The Journal of a Changeling
June 23, 1994 - A Chang(el)ing Heart
The life of a queen. One generally thinks of lavish castles, swirling gowns and robes accompanied by a bed so fluffy you could easily suffocate if you weren't careful. And maybe that was true somewhere, perhaps in the Griffin Empire, but for the Changelings a queen is just as low as her subjects. She eats with them, she talks like them, and she lives with them. The only difference between a queen and her people is her control over her subjects and army, for they are not one and the same. The citizens are protected and sheltered from the creatures of the Whitetail Woods who find their way into the lair of a Changeling hive. The warriors also have one other difference, for they have holes in their hooves just large enough to fit around the staff of sword of an enemy combatant whereupon a Changeling can twist it's hoof to snap it. It causes no pain to us due to a rather tough bone with no nerve endings to signal pain receptors. This is the selection process for the warriors and citizens. Although there are a few special cases. Usually only males are born with these combat enhanced holes but occasionally a female is born with them and this is usually what enables her to become heir to the throne.
This is the system I was born into and it is the system I wished to abolish. As I said about the citizens, they are born without the holes in their hooves and this can also happen with males, not just females, and as such they are regarded as something to be protected, not allowed outside the hive for any reason and especially not allowed to go to war or on food runs. This is a problem for ambitious souls who are born as a citizen but wish to be on war parties or a raid team for they are seen as a liability and are not allowed into the guard for such reasons. The hive has been in turmoil over this for years now and the council can't come to an agreement over whether to change the laws or not. My word also does nothing but give them even more pressure and cause them to argue more (and the fact that I was still a filly did nothing to help). As a result I had often thought about simply backing out of the political aspects of the hive for the most part, and I more likely than not would have if it weren't for Nirath.
Just another Changeling citizen who was born as a male and is stuck inside all day long. It's only natural that he would get bored and go off adventuring in the hive, and there wouldn't have been a problem if he hadn't gone to the underground. He had snuck off from the rest of the population and had found one of the unsealed entrances to the catacombs underneath of the hive and as had become normal for him he took the moment to go exploring. I had luckily come around the corner as he disappeared into the darkness and I quickly followed him down, neither of us knowing exactly what we were getting into.
I suppose I should explain why the catacombs were off limits to the entirety of the hive. A while ago the hive had been enormous, large enough to actually require all of the space we had to ourselves with our reduced numbers. Back then both a king and queen had ruled over the hive and one day they had a rather large argument that resulted in a magic duel that destroyed a large part of the hive that had only just finished being rebuilt. Both were severely injured and the king and his followers receded into the catacombs, attacking the above ground portion of the hive occasionally. As a result they were sealed up and the king and his men were never heard from other than the occasional clicking of something pacing directly below the floor.
I followed Ni (as the hive had taken to calling him) down into the catacombs, making sure that my hoofsteps made no noise so as not to announce my presence to him. He cast a small spell and his eyes lit up and I instantly made the connection that he had used a night vision spell. I had to admit that was pretty smart because not even I had thought of using that yet. Then again I wasn't all that versed in magic. I struggled a few seconds to cast the spell and followed after him, my eyes peering into the darkest corners with ease. It was a few minutes before the trouble began.
We had gone pretty deep in the catacombs, and Ni still hadn't noticed me, when suddenly a squeak sounded, reverberating throughout the space we were in. We both essentially blew it off until about a minute later a squeak answered the first one, causing me to gasp a bit. This in turn alerted both Ni and whatever was following us to my position and he turned to me with wide eyes. He opened his mouth to say something to me but I put a hoof to my lips and he quickly caught on, moving silently over to me while looking around.
His lips formed the question, What are you doing here?
I shrugged and threw the question back at him.
I got bored.
Well maybe I got bored too.
Please, you're the queen.
"What's that supposed to mean!"
I realized my mistake too late and as my voice reverberated around the empty catacombs a screech started up, soon accompanied by more and more as my voice bounced deep into the dark hallways of the catacombs. A white head poked up from behind a pile of rubble. It had no pigment to it and had no mane to speak of and I suddenly felt by breath leave my lungs and refuse to enter again for a good ten seconds. By that time though Ni had taken stock of the situation like a soldier and was already in a stance to protect me. I think it was then that I decided that I liked him, as a friend of course, and if it wasn't then it definitely happened in my head throughout the next few minutes.
He immediately turned and grabbed my hoof, running through the hallways and dodging the white blobs of ponies as they appeared and launched themselves at us. The ones we couldn't dodge he took down with surprising efficiency for being a citizen. We arrived at the entrance we had come through and the creatures retreated silently, snapping at one another with impatience at the loss of a meal. I stopped in the hallway and took a good look at Ni, taking note of the differences between him and the rest of the citizens. He looked as though he hadn't even broken a sweat down there whereas I was practically heaving for breath and he was definitely more toned that an average citizen and especially for a colt.
