Chapter 1:
Ornstein and Smough save the mother-fucking world, bitch.

The ever-present night air was still and motionless in the decrepit city of Nightmaria, the capital city of Nightmare Moon's Equestria. None left their homes but to work or get food, and all lived in fear of the tyrant queen, as it should be. And in the throne room of the tall, spire-like castle, Nightmare moon sat, gazing upon a crystal orb of sorts, as if expecting something from it. But alas, nothing happened, and so she sat, bored out of her skull.

See, it had been too long since a revolution started, and now that all was under her control, what was she to do? The world was hers, and all bowed to her might, and even the mightiest warriors dare never to oppose her... or so she thought. Just as the queen of darkness herself began to slip into a boredom-induced nap, the crystal sphere before her lit up, brighter than a star, and emitted a loud, shrill scream, causing Nightmare Moon to jump, almost out of her skin.

"What is this... What's going on?" Nighmare Moon asked rhetorically, and she tried to look at the crystal before her, but no sooner had she put her gaze on it, did the artifact explode, causing the queen to scream and duck for cover. After the event, a moment of silence passed, then another, and Nightmare moon, no longer afraid for her life, raised herself from the floor, and examined the remains of her scrying crystal with extreme intensity. Then, finally, she spoke, to no-one in particular.

"Mmm... this is unfortunate. What in the world could be so powerful as to resist my scrying?" Nightmare pondered, but the more she thought, the grimmer her thoughts turned, always pointing to the one possible answer.

"Ngh... It can't be her... could it?..." Nightmare Moon wondered, suddenly becoming very restless. "It couldn't... no, I made sure that sister dear stayed on that cursed sun of hers... so what could this be? Where could all this light be coming from!?" Nightmare Moon cried at last, but as she stood, the answer never came. One thing was certain, however: Whatever this new power was, it wasn't from this world, and it wasn't very far away. This, of all things, would not stand for the queen of Equestria. And so, without another thought or word, she summoned many of her guards to her throne room, and waited.

And lo, she did not wait long. Soon, her most elite of Thestral guards stood before her, and knelt, knowing well that their lady did not like to be kept waiting. And then, without further ceremony, Nightmare moon addressed her elite guard with harshness and urgency in her tone.

"My guard... I suppose you wonder why I've brought you to my inner sanctum on such short notice?" Nightmare Moon asked, but the elite guard remained silent, save for one: A younger, but clearly ambitious and mean-spirited thestral mare with light blue eyes, a single white streak in her mane, and with courage and a temper that could scare most dragons. This mare, obviously undaunted by her liege, answered with due haste and respect for her matron of the night:

"None of us question your decisions, Matron of the Eternal Night. We eagerly await your command." The mare replied simply, bowing her head, and the rest followed suit, causing Nightmare Moon to smile evilly. And after a moment of silence to soak in the feeling of subservience from her elite minions, finally spoke, and issued forth her decree.

"Indeed. Listen, and listen well my elite. A force has made itself known to me, deep in the Everfree wastes, and it feels particularly bothersome. My orders are that you find this force, incapacitate it however you deem fit, and bring it to me. Heed this, though, you are NOT to kill or otherwise destroy this threat under any circumstances: I wish to do that myself. Are we clear?" Nightmare Moon asked, and the lower elite nodded, but the young, brash leader stood tall, and spoke again:

"It will be done, your highness." The thestral mare spoke, and she, too, lowered her head in a bow. And at that, without another word spoken, the small-but-deadly force left the throne room, and soon left for the castle. Before they made way for what was once the Everfree forest, the leader stopped the troupe, and began to issue orders.

"Alright, here's how we go about this, soldiers. Once we reach the forest, the group will devide into two groups. One group will patrol around a specific area in the wastes, and the other group, which I will be in, will go in and investigate inside the determined area. Am I understood?" The young, mean-tempered thestral asked, and all of the other guards acknowledged and agreed, except for one, who immediately made himself heard:

"Um... Don't you think that plan's a bit risky, Malentia?" the guard asked, and the young leader, apparently named 'Malentia', turned to him, an angry expression on her face.

"Pardon?" Malentia asked, and oblivious to her ever-present anger, the guard continued.

"I mean, why devide into any groups? We know where they are, and they probably don't know that we're coming. Why not just strike with full force while we have the chance?" The obviously mentally-challenged guard asked, and Malentia glared at him, causing all the others of the small group to start breaking out into a fear-induced sweat.

"You questioning orders, private?" Malentia asked, metaphorical venom dripping from her voice, and metaphorical fire burning in her eyes (because if either of those were literal, this story wouldn't be half as serious as it already is). But, upon hearing these words, the private began to feel doubt, and under the dominant Malentia's scrutiny, the guard buckled at last.

"... N-no, ma'am." The guard reluctantly replied, and Malentia's gaze finally moved off of him, and to the rest of her squad.

"Alright, you all know the drill! Let's get moving, now!" Malentia finally yelled, and the other thestral elite spread their wings, and flew. However, at the same time, at their destination, other things were afoot... other, more terrible things...

Ornstein and Smough meandered aimlessly through the dead forest, not a care in the world as they marched forward, both singing the Space Jam theme aloud, for all to hear, as their combined amount of fucks to give simply could not reach higher than zero. But as they did, Ornstein's knighty-senses began to tingle, and he quickly turned his gaze to the sky, still singing the catchy tune that accompanied the two warriors on their journey. But though he looked to the sky and behind him, Ornstein still could see nothing but a heretical lack of sunlight, and it was not long before Smough detected his friend's unease, and saw him looking around, as if suspecting a trap.

"Yo, Beanpole, you okay?" Smough asked his companion, and Ornstein quickly turned to him and replied.

"Hm? Oh, It's nothing, Smough. I just have the weirdest feeling that... I'm... being watched! Aha... damn it!" Ornstein shouted as he quickly turned around, as if to catch someone, but the disheartened knight only found dead trees and brush, and Smough quickly became confused at the sudden change in behavior of his fellow sunbro.

"Ornstein... you sure you're okay? You're acting weird again." Smough noted, remembering the time Ornstein got lost in the Everfree, almost starved, and only managed to survive by eating odd berries for a week. Needless to say, he did not get out all right, and needed his stomach pumped immediately after.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. It's just that there might be... somethingoverthere! Gwyn damn it all!" Ornstein fumed again, looking around with renewed vigor. And thus, needless to say, Smough began to suspect something was amiss.

"Ornstein, you're not really acting 'okay'. What the heck's going on? Are those ninjas following you again?" Smough asked, and Ornstein lowered his head in defeat, and sighed.

"No, I don't think it's the ninjas, Smough. I just can't help but feel like we're being... watched." Ornstein explained, putting an ominous emphasis on the last word, 'watched'. At this, Smough's attitude took an immediate change, and he, too, began to look around, and neither uttered a single 'come on and slam' or 'welcome to the jam' the whole time. The two simply walked, deathly silent, and constantly vigilant. And as they walked, the feeling of being watched only grew, further angering the two warriors of Gwyn.

