Formless, Nameless; Ageless, Faceless

Formless, Nameless; Ageless, Faceless

By Queue

Well, I'll Tell You.

In her chair, in her room, in her tower, in her castle, in her city, in her country, on the planet Elysium, Celestia sat working. She was not working on budgets, taxes, licenses, permits, registrations, legislation, speeches, strategy, tactics, training, or any other kind of bureaucratic nonsense. She had staff to do those things and a bullshit detector finely tuned over centuries to detect when they were being dishonest or trying to manipulate her. Yes, Celestia was a master of delegation, which is why in her mind she was the rightful ruler of the land.

She was working on a crossword puzzle with a small smile of delight. She had a cup of steaming tea making rings on the surface of her expensive desk, and the small pile of paper work she actually needed to do was shoved way to the side. To her the simple pleasures were always the best because they never required any extraordinary work or special accommodations to experience. Indeed, Celestia was a creature of habit and routine, which was why she always found Twilight's unscheduled letters slightly annoying. This time she was unfortunate enough to receive two of them.

Celestia looked up when she felt magic pooling in her horn, the tell tale sign of Spike's dragon fire. When they materialized she randomly picked one and unfurled it. The moment she recognized the familiar script, however, she scrambled for the other letter and tore it in her haste to open it. The first paragraph of Twilight's letter told her everything she needed to know.

The first letter she opened simply read "DON'T INTERFERE". No punctuation, no proper capitalization, just simple, terse language designed to silence any objections. It was a simple message, one she'd heeded many times in the past, and its meaning was simple: Twilight would need to endure without her guidance, advice, or protection.

Celestia somberly gazed out her window at Ponyville and sighed.

She wasn't really as grand as she liked to think she was.

"Well, I'll tell you."

Within the hour I arrived in Ponyville, a small town of limited importance and an abundance of apple trees. I was something of a celebrity after I DJ'd the Royal Wedding, so I wasn't surprised when some of the ponies recognized me, but I was relieved when the rustic nature of the town shaded me with obscurity. In spite of the jobs I usually take and how often I end up in the public eye I actually hate dealing with others. None of them can annoy me like Discord, but the simple act of being polite for the simple sake of being polite has become trite at my advanced age. Given the chance I have more interesting things to do than pretend I like ants.

Just not more important things.

I readjusted my shades as I looked for the Golden Oaks Library. I barely remembered the town's layout because the only other time I'd been here was during the return of Nightmare Moon over a year ago. Truthfully, though I'd never admit it to anyone, I was scared shitless Celestia's little Harmony experiment wasn't going to work. My kind and I would have tried to take her down, but Luna's raw power has always been legendary, even before the Inspiration Manifestation spell amplified her into Nightmare Moon.

It didn't take long to eventually find the library, but I had to cross the same intersection numerous times before I spotted it. It was tall, but mostly squat, like the blue mare I saw running the local pastry shop. They seemed to lose leaves and hair the same way, too.

...

I knocked on the door.

...

I knocked again.

...

Was she home?

I knocked one last time as hard as I could. I knocked with the tip of my hoof, so it was a loud, piercing sound. It bounced around in my skull like a punch through the eardrum, and it seemed to work. I heard a loud stumbling noise, almost like a pony falling down the stairs, but with less grace than I would have expected.

When the door opened the mare I saw was a complete wreck. She had dark rings under her eyes, her hair needed washing and untangling, her horn needed grinding and polishing, and her wings needed preening.

When she finally steadied herself she glared at me, which would have been more impressive if she weren't holding onto the door for support. "What. What could be so important you needed to wake me up on a Sunday? A book? The library is closed on Sunday. Sunday's my day off, the one day I get to recuperate from reading books, the one day I get to be dumb. What could be so important. On a Sunday."

I sympathized with her. I also didn't particularly care, and I think it's funny when ponies try to be intimidating. So I opened my saddlebags and flung all of my blank paper at her with my magic. "Celestia sent me to answer your questions and make a delivery, Princess. I suggest you clean up this mess before any of it blows away."