"You just saved me," I said, my voice containing just a bit of awe.
"You're my queen, it is my duty," he replied, bowing.
"Actually no, it's the other way around, in case you don't remember," I replied.
"Well I believe that it should be all of our jobs to protect you, not just your guard."
I think that was when I began to think the way I do today. Maybe it was his willingness to train just to do what he would probably never get to do again, or maybe it was when I went to visit him the next day and saw him performing the military drills all by himself and straining himself to nearly exhausting extremes to impress nobody. Either way I was suddenly aware that my citizens weren't all happy with their positions. I brought team issue up with my council and as I said earlier they've been fighting about it for years now. I decided to give my citizens an option to enlist in the military and it all went surprisingly well. They were integrated into the routine drills and Ni even worked his way up to my side with surprising determination, challenging my head guard to a battle for his position.
In the hive this is actually a relatively normal thing and as a result I felt extremely safe with Jich who had been through many battles just to stay by my side since I'd been born and had won every one. He had confidence he could win this one as well, especially since it was a citizen but I wasn't so sure. There was just a feeling in my gut about this colt. The match was announced and everyone showed up to watch him get beat down by Jich and on the day of the match he looked at me and winked. I honestly never found out what he meant by that wink but I have quite a few guesses. The main one is that he was giving me confidence. He knew what was going to happen out there and he was assuring me to be confident in the outcome. Maybe he could feel what I felt about Ni, maybe we both felt that it was time that he finally take his leave and let someone else watch over me. Someone my age. Someone like Ni.
You can probably guess what happened out there, no matter who you are. Generally duels are to the death but something happened this time that no one could predict. Jich was down and as good as dead, and Ni was swinging his sword and I was watching in silent horror as my greatest friend was taken away from me right in front of my eyes...and then suddenly he wasn't. The sword that Ni was using had arced down towards Jich's head but had stopped just a fragment of an inch away from killing him and had buried itself into the ground.
"I will not kill this stallion," Ni said to the crowd, the council, and me. "If that makes me ineligible for the position then I will resume my previous duties."
He bowed his head to me and I heard the council begin to yell insults at him and call him weak, the crowd gaining its voice at the same time and yelling the same things at him. I got up without anyone noticing, their attention focused on the loss of the bloodshed they craved, and made my way down to the two fighters. The crowd and my council quieted at the sight of me entering the picture and I opened my mouth to deliver what they expected to be a reprimand for Ni's weakness.
"I choose Ni as my new guardian," I said, my voice carrying throughout the quiet stadium. The noise was deafening and as me and Ni helped Jich up and out of the stadium the noise only grew louder. We took him to the infirmary and after that retreated to my quarters to talk privately. "Why did you fight him?"
"Because I wanted to be your guardian," he replied.
"I appreciate the gesture but it really wasn't necessary," I said as I sat on my bed, facing him. "Jich was perfectly capable of protecting me."
"I know but now I'll be allowed on the front lines when we fight," he said.
I gave a small laugh as I suddenly caught sight of the motives behind his actions. As a citizen he was still considered weak, and as a colt even more so, and as a result he was more likely than not going to be placed in the back of the advancing army. As the queen's aide though he would be riding into battle right alongside me at the very front of the war line.
"I hope you're ready for a bunch of menial tasks in between wars," I said with a smile. Now there honestly hadn't been a war in a few years, since I was a small foal and the old queen was still on the throne so I had never been in a war, and he had never been in one too. I knew that he wouldn't see much of a fight by my side. In fact he would probably see more action on food runs than with me because as queen I didn't leave the hive except to go on a war campaign against invading forces. I knew there was more to this than what he was saying. "So...what are you really doing here," I asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I don't know what you mean," he answered innocently.
"Yes you do, you know fully well that beside me you won't see much fighting so why fight Jich? And I want the truth this time."
He gave me a smile and answered me. "Because you're different. You're not like the other fillies our age."
"I do run a kingdom."
"That doesn't matter. You're more adventurous, more willing to get in trouble than the others, more interesting..." I could tell he wanted to say more and I chose to be silent until he voiced his thoughts. "You're more beautiful than the rest."
And so we hit the true reason he was here. I had honestly never had anyone call me beautiful and as a result I felt a small blush creep up my cheeks and my heart did a little dance inside my chest. "Oh, uh, thank you," I replied dumbly, wondering where exactly this new partnership we had was going to go.
I had to admit that he was different from the rest too. He was the only one beside Jich who regarded me as just another Changeling as I wished. The few times I had met him he had acted as though he was talking to just another filly from school and I felt like a normal Changeling then. Normally I would get special treatment from my subjects and they would censor certain topics from me as if I were too good for them. And yet Ni regarded me as another filly.
And now he was my guardian.
A few months went by and Ni began to learn my habits and I his, all the time the comment he'd said rolling around in my head. We grew to be great friends but there was still a small bit of tension between us and I honestly couldn't figure out why until one day it dawned on me.
