Where Am I Going, From Here?
By: The Zealot
Chapter 2: I Really Fucking HATE Blueberries

"FUCK ALL YA'LL BITCHES, I'M A NINJA!" I shouted back at the pack of guards chasing me through the palace corridors, I decided to try something, willing my horn to do magicky stuff, I formed a Halo esque energy shield around myself, laughing manically along the way, before jumping (Like a motherfucking boss, I might add) out of some random palace window.

"Did she just, jump?" Was the last I heard of those guards, whom were obviously so shocked they didn't even think of following my example out the window, ah well, they probably don't have the bossitude to make it look cool, anyway.

It was then I realized I had jumped out of one of the windows overlooking the city, and also that I was falling, fast. What did I do? Well, the sensible thing of course. I grabbed the ends of my coat like fucking Batman and used magics to glide myself down to the city streets. As I was doing this, I looked up at my head to see that, surprisingly, the crown was still affixed to my head, neat.

Oh, hey, the ground. Oh shit, the ground! Uh DEAD SPACE! Mage OP as fuck. I had used, once more, my crazy unicron powers to make it so my hooves where magnetic or some shit, and just snapped down to the ground without falling like a bitch, which was nice.

As I walked out of the alley I had landed in, I found myself surrounded by guards, smug looking guards. "Yo." Was all I said as I kept walking, although they did try and block me with their fucking spears, seriously man, wood breaks easily when you have fucking hooves.

"Halt! You are under arrest by order of Princess Celestia, for the theft of her crown!" Said this one guy, he actually looked pretty cool, had this nice blue-grey armor, lot better than the fucking gold shit the other guys had.

"Huh? Oh, you mean this crown? Yeah, alright, I'll go with ya I guess. I'm keeping this crown though, I got it fair and fucking square, bitches." I said, turning around the face all the other guys, just kinda looking at me like I was fucking crazy, well, who knows?

"Fair and squa- You stole that crown!" One random scrub said, pointing at said crown that rested upon my head, it's gold shining in the sunlight, it's amethyst reflecting gloriously in the beams.

"Yeah? Fair and fucking square. Dude, she's, like, a god or some shit, she obviously doesn't give too much of a fuck, otherwise she would have cast conflagration or somethin', and I wouldn't be here, fucking dumbass." I said as way of reply to the random scrub, seriously, it's not that hard to figure out.

The cool guy guard, who I just noticed had a badass pair of aviators, just sighed and shook his head before waving a hoof for us to start moving, which was alright, mostly 'cause that guy was cool.

[*****]

"Oi, Suzy!" I whispered to the guard I was currently behind, from my spot in my prison cell, seriously man, fucker jumped, like, ten feet or somethin'. "Ahhahahhahahaa, oh, fuck man. You guys are fuckin' scrubs, you know that?" I said to both of them, right in time for the Princess to walk in, the white one, by the way, as I was wiping the tears from my eyes. I fucking love it here, nobody expects the Nevermore Inquisition!

The princess walked over and sat down in front of my cell, on a very nice looking cushion, I might add, before addressing me. "Hello, I am Princess Celestia, as you obviously already know, and I'm here to question you as to why you stole my crown and barged in on a private meeting." Damn, she was good, kept a straight face and everything, was calm and collected an' shit, but I did see this slight smile trying to form and being repressed.

"Well, you see Sunbutt, I really fucking hate blueberries. I don't think you heard me right, I don't dislike blueberries, I really fucking hate them." Came my incredibly eloquent response, not that she got the joke at all, seriously man, the forums can get pretty fucked up sometimes.

"Alright? But what does that have to do with breaking down the throne room doors and stealing my crown? I will admit it was... amusing, but many things have to be rescheduled now because of that interruption." See, I knew she found it funny, now the real question is, what didn't blueberries have to do with any of that?

"Absolutely nothing! I just wanted to make my point on blueberries quite clear. Anyway, for starters, schedules or for faggots, and secondly, I took your crown because it was fun, oh, and because your guards are complete shit." I nodded my head then, like all those wise and old Chinese ninja masters do, or something like that.

At this point Celestia got this really stressed look on her face, don't really know why, but eh. "Well, we've never really had a need for guards, as you know, my little pony, which makes such a thing as what you did even more serious. Now, please, just promise to not do anything of this sort again and give me back my crown, and you'll be free to go with just a warning instead of an actual sentence." Was this a threat? Why, the nerve! I had gotten this crown through completely fair means, shock and awe were fair, right? And she deemed herself of high enough stature to just politely ask to take it from me! Why, in all my thirteen years I had never heard anything so preposterous!

"Now Princess, I can agree not to do this again, it was really just to mess with you lot, but I will not, repeat, will not give up my crown! This is completely fair game and I am sure that you have plenty more. Consider this my statue of Discord, you have your trophies, and this is one of mine." Near the middle of my... speech? Near the middle of my speech I had removed the crown from my head and was cradling it in my arms, legs, whatever!

Celestia got this really hard look on her face, took a deep breath, and politely asked the guards to leave the room. Looks like it's, wait for it, SHOWTIME!

Author's Note

I am a fucking asshole, no, really, I am. Anyway, I can't write characters that already exist, so if any of them are OOC, well, there you go.