Meanwhile, in the brush nearby, the two warriors were indeed being watched, and by a very formidable adversary. One of the elite thestral guard, during their patrol of the dead forest, found the knight and the executioner as they sung their odd, basketball-themed anthem to the heavens, and this attracted his attention immediately. But though he had the element of surprise, even after the large knight searched for him, something still ate away at him: the thestral had never in his life seen such odd creatures before, and could have never imagined them in his wildest dreams: both creatures were clad in the brightest, shiniest gold armor he could imagine, and then some, but their appearances otherwise were so vastly different, it became a chore to think about how they stood by each other like brothers. Suddenly, though, the guard's thoughts were put on hold as the thin, leonine creature turned its head to his location, causing him to freeze in place, for fear of being caught. Then, in a voice like thunder, the knight spoke:

"Hey, Smough, I think I saw something." It said, glaring at where the guard stood, causing his heart to race; he had seen the armaments that the odd creatures carried, mostly the lion-like one's spear, and he was quite loathe to find out just how effective that the weapon was at actual combat. But neither being moved, even after the first one spoke, and the giant, fat one soon replied after his knightly companion:

"... Are you sure, Ornstein? I just see bushes." The giant replied, quickly followed by the being apparently named 'Ornstein'.

"Yeah, see? that one, it just moved. Hell, I think I hear it breathing." Ornstein noted, and the warrior pointed his spear at where the thestral hid, and the guard, upon hearing this, promptly stopped breathing, and willed his whole body to be still. How they found him so fast was a mystery to the guard, but he had to hide from them, or it was more than his life that was at stake, but the whole mission... not that his life was any less important. And then the two simply stood there, staring at the bush where he hid, as if they could see right through it. And the thestral guard, finally accepting this to be the end, began to compose his excuse for spying on the two dreadful warriors. But, thankfully, it never came to that; Just as the thestral was planning his surrender speech, the building-sized giant Smough turned about, and spoke to his friend.

"Hmm, might just be the wind. Let's get moving, Ornstein." The giant finally said, and the two finally left, letting the terrified guard breath a sigh of relief.

However, all was not as it seemed; for as the two seemingly had stared at the bush where the guard hid, they secretly were conspiring using their mental link, and had soon reached a conclusion: There was, indeed, a spy creepin' 'round here, and he wasn't one of their's. More importantly, though, they didn't need this one reporting back to H.Q. So, nodding their heads at each other, the two dunderheads secretly equipped their friendship slumbering dragon crest rings, and walked off, only to slip around behind the bush they suspected hid the lone enemy. And as they did, they saw just what Ornstein had said there'd be: a single thestral guard, like the ones they harrassed, er, fended off, earlier. However, this one was male, and had quite ornate-looking armor for a mere guard.

After seeing the two giants leave his field of vision, the lone elite guard of the night queen breathed a heavy sigh of relief, happy that the two did not catch him, for fear of what horrible things they would do to him. Especially the fat one. So, with that done, the guard turned around,and began to trot away from the bushes, eyes closed and smile wide.

"Alright, now to bring this report in to the boss..." The guard said to himself, his mood unspoilable... that is, until his face impacted into something tall and hard, like a tree. A tree that was made of metal. And was growling at him. But, suspecting he had indeed bumped into the remains of a dead tree, the thestral shook his head briefly, and glared at the malformed, yellow...

"Wait... trees aren't... yellow..." The guard trailed off as he looked up at the golden, growling 'tree' before him, only to find that it was segmented, and had a foot. Then, as the thestral gulped in absolute, heart-sinking terror, he looked up more, and saw just what he only could have in his worst nightmares: the 'tree' was a giant leg, there were two of them, and they both belonged to... to...

"Hey, Ornstein, look what just bumped into me." the colossal, obese giant bellowed, and the guard's tail, ears, and chances of survival were dropped like they were hot. Then, as if to make the day worse for the already-doomed thestral guard, another tall, gilded creature dropped from the treetops, brandishing its feared spear with ease and speed.

"This one's got issues, bumpin' into us like that... I think he needs to be taught a lesson." The tall, leonine one growled, cracking its armored knuckles as it spoke, and the other one popped its neck in response.

"I agree, Sir Ornstein. I'm lookin' forward to makin' this one squeal like a piglet..." The giant replied, and the guard, now surrounded with no escape, gulped, and tried to talk his way out of the imminent gang rape about to occur.

"C-come on, guys, can't we be civil? I wasn't going to say anything, I swear! Look, I can even tell you what you want!" The guard pleaded, but his pre-gank cries fell on deaf, armored ears. But out of sheer courtesy, the two giants did respond:

"That's right: You AIN'T gonna say nuthin', pipsqueak." The tall knight growled, further intimidating the guard, and the giant spoke next, cementing the guards fate with his words.

"And you ARE gonna tell us what we want... after some good old-fashioned coercion, of course." The giant finally said, and the trembling, sweating guard began to back away as the two drew nearer to him, arms outstretched like hungry zombies... or horny hillbilly inbreeds. Either way, neither scenario appealed to the guard, and his desperate pleas rang out once more, for the last time:

"W-what are you gonna do!?" The terrified, now empty-bowelled guard asked, and the two stopped, stared, and finally laughed, their response pretty obvious from the start. But just for the sake of milking this scene for all it was worth, the two looked at the little guard, and the knight replied first:

"Let's just say, kid... You'd better prepare for trouble..." Said the knight, followed by his round cohort:

"And you'd sure as HELL better make sure it's double." The giant executioner growled at last. "Ornstein... do you have the 'device'?" The executioner finally asked, and the Knight of the Sun laughed, an evil, throaty laugh, as he pulled something from his chest pocket, and moments later, all across the dead forest, the lone guard's scream rang out, making all who heard it cringe at the sheer pain and anguish it exuded.

Meanwhile, in an entirely different part of the wastes, another team, led by Malentia herself, was searching high and low for the two armored miscreants that dared invade their land. It wasn't long, though, before one of them found tracks: a small thestral mare, obviously a newbie (or n00b, for you more internet-savvy folks), had soon found a gigantic crater in the earth, almost bigger than she was, and it definitely looked... different.

"Um, guys? you might want to see this..." the guard called, ushering her comrades in soon enough, including the ever-cocky team leader, Malentia.

"I swear, private, this had better be worth my ti... woah!" Malentia stared at the gargantuan crater in the ground, big enough for her to fit inside, and then some. And as they stared, they all began taking notes on its appearance, most notably Malentia, who gazed over the thing like a kid at a whole rack of action figures, or dolls, or One Direction C.D.s, or whatever kids like these days.

"Obviously a foot... five protrusions each, like some kind of paw... and this is huge, almost five hooves wide! No wonder Nightmare Moon wants this thing gone!" Malentia noted, and she almost continued to terrify her subordinates with more facts on how this thing could kill them, until a loud, pain-filled scream echoed from deeper in the forest, and all but Malentia shuddered at the coincidence alone. And as soon as it stopped, almost every guard in the forest had fled, all but those in Malentia's group, those poor, damned fools. But lo, she merely stood defiantly in the direction of the scream, and gave her fateful order.

"Alright, troops, let's move out!" Malentia ordered, but many of her troops shuddered, and ultimately didn't move, invoking the leader's ill-tempered ire.