"You're uncomfortable around me," I said one day, trying to get the reason why out of him.
"No...Maybe...Yes," he admitted.
"Why," I asked.
"It's a long story."
"We have time."
He went on to tell the story of his mother who went on an epic quest against the queen's orders to retrieve a cure for an illness that was slowly decaying the old ruler's body as she lived. His mother arrived back at the hive safely, expecting comfort and warmth for saving the queen, but she only found death. She was executed for going against the wishes of the queen and Ni was raised to believe that any member of the royal house was evil.
"And then I met you," he said, "and you weren't this evil villain cloaked in the skins of your fallen foes. I suddenly realized that maybe you weren't the same as the old queen and I decided to give you a chance. Over the next few months I met you a few times and I learned more and more about you and how much you weren't like the old queen. I grew to like you over time and once you allowed citizens into the guard I found that you were actually a good ruler. I moved my way up to your side and then my father, who hadn't talked to me since I joined your army suddenly started talking to me again.
"He told me that he realized why I was getting so close to you and I actually felt scared that someone had actually found out why I had done all this. And then he suddenly gave me a offer that I actually took seriously for about a minute. He told me that he was proud I'd worked so hard to get so close to you so I could kill you."
We were silent until I asked, "And do you think you could?"
"I used to think I could, but lately I'm wondering if I actually could. I'm stuck between protecting you and making my father proud."
I felt a few emotions roll through me and I looked at him from where I was laying. "I hope you know that whatever you choose you'll always have a family with me." And I felt that this was true, from what we had both gone through together over the past few months.
"You mean that?"
"Yes, I truly see you as family." And maybe something more.
The void between us closed up and we got closer than before, so much so that I trusted him with my deepest secrets and even allowed him to stay in the room when I was getting dressed for formal events, at least until we hit puberty. Things started to get uncomfortable between us as we neared the age of fourteen, whereupon we were given 'the talk'. I had known what sex was of course, but had never actually thought too much on it. I didn't think about it that much as a kid but as we grew up and I saw Ni develop more and more into a stallion the thought of us together kept running through my mind, sometimes making the feeling between my legs so unbearable that I had to sneak off and deal with it on my own.
We both got even more uncomfortable around each other until one day he just said, "Chrissy, I like you."
We were in the garden of the hive just hanging around and I was leaning against a vine wall when he came out with his confession. I jerked a little and almost fell from my position. I decided to not read too deep into his words and simply said, "I like you too Ni."
I could sense his disappointment before he steeled himself and said, "No, Chrissy, I like like you." I was silent for a few minutes and I heard him sigh before saying, "I'm sorry, I just needed to get that out."
I moved over to where he was leaning against the wall and stopped as I considered my words carefully before throwing caution to the wind and pressed my lips against his. He was shocked, probably expecting my to turn him down or worse, but quickly responded and kissed me. I pulled back and was suddenly aware of the blush on my cheeks, I turned away from him in hopes of hiding it but he tilted my head to face him again.
"Please don't hide," he said.
"I-I wasn't, I was just trying to cover my blush," I said, the stutter in my voice embarrassing me greatly.
"I think it looks cute," he said, smiling at me with a look in his eyes that sent chills down my body.
He leaned his forehead on mine and we sat like that for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company until my royal advisor suddenly busted into the garden. He stopped suddenly, taking in the sight of me and Ni, but quickly regained his wits and came over to us.
"Ma'am, we have reports of deaths within our lands," he said.
"Deaths? Who died," I asked him.
"Some of our food sources."
Both Ni and myself stopped at that. "How did they die?"
"Someone ate them."
"Ate! Who could have done that?"
Now for those who don't know about the Changeling diet we feed on feelings and that's it. We can't digest food like normal creatures do because our systems can't break down legitimate sustenance, which is why we feed on the feelings of other creatures. We take it in as magic energy and our bodies synthesize it into a form of energy we can actually use to contain the condition of our body and produce antibodies against diseases and such as all living creatures do. This is why I asked who could have rather than who would have.
"Certainly nobody in the hive, nobody can sustain their self like that," Ni cut in. "I know because I looked over all the paperwork that was filed in the past twenty years for that...thing you asked me to do."
I knew what he was talking about but I had kept what he was talking about a secret from the council. I gave Ni a look that told him to shut up and said, "Why don't we focus on that later, right now we have to find out who or what is eating our food."
We went out and examined the bodies, finding once more only evidence of someone having eaten the creatures we herded as a food source. We found no evidence of whoever did this and went home with no idea of who it could possibly be. Over the next few months more of our food died and I became more and more frustrated, getting to the point where I was worrying over it even when me and Ni hung out on the roof of the hive, distracting myself from what he was saying.
"Hey, Chrissy, are you here," he asked.
"S-sorry, I was just-"
"I know, it's fine," he said, giving me a smile. "I'm proud of you for worrying about us so much."
