let you take a shit on my chest, then I was gonna shove a live snake up your ass, and that’s before I shove my five pounds of meat in your stargate and gag you with a ballpoint pen…if I can find one.”
Zecora gagged and almost threw up, but caught herself before she showed weakness in front of this perverted, totally sick asshole “You buffoon, I have a task that must not be forgot, I have to go to Ponyville to help fight the Juggernaut.”
At the mention of the name ‘Juggernaut’ a massive change came in Beast’s demeanor, his fur paled a bit, his jaw dropped, and suddenly he was very, very scared “The Juggernaut! He’s here?!”
Suddenly, he became less scared and a bit annoyed “Shit, Charles said he took care of the Goddamn Juggernaut for good! What the fuck is he doing in this land of prostitute horses?!”
Zecora was about to interject and say she was not a prostitute, but she realized that not only would she not be able to convince him, but it suddenly occurred to her that she had a golden opportunity here.
Beast, despite being a perv of pervs, knew who the Juggernaut was and likely dealt with him before, and if he knew of any way to beat him, she could use this to help her in stopping the monster before he decided to go after ponies for carnal relations instead of zebras.
As this thought was being entertained in her head, her eye cut back to the permed pervert and noticed he’d leapt off the ground and was trying to swing away through the trees in an attempt to run for his life.
Eyeing a sizable rock nearby, Zecora quickly picked it up in her mouth and hurled it right at Beast’s head, giving a solid blow despite him being about twenty feet in the air and twenty five feet away from her with branches obscuring the shot.
Zecora was a champion rock thrower when she was younger, her mother said it was a useless talent but what did she know? For the ruler of Zebrica, she was a bit poor in foresight.
As the rock dinged the bonehead’s head, he lost his grip “Son of a bitch!”
The mutant landed right on the ground, and on his stomach, with his ‘ding-a-ling’ landing on a large root.
“Ah shit! My Battlestar Galactica!”
And if you think that’s a weird word for penis, you should hear what Dennis fucking Frogman calls his one eyed wonder weasel.
Now anyways, before Beast could get up and run off, Zecora jumped up and somehow elbow dropped him, knocking the wind right outta him.
“Goddamn woman, you some kinda zebra wrestler or something?”
“You are not the one who must be fought, now help me go and fight the Juggernaut.”
“What the fuck you smoking ‘ho? Don’t you know who he is? That’s the baddest motherfucker on the world; you see what he did to his suit?”
“The clumsy oaf didn’t look like a tailor, judging by his mouth, I’d say he’s a sailor.”
“Nah, that motherfucker’ll custom make anything if you’re on his good side or not trying to piss him off. You see my speedo? He made it; all I had to do was bring him a pair of giraffes and a jar of strawberry jam to use as lube.”
“This man sounds quite disgusting, if the rape of giraffes is something after which he is lusting.”
“Hey, you gotta take what you get, I fucked a toaster once because I was horny as fuck and there wasn’t a lapdog in sight…burnt my dick so bad I needed skin grafts, but whoever owned that bitch got a nasty surprise the next time they made a motherfucking poptart, I’ll tell you that.”
“Enough with the banter, furry creature, let us get back to our main feature.”
“You mean I can get some zebra pussy?”
Zecora growled something very foul underneath her breath before speaking again “You complain a lot, but the main question you have answered not, will you help me fight the Juggernaut?”
Beast began to try and wriggle out of her grip “Bitch, I can’t fight him, look at me. I’m a Goddamn monkey, I can’t do shit against the Juggernaut, don’t you know he fucked Mount Rushmore?”
Zecora soon realized that she was barking up the wrong tree and that if she wanted to get rid of the Juggernaut, while this deviant was annoying he’d still be helpful…but he wouldn’t help her unless he found a reason to do so, so she’d need to bribe him with the only thing she knew would work.
“If you help me give the Juggernaut the boot, I’ll help find you a nice prostitute.”
The blue furred creepazoid quit wriggling and thought about this a sec then asking “Will she suck the pickle in public?”
“She’ll be doing this to be paid, so no matter what you request, she’ll help you get laid.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking ‘bout!” Beast chuckled, suddenly flexing his muscles and letting Zecora fall off of him “Now it’s time for the Juggernaut to face the tenth wonder of the world…my dick!”
Zecora blinked at the sudden display of strength and began to say “How-”
“Not every day I get free bondage from a zebra, you think I wanted to move yet? I don’t see any Juggernaut nearby, do you?”
Zecora cringed in disgust and recoiled as she realized that by restraining Beast she’d given him a raging stiffie, she felt soiled, and the perverted grin on the man’s face didn’t help either.
“Now bring me to the city bitch! I’ve gotta pimpsmack the Juggernaut with my dick!”
Zecora sighed and was glad she at least got some help in fighting the Juggernaut, even if the help came from an athletic gorilla-creature who was about as perverted as the Juggernaut and thought she was a prostitute.
Unlike before though, Beast did not swing through the trees and instead followed along the trotting Zecora by lumbering along like a gorilla…a fast, very perverted gorilla with an erection covered by a speedo that he did not try to deny at all.
Yes Ponyvillle, help is on the way…whether you want it or not.

