Author's Note

So, a small disclaimer! This chapter is a guest chapter, obviously, and it was written by Ser Fluffzie, this chapter is more or less absent of comedy, focusing more on plot (No, not that kind), YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Link To Fluffzie: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/DougintheTrench

Guest Chapter: Maniacal Monologue, MANA-NAH-NA-NA

I, Princess Celestia, Prime ruler of Equestria, the Regent of The Sun was old. I would be first one to tell you such a fact if I could. But I couldn’t. I can never truly say what I really wanted, that I thought every single one of my ponies were morons. Of course I thought they were my ponies, they were my bothersome pets that kept me company in my old age and engulfed my life.

My pets came in three species my birds, my goats, and my dogs.

My flock, feathered, soaring, and fast as lighting, but when the flock faltered, they would become fickle and self-centered.

My drove, strong, inventive, and constantly working but when the drove scattered, they were simple and short-sighted.

And my pack, fiercely loyal and a magical gift but the pack divided was vain, ambitious and erratic.

And I was responsible for all of them.

Responsibility was the name of my prison, and ever since I had defeated me sister, I had made endless measures to keep it running smoothly. Alas, the warden wasn’t allowed to rest. The warden had to keep the peace, and make sure her clay-brained inmates would stay in line. Else chaos would reign, and I wouldn’t let that happen, not again.

But still, over the centuries, my routine has become… dull if a proper word could have been used. But such a simple word could not signify the feeling. Nor could another word be used, not without being even more of a gross understatement.

Day in, Night out. Sunrise up, Sunset down. Dawn right, Dusk left. An endless repetitive repetition that was on a constant repeat.

While my sun would move and set, my own setting never changed. My castle, my fortress, my prison. All of us following a routine, and it is orderly for what it’s worth.

My guard dogs kept their vigil, never faltering. Their gaze like brick and just as interesting.

The pigeons gliding above the clouds, molding nature. Their superiority confirmed through their flights of fancy, believing they.

The poodles with their fine fur and accessories but always misplacing the collar. Consistent whines of wants. Their presence of nescient narcissism, and never once remembering an ounce of their training.

The goats with aspirations to be poodles. Their fur marginally clean and matching their barking with a blaring bleet.

The birds and the dogs and goats all had their routine, all of various importance. All my pets thinking that it made me happy, what pet doesn’t want their pony happy? And I let them think that I am, I let them think I am their infallible and loving master, one that does everything she can to make the world a better place, and I do. I do my best to make sure my pets are happy, make sure they listen.

But I do not love my pets, and they are fools to think as much.

It would be humorous to the extent of their ignorance, if it wasn’t so sad that is. The animals think that I am the Creator of Life, their Goddess, their Mother, here to care for them whenever in need. If they think that I am Creator, why would they think I care? With all my experience I learned many things, like how conjured cake contains no calories, that was a simple lesson I valued that had immediate results, knowledge is power is another, but these things change. But one fact never changes.

The universe is indifferent, apathetic even and if you desire any semblance of order in your life, you must control it. And I have. I am crown ruler of Equestria, the biggest powerhouse nation the world. Through my leadership, the land has forgotten the notion of war and my pets have long been domesticated. I worked for that order, and I shall never relinquish that order willingly, but as like I mentioned earlier such peace has made things...dull.

As such, over the years I’ve made numerous projects or distraction. Giving a drove of goats an enormous plot of land near the most dangerous area in my country is just to name one. But out of all of my plans, adoption was always my favorite. Bringing one of my pets into my personal, to mold and make in my image. The younger, the more interesting. From little brittle Stonewall to larger than life Sunwell, all my ‘apprentices’ brought me years of entertainment. Even if my latest one was a disappointment.

She was easily my favorite. She was almost perfect for entertainment, she was younger than the rest, and infinitely more impressionable because of it. Insatiably curious from a simple show of my magic, almost impossibly socially awkward from just a few years of ‘isolated study,’ and unflinchingly loyal to me. She was the best dog I ever had, even with the flame-retardant beast following her around. One that I would still be playing with if it wasn’t for those damned Elements.