"You sound like everyone in my council," I said with a smile.
"Well it's true," he said as he turned over to face me.
I continued to stare up at the stars for a few more seconds before turning over and planting a kiss on his lips, sighing with contentment as he wrapped his hooves around me and pulled me against his chest. We lay there for a while like that for a while until a screech made me freeze up, Ni's hooves tightening around me. More screeches sounded and we realized that they weren't coming any closer but instead were receding and becoming hollow sounding. We moved to the edge of the roof and looked down, catching sight of nothing.
That night at least.
The next night we did the same thing, staying out until we heard the screeches. We looked over the edge and the feeling that had settled in my stomach since hearing the screech last night suddenly flared into a full on fear. We both slowly backed away from the edge and looked at each other, the look in our eyes reflecting what we were feeling. We both knew where those creatures had come from if not what they were, even if they were covered in blood. We had seen them when we were younger, down in the catacombs. We quickly reported what we had seen and over the next few months we made a plan of retaliation and managed to cut down on the deaths of our food, but even so we were slowly starving, less and less Changelings being born every month along the way. We finally came up with a plan and even then it wasn't a concrete one.
We were going to invade the catacombs.
The plan was supposed to take place during the day but as was to be expected nothing went according to plan. We opened up one of the catacomb entrances and found it covered with rubble. We tried to open about five more entrances only to find the same exact situation behind every one. We spent the rest of the day blasting open sealed entrances until we had opened every one on record with no luck.
"It's like they knew what we were planning," Ni said as he paced in front of the blocked entrance we had just opened.
"That's not possible," I argued, "they couldn't have possibly...wait. The floors!"
Everyone around me looked confused as I started to execute the plan that was forming in my mind. I built up my magic and released it in one continuous stream that I controlled to cut a square from the floor in front of us which fell and revealed a black pit. I smiled proudly at them and Ni was the first to react.
"No, that's not possible, they couldn't have, could they," he asked.
"The floors are just thin enough for it," a guard remarked, "and with the acoustics in the planning room they could have easily overheard us."
"We're dealing with an enemy that's smarter than we gave it credit," I heard a commander remark.
"We won't make the same mistake twice. Now someone cover that hole, we remodel our plan and soundproof team room beforehoof," I said as I started down the hall.
Ni caught up with me and he gave me a smile that said he was proud of me once again and I began to say something but he shushed me. "Follow me, I have something for you," he said.
I slowed down a bit so he could be in the lead and I followed him to a rather remote area of the hive. We slipped into a room that was rather well furnished and he went immediately for the bed over by the balcony.
"What are we doing here," I asked with a small giggle, the gift of still being sixteen allowing me to successfully pull it off.
"Well I figured that as queen you should experience the high and mighty life of one," he said, "for one night at least."
I sat on the bed with him and was surprised at how soft and silky the mattress and sheets felt. "Wait," I said, suddenly coming to terms with what he said, "you mean that I'm sleeping here tonight?"
"We're," he corrected. "If you don't mind that is." A small blush spread across his features and I giggled, causing him to add, "I just wanted you to see how it felt to be a ruler back in the day. I have no ulterior motives."
"Uh huh, sure you don't. Well I have to admit that I have a few motives swirling in my mind right now."
"Like what."
I turned to him and kissed him deeply, pressing him back into the bed and crawling on top of him. I'll spare the details for those of you not interested in reading about my first time in bed, and for reasons I'd rather not mention just yet, and just skip to the next morning. We woke up in one another's embrace and I gave him a deep kiss, savouring the moment of peace we had. That was when things went completely and utterly wrong.
There was a scream out in the hall and Ni was up in an instant, leaping out of the bed and rushing for the door. I was only a few seconds behind him but those few seconds gave him enough time to see what was out in the hall and decide I shouldn't. He turned and pushed me away from the door, insisting that I couldn't see what it was that was out there. I relented after arguing for about thirty seconds and sat on the bed, glaring at him.
"If you won't let me see what it is at least tell me," I pleaded.
"It's a body," he stated, his voice betraying a bit of the fear in his voice.
"What else?"
"It's...It's one of ours and someone's eaten parts of it."
I felt repulsed and nauseous at the same time and closed my eyes as I breathed in and out slowly, trying to get my stomach and my feelings under control.
"That's not possible," I said, my thoughts swirling around in my head.
"I know it's not but we have a dead-"
Whatever he said next was lost as I finally caught up with what was going on and my overloaded brain shut off and I fainted. It was a few hours, or so I thought, before I woke up and they had snuck me away from the body and back to the main complex of the hive, letting me rest in the infirmary. I got up and ignored the swaying of the room, as I forced myself to get to the council room, where I knew Ni and the generals would be pleading for permission to infiltrate the enemy grounds without me. I entered the room and was surprised to find it empty and void of the usual activity that permeated the atmosphere.
