Chapters Dear diary,
I have left the past behind me. And I won't look back. What that colt did to me, still hurts today. He took me when I was most vulnerable, it wasn't my fault. Was it, diary? But just because I ran doesn't mean that the problem is gone, I will have to be careful as well as there will be trouble. But I have learnt a thing or two and I will make my hoof steps more carefully.
"Hey, are you the new girl? "
The question startles me. Sorry diary i'll have to continue later.
"Uh...., I guess."
"I'm Danny Fenton, nice to meet you."
As I look up, standing above me is a pegasus colt with a peachy coat, a jet black mane and icy blue eyes. He has a warm look in his eyes but a inch of sorrow . All of the sudden my heart flutters,thank goodness I am wearing my vest it to keep my wings from bursting from under my cloak. That's another reason I moved, but i'll talk about that later.
"Uh, earth to new girl!"
I snap out of my daze. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I can't fall so easily again.
"Uh yeah, sorry."
"What's your name?"
"Rainbow....... Rainbow Moonshine."
"Explains the mane. Anyway this my friend Tucker."
I look slightly to the right and see another unicorn colt, but this one has a mud brown coat and a darker brown mane. He scares me. For what reason, I don't know. He starts talking again.
"Need help getting around the school?"
"Yes please."
I hand him my schedule.
"Oh, will you look at that. We have the exact same schedule. You just have to follow me."
"That will be great."
At that the five minute bell rings. As I open my locker, students start rushing to class all around me.
"Okay, just get your books, and i'll be right back and we'll go to our first class."
And with that he's off. The way he smiled at me made me feel like I had butterflies in my stomach. He came back. I'm guessing his locker must be close. We start talking.
"So what's with the cloak?"
"Its personal!" I snap. I immediately feel bad.
"Sorry, it it's my..... uh..accessory."
I flash a weak smile. What else was I supposed to say? If he knew I had bat wings, yes bat wings. Yes for your information i'm a unicorn with bat wings. My mother was a unicorn and my father a bat pony. It was their forbidden love. I don't know if i'm an alicorn or not but last time ponies saw my wings I got bullied for it. Freak, loser, you don't belong. But he persists. Daring this one.
"It's a very unusual accessory."
"Maybe if we become good friends, i'll tell you. But right now I barely know you."
"If?, When." He corrects me, it stings.
As were walking the air temperature suddenly drops around me. I pretend not to notice. He mumbles something, I ignore it. All of a sudden I hear a sound.
"Beware of the box ghost."
All of a sudden a bunch of students start running of opposite direction of where I was heading. Soon, I see the cause of the noise and paranoia. Above me is a slightly blue ghost pony. And then I remember the reason I specifically chose this town. It was rated highly for ghost pony sightings. I didn't believe in ghost ponies, but it's an interesting topic. And there was also some sort of ghost pony hero who fought them off. I try to take my camera out of my carry-on bag.
"RUN!" he yells.
Though I can tell he's not afraid, what a terrible liar. But none the less I make a slow trot to not disappoint my guide, just to turn around to see him running off in the opposite direction, and he makes a sharp left turn. I start thinking to myself, the ghost pony isn't that scary might as well see where he went. Just when i'm about to make the turn, a pegasus shoots out of the darkened corridor. A very pale pegasus in a black suit, but with white gloves, boots and belt.And beautiful glowing green eyes. He looks very familiar, but I swear I have never seen him in my life. I try to catch a quick snap shot, but i'm to late. But he looks so familiar, as well as my guide is nowhere to be found. I put my feelings aside like I always do and catch some snapshots. I start moving closer, until the ghost pony takes notice of the flashes of my camera. So i'm standing there until he vanishes.
"Weird."
Until I feel some pony grab me by my cloak and lift me into the air. I am startled by this. Just to turn around to see it's the very box ghost smiling devilish at me.
"Let me go you creep."
At this remark he just laughs more, and I start to squirm around. All of a sudden I think of a idea, I grab my camera with my magic put it on the brightest flash and take a picture.
"Say cheese, creep!"
"Ah!" he drops me.
Unfortunately to hide my wings I was wearing a vest, so that lead me to free falling.It wasn't that far though so I figured right about now was when I was supposed to fall but instead feel some pony grab me from underneath. I look to see it's that very ghost hero. Under me there's a crowd cheering, above me there's a ghost scowling. I hate getting in ponies way. With me in one hoof, he takes out a thermos like object and points it at the ghost and with that the ghost is sucked in. He takes off, with me still in his hoofs. He looks at me in this weird way.
"You can drop me off now." I hate being a damsel in distress.
"I'd rather get away from the crowd first."
He gets to a quiet and secluded part of the school.
"Is this the part where i'm supposed to say, thank you and how can I ever repay you?" I ask.