"... Well? I said move, that means that way, NOW!" Malentia tried again, but no guard stepped forward, and one even protested:

"Um, can we not, and say we did? I like that plan better." One guard said, and all muttered in agreement, all afraid for their lives, for what they were worth.

"Yeah, that scream kinda sounded like imminent death."

"I ain't going towards that. No way in hell."

"I think I'll need a psychiatrist after this..."

Thus came the varied and many replies to her order, but Malentia, ever the typical femme fatale, shot those hopes down with extreme and unreasonable prejudice.

"NO! You're all going, that way, NOW, before I have an aneurysm and COURT MARSHAL YOU ALL! Do you understand, or do I have to start disciplining?" Malentia yelled, and all the guards trembled, weighing what they were more afraid of at the time; A giant, monstrous, very possibly aggressive and carnivorous beast of untold strength and destruction... or their boss. After a brief chewing-out by said boss, however, the decision was made very clear and obvious, and the remaining guards reluctantly (and I use the term loosely) marched forward, possibly towards imminent death, unimaginable terror, or worse...

Meanwhile, horrible screaming came from the place where Ornstein and Smough captured their prey, and it was quickly obvious what the two were doing to entice such screams of unbridled terror and pain:

Smough was sitting on the poor guard so as to pin him to the earth, and Ornstein held up a strange, rectangular device that could fit in the guard's hoof, but emitted a horrible, terrible, ear-destroying noise so vile, it makes me, the narrator, cringe to describe it. And as the noise played, the poor guard cried and begged, but the two did not listen, and merely sang along to the horrible song, tripling its already-unbearable painfulness.

"Please, stop, for the love of Nightmare Moon, please stop! I'll do anything! ANYTHING!!!" The guard sobbed, his ears already bleeding from the sheer volume at which the music was playing. And finally, Ornstein paused his noise-making torture device, and addressed the guard in a tone most disdainful:

"Renounce your false religion, sinner, and give me my sun back!" Ornstein demanded, causing the damaged guard to cringe. But still, the guard spoke, though what he said only deepened the trouble he was in:

"I don't know what you are talking about, you psychopath! The sun is gone, and it's not coming back! Just let me go, please!" The guard said, and Ornstein grunted once in annoyance, and tapped a button on his little machine, causing the appalling noise to return to the air, completely drowning out the guard's cries of anguish.

"It's such a shame, Ornstein, this perpetual darkness has gone and withered their brains! They just don't know how to not get tortured, it seems." Smough noted over the music, and Ornstein nodded in agreement, his thoughts now solely focused on making this guard suffer as much as possible. However, the song finally ended soon enough, and the guard's head dropped, relief overwhelming him as the horrible noise finally ceased. Then, at last, Ornstein and Smough spoke again, hoping to glean the required information from the prisoner this time.

"Now, you blasphemous inbred, tell us where your leader is! Or do you want another taste of Rick Astley's most famous hit?" Ornstein demanded, but the half-dead guard merely groaned, and looked back up at the massive, angry knight before replying.

"I... told you already... for the fifth time... she's in... Nightmaria!" The guard exhaperatedly said, but Ornstein just shook his head solemnly, and aimed his finger at the play button.

"Never heard of it. Maybe a sixth round will make you start talking sense!" Ornstein growled, but before he could hit the button, Smough turned about, almost grinding the poor, damned guard into the ground, and stopped him.

"Hold, sir Ornstein! Mayhaps this lowly guard speaks true! Maybe Nightmaria is a real place here, and the ruler of this evil, dark land resides there!" The gargantuan executioner exclaimed, and Ornstein took his finger away from the dreaded 'play' button, apparently focused on what Smough just said. Then, the guard breathed another sigh of relief, and glared at the belligerent Kight of Gwyn.

'Just as I've been saying for the past hour... idiots.' the guard thought to himself, but the two captors paid him no mind, and instead focused their combined efforts on finding out where this 'Nightmaria' was.

"Hmm... it's obviously a seat of power, if this 'Nightmare Moon' character presides there... but where can we find it?" Ornstein asked, his head puzzled and his brain irritated at the abnormally low amounts of sunshine it was receiving. (It was a little-known fact, but Ornstein's brain had become so attuned to ever-present sunshine, that when it did not receive any for prolonged periods of time, it simply stopped working.) But, before long, Smough managed to get a thought in his mind, although just just might have saved our almost-heroes:

"Wait, Ornstein... Maybe... maybe Nightmaria... is where Canterlot was!" Smough exclaimed, followed by Ornstein himself.

"What? that can't be right, why would Nightmare Whats-her-face bother setting up base in her enemy's old home?" Ornstein asked, and Smough quickly responded, sure that his hunch was as correct as they come.

"Think about it, Sunbro! Nightmare hates Celestia, right? So what better way to mock her than to take her own home for herself?" Smough reasoned, and Ornstein's brain-gears finally started to turn as realization filled him due to Smough's sudden burst of genius.

"Besides, the castle is on a cliff, on freakin' mountain. What other reason does she need to be there?" Smough finally asked, and Ornstein pondered this new information.

"... Yes, I see now... Very well then, my solar compatriot! If this is where you suspect it to be, then I will follow you to the ends of the earth! Now, let us come up with a plan, as to surprise the lowly usurper of the sun!" Ornstein decreed with hope in his voice and fire in his belly. Now, Ornstein's hopes, thanks to his level-headed half-giant friend, were at their peaks, and nothing could bring them down as he beamed and exuded valor and new-found courage. However, lying beneath Smough's armored buttocks, one of the party did NOT feel particularly happy about this breakthrough, due to the infinite amounts of unbearable pain he was being subjected to, pressured beneath the executioner's hefty hindquarters. And lo, unable to bear it any longer, the poor guard did cry out his anguish, to the bewilderment of the knight and the executioner:

"Yeah, it's good to see you two have finally got your plans all figured out and all, but could you kindly GET THE HECK OFF ME!?" The guard yelled, struggling briefly, when the the two armored figures leered at him in absolute anger and wrath, and the guard immediately regretted his course of action, almost seeming to actually diminish is size as he shied away from the two gilded monstrosities. Then, after a thorough glaring, Ornstein jumped up from his rocky seat, and pointed a righteous finger at the now-doomed guard, causing him to flinch, and proceeded to calmly ask the guard on his thoughts:

"Did you just raise your voice at us!?" Ornstein calmly asked, quickly followed by a brief lecture from Smough:

"Yeah, bitch! Respect!" Smough snapped, making a 'W' with his right hand. Cowed, the guard grew silent, lowering his eyes to the ground.

"N-no..." The guard answered, but he was soon interrupted by a belligerent Ornstein and Smough before he could even finish.

"Stop talking shit!" Roared the Knight, and the Executioner beside him raised his fists, and followed up with a verbal lashing of his own:

"We're gonna beat your ass, motherfucker! Do you WANT to be suffocated between my hot, sweaty titties!?" Smough lashed, grabbing the moobs on his armor for emphasis. And, at last, the guard snapped, closing his tear-filled eyes in hopes that it would be over, and pleading forgiveness of his extremely violent captors.