I turned and stumbled through the empty hallways of the hive, taking note of the emptiness of the areas I was passing. And then I found a body. It was one of our men and he had been torn apart limb from limb and there was blood splattered on the walls as though someone had tried to create a mural with his fluids. I managed to hold back the incoming vomit until I got to a bathroom, where I promptly tossed my guts up. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hoof and I made it a point in my mind to not throw up or faint again. I made my way through the halls, following the bodies and smell of iron until I found a giant hole in the floor, littered with debris and bodies of both sides of this war.
I forced myself down into the cave and activated a night vision spell, my magic at the ready and I soon found myself lost, following branching paths, all littered with bodies. I silently wondered just who we were dealing with here as I continued down, deeper into the caves of the catacombs. I soon caught the sound of something moving ahead and I proceeded cautiously, trying to make out what side I was approaching. I rounded the corner and spotted sight of some dark shapes moving through the darkness.
"Hello," I volunteered.
The figures turned to me and I caught sight of a few of my generals and some soldiers. I moved forward, looking at the faces of each one and finding myself just a bit disappointed at not seeing Ni.
"What happened," I asked.
"While you were out the enemy invaded and we were forced to take drastic action and make a move into the enemies territory," someone replied. "We split up at each path and have been sweeping our way through the enemies we come across."
"How long was I out? And who exactly is our enemy?"
"You've been out for about two days and we think we've figured out who our enemy actually is. It's the king's men."
"What? No, these things are white, the kings men are black, like us."
"It's what happens when a species goes underground for a few hundred years, they lose pigmentation in their skin and develop exponential boosts in certain traits."
A screech sounded behind us and we all whirled around, the generals pushing me behind them, and strained for sight of the creatures that had once been the kings men. We slid into the shadows and waited for our enemy to come around the corner, which didn't take too long. Three of them came around the corner, apparently missing us, and turned to one another.
One asked, "Do you think we fooled them?"
I started to consider what exactly what it meant but I was cut short as my men ambushed them. The fight was over quickly but I had called out to my men halfway through and told them to refrain from killing them, and as always they obeyed me. We tied them up with our magic and waited for them to regain their consciousness. The first to open its eyes gave a small laugh at the sight of us surrounding it which confused us until a green magic ran across its body, changing the fur black and revealing holes in its hooves.
"Hello there my queen," the Changeling said as he finished changing.
Me and the other members of my party stood there confused until I asked, "Why didn't any of us think of doing that?"
"That is a good question," one of them replied.
We quickly united them and waited for the other two to wake up. They did so quickly and after some questioning they admitted that it was Ni who had come up with the idea. I felt a small smile come across my features at the assurance that he wasn't dead yet. We continued moving forward, disguising ourselves as the kings men whenever we crossed paths with them. We encountered more of my subjects and we continued to group together until we started receiving looks from the enemy, whereupon we subsequently broke off at certain splits in the paths. And yet we didn't run into Ni, which began to worry me.
We wandered through the caves for a few hours without detection before I began to get worried about our safety. I began to feel my magic levels reaching critical levels and was considering turning back but we reached a central chamber before I could make the decision. The room was carved directly out of the rock and the ceiling reached far, far above our heads, the shadows claiming the top before we could see it. After being in terms cramped caves for so long it was a bit disorienting. And then the hissing began.
I focused my eyes in front of us and found an army of the kings men facing us, perhaps waiting for our entrance. I looked back at my ragtag group of military veterans and felt a small flare of hope that was quickly quelled as I remembered the sight from the entrance to the caves. I turned to face them once more and got in a battle stance, a laugh from the back of the army startling me. I moved my eyes to find the source of it and found an elaborately carved chair made of bones raised above the heads of the warriors. And seated in that chair was the figure we had all been told about as fillies and colts.
The king of the Changelings. He sat with a hunched back that was wrinkled and caved in in certain areas, but yet was taller than any of the occupants of the room. His eyes were completely white and shriveled up, dead but still somehow radiating the feeling that he was looking at you. His mane had all but fallen out and parts of his flesh were also starting to peel off his form, revealing yellowed bones underneath. His mouth looked as though it had been smashed against a stone multiple times and a kid had tried to glue it back together with the few pieces that it could find. All in all he was the ugliest thing ever. And yet he still managed to instill fear into the hearts of every one in the room, despite his feeble appearance.
"Ah, there are our guests," he managed to get out through wheezes. "I was starting to think that all of you died off in those caves."
I felt a small rush of fear rush through me as his words sank in. Some of us were bound to die on the way here but I hadn't wanted to face that fact, but his words brought those fears right to the surface. Then it hit me that we hadn't seen hide nor hair of Ni. Then again we hadn't seen a lot of our troops, but that didn't mean they were dead.
"We're here to stop you from eating our food," I yelled out to him, both my small party and his war party quieting as we began to exchange words.
"And we're here because Kerstin banished us," he shot back.
