First Equestrian Problems!

To Whom It May Concern:

I hope you’re happy.

…

I ran out of butter this morning.

Yes, butter, the main ingredient to one of my most important desserts of all time. I was supposed to send this massive giant to Celestia for the Grand Galloping Gala, but some fuck forgot to buy the butter to finish it off.

…

You know how long it takes to get butter?

I have to put my facade on, walk outside, mosey on over to the marketplace, go up to one of the vendors, ask him for some butter, listen to him talk about how butter is one of the important ingredients to any dessert, I reply with something along the lines of ‘I know, right?’ while putting my bits in the vendor’s hoof, grab the butter, turn around, walk straight back to my place of work, and sit there, sighing in relief due to the fact that I got the right butter for the job.

That’s like, a ton of fucking work!

I hate when this happens; it delays so much of my work.

Not to mention, it delays my time with my friends. This butter-forgetting fuck decided not to get my butter, so now I’m basically screwed over with the time I saved up for friendship. I can’t go hang out with Twilight, because shes probably doing her royal princess duties. I can’t go talk with Fluttershy, because she’s too busy talking with stray animals. I can’t go watch Rainbow Dash fly and inevitably crash due to overcompensating for a turn. I can’t go watch Applejack buck some poor trees, their branches moaning in pain for being bucked every damn year. I can’t go speak with Rarity, because that bitch hates me whenever I even approach her work station.

Speaking of Rarity, why in the heck am I still friends with her?

…

Oh yeah, I remember, because she wanted to prove to me that she was a worthy bearer of the Element of Generosity, and she did a *splendid** job.*

Well, here’s my rant, I want you to send this gimp to get buttercupped for the rest of his life. Whether in a pit, in a carriage, or outside for all to see, I just want this pony to get buttercupped. This is the only way for him to remember to get my butter next time.

With no regrets,

Pinkie Pie

**P.S.* First Equestrian Problems, why do you exist?*