"I don't know, but now that you mention it. Can you lift the cloak and vest?"
"What are a you, creepy loner?"
"No, just not many ponies where such attire unless their hiding something."
Even though I hardly know this pony, he did save my life, but I can't. So I plant a quick kiss and teleport to my locker. I panicked, but the question, is all to familiar.
Dear Diary,
What does it mean to be loved? What does it mean to be hurt? To have that one special somepony tell you to your face that he doesn't love you anymore? Is it possible to recover from all that pain? To open up your heart once more? There are so many questions in the world that need answers. But often to many are too afraid to answer these questions, afraid of their own memories and of that happiness that was once theirs. Some surpass these fears and find another to share their happiness with, but they are rare occurrences.
This leads me to my next question, why in my endless pain, am I having these feelings? Am I not stuck in oblivion? Or are the shadows of my heart finding light? A light that will destroy the darkness of my once joyful heart. I smile whenever I see him and something I haven’t done in years! He brings me the happiness that I have truly missed but I don't understand why these feelings are here. I’m scared diary. It’s only been two weeks since I first came here and I don’t know what to do! I seem to have feelings for two ponies but I don’t want them. I won’t have them. But there’s the colt that befriended me on my first day and we've become very good friends. He is ever so curious to find my secret but he makes my days so much better, he lights up my world. Then there’s the other colt that I almost never see because of him being a hero and all but that small kiss, it felt somewhat right. Like it was meant to be. Maybe I am biased but I don’t know, I have no control over my feelings right now.
So, I decided to take the school bus to school today. I get too lonely for my own good, but it's necessary. I wish I had someone.
As I finish writing yet another diary entry, I notice that I don't have many pages left. I'll just have to save my money to get a new one… Just as I was thinking this my colt friend starts to head towards me and takes a seat next to me when he reaches my bench. I close my book quickly when he starts to lean over me to look at what I was doing.
"Hey.... what is that?" he asks curiously pointing towards my notebook.
"Nothing! And keep your nose out of my things!" I shout whisper. He can’t know about this diary, he just can’t.
He gives me a devilish grin and I will admit he is kinda a cute when he grins at me like that. Ugh! Those feelings again but they're different, more intense. A clenching of the heart of sorts but I ignore it as I go on talking to him. I don't even notice the a small blush creeping onto my face and I start to question myself. What exactly do you call this feeling again? It is such a weird feeling to feel. I shudder to myself and look out the window while letting out a quiet sigh.
Across the street I see two ponies, a mare and a stallion. And then, I see him grasp her hoof, and give her a nuzzle. I frown while seeing this but at the same time my heart envies it. My heart clenches and I turn my head back towards my colt friend. It is then that I see that I accidentally left my saddle bag open. And now he is reading my diary. Oh Celestia, I hope he didn't get one of the most recent entries.
"Hey, that's mine!" I nearly yell.
"What's with all the depression?" he asks looking at me strangely. An emotion seems to settle in his eyes as he speaks but I can’t quite tell what it is.
"Have you ever heard of keep your hooves to yourself, you ...you...." I couldn’t call him anything because my heart stopped me.
For some reason all my anger subsided, and I don’t have any good comebacks to say. Seconds later, I realize why. I don't want to but I do. I'm so confused with my own self that my feelings are all jumbled up, creating a mind block. It's a bit embarrassing. But then I think of all the ways he persuaded me to spill my own beans, and the anger comes back in full force.
"You, you jerk. You can’t waltz in here and look through my stuff just to ask me questions on MY life! This book is private! P-R-I-V-A-T-E! You can’t do what-what he did-did..." I shove the book in his face to emphasize what I meant and I struggle with my emotions but I crumple at those last words. I can't bear to even look at his face, so I teleport myself out.
Luckily I teleported myself to the school, they still have a good ten minute ride. But suddenly something makes me stop dead in my tracks, I feel something wet on my cheek. I reach my hoof to my face to feel a tear making it's way down. Had I been..... crying? The sadness and anger held over the years is starting to come back and I need to keep them in check but it’s so hard. None the less, I wipe my face and put on a fake smile while walking into the building to get a head start on my day. I let myself get lost in my thoughts and start thinking about the busy day ahead of me but just as I was going through my schedule, I stop in mid step and the smile vanishes off my face. Its replaced with a look of shock and confusion.
Right at my locker, I see an all too familiar colt. But it's too late to turn back since he has already spotted me. He has a look of regret and anger. I've never seen him like this, but wait..... how did he get here so fast? It's impossible that the bus got here before I did. Millions of questions swarm through my head but I am too ashamed to look into his eyes. My vision starts to get blurry, and I accuse myself of being a foal. I shouldn’t be crying, I am stronger than this.
"I...... I'm sorry for acting that way." I mumble to my side.
