First Equestrian Problems!

To Whom It May Concern:

Currently writing in my dungeon cell, so I only have a few minutes to write.

They’re putting me to death.

Yes, they, the rulers of this country, decided to put me to death.

All because I accidentally farted on the royal countertops. As a result, I get sentenced to the deathly hollows of Celestia’s chambers.

…

Well it is close to death as you can possibly get without dying.

…

I mean, she has all these cakes, pies, and marshmallow delights lying on the floor. These damned delicious treats never got to see the inside of her stomach because the ants and mold just creeped in and decided to poison it all. Its like Princess Celestia didn’t understand that she had to eat the treats in order to be satisfied, but no.

No.

Princess Celestia, the main ruler of Equestria, is a dessert watcher.

Yes.

That is a thing.

She doesn’t eat them, she watches them and takes pictures of them with her magic.

Like…

What in the bloody fuck are you doing?

If it isn’t the desserts that got your flank to be as big as Colossus, then how the hell did you get your rump so large?

Sitting contests?

Compressed Air?

Filling?

Do you even lift?

I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore.

Look…

Just tell my family that I’ll be fine, and that if I do die from all this manual labor, then tell them that I love them and that there is an emergency contact in my drawers that will help them with their survival.

It’s a rough world in Equestria.

Damn first Equestrian problems...

With regret and anger,

Clear Thought.

**P.S.* Luna has nice flanks too.*