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!" The guard briefly cried out, his will and soul now broken like so many mortals before him by the trash-talking duo of doom. But even so, the two looked as though they were going to beat the ever-loving shit out of the guard anyway, until something made Smough perk up like a rabbit on cocaine, and a small, shrill, but commanding voice yelled out at the two sunbros, causing them to freeze in their tracks.

"Stop right there, dirtbags!" The voice commanded to little avail, and the assailant, or rather, assailants, all appeared at once, surrounding the two, and filling the poor, broken guard with enough relief to keep him from hollowing right there. However, the two massive warriors seemed undaunted by this turn of events, and just stood there, dumbfounded that the ragtag group even managed to find them.

"Shit, how'd they find us so fast?" Asked Ornstein, his brain still running on vapors.

"Dammit, I knew we should've taped the fuckin' hostage's mouth shut." Smough groaned, raising his hammer over his shoulder as he stood up, releasing the ecstatic prisoner from his rather uncomfortable 'prison'. At that, Ornstein, too, brandished his own weapon, and they stood to meet the challengers that dared to show themselves to the dynamic duo.

"Well, Smough, old pal, it looks like we're drastically outskilled and outnumbered. Eight on two, not including the meat shield you stopped sitting on, and none of 'em look particularly scrub-ish..." Ornstein sighed, his spear flaring with a sudden surge of holy lightning, and Smough looked back at him, a mischievous twinkle in his unseen eyes.

"Just like old times, huh Beanpole?" Smough laughed, and Ornstein nodded once, his knightly disposition finally kicking in.

"As long as none of them use sun spear or magic arrow, I can handle it." Ornstein finally noted, and the group of thestrals, now confident in their chances, converged a bit, before one of them spoke out, the leader by the look of her.

"Alright, bozos. For some reason, our orders are to take you back to Queen Nightmare Moon alive. But if either of you freaks try anything, the only thing she'll be getting are your individual heads. Got it?" The little leader yelled, but Smough just chuckled his signature creepy laugh while Ornstein made a talking motion with his hand, confusing the other guards, but surprising Malentia, and ultimately drawing her ire.

"Are... are you two mocking me?" Malentia angrily questioned, and Smough's laugh deepened while Ornstein stopped gesturing, and made an attempt to answer her question:

"Who, Me? Naw, I'd never mock sumthin' as little and adorable as you!" Ornstein lied, and every guard in the immediate area turned their gaze to Malentia, who then proceeded to blush furiously whilst wearing an expression of sheer surprise and rage upon her bite-sized face.

"Eh... I... I'll show you freaks 'adorable'! GET THEM!!!" Malentia cried, blushing madly and her vision obscured with red. Still, as Smough and Ornstein laughed at the diminutive thestral, the small contingent still leaped forward with power and zeal, each one hoping to get at least one hit in on the Knight and the Executioner, and all of them closing in fast on the two giants, victory assured this night...

Until Smough brought his hammer down, turning half the guards present into red, furry paste in a fraction of a second. At that moment, the other half of the contingent wisely stopped mid-charge, and leaped away from the two as the Knight swung his spear to the side in a deadly arc, missing many thestrals by mere inches, and nicking one, who then fainted on the spot. As for the others, they all just backed up as the Knight laughed, calling them all out as he did.

"Ha! You're right, THIS is adorable! I bet you midnight freaks are wishing you never stepped through this fog wall, huh?" Ornstein called, and before any of the guards could ask what he meant by that, Ornstein swung his spear again, forcing the guards back even further, coupled by Smough's slow, but steady advancement on their position.

"Heh heh... Hey, Ornstein? When this is over, can you leave the leader alive? I got something fun planned for her, huh huh, yeah!" Smough laughed, and Ornstein paused his assault to look at him, the Knight's gaze one of confusion and unease at his partner's words.

"... What?" Ornstein asked, and Smough shook his head, and spoke again, his tone accusing and hurt.

"What? I just wanted to interrogate her is all! Why do you have to put innuendo on everything?" Smough asked, glaring at his leonine friend.

"Why'd you have to end that creepy sentence with 'huh huh, yeah'?" Ornstein retorted, and Smough looked at him a while, and turned back around, seeing no point in further argument. Thanks to Ornstein, the readers now viewed poor Smough as a raging pedophile. Way to go, Ornstein. Nonetheless, the proud knight of Gwyn still held the thestral forces at bay, his spear crackling with sparks of divine light, and his quick slashes promising death for whoever got too close. And so, none of the cowed guards tried for the enraged knight, and many even seemed ready to flee, if Malentia hadn't been there to stop them.

"What are you fillies doing!? Get in there and fight them!" Malentia shouted, but the puny guards that accompanied her were far too afraid for their lives to even hear the orders given past their own echoing heartbeats, and as she screamed at them to attack, Ornstein roared louder, his commanding aura overpowering Malentia's, and the guards that once sought only to obey Nightmare Moon, now fled for their lives from the forest, away from the Knight and the Executioner as fast as their wings and hooves could carry them. And then, at last, only little Malentia was left, after such a short, humiliating fight between her eight, best-trained guards in the whole entire army of Nightmare Moon, and two obnoxious golden giants. Needless to say; she was not happy. But it was not her who delivered the next taunt, but the giants, and they did not lay it down nicely.

"Well, look at that, Smough. Only one left. Think this one will run away too?" Ornstein asked, looming over the lone, slightly quivering thestral with as much of a leer as he could muster. And at that, Smough did reply, as was his role.

"She will if she's smart. But seeing as how she attacked us in the first place without thinking her own troops would bail, I'd say that intelligence isn't a factor here, Slim." Smough taunted, and though Malentia trembled slightly, she still held her ground, refusing to accept that she'd been beaten at all, let alone by two complete morons like these two.

"You... You think you can scare me? I'm the leader of the damned Elite Guard for a reason! I'm..." Malentia tried to monologue, until Ornstein quickly jabbed his spear into the ground right in front of her, sending the thestral leaping backward with a sharp yelp, and ending her little speech before it even took off.

"You're what? Strong? Skilled? Well let me tell ya somethin' princess: you ain't got SHIT on me and Smough here. Isn't that right, big guy?" Ornstein addressed his gargantuan companion, who nodded in agreement.

"You got it, Ornstein." Smough replied at last, giving his bro a complementary thumbs-up as he spoke. And then, Ornstein turned around, and spoke to the thestral once more, further asserting himself over heras much as he could.

"Now, If you value your souls, I suggest you turn around, follow your companions back to their homes, and don't EVER let me catch you in my sight again. Understand?" Ornstein asked the little bat pony, but the trembling, angry little creature before them just stood there, growling.

"You... don't scare me..." she tried to say, but Smough and Ornstein looked at each other, blinked, and did what they did best: laughed at the little pony in her face, causing her self-image to drop further and further. Still, even so, Malentia tried her best to silence the hysterical giants who dared mock her, but to little avail, if any.

"S-stop laughing! Stop right now!" Malentia cried, but, alas, they did not stop. In fact, they did the exact opposite of stopping: they laughed even harder.

"S-stop! I can't breathe!" Ornstein wheezed between fits of laughter, and Smough wiped a tear from his eye beneath his oddly-shaped helmet.