"What the hell was th.... Are you crying?" He ask, no longer angry but genuinely concerned.
"Look I- I'm s-s-sorry, can you just please l-leave? " I ask through choked sobs.
"Look it's not a big deal. I.. I shouldn't have been looking in your diary, but don't ever do that again." He pleads. "That is not only embarrassing but I also look like a huge asshole to make a mare cry. But who is-" He stops mid sentence and looks down at me.
Gently, he puts a hoof under my chin to make me look at him. Even though my vision is blurry from all the tears, I can still see him very clearly as well as his warm smile.
"Look I'm sorry, but can you give me a smile?" He asks me this, and once again I feel nervous, but why? My lips wouldn’t turn upwards so he quietly leaves in his own thoughts after a while but for some reason I wish he had stayed. To tell me it'll all be okay and give me a hug, but then I catch myself. What’s going on with me?
The rest of the day flies by like a blur, and I'm hardly listening to what any of my teachers are saying. His face and words stick in my mind. The way he shrugged it off like I didn't do anything confused me and I doubt that he understood what happened in the bus. But the way he blamed himself, if was as if he did understand that he had opened up old scars. And before I knew it, the bell that signals the end of the day rings. I grab my stuff and head to the bus station where I see him though, something is hanging out of his saddle bag. As if sensing my eyes on it, he shoves it back in. After the weird event, I get on the bus and take my usual seat where he joins me.
We were silent the whole bus ride, neither of us looked at the other. The anxiety in myself starts to build up. I wonder what is going through his mind, is he disappointed with me? or is he just saddened with my actions? But then the bus comes to his stop and he doesn't get off, instead he sits firmly next to me. It stays like that until there's no pony on the bus except me and him.
Finally I see my stop getting closer and I get off the bus but he follows. Sweat is dripping down my brow. I'm scared of what he'll do, thankfully my house is getting closer and closer, almost there.
"Wait!" he yells to me.
The words send a shiver down my spine, and I feel like I'm going to collapse any moment now. But instead of yelling at me, he asks calmly.
"Is this where you live?"
I slowly nod.
"Look I'm sorry that I got you angry, but I couldn't help but noticing that you were running out of paper. So I got you a new one."
At this I can only stand there and gape.
"So.. you're not going to yell at me and call me stupid?" I ask still in a state of shock.
"What ? No are you crazy? I would never do that to a friend." He says shocked at my own words.
I start to blush intensely and then he takes out a midnight colored notebook with a moon on it. I am too shocked to say anything. He is too embarrassed after giving me my present that he starts walking away. I just stare, normally I would have politely thanked him, but there's nothing to say. He gave me a gift! But for me an apology would have sufficed and yet this is out of the ordinary. I sit on my front steps for a while until I feel a wet drip of water on my muzzle. I look towards the sky and notice that while we were having our conversation, a bunch of gloomy gray clouds started to appear over my head.
Great, this last thing I needed but the weather is perfect to do some research. Though, I can't help but thinking about him, half of my brain is consumed by two colts, one a hero one a normal. Is it possible, that he feels this strange feeling too. What gibberish am I speaking, we are just friends nothing more. We are JUST friends, right?
My eyes dart open, and a scream threatens to explode from my throat. My eyes water as fear consumes me and I try to focus on something in my room. I spot my new notebook on my desk and stare at that for awhile only to realize that I'm in my dark bedroom not in nightmare I was in minutes ago. My body shakes in fear as I remember each moment from the horrifying dream and I can't think. I close my eyes and take a deep breath while putting myself in sitting position. Sighing, I let my sweaty head drop to look at my hooves and look to my clock which reads four in the morning. My eyes close for a moment I have been having these nightmares for about a year now, and whenever my parents ask me if I am fine I just nod. I just, don't want to go back to that stupid psychiatrist.
Feeling fully awake now, I leave my bed and go downstairs. Quietly letting my hooves hit the stairs, something odd stirs inside me. I feel as if I am being watched, and some pony is just sitting in the shadows. A little freaked out, I head quickly to the kitchen and start to make myself a chamomile tea, it something that soothes me and brings me back to reality in the se hard times. At the same time, I fetch myself some breakfast and start letting my mind wander to imagining six impossible things.
Number one, would I ever be beautiful? To be beautiful it is a thing that almost every mare wants but not that every mare gets. I know ponies say be you, but seriously where are those ponies today? Probably wasting away in some bar.
Number two, that I would be smart but that one is kind of my own fault since I do not have a burning passion for learning, I learn my own way and only things I want to know.
Number three, I wish I wasn't so much of a miserable case like I am doing now. I mean, how the hell do ponies have a positive look on everything? And I know ponies would tell me to stop thinking just about myself buy I just can't.