"I, uh, I..." Twilight stammered.

"Oh, there's a slight breeze, Princess. Better hurry!" I waggled my hooves in the air to emphasize the false importance of the occasion.

See, this is where Twilight's different than the other Princesses. She still thinks she's just like any other pony, not more or less important. She's wrong of course, but you'd never know by the way she acts, by the way she was currently cleaning up the mess I had made. That idealism was the exact thing I needed to break to get her to reach her full potential.

"Why'd you do that, Princess?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have the authority to turn all of Ponyville into a city dedicated to serving your own castle, and yet you cleaned up a mess I made to spite you. You got no spine or something? Hard to believe Celestia saw anything in you."

"I don't-"

"Have any excuse. Now let me in, we've got a lot to discuss about your future as a Princess, and so far it doesn't look pretty, just pink," I interrupted.

And she stepped aside. I remembered meeting her once or twice when she was a filly and I visited Celestia. She was much more strong willed back then, or she was worse at picking her battles. I'm not sure. Either way she was petulant as hell, but she at least had the confidence a princess needs. A thought for another time, though. I can't change everything about her in a single day, and Celestia or Cadance would be better suited for teaching her poise.

Twilight quickly stacked the papers in a corner of the tree, but kept a few separate. "We can begin in a moment. I'm gathering materials for notes."

"Very well, when you're ready."

"Celestia, we both know what's going to happen to her."

"I know, Discord. She's going to learn one of the fundamental aspects of ruling this country."

"And it's going to break her dear, little heart when she learns the truth. She's not going to trust you again for a long time when she finds out you were complicit."

Celestia stood on the private, ivory balcony of her room, gazing at verdant Ponyville below while Discord lounged at her side. "I'm not stupid, you know, and I'm sure... DJ, that's the name she's using right now, I'm sure she came to the same conclusion."

"And I admit it, Celestia. I'll come clean as the day I was synthesized! She wouldn't be going through this now if not for me."

"Why didn't you wait? You could have done this years from now, when she'd be less likely to react poorly," she accused.

Though normally full of energy, Discord resembled a deflated balloon more than a Lord of Chaos. The most animated part of his body was his hand, which he used to count out his reasons. "Perhaps because I didn't want to risk a misunderstanding putting me into stone again. It's happened before, and it was miserable. Perhaps because I wanted at least one princess to not kowtow to that monstrous Thing. Perhaps because I know you see Twilight as your daughter, plaything, whatever, not just as another of your "subjects". Perhaps because I've tried straight up chaos enough times to know it doesn't work like I always hope it will, which actually makes complete sense in retrospect because chaos is the opposite of cause and effect. Point is I have plenty of reasons for forcing the issue at all, and especially while she's still young and stupid. Take your pick."

"So you're blackmailing me?"

"No, if I were blackmailing you I'd have hung this over your head like a little, black cloud of frosting. I wouldn't have set things in motion."

Discord slowly crept beside Celestia and gently placed a paw on her back in a crude attempt of comforting her, though he wasn't particularly mindful of his claws. "You freed me. Consider this my way of returning the favor, a chance for you to break away from... DJ." Discord said.

"It's not that simple. Things have been running this way for millennia. I do not know another way to rule. I depend on her too much."

"Then it's fortunate we have a new ruler in the game! If you stay out of my way, if you don't tell that Thing my true intentions, I'll do what I can to help Twilight through this without dying. She'll be a queen, not a pawn. Just don't expect things to remain peaceful for long."

"Then there's no way to talk you out of this?"

"You know me, I can never sit still for long."

The irony of Discord's "joke" caused Celestia to laugh uncomfortably, which prompted Discord to disproportionately chuckle, chortle, guffaw, and giggle.

A hint of a smile graced Celestia's otherwise neutral expression, a small epitaph of days and memories long past.