"Wah ha ha! This little scrub... she thinks she can take us!? Oh, oh, wha-what are ya gonna do? Call your mommy!? Wah ha haaaah!!!!" Smough taunted, and the little thestral, her self image and pride now completely crushed, began whimpering and trembling as the two giants laughed.

"N... no...I'm... I'm not a filly! I am Malentia, C-captain of the elite lunar guard, and I command your respect!" Malentia vainly cried, but the two finally stopped laughing, and after a moment of silence, Ornstein spoke, his voice calm, but commanding.

"Fite me then scrub lol." Ornstein demanded, and he immediately put his armored fists up, challenging the thestral guard. Malentia, however, only stared in confusion at the knight's odd challenge, her head tilted in a gesture of utmost confusion.

"... Huh?" Was all Malentia could say, before the massive executioner also put up his fists, and made a similar taunt at the thestral, unnerving her even further.

"Yeah 1v1 me bitch ill knoc ur scrub ass out." Smough said, and Malentia stared in a perfect blend of horror and confusion as the two converged on her, both uttering strange, nonsensical taunts at her all the while.

"Lol wat r u, casul?"

"get gud scrub lol."

"fite me 1v1 punk ass nigger lol."

"Ill fuk u lik i fuked ur mom rofl." Malentia couldn't understand the strange words that flew from the giants' mouths, but she could feel their malice and pressure, and she quickly backed away from the two warriors, terrified for her life as the two still approached her like zombies, arms stretched to their sides as if beckoning her to attack them. But Malentia did not attack. In fact, the moment she was sure her path was clear, Malentia turned about and broke into a run. She sprinted as fast as she could... but she didn't make it but a few feet before a mysterious force stopped her, and she looked up to see... white. There, standing in her way, was a thick, impenetrable wall of fog that simply hung there, suspended between the trees.

"W-what... what sorcery is this...!?" Malentia stammered, her voice shaky as the little thestral guard stood there, shaking in massive amounts of understandable fear. She looked around for some kind of exit or another, but as she feared, it was as if every tree in the area had converged on her location, and no escape could be seen through the impregnable wall of dead trunks and branches. Malentia then turned around again, only to see Smough and Ornstein close in on her, weapons ready, and bloodlust emanating off of their very beings.

"It's no use!" Shouted Ornstein, and Smough leaped into the air, aiming his hammer down at Malentia, and forcing her to roll to the side. But though she rolled, the hammer missed only by mere centimeters, forcing Malentia to feel the sharp gust of wind as the air was expelled from beneath Smough's massive hammer.

"L-let me go, now! I don't have time for this! If you so much as touch me, I can assure you that the whole lunar army will come raining down on your heads!" Malentia threatened, but the two did not relent in any way, and Ornstein merely responded as he thrust his spear at Malentia, forcing her to dodge again.

"That's cool, we have umbrellas." Ornstein replied, and before Malentia could speak again, Smough swung his mighty hammer to the side, causing Malentia to duck. However, in order to duck fully, Malentia had to spread her wings out from her body, as she had to lay completely flat to avoid becoming a fine pink mist. But, unfortunately, that left both wings right in the path of Ornstein's downward-pointing spear. And with a single thrust, Ornstein plunged his weapon down, and with a loud, pain-and-tear-filled scream from Malentia, her right wing was impaled, the blade cutting wing, muscle, and bone alike. In fact, it was a miracle that the knight didn't outright cut the thing off altogether.

"Bullseye!" Ornstein shouted over the pained sobs of the formerly-proud Malentia, and at last, both Smough and Ornstein converged around the trapped, crippled bat pony.

"Well, Smough, I think that's dinner for tonight, what say you?" Ornstein asked, and Malentia looked up at him, fear and pain filling her eyes and face.

"you... you're going to EAT me!?" Malentia cried, but Smough just glared at her, no jovial tone in his voice.

"Bitch, we're hungry. And you're meat. What do you think?" Smough asked, and Malentia looked about ready to break down into tears again. But despite her overwhelming fear and pain, she still loked the two warriors in the eyes, and pleaded for her life.

"Y-you can't! Please! I... I don't want to die!" Malentia pleaded, but Smough and Ornstein looked pitilessly upon the broken, fearful mare, seeing not a sentient being, but just another mass of protein and fat with which to stuff their bellies... Or so she thought.

"Sorry kid, but you should've thought of that before you stepped through that fog wall. Now hurry up and tenderize, so's I can digest you easier." Ornstein dully commanded, followed quickly by a comment from Smough:

"Get in ma belleh!" Smough exclaimed, patting his armor's giant gut for emphasis. And then, at last, Malentia, unable to handle any more of the scenario playing out before her, consisting of being stabbed, trapped with two giant weirdos, and potentially getting EATEN by said weirdos, snapped. Her eyes teared up, her whole body quivered, and she broke down sobbing right there, unable to cope with the stress Ornstein and Smough presented to her. Alas, she cried and cried, pleading that they let her go between sobs of pain and fear. But as the two stood silent, she too grew silent, her face hardened, and through the tears, Malentia glared her fiercest at the two and bared her teeth, her feelings of fear quickly being replaced with agitation and raw anger at their silence.

"Well!? Do it then! FUCKING DO IT! I dare you, you giant, sick, twisted fucks! Eat me! I SAID EAT ME, DAMN YOU, just GET IT OVER WITH!!!" Malentia screamed at last, spittle flying from her mouth as she bellowed her fury at the two silent giants, and her eyes wild with rage and hate for them as they stood. Then, as all fell silent, Malentia calmed down, accepting her fate, but it never came. Instead, what the mare heard next shocked her to no end, comparable only to their actions prior to almost killing her:

"She totally cried first. Pay up, beanpole." Smough said calmly, extending his hand toward Ornstein as if expecting something from him, but the knight refused the demand, voicing his concerns as he looked at his colossal friend.

"What!? No way, man. Check under her for urine! I know she had to pee herself first!" Ornstein exclaimed, reeling back from his friend, and the confusion of the poor thestral deepened even further. Alas, though, no answers came, only more insane arguing.

"No man, she cried first, now pony up, so to speak." Smough finally said, moving his hand closer to Ornstein, and with a disgruntled sigh, the knight reached into his pocket behind his armored skirt, and pulled out several gold and silver coins, handing them to the half-giant sunbro.

"Gwyn damn it, of all the times for the natural order to screw up..." Ornstein muttered angrily, but before the two's ranting could continue, Malentia finally racked up the courage, and voiced her concerns to the warriors of the sun lord:

"Wh... What in the name of Tartarus was THAT!?" Malentia demanded, and finally, as if they just now saw her for the first time, they acknowledged the little bat pony's presence with a calm and collected air about them, quite unusual for these two particular individuals.

"Oh, Orny and I secretly made a bet to see whether you'd cry or pee yourself first. I said you'd start crying first, and it looks like I won." Smough at last said, and Malentia stared in bewilderment at the two as they looked pitilessly at her, as if she was just some kind of toy.

"You... You made a..?... You... two... are... DEMENTED!!!" Malentia screamed, thrashing on the ground despite the spear that pinned her wing. In fact, that was the LAST thing she was worried about now. However, due to prolonged sun deprivation, Ornstein's brain had further shut down, and he quickly scratched his helmet in place of his head in a gesture of confusion and deep thought.