~

Near the limits of Ponyville was a twenty-two year old pony named Fox Fire, he had an orange mane, brown eyes, a red coat of fur (though he had a couple of brown spots on it), a brown stripe on his tail and a brown underbelly. On his flanks there lay a Cutie mark that showed an atom with a pen and paper as a nucleus.
He was at the city limits specifically because he worked in town as an alchemist, a very talented one at that, he was looking for an herb nearby that could help him in the creation of a cure for a venereal disease some rich pony commissioned him to make after he’d caught it.
Of course, he also knew that afterwards he could make more and sell it to other ponies who had it, and at a cheaper price too. He did enjoy occasionally trolling rich jackasses like this one.
“That’s what you get for not being satisfied with your trophy wife, asshole” he chuckled to himself “Why you ponies don’t seem to just be satisfied with what you got and don’t go out bucking fish I don’t know. But who gives a buck? I’ll still make money anyways.”
The pony chuckled to himself as he trotted along, dreaming of all the money he was going to make once he showed his cure worked “Better not take too long though, Silent Moon won’t be here the whole week after all.”
“And who’s that? Your motherfucking girlfriend?”
Fox Fire rose his head up from the ground “Who the buck are-”
His eyes suddenly widened immensely as he looked right up at a massive bipedal creature with pink skin and a massive red costume with a helmet that looked like it should shrug off a blast from a tank.
It reminded him of the humans from the books Lyra Heartstrings’ daddy wrote.
Now we know just who he’d ran into…but he didn’t.
Fox Fire suddenly became much calmer “Shit. Did I fail to put that patch in the vat? Those chemicals are making me hallucinate agai- EEEP!”
The enraged Juggernaut quickly grabbed him by his tail and held him upside down, glaring at him “What the fuck you think I am, bitch?! This feel real to you?!”
Fox Fire suddenly returned to the frightened and surprised mode again as it dawned on him that this was no hallucination.
“Oh Celestia!” He yelped “Why the Hay is this happening to me?!”
“Because you’re in the way, you donkey fucker!”
“For your information, I’m still a virgin…and believe me, this is not by choice!”
“Whatever motherfucker, now get me something to eat, I’ve already eaten out a whole shitload of boatfucking apples and fucked a tree. And now I need some more pussy and to get high as me when I try to rape the Moon by firing my way up there with a cannon and a buncha fishhooks I kept in my dickhair!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I don’t think I want to.”
“Don’t you know who I am, bitch?!”
“I just MET you and I don’t have any clue who you-”
“Shut up! I’m the Juggernaut Bitch! I’m back!”
“When were you even here?!”
“I was in a motherfucking farm, trying to get some orange painted ho with a bushman’s hat who sounded like she made a living outta fucking chickens and huffing bath salts…”
‘Oh please’ Fox Fire dryly thought in his brain ‘Applejack may have a Southern accent but I know she doesn’t huff bath salts, OR screw chickens…I wish she’d buck me, but that’s a different matter.’
“…And then when I exposed myself in Times Square so I could fuck a hippopotamus, a square dancing hillbilly bitch with a chicken up her ass and a panda bear at the same time. The Goddamn Avengers came in and attacked me. I told that Hulk bitch I had a bigger dick than him and that the Black Widow needs to have the shit raped outta her. That’s when she tried to feed a grenade down my mouth and-”
It had occurred to Fox Fire that the Juggernaut had gone completely off topic and at this rate all his blood would take a permanent home in his skull.
“Hey Jugghead, let’s get back on topic…what’re you doing here?”
“BITCH!” the Juggernaut roared, blowing back Fox Fire’s hair with the force of his yelling “Do not interrupt me! I’ve done pimping on Monster Island, fucked the Virgin Islands, and snorted a half ton of crystal meth with one zebrashitfucking nostril! AND I have the world record for most times I’ve destroyed the house of my bitch-ass brother Charles ‘the Bitch’ Xavier, at forty-seven!”
“And I’m sure somepony is interested” Fox Fire said “But I’m currently dangling from your hand and I’d very much like it if you put me down, and I don’t mean in the sense of killing me, I mean in the sense of setting me down so maybe I can help you out.”
The Juggernaut considered this for a sec “I wanna get high!”
Fox Fire sighed in relief, he might not have been Heisenhoof (though he was damn good competition) but he knew a lot about how to brew things with chemicals, and while, as a general rule, he never cooked meth or bath salts, he did happen to know where to find some psychedelic mushrooms and an assload of weed.
“Ha! Is that all?” He chuckled “Dude, you are in luck. I just happen to know where some local hippies hide their drug stash. Let me down and I’ll lead you right to it.”
“And why the fuck should I let you down?!”
“Because the blood’s getting to my head. You can trust me; Fox Fire never breaks a bargain.”
The Juggernaut again considered what Fox Fire was saying “Alright, I’ll free your ass, but if you try to run, Imma rape you in the ass with a steel dildo, twenty-seven demons summoned from the Necronomicon Ex Juggernaut Bitch! And a toilet plunger.”
The Juggernaut thus released the pony from his grip, causing the poor alchemist to fall on his head.
“Ow! You could let a stallion down gently you know.”
“Bitch! I’m the Juggernaut! I’m ‘bout as subtle as a brick through a motherfucking door and proud of it. Didn’t stop me from breaking into King Kong Bundy’s house to steal his fucking fridge while he slept.”
Fox Fire didn’t know who the hell ‘King Kong Bundy’ was, sounded like some giant (sized) thief from what the Juggernaut said.
“Well let’s get going” the alchemist said “If you’re this loud, we might wanna hit the stash while the junkies are gone.”
And thus the pony gestured for the Juggernaut to follow and trotted off into the woods, and the Baddest Motherfucker on the World followed the pony along, stomping like he was Godzilla while the big guy was stalking a Muto.
Yes, Fox Fire has dodged a major bullet…can’t say the same for Ponyville though, can you imagine how much danger they’ll be in? The Juggernaut’s gonna be high as a kite!
Though I suppose it’s not as dangerous as Beast when he’s been talked into reenacting GTA in real life…

* Like the Insane Clown Posse