"That's not my problem," I said.
"And your food source isn't my problem," he said with a cackle, clearly enjoying this.
"Please, some of my people are starving," I pleaded.
"Well my people are tired of killing and eating one another," he argued, giving me a small look at how life down here was like.
"Okay look, we're getting nowhere like this," a general stepped up. "If we're going to accomplish anythi-"
"How about no," the king said, looking as though he was seriously considering something before a spell shot out of his horn. It moved too fast for any of us to react, or so I tell myself, and then the general was on the ground with a gaping hole in his chest, his vital organs showing and the edges of the wound oozing blood onto the ground where he stood. He looked dumbly at the wound before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fainted on the spot. "Now here's what's going to happen. You're all going to die, my people are going to feast, and then we'll take over the Whitetail Woods."
He ended with a laugh that sent chills up my spine and as I prepared to fight the oncoming threat the sounds of the world began to grow dim, small snippets slipping through the wall I had formed around myself. I heard the words dead, avenge, and fight and I made my mind up then and there. The king was going down, even if I had to die with him. I turned back to my men, everything moving in slow motion, and gave the signal to advance. And so we charged into what could have been nothing but our deaths. We fought dirty, smart, and as a team, covering each other's backs and using our limited magic to force our way through the army to the king. We were actually handling ourselves pretty well until we started to lose some of our already few numbers. When it got down to the five of us left we made essentially a mad dash for the king, practically reaching his throne before they finally made it past our magic, gutting our defensive like a fish.
We were beaten and kicked and clubbed, but were refused the comfort of unconsciousness and death by the king's orders. We were propped up on wooden stakes with our hooves tied behind us, our magic banded, and our heads hanging with the weight of a lack of energy. I took a look down the line of us five, probably the last of the Changeling force from above ground and felt a pang of sadness as the realization that I had gotten them in this position. And yet as I looked at their faces, their bloody, beaten, abused, and bruised faces, a small smile graced each one as my eyes landed on it.
"It was a good ride my queen," one said, and the others quickly joined in on the appraisal.
I nodded and focused my attention on the throne in front of us, the lump of a king simply watching as we enjoyed our last moments. "Well I hate to break up such a touching moment, but I'm afraid I have a feast to serve," he said with a sneer. "Now who to kill first, the queen of her subjects...kill the one on the right first! I want to hear her majesty cry."
But I resolved not to do so, not in front of my men and especially not in front of him. I would not give him that satisfaction. They brought up the sword, extremely adept with their hooves somehow, and went up to the stallion hanging all the way on the right, holding the sword above his chest and expecting to hear him squeal or beg or something, but he just sat there with a straight face. They inserted the sword into his chest and cut all the way down to his abdomen, making another two incisions at the top and bottom of the cut which was bleeding freely onto the ground, accompanied by the screams of the soldier. I clenched my eyes closed and turned away, holding in the bile building up as they rooted around inside of him and pulled out organs. He was awarded the comfort of death's embrace quickly, his screams subsiding and the sound of flesh being rooted through becoming the only sound in the room.
And then more screams started. At first I thought it was another of my soldiers but more and more screams sounded and I pinpointed the source at the back of the cave. I opened my eyes, ignoring all the blood and organs, and looked back. The sight sent my hopes soaring. There were my men, charging into battle with Ni leading them. They rushed through the albinos and the king shouted an order that was lost in the roar of the battle. I watched as Ni rushed through the crowd, his magic slamming into anything white that breathed. He caught sight of me and his mentality must have snapped, because he suddenly gave something between a shout and a cry, fighting through the creatures and trying to reach me. And he did it, he actually reached us and launched himself up onto the platform, taking down the guards and facing the king. He took two steps towards the king, stopping and throwing up a shield as the king released another of those spells that had so easily ripped through that general.
"Ah, an opponent who can actually handle himself. I see that this form won't be enough to fight you with," the king said, a bright green aura surrounding him. We were all blinded for a few minutes and when our vision cleared we were faced with a stallion easily twice the size of our tallest warrior. He had no bruises or blemishes on his form and he looked as though he'd spent years training each muscle. To be blunt, he was perfect. "This is what Kerstin banished me for, this magic that would've easily won any war that we participated in. Physical transformation magic, the most potent but the strongest form of transformation magic."
Ni didn't even bat an eyelash. He simply surged towards the king, dodging spells and launching his own retaliation magic. And he actually seemed to be damaging him, causing small craters in the kings form that dripped large drops of blood onto the ground. In their struggle they bit pranced around, the king crushing friend and for alike under his large hooves. The battle was essentially at a draw for the moment, ready to tip to either side and end badly for the loser. It looked like the battle was going to tip towards our side but Ni...he got hit by a wayward spell and was sent flying across the cavern. The king chose to go directly after him.