I will only admit it to myself, but when I discovered that my dearest pet was an Element, it hurt. But like the lose of all my other pets, I let the feeling fly through me. The promises I made to myself of a new pet always helped balance my emotions.

But now she was no longer my pet, but a business associate and as such, professionalism is necessary.

Like everything else when dealing with animals, it was easy to distract and distance her. All was needed was a new assignment to give her. Her begging to stay in that bumpkin village was the perfect opening, it’s close proximity making it perfect for when I required anything from the lot of them.

‘I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville.’

Just a simple sentence and it was law. Learn ‘the magic of friendship’ and stay until otherwise told so. The reports came soon after like an infestation of ants. At first I thought they could have been interesting, before given a closer inspection. The ‘lessons of friendship’ were lessons they should have already known. ‘Sharing is Caring,’ ‘Don’t do more than you can handle,’ and I think one was just ‘I didn’t learn nothing!’ Yes, after awhile I stopped reading them in their entirety, I still had to read them of course, else I would miss the gems. Like when my little dog had an ‘accident.’ I knew it was a good idea to teach her the ‘Want it, Need it’ Spell. But even what little entertainment that had created had been abruptly ended.

Now my little dog pet is a pony, and a dreadfully boring one at that. Even now, I can't figure out how or more importantly why that happened. It was very...annoying, especially if that pony got the wrong ideas in her, like Luna. Though it did have it’s benefits. I now had another pony help take care of the animals for example, and seeing her squirm from the pressure, even if it was short-lived, had been fun.

Regardless, Twilight Sparkle’s accession had created a problem, one I hadn’t encountered in centuries. I had nothing to entertain me. No mischievous puppy to play with, no bothersome scrolls detailing the moronic day to day life of a sheltered dog, no nothing! I was almost considering letting that freak Discord out. Watching the Elements show him his place in life was a joy to see. I would never willingly free him of course, but still, the thoughts were there and I was growing ever more bored. At least, until she burst into my throne room.

The little dog was quite the spectacle. I had seen a few with the skill sneak past my guard dogs, I had seen even less who had as much natural, if incomprehensible crude talent in magic, and absolutely no pony had the gall to simply barge into my throne room unannounced before, let alone take off with my crown!

The dog had interrupted my affairs and had humiliated me almost as much as Discord had, and should have been punished accordingly, but I will admit the dog’s hijinks amused me.

So I had gone to her cell after her inevitable capture. She was a strange looking dog. Gray not a common color of my pets, neither in coat or mane. Her brand was also quite disturbing and seemed to be related to writing on the subject of wilderness survival, which had explained the physical prowess she displayed during her escapade. All of those were interesting in emphasizing how different she was from the rest of my pets and it was only when she started to talk did I realize what made this dog so different.

She was almost certainly and inconceivably insane. It had explained so much. The dog’s shouting of zealous demands to worship me, the theft of my crown, her reason for stealing the crown (a fierce animosity of blueberries), her disjointed speech that seemed to add nonsensical words in the strangest of places, her favorite seeming to be the word ‘fuck,’ even now she was telling me an impossibly fantastic tale that was only giving further proof to her insanity.

But she was almost painfully entertaining, so much so that I had decided to keep her around. All I had to do was earn her trust, and send her off with my blessing. It was a simple matter, emulate some of her basic personality (laid back, and blunt), act as if I believed her ramblings, give her a gift, and just add a small dose of the truth. I may just give the whole truth, it wasn’t as if it would change the dogs mind, anyway.

The dog had finished her story, and I gave the ‘appropriate’ response.
“... so, you were this thing called a ‘Human’, you got here through this magical rainbow portal in your living room, turned into a pony, and you also used to be a stallion?” I snickered at her tale. Oh yes, this one was going to be treat.