Formless, Nameless; Ageless, Faceless

Formless, Nameless; Ageless, Faceless

By Queue

So You Want to Know.

"So you want to know."

It's only been a month and a half since Princess Twilight ascended to the throne, and it's only been a week since the Elements were resealed into the Tree of Harmony. I was hoping I could delay my conversation with the new Princess for several decades so she could lose her idealism, but the rapidity of events has forced my hand while she is still young enough to not see me and my kind as a blessing in disguise.

"Oh, is that what I think it is? Is it? is it?"

I put down the letter in my hoof and glared at the bouncing Discord for several moments, collecting my thoughts before I spoke. "I suspect you had a much more active role in what happened than you let them believe. The Tree of Harmony was doing just fine against your plunder plants, wasn't it?"

"You think I'd go through all of that trouble? Just for you?"

"Not just for me. I think you want to see if you can ruin Twilight by pushing her too hard before she's old enough to handle it."

"Now, that does sound like me, but..."

I cringed as I braced myself for the rest of his sentence. He'd only been "reformed" for a couple of months, but already I'd heard this line many times. For a "Lord of Chaos" he could be surprisingly predictable.

"I'm not actually reformed," Discord finished.

Never mind. I'm too old for Discord's shenanigans. He would probably leave me alone after I showed him his "prize".

"So you want to read-"

He slammed his nose against my trunk and stared into my eyes with glee. I could smell his rancid, chocolate, cotton candy breath wafting up from his rotten mouth, and I could feel his drool dripping onto my foot. "By my toe jam, I've rarely wanted anything more, you beautiful, beautiful lady. I could kiss you."

"Get out of my face, chimera, and don't you dare."

He leaned back and shrugged his shoulders before impaling the letter with his spiked tail, flicking it into his hand like a Frisbee, and ripping it open with gusto. I didn't need to look to know it was undamaged. "I've been anticipating this ever since Fluttershy started telling me about her adventures. It didn't take long to realize Celestia was grooming Twilight for ascension, you know. One doesn't simply forget to renew the wards for someone like Sombra." A slight shiver ran down his spine as he said the name.

"Leave the letter on the table when you're done. I have preparations to make before I reveal myself to her," I said. I grabbed my saddlebags with my flipper and began walking out of the room. Before I was out of sight, though, I turned around. "You know me, Discord. I only tolerate ponies as long as they're more useful than their trouble. You're a master of walking the line, but don't disappoint me by meddling again."

"I wouldn't dream of it, baby cakes!"

"We both know that's a filthy lie."

Dear Princess Celestia,

What's going on?

You and Princess Luna were abducted, the Elements are gone, and all we have to show for it is a locked box and a cackling Discord, who won't shut up about how defenseless we are.

"Oh, citizens of Ponyville! Did the Princesses happen to tell you the Elements of Harmony are useless now? They didn't? How suspicious! They really should be more transparent with you. Next election vote Discord! His power is eternal, and you always know where you stand with Him: Underhoof and Underfoot!"

That is an exact quote down to the punctuation. It would literally be impossible for me to misquote anything he said because he didn't actually say it. He wrote that in clouds above Ponyville, and none of our pegasi can remove them. On the plus side we now have chocolate milk sold in restaurants and bars. I digress.

Everyone knows we've lost our main line of defense against threats, like Blue Blood, Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, and Star Swirl's unfinished spells. There's unease, but where's the panic? After we lost the Elements I spent days preparing myself for the panic I was sure Rainbow would cause. You wouldn't think it, but she's a̟̖͎c̺̜̒ͧ̾t̶̘͚̿ͮ̐̓u̴͍͎͐̌a͔͉͕̼̗̗ļ͕͓͚̲̻̤̃̓̈̌̀ͅl̯̥̟͈̰̳ͪͯ̆̽ͤ̚̚ŷ̜̼̒̏͝ ̨̣̰̙̺̹̱̣ͮa̴̖̖̬̹͇̝̥ ̶̮̣͖ͩͩ̽ͧb̲̱̣̥̆͒̎͘į̼̫͍̊̎ͩ̿͋͗g͕̝̋͛̓͑ͯg̢̫͓͖̮̻̥̉͐̒ͫ̈̑̒ě̵͕̺̦̮̟͑̌r̸ͥ ͉̬̟͚͔̾̌̈́̽̎͒̊͢g͂̀̽̀ͪ҉͖͎̯̠̜͓̫o̰̍ͥ̿̂ss͓̝ͩ̕i̦̥̼̻͇̪̒͒p̶̖̳̠̠̽̎̾̄ͦͯ ̩̜̀͆͜t̴̹͔̺̮ͧḥ̜̥̩̜̦̼̉ã͖̫̞̽̂ñͬͮ̓́͊҉ ̛̯͔̻͕̘̋ͫ̍͛͗R͈̊̒̋̓͒̒̈́͟ā͚̱̮̞̻ͫͧ͗ͫ͟r̝̭̬̈́i̡͑͗ͨͤ̍̒t̖̯͈̰̖͚͇̓y͖͇̱̕ i͕͙̲͎ͫ́ͅs͉͋͑̋͗.͓̮̯ͦ

Sorry about that, I was dictating to Spike and he took offense when I said Rarity was a gossip. I'd use a fresh sheet of paper, but I used the rest of it making my "Preparing for the Inevitable Panic Caused by Rainbow's Incessant Gossiping" checklist. I used the rest of it in Ponyville, to be precise. That's actually the other reason I wanted to contact you. Can you put in a shipment for more paper to Ponyville? I didn't leave enough for the shopkeepers to do it themselves. I digress.

Where's the panic? This is a huge deal, and these are ponies, damnit. Ponies are too skittish to not panic after something like this. Why did I apparently make my PFTIPCBRIG checklist for nothing? The whole town's mad at me now!

Your faithful student equal and friend,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

p.s. Look! I caught myself calling myself "your faithful student" before I sent it this time!

I could hear Discord's manic laughter as I packed my bags. I didn't need much, but I felt it would be appropriate to bring a mountain of paper to Twilight as a sign of good will and so she could take notes. I also needed my alarm clock because I slept like the dead, and my... receptacle because pony toilets weren't designed for my biology. The last time I tried to use one it clogged so bad it needed to be replaced.

"They drink my chocolate milk! Don't they know how disgusting it is? Glorious, just glorious."

Speaking of that, sometimes the excrement of my kind is compared to notably thick chocolate milk. Discord's sense of humor is not know for its taste.

I spoke as I slithered back into the room. "Be done soon, I need to send that to Celestia."

"You mean she hasn't read it yet?"

I shook my head. "No, I've been intercepting Twilight's mail ever since she became princess. She's still too young and unstable for my comfort."

"That's revolting! Even I wouldn't stoop low enough to read someone's private mail!"

"You're doing it right now."

He laughed his grating, annoying, nerve rending laugh. I felt my talon scratching the floor as I resisted the urge to strangle the obnoxious draconequus. It was time for him to leave...

"So I am, so I am, Thing. Just let me finish reading it one last time and I'll be on my-"

I zapped the letter and gave him the boot.