Where Am I Going, From Here?
By: The Zealot
Chapter 7: Of Parties and Treason

'Twas a nice night, I mean, I don't know much about the night, but it looked pretty fuckin' swell.

That didn't improve my mood much, though. Let me explain, I was carefully skirting around some ledges outside the fucking castle, in the cold night, trying to find a specific room that my informants had told me about.

My informants? Oh, yeah, after that whole ice cream thing most of the kids in the city had taken to being my spies. I don't question it, I just get random notices whenever a kid finds something cool, like tonight.

You see, I had gotten a message that a rather large group of ponies were gathering in one of the empty rooms of the palace. This wouldn't be odd except that it was fucking 11:20 at night, and that everyone who arrived was dressed as a fucking cultist.

So, I was doing the logical thing. I was being the Corvo that I totally am, and climbing around outside the castle, walking along ledges, trying to find the right fucking window.

Eventually, I found it. It was the only one with the lights on, and there were quite a few shadows inside. Opening up the window just a tid I peeked in, listening to the conversation. It appears they were a group of ponies who were still against Luna coming back, and that they were making plans to overthrow Luna by framing her for some political something or other. Apparently Equestria has this kind of stuff going on.

So, using my amazing magic I summoned up a few party hats, dark blue and purple with crescent moons on them, and turned on the record feature of my phone. All this done, I opened the window fully and jumped in.

"Hey everyone, what's up? I heard there was a party and though I'd drop in." While I said this they just looked at me like fools, as I used my magic to place a party hat on each of their heads. They didn't seem to mind. Little did they know that the hats had tracking and recording devices in them, oh magic I love you so.

"W-who are you!" Came an indignant cry from some stallion, guess he was the leader if the cool hat was anything to go by. And in case you're wondering, yes, he was now wearing a hat on top of a hat.

"Well, who I am doesn't matter, what does matter is that your party fucking sucks! We need some food, some music, c'mon guys, stop being so fucking fail!" As I talked I was going around the room, summoning up tables of food and some speakers to go with a stereo, trying to get some guy to sing karaoke. That didn't work, by the way.

"This is not a party! This is a private meeting about- well, that's none of your business!" There was the leader again, seriously that voice was annoying. It was kind of nasely while also being entitled sounding, like, fuckin' seriously.

"Oh? None of my business, huh? Well, I guess I'll just take all my plans for overthrowing the crown back home with me then." I stopped on a fucking dime, pulled a binder out of nowhere, and then turned to walk off acting like I had been insulted. And my parents said I'd never be a good actor!

"W-wait! Plans to overthrow the crown? Would any of those happen to include the night princess?" Wow, fell for it hook, line, and sinker. That's kinda sad, actually. But hey, whatever, I'd better be getting a promotion for this.

"Why yes, yes I do. About twelve of 'em, she is kind of a bitch you know. And why might you be interested Mr.-" I stopped and motioned for him to introduce himself, c'mon, do it bro!

"Oh, I'm Waning Moon, and the reason I'm interested is because those of us here are against Luna being in power, and we seek to find a way to force her down from, her position." He even gave a fucking nod! Oh my god, this guy is gonna be so fucked.

"Ah, so you want to get Luna out of the picture then? Well, I can completely understand that. Who might be the rest of you, if I might ask?" I kid you fucking not, every last one of 'em gave me a name, like, seriously.

"Well, that's all well and good then, here you go, I gotta get some stuff done." With that I set the binder down on a shelf, turned, and walked out the door. Now it was time to try and find someone to give this recording to...

Oh, and in case you're wondering, there were no plans inside the binder, just a picture of myself having a very stern look on my face and the caption 'You have fucked up now.' I thought it was a nice touch. But anyway, it's kinda surprising they don't have guards patrolling around here, maybe I've just played too much Dishonored, but shouldn't there be some people walking down these halls? Eh, whatever.

[*****]

I have been walking for three fucking hours, I just don't know how this fucking castle manages it! But anyway, I think I was finally getting close to the throne room, or something, because there was an increase in the number of flags and shit around the halls, although still not a single goddamn guard.

Lo and behold, there was the, recently repaired, throne room door! That being said, upon opening it I was met with an empty fucking room. Well, I was gonna have to talk to a princess sometime, might as well wait here. So, I walked over to the throne, made myself comfortable on the rather nice cushion, and tried my damnedest to fall asleep.

[*****]

The floor was cold, that was the first thing I was made aware of when I woke up. Opening my eyes I was met with the rather disapproving face of our Fair Lady Luna, oh, and she finally had some guards, yay.

"Oh, hey Lulu, how ya doin'?" I asked with a yawn, it was daylight out, so I must've been asleep for a while, although I don't know why the fuck she was up.

"I am fine, but I find myself wondering why you have taken my sister's throne, and why you are not under arrest." She replied, allowing me to stand up by backing up, still glaring at me, fuck man, her guards were lookin' uneasy, maybe tales of my pure badassitude had spread.

"Well, for the first one, I've been waiting for one of you lazy fuckers. As for the second, I'm a royal agent or some shit, apparently I get immunity to the law." Yeah, because any law system totally works that way, but fuck it, I ain't questionin' it.

"Hmph, my sister did say she had instated a new pony into our staff, I thought she meant a maid. But on to other matters; what, pray tell, were you waiting for?" Well, she dropped the glare, so that's cool, oh and her two batpony guards were just speechless and in shock, I guess because I of all fucking people got a job in the guard, I mean, I think I'm technically part of the guard, right?

"Well, you see, some of the nobility don't quite like you, Mooney, and so a few decided to get together and try to overthrown you," her unwillingness to believe me was easily readable on her face, "and because I know you wouldn't believe me, I recorded the conversation. You look over this, I'm goin' to bed." I took out a glowing turquoise crystal from a coat pocket, I'd transferred the recording from my phone to that thing, through supah l33t magix, mostly because I wasn't giving these fuckers my phone. With that done, I walked off still only half awake to try and find my room, fucking castle.

Author's Note

It's taken a while, and about half of this has been written right as I post this, at fucking 1:30 in the morning, goddamn man, I have appointments tomorrow, you know? I hope you guys appreciate this. For those of you who read my other story, yeah, I'm still working on it. It's mostly just planning out the chapter, but it'll come, I promise.

Anyway, stay classy Fimfic, and remember, you owe me twenty bucks! You know who you are.