"Did that little pubic hair just call us 'dementors'? I most certainly am NOT a soul-sucking aberration of nature, you little accident!" Ornstein quickly snapped, but before he could crush Malentia's head with his fist, Smough stopped the confused knight, and proceeded to explain the situation.

"No, Ornstein, she called us DEMENTED, not dementors. Calm down now, we'll get your sun back soon." Smough comforted his gilded wingman, and Ornstein tiredly nodded, finally calmed from his rage. Malentia, however, was not calm. In fact, she was the exact opposite of calm, and she was not afraid to show it anymore.

"Yeah, that's great. BUT WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK!? You guys think you can just attack me, and then forget about me!? UNPIN ME THIS INSTANT, OR SO HELP ME, I'LL FUCKING RIP YOUR RESPECTIVE SCROTUMS IN HALF LIKE WET NEWSPAPER!!!" Malentia screamed as loud as she possibly could, struggling against the spear that held her down. All the while, the two chucklefucks simply held their heads, and groaned in annoyance.

"By Gwynnevere's great, milky tits, the chosen undead never complained this much!" Ornstein moaned, and Smough nodded in agreement, voicing his own complaint soon after.

"I know! That dude kept on dying over and over and just kept coming back, but this one isn't even dead yet and she's pissing me off!" Smough cried.

"Gah, what do we do with it!? I feel like my head's going to explode from the sheer amount of vitamin nagging bitch she's producing!" Ornstein cried as the diminutive thestral ranted at them, and as if unable to stand it anymore, Smough quickly grabbed the spear, ripping it out of the ground, and Ornstein ran up to the now-silent bat pony, and before she could blink, he punted her clear over the dead trees, out of sight, and thankfully out of mind.

"Goooaaal!" Smough cried, throwing his hands into the air, and Ornstein fell to his knees, thankful that that potential headache was finally gone. And so, the two sat, their challengers now destroyed by the awesome power of Ornstein's sunny D. However, though the threat at hand was destroyed, the true threat still yet loomed above them, blotting the sun they strived to protect.

"Smough... we must find Nightmare Moon and end this. I can't take this perpetual darkness anymore." Ornstein said, his will fading each moment, and Smough nodded, understanding his friend's plight.

"I understand, sir Ornstein. I will carry you, and we will smite this evil together." Smough said, and Ornstein smiled, his hope rearing again as he imagined his sun, back in the sky where it belonged, and the head of this 'Nightmare Moon' character on a pike. However, he had never seen Nightmare Moon's face before, so he just imagined Nicholas Cage's grinning head in its place. And so, Ornstein upon his back, and hope in their hearts, The legendary adventure of Ornstein and Smough continued, as they trudged through the wastes of the Everfree.

Many hours passed, and the two were making decent headway through the land, and soon found themselves at the mountain's base... the mountain, upon which, a castle sat, and within it, sat their target: Nightmare Moon.

Meanwhile, in the throne room, the very same Nightmare Moon was glaring in disappointment at a broken and downtrodden Malentia, all alone, and covered in the scars of a half-assed, but quite tolling battle. You see, after the two had punted her, she coincidentally landed in none other than Nighmaria, right in front of the castle itself. However, the treatment she got was far different than what she'd imagined: there were no medals, no commemorations, just a scowling queen that knew of her defeat, and was not happy about it. And now, after her brief review of the crushing defeat of her whole elite guard, Nightmare moon spoke to Malentia, her voice harsh and disconcerting.

"So, let me get this straight... two armored giants, neither of which were particularly consistent OR intelligent, managed to just up and kill half your squad, and then forced the rest to retreat?" Nightmare Moon asked, her blue, snake-like eyes glowing with an internal fire that betrayed her anger at this colossal disaster. And, given no other choice, Malentia, poor, broken Malentia, spoke:

"y-yes... ma'am..." The crestfallen guard sighed, and after shuffling her hooves, she continued her report, hoping her queen would spare her if she only knew what had happened.

"You... you see, Mistress... they were just so strong... and I tried to stay and fight, but... but they just pinned me to the earth, and just... toyed with me! There was nothing I could do... I'm so sorry..." Malentia pleaded, but Nightmare moon, like the heartless bitch she was, cut her off, and voiced her own concerns.

"I care not for your little agonies, Malentia. I sent you to bring me the source of all that power back alive. Yet even with close to an army at your disposal, you have failed me. This simply cannot do, Malentia." Nightmare scolded, and Malentia lowered her head, the sense of disappointment and oppression filling the room and weighing heavily upon her.

"I... I understand, Mistress..." Malentia sighed, her feeling of dread growing with each passing moment, with nothing to be done about it, and no one to save her now. That is, until...

" I don't think you do, Malentia. But perhaps you will truly understand my disappointment in you after a few years in the... wait... what's that noise?" Nightmare Moon trailed off, suddenly perking up at the unquestionable sound of music that rapidly grew louder as time passed.

"What..? I-I don't hear any..." Malentia whimpered, but she was quickly cut off by the main door to the throne room exploding outward, and several guards flying into the back wall with a delightful combination of 'aaaugh!'s, 'oof!'s, and 'splat's.

"Huzzah!" Cried a deep, familar voice from behind the exploded door, and a colossal, fat, armored giant jumped into the room, landing on a guard that tried to crawl away from the entrance. And then, as if on que, an tall, gold-armored knight stepped into the room, holding a golden, rectangular device that was undoubtedly the source of the semi-jovial music. Nightmare Moon, stunned by this rather sudden development, could only stare at the unusual pair of warriors, and could only guess at their intent.

"Who... are you two?" Nighmare asked, her usual malice replaced by absolute and total confusion. And thus, the giant executioner responded, swiping his oddly-shaped hammer in front of him.

"Prepare for trouble!" Smough announced to the staring Queen, quickly followed up by the knight, who seemed to have teleported onto the inconspicuous balcony overlooking the room for some reason, and made his speech as he jumped off.

"And make it double... ah, dammit." Ornstein said casually as he crashed into the ground, his feet breaking two large holes in the floor, as if this happened on a regular basis. But despite this, the two continued on, uncaring of the stares Nighmare Moon and Malentia were giving them.

"To protect the princess from unwanted invasion!" exclaimed Ornstein.

"To slay all dragons within our nation!" quoted Smough.

"To stop all who come at us, and make them eat shit!"

"To never show mercy, not even for a bit!"

"Ornstein!"

"Smough!"

"Team douchebag, recking u at teh speed of light!"

"Homeward bone now, or prepare to fight!" The two finally ended their entry speech, but though the two now stood there, assured of their victory, Nightmare Moon, Malentia, and every guard they didn't kill now stared at them, expressions of 'WTF!?' plastered upon their faces. but after a moment, Nightmare Moon shook her head, and glared at the two who dared intrude upon her throne.

"So, I guess you two were responsible for laying waste to my elite guard, I take it?" Nightmare Moon asked, unsure of how to respond to this situation.

"Yep. We totally destroyed your guards, bitch." Ornstein blurted, his sense of pride swelling as he revisited the horrific slaughter and retreat of the queen's guards naught but an hour or so ago.