I had been working the ropes free from around my hooves and I slipped free at that moment, quickly jumping into action and grabbing a sword with my nearly empty magic reserves. I ran directly for the king and managed to get level with his head using more of my magic. I levelled the sword with the back of his head and with one final thrust I slammed it into the back of his head. It pierced the bone and entered the soft tissue of his brain, immediately ravaging his senses and spreading pain through his body. He screamed and dropped, as did I when my magic failed, and we both hit the ground with a thud. I forced myself up and witnessed my men finishing off the rest of the king's men, but I hardly focused on that. I stumbled over to where I had seen Ni hit and found him laying against the wall, a gaping hole where his stomach should be.
"No, no no no nononono, Ni please, tell me you're okay," I practically cried out as I kneeled next to him.
He cracked his eyes open and looked at me, giving me a bloody smile. "Did we win," he asked.
"Yes," I said as I looked at the remainder of the battle, "we definitely won. Now Ni, please, we have to get you a doctor or so-"
"No, it's too late Chryssi," he said, "I've bled out too much. I wouldn't be able to survive any healing without a blood transfusion."
I gave a sob, wanting to argue with him but knowing that he was right. "Ni, don't leave me," I pleaded.
"I won't," he whispered, "I'll stay by your side...forever my love."
His eyes drifted closed and I called his name out softly, grabbing one of his forehooves and trying to keep it warm, as if that little contact with the world would keep him alive. I began to cry then, big wrenching sobs that left my throat raw and hoarse, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I felt a hoof on my shoulder and I turned to see what was left of my army gathered behind me. I made a promise to myself that day. The day that my one true love died.
No one would be allowed in my heart again, for there wasn't enough room for another.
April 20, 2012 - Queen or Foe; for My Subjects
View Online
The Journal of a Changeling
April 20, 2012 - Queen or Foe; for My Subjects
Nightmares are a fickle thing. They are, for the most part, just projections of your subconscious, parts in your head that for some reason make you absolutely dread something. It baffles scientists what ponies can be afraid of, sure the darkness, tight spaces, and Timberwolves are a natural fear for anypony because each is just as unpredictable as the last one. But there are some fears that make almost no sense, such as the fear of cotton or apples. Now take note that I'm not shaming those fears but they are a tad irrational. Then again, who am I to judge, I have a rather irrational fear as well. I'm afraid of myself. Or more specifically, the creature I've become.
That's not to give the illusion that I'm not me anymore, by all meaning of the word me, but I'm not the Changeling that Ni fell in love with and was willing to die for. I don't even know if he would be able to see any of the old me anymore because I've changed since then. Since that fateful day in the catacombs. Nothing has been the same since then, but I'll get to that eventually. For now I have to go back to after I wrote my last entry.
It was the day of Nirath's funeral and I was crying in the room where I had last seen him okay and happy, trying to remember the times that we had been happy together and even a few of our little fights that made no difference now. I put myself through this grievance to try and hide from the image of Ni laying there against the wall with a gaping hole in his side, spilling substantial amounts of blood on the smooth floor around him. And still that bastard had a cocky grin and a fire in his eyes that had gotten all of us into this situation. Then again, if it hadn't been for that fire we would all most likely have died from starvation a few days ago.
Maybe it was that smile that kept me from going insane. That self-assured smile that said that he was so sure everything was going to be okay. And maybe he was right, maybe if we had done things the right way. But the time for being okay is long gone now. There were a lot of factors along the next few years that would eventually lead us to where I am now, such a desperate and hopeless situation that we've prepared to actually invade an entire kingdom for food. Then again I've been feasting rather finely lately on...I'm getting ahead of myself.
I was in that room and I had heard the sounds of my citizens searching for me. Eventually one of the female citizens found me but instead of announcing the fact to the others she closed the door the door and came and sat next to me on the bed. We were both silent until she took a chance and broke it.
"I'm sorry for your loss my queen," she said.
"Seems everyone is," I replied, turning away from her.
"And why shouldn't they, Ni was an amazing Changeling and our queen is depressed over his death."
"Ni was different, that was what made me love him so much. He was the first Changeling to actually question the system and actually do something about it...I've got a fight going on inside my head right now and I don't know which side will win, and depending on what side comes out on top it could potentially change the Hive again."
"You're our queen, no matter what choices you make, we'll all support you. We didn't revolt against your mate or your choice to leave behind a lot of the old ways of the hive and we're not going to now."
"You say that now, but you have no idea what the future holds for us. You have no clue if you'll die peacefully in your sleep tonight or die horribly in a war the very next day."
"That's the gamble we have to take if we want to live."
I suppose now that looking back she had a point, but at the time I was too deep in my own head to really pay her comment any attention. And here, perhaps was yet another factor that could have changed the outcome to our situation, had I not been too stupid to do something before it was too late. But stupid I was and within a week of that meeting I passed a new law.