Number four, to be a bit more appreciated, don't get me wrong I like being under the radar but to feel invisible is also not entirely right. I don't even have one pony friend! I am alone. Well, except for no, he is not my friend.
Number five, for ponies sake, I want to be normal! I never asked to be different and have to cover myself with some hideous attire! I just wish that they could see me for me and not how I look.
And lastly number six, I wish I was loved. But not like last time where I got hurt in the process. My heart yearns to be cared for and I wish for the pain I feel to stop. I am so empty inside and it kills every time my heart beats. If only someone would sweep me off my hooves and protect my heart, never to break it.
With those thoughts out of my mind, I take a sip of my tea, eat my breakfast and head back to my room, all the while thinking about that last one. To be loved.... Is something extraordinary. It's a risk that is worth taking though some may come out with a broken heart but if it works, you have that one person that will love you for you. You are able to experience the sparks up your hooves when you hold hands, the deep love when you look into the person eyes, the comfort of another, the skip of a heart beat and most of all the goofy smile that appears on your face when you think of the pony. Love is worth it but some are scared to try because of the heartbreaks...
As I enter my room, my eyes dart to one piece of paper on my wall in particular. It's a poster of a mare, Princess Luna to be exact. I have always wanted to meet her personally, and ask her how she got through with it. The poster has beautiful shades of blue, purple and black and in black bold letters it says: Let it go. One of my dreams were to have meet her, to spend one day with her....But that's another thing I should add to my impossible wants list... So I decide that I'll go to Canterlot this weekend, yeah maybe i'll actually meet her but that's almost impossible. Wait is that? I think to myself as I spot something on my bed. There on the sheets is a envelope with a... a rose? Who would give me such a beautiful flower with a note? Fast as I can, I grab the note and head outside on my interest to read it. The feeling that the note contains information that will change my life forever is overwhelming and I open the letter. Taking a deep breath, I look and see wild writing and it says:
Dear Rainbow,
My thoughts have been all about you since the last time we met. In such a short time, you have captured my heart and sent me on a chase to retrieve it. You're the most beautiful mare in my eyes and everything about you is… Perfect. Others don’t see the real yo u but I do. You have many secrets and a heavy past but I would burden myself with anything because you're the only one that matters to me. You're my one in a million and I have known that since your eyes met mine. You are you and that is all I ask for in a mare. Your smile can brighten any room and make my day in a flash. Smile and be happy because now you know someone really cares about you.
You can also keep my heart because it forever belongs to you...
- The Phantom
My face flushes red and it takes a minute before it sets in. I just stare at the note and let my mind run wild. Some pony cares about me? Is this some kind of cruel joke? But just as my feeling of confusion arrived, it left and I feel an intense feeling of joy, and happiness like I had won some kind of beauty contest. Warmth fills my body and a smile spreads across my face. The thought of someone actually caring for me sends me in a shiver of delight. Silent tears of happiness stream down my face but I wipe them off because of the embarrassment of me crying. I may not know who The Phantom is but I do know that he cares for me...
My eyes move along the room till they land on the calendar and I realize that today is circled with a big bold red marker. I get up from my seat outside and investigate what is really on it. My eyes narrow down to the date and grow wide when I finally figure out what day is today. Today is the exam, the exam I have been preparing for since I first heard of the school. Nerves and stress trample my body and I take deep breaths to try and calm myself down but I can't. Princess Twilight Sparkle herself is going to be running the interview and that only makes it harder. I had been so wrapped up with the note and my feelings that I had completely forgotten that today is the day. There are two steps to enter the school.
Number one is the interview. The interview is a test to see how you react with your knowledge and your psychological side. It's really to see if you are worthy to attend Princess Twilight's school for gifted ponies, in fact it's very similar to Princess Celestia's school for gifted unicorns except this one is just, well, better it was founded by the very Princess of magic herself.
Number two is the test. You much show your magical abilities in front of Princess Twilight and she will decide if you are to enter the school or not. Only 100 ponies make it in the part two and then only 20 enter the school.
I immediately forget about the note and quickly head to my dresser. For such an occasion one should wear formal attire but also keeping in mind that it has to hide my wings. After going through most of my closet, I pick a short black dress, that I had gotten for Hearth's Warming and a nice cardigan to make sure my wings are not shown.
Leaving my room, I head to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I brush more of my mane towards my face making my bang longer and take the curler out to do my hair.. After I am finished dressing and doing my hair, I look at the clock and it reads seven in the morning. Fretting over the fact that I'm usually out of the house by this hour, I quickly grab my bag and leave the house to start my journey to school.
It has been 5 minutes since I started walking and it's taking much more time than I thought. I wish I could just spread my wings and take off, but I can't. So I let the thought go and press on towards my exam, frightened that I won't make it in the school.