"Yes, and now we're here to destroy you!" Smough declared, and the two giants took a single step forward, and Malentia practically jumped away from the two, terrified out of her mind. But Nightmare Moon, on the other hand, saw no reason to be afraid. In fact, much to the giant warriors' confusion, she started... laughing!

"Heh... heh heh... Ha HA HA HA HAAA! This is brilliant! You two are the ones responsible for all this carnage?! Pray tell, how did you even get in here?" The queen of the eternal night asked mockingly, and the two warriors merely looked at each other, then at Nightmare Moon before replying.

"We walked." Ornstein answered flatly, and Smough simply nodded, unable to think of a better answer himself.

"Yep. Then we smashed all the guards. And your door. And all the furniture and pottery. and then we tilted every painting and picture in the halls on our way here." Smough finally replied, just as Ornstein swung his spear into another vase, obliterating it.

"I see. So, you two are what my most elite guard, Malentia, is deathly afraid of?" Nightmare Moon asked, raising an eyebrow at the two.

"Yep." both giants claimed at the same time. And so, with nothing more in the way of dialogue, Nightmare Moon began her dreaded monologue, just like every other villain ever.

"Well, even if that's the case, I must still thank you, for you have single-handedly delivered yourselves to me, and can now be disposed of with ease! So again, I thank you for coming, but must apologize for the end of your little journey. Goodbye, Ornstein and Smough." Nightmare moon ended her speech at last and then looked at the two, magic ready, only to find that they'd fallen asleep. So, with a solid glare and an involuntary twitch in her eye, Nightmare moon coughed once, getting the two's attention.

"Zz-uh? Wha? Oh, it's just you. Hey, Smough, wake up! She finished her speech." Ornstein called out to his giant friend, and the obese executioner awoke with a start, looking around in bewilderment.

"Huh, what? It's over? Oh, thank Gwyn, I thought it'd never stop." Smough complained, and soon, both warriors brandished their weapons, and glared back at the oppressive queen of eternal night.

"You two are truly the oddest heroes I've ever met..." Nightmare noted flatly, but Ornstein quickly pointed at Nightmare Moon, and objected to her note.

"Objection! We ain't heroes, toots." Ornstein said grimly, and Smough stepped up afterwards, finishing his friend's sentence.

"We are fuck-mothering undead, bitch." Smough growled, and the two raised their weapons, finally ready to combat Nightmare Moon in her own Citadel. Nightmare, however, was having none of it.

"You two... you two honestly think you have a chance against ME!? I defeated Celestia, and her champions! I blotted the sun from the sky myself! I defeated every hero to ever invade these halls myself, with my own power! You think you can beat me? Do you truly think you two stand a chance!?" Nightmare Moon ranted, but Ornstein and Smough simply glared back at her, and answered curtly:

"We don't think, bitch. We DO." Ornstein declared, and the two, finally tired of exchanging words with the moon tyrant, shot forward, to instead exchange blows with her.

However, as they moved forward, Nightmare Moon simply raised a single hoof, and both warriors stopped dead in their tracks as a shield of magic surrounded the moon queen, and she simply laughed as they continued to smash their weapons against her shield furiously, and it wasn't long before they simply got tired and gave up.

"Gwyn damn it! how do we break that thing?" Smough asked. But thankfully, Ornstein's last bout of leader-like genius shone through, and he answered.

"Wait, she's using dark magic... so naturally, I just have to counter it. Watch." Ornstein said, and he then calmly walked up to the queen, who then laughed at his presence, taunting him from behind a magic shield.

"Well well, sir Ornstein! Finally given up? Feeling like kneeling now?" Nightmare Moon taunted, but Ornstein merely glared at her, electrocuted his spear, and prodded the bubble with his weapon, resulting in a loud popping noise as the shield was destroyed. And thus, seeing her only defense from the two countered, Nightmare looked in surprise at the knight, who saw fit for one last insult before he killed her.

"Git gud, scrub." Ornstein said, and he jabbed his still electrified spear forward, impaling the lunar tyrant by her neck, and watched as she convulsed and writhed as thousands of volts of electricity coursed through her body, and one generic flash of light later, she was gone. Breathing heavily, Ornstein looked around, and finding no sign of the tyrant anywhere, he sighed, and spoke once more:

"Well, that was fucking anticlimactic. What the fuck was she, an illusion? I've gotten better fights from those hellkite drakes, and those bastards' heads decorate my wall." Ornstein complained, but Smough then walked up, and put a hand on his shoulder, comforting his disappointed comrade.

"Eh, don't get down. She wasn't a very good villain to begin with: She almost lost to the 'power of friendship' for Gwyn's sake." Smough said, and Ornstein sighed once, mourning the lameness of that particular fight.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Let's get out of he-HOLY FUCK!!!" Ornstein exclaimed, looking down at his feet, and Smough followed suit, his reaction pretty much the same:

" By Gwyndolin's faggotry! What the hell is that!?" Smough cried, for at the warriors' feet, lay a little blue alicorn mare, similar to nightmare moon, but a brighter shade of blue, and way smaller.

"Gwyn's beard... is... is that Luna!?" Ornstein asked, and Smough quickly looked up, a realization forming in his mind.

"Christ, man... this is like Manus! Nightmare Moon Must've ate Luna, and when we killed her, Luna came back out!" Smough exclaimed, and the two were left pondering as little Luna slept, unaware of the two yelling giants above her. But before the two could decide what to do with her, the windows began to brighten, and both warriors looked outside, and what they saw made them almost jump for joy, especially Ornstein.

"By Gwyn... could... could it be..?" Smough asked, and Ornstein only stared, dumbfounded at the sight being played out before him: upon the horizon, rising for the first time in over a thousand years, was none other than the sun, in all of it's bright, golden, eye-burning glory.

"Finally... The sun has returned to this lightless hellhole! Praise Gwyn!" Ornstein shouted, and the two sunbros then proceeded to raise their arms into the air, forming a Y shape with their bodies, and they stood there, confusing everybody in the room, except Luna, who was still knocked the fuck out. Suddenly, a bright light filled the room, and as the two turned back around, there, in the center of the room, floated a bright, iridescent ball of warm, golden light, which then began to shrink and shift until it became the form of a pony, and the light disappeared, leaving a tall, white, rainbow-maned alicorn in its wake, her eyes closed, and her head bowed, as if asleep standing up. Ornstein and Smough stared at this spectacle for only a moment, and then shook their heads, finally grasping the reality of the situation.

"S-Smough... did... did we just save the world?" Ornstein shakily asked, his brain hurting from the sheer amount of sudden sunlight it was receiving, as well as the surreal nature of the scene rolling out before him. And lo, Smough simply nodded as he stared forward, just as amazed as his friend was.

"Yeah... I guess we did." Smough said, and at that moment, Celestia opened her eyes, and looked all around her; at the room, at her still-K.O.ed sister, and finally, at thing one and thing two, still standing around like a couple of stoners.

"... H-hello... did... did you two free me, by any chance?" Celestia asked, but neither one of the warriors moved for a while, until, at last, Ornstein shook his head, and managed to stutter out an answer:

"Y-yeah, I... I guess we did..." Ornstein answered, his mind finally returning to reality as his mind adjusted from a world of darkness, back to one of light.

"Well... I suppose I must thank you, then. You two brave souls have gone forward and defeated Nightmare Moon, and in the process freed both me and my sister. Brave knights, I humbly thank you, from the bottom of my heart. But... by any chance... may I ask your names?" Celestia asked, looking inquisitively at the two massive warriors, and after a moment, Ornstein finally answered:

"M'lady, I am sir Ornstein, of Anor Londo, and this is my best friend, Smough." Ornstein explained, and Smough raised his hand, and commented:

"I'm actually an executioner." Smough said, and Celestia looked at the two, and smiled.

"Well, I owe you many thanks, Knight Ornstein and Executioner Smough. Now, thanks to you two, light has returned to the world, and the evil Nightmare Moon has been vanquished!" Celestia thanked the two, who responded in kind:

"Meh, it wasn't that hard. She was a pretty crappy villain." Said Ornstein.

"Yeah, she was a total scrub. But no matter, you're still welcome." Smough said, and with that, Celestia spoke again,beginning the discussion of their reward.

"Well, it will take some time, but I will return Equestria to its former glory, and restore it from the evil Nightmare Moon has done. In the meantime, if there is any reward you desire, feel free to ask for it, I am certain I can give it to you." Celestia decreed with a smile, and the sunbros, in response, looked at each other for a moment and nodded, knowing what needed to be done. Then, Ornstein looked back at Celestia, and spoke.

"Well, you see, Celestia, as it turns out... we really are not from this world." Ornstein began, and Celestia's face turned quickly into one of shock as his words sank in, and after a quick moment, she replied.

"Not from this world? What could you mean? Surely you did not fall from the sun itself... right?" Celestia asked, but Ornstein shook his head, and began to explain:

"No, Celestia. See, we are not just from this world... we suspect that we are not from this timeline!" Ornstein began, and without hindrance, he continued. "See, the flow of time itself seems to have become convoluted, with heroes centuries old, some not even of the same timeline as others, appearing and vanishing at random intervals. In fact, I do not know how long your world and ours will remain in contact. But since we haven't phased out of here in the five whole hours we've been here, I suspect that the convoluted timeframe has fucked me and my friend over and stranded us here." Ornstein finished, and Celestia gave them each a confused look before voicing her response to the... uncanny... explanation.

"So... you two are from... another time..?" Celestia tried to piece together the information she was given, but she simply couldn't wrap her head around the idea of other timelines existing, much less being visited by beings from said timeline.

"That is the only logical answer, yes. And unfortunately for you, this means one of three things: A timelord fucked up and blew up his tardis, someone divided by zero, or the age of light is coming to an end. Even worse, all evidence seems to support the latter." Smough replied, his voice grim and serious, and Celestia then proceeded to break out in a sweat, fearful of the dire prophecy these two beings had bestowed upon her.

"That's... that's horrible! What can be done to stop this?! Surely such wise and powerful beings as yourself could stop this travesty, right?" Celestia asked, afraid of the world of hers being enveloped in darkness again, and thankfully, the glorious warriors of the sun did, in fact, have a solution, and the Knight announced it as quickly as they could, to calm the princess.

"Fear not, Celestia, for there is a way! Though... it will be difficult, and we will need your help." Ornstein led on, and the princess of the sun smiled brightly, and almost jumped for joy at the thought of a way to stave off the coming age of darkness. And for that end, she was willing to do anything.

"Of course! What is it that you would require of me, sirs Ornstein and Smough?" Celestia excitedly asked, and Ornstein looked at her, his aura grim and serious, betraying the difficulties to come, and he at last spoke, giving Celestia the instructions to save the multiverse.

"Under normal circumstances, the only feasible solution to halt this threat would be to show to us your boobs. But seeing as you have none, we must ask you to teleport us back to our time, so we may fight the evil that now plagues all of existence. Can you do this?" Ornstein asked, and Celestia nodded quickly, stepping back from the two giants.

"I... I can try. But I'll have you know, I just returned from a thousand-year banishment, and my casting skills are a bit rusty..." Celestia warned, but Ornstein quickly cut her off with a wave of his hand.

"It matters little! Time is short, and the darkness now looms over all possible timelines! Make with the hocus-pocus, woman! Quickly!" Ornstein demanded hastily, snapping his fingers for emphasis, and Celestia nodded in understanding, and began the spell. With a look of mild strain upon her face, her horn began to glow, and a soft light enveloped the two warriors of Gwyn, preparing to send them off. Soon, the portal was complete, and the two felt themselves slipping away as the light engulfed them, and Celestia stood there, seeing her heroes off.

"Thank you again for all your help! I will never forget you, Sir Ornstein and Smough!" Celestia called to them, and the two both waved back, eager to return to their time. And finally, with one last, bright flash of light, the two vanished, on their way back to their own timeline... hopefully. But as the two flew through the tunnels of time, Smough spoke to Ornstein, voicing one single question he had:

"Hey, Slim?" He asked.

"Yeah, Big guy?" Ornstein answered, looking over to his hammer-wielding companion.

"Say, why did we have to do that whole speech about 'the age of darkness' and needing to fight the evil' and whatnot? Couldn't we just have used our favor to make her take us back anyway?" Smough asked, more out of curiosity than concern, but nonetheless, Ornstein answered, confidence in his voice:

"Because, Smough ol' pal, I was mostly bored and wanted to scare the ever-loving shit out of her." He replied, facing forward once more.

"Oh." Smough then retorted, not exactly surprised by Ornstein's answer. But before he could forget about it, Ornstein turned to Smough again, and began speaking:

"However, that is not the only reason." Ornstein continued, earning a confused glance from his giant friend.

"Huh?" Smough asked, and Ornstein faced forward once more, and explained.

"You see, Smough, a true knight always has to make plans, and he also has to always make backup plans. You see, Smough, this portal is really almost certain to take us back to our universe, but not entirely. So, in the off chance that this portal DID screw up and send us to another alternate universe, I wanted to be sure that the princess would actually be fooled by all that nonsense, so we have a trump card just in case worse comes to worse." Ornstein explained, and Smough stared off for a while, but soon understood the knight's ways.

"Ohhhh, I get it! So, like, if we DON'T end up saving the world when this portal fails, and the one in charge owes us nothing, we can just use that to get whatever we want?" Smough noted excitedly, and Ornstein snapped his fingers, and nodded at the executioner.

"Excactly!" Ornstein replied, and Smough looked forward, eager to see where this portal took them. And after a while had passed, the two finally felt something stop, and a bright, white light enveloped them, and the two felt themselves finally slip back into reality...

Though which reality they slipped into, was uncertain.

To be continued...

Author's Note

The song on Ornstein's I-pod (which he calls his 'I-sun') was supposed to be Justin Beiber's 'Baby', but I didn't have the patience or the want to actually look that song up. Plus, like hell he'd have that on his I-sun, even if it was for torture purposes.

As usual, feedback is appreciated, and if this chapter sucked in any way, feel free to take it up with H.R.

Thank you, and have a nice day.