Due to the death of many Changelings during the last battle the amount of deaths and wounded has been recorded and is tolled up at 472 deaths, 29 critically wounded, and 16 Changelings with only minor cuts and scrapes. We have also noticed that out of the number of deaths about 60% of that number was made up of citizens. As a result the council, with the queen's permission, has passed a new law stating that the Hive will be returning to the old selection system of its participants in its army. All citizens currently a part of the fighting force have three days to leave their current branch of the military sector of the hive and return to their old living quarters.
And so here was the beginning of the end. It wasn't exactly fair but I was done with my subjects dying, I was going to personally make sure that as many of the citizens got to live some form of a life rather than simply train to go to their death. I had all of these plans to go out and make sure that my subjects were all okay but day by day, my council members began to be picked off and the security surrounding me tightened. I realized what was happening of course, they were being killed due to the new law, but despite what the decree said, I was the one who brought the idea to them. We honestly as no clue how many had died, and we didn't know what percentage of our men that had died were citizens, but we took every precaution to make them see it their...my way.
I'm not above seeing my own flaws, at least once they've become a problem and now, looking back on the last eighteen years, I can see once more why my younger self wanted to change the laws, but then I was stuck on the death of Ni. I suppose that now I'm over it, but now it's too late.
We lived quietly the next few months, our food supply stabilizing once more, but significantly lowered this time around. I suppose you could say that things were going smoothly for us, at least for about six months, then a blight began to plague all the inhabitants of the wood. Our hive and our food source were spared none of the damage and the sick were dealt with in a rather severe fashion, being given a choice to become either exiles and sent even further north into the white unknown or killed and burned. Most chose this second option, as was expected. The contaminated food was quickly caught and disposed of, dropping our supplies to dangerously low levels. The security protecting me was tightened and the areas I was allowed to visit dropped significantly to decrease my interaction with those who's status boosted their likelihood to acquire the disease.
We eventually managed to bring it to a stop and as we burned the last batch of bodies I watched the flesh blister and peel off bones, listening as they snapped and spread the smell of burning meat into the surrounding area. We all slept a little more peacefully that night, knowing that this blight was done and over with. The next morning began with a scream. Mine to be precise.
I opened my eyes and felt a crust around the rims, my skin felt as though thousands of bugs were crawling along my fur, and My throat and lungs burned, immediately filling my eyes with tears. I choked out a coarse yell for help and the first guard to enter my room stopped and stepped back in surprise. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again and simply looked away. I knew then exactly what had happened, I had gotten the blight. Somehow I had become infected and now I was on a quick path to death. Or at least I thought so, for I was prepared to let my men kill me and end my pain and suffering, to ease my burden once and for all. Sadly life had other plans, or rather my council did.
They decreed that since there wasn't another to take my rightful place as queen that they couldn't simply kill me, and that they would simply have to quarantine me and try to wait it out. I waited for nearly half a year, practically wailing and lamenting each day, wishing for the misery of my life to end so I could finally see Ni once more. It took another month for my symptoms to clear entirely and it took another three for me to regain my strength again. Not much changed within the Hive during that time. It was probably then that we began to formulate a plan, but I can't be sure.
There came a day years in the future that one of our scouts came back with reports of a land filled with creatures that were brimming with emotions, and we all scoffed at him, choosing instead to send a small caravan party with the scout, including two guards, three citizens, all former war participants, four of the creatures we used for food, and two counsel members with him. It took about a year, five months to get there and another seven to get back due to the freezing winter. In the end the scout was proven to be correct and was handsomely rewarded. The plan that was had started forming many years ago had started to come together and within another two years we had everything set in place and were simply waiting to be able to put it into play.
Then came the day of November 24th, 2010. We had replaced a few of the members of Celestias, as the ruler of the country was known, council and had been watching and waiting for the perfect moment. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. When she was revealed I instantly knew that it was the moment to move in, although I feel the need to elaborate on exactly why, so I shall retell the events of that particular council meeting.
"Friends and fellow council members, I have an announcement to make, as well as a proposition for you all," Celestia said on that day, breaking me out of my lull and causing me to focus on her for once within the year I had been here. I could see the other members paying attention as well and knew this was probably important. "Over the course of the past eight years I have raised a third alicorn within the walls of this very castle we meet in." I could sense that the other members of the council wanted to speak, to raise objections, but all kept silent as the ruler continued. "Due to the return of my sister and subsequent progress she has made I have made a decision to reveal Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."
At this a pink alicorn stepped into the room from the door we had used to enter, sweeping her timid gaze across the room, "J-just Cadence please."
"And now for my announcement," Celestia said, causing every head to turn to her in surprise. "Cadenza and Captain Shining Armour of the Royal Canterlot Guard wish for each others hooves in mairrage."
Almost immediately shouts of objection, sympathy, and approval filled the room.
"I propose a vote," I said, using my magic to project my voice through the room and into the ears of all the inhabitants of the room.
Cadence's eyes flew to my light blue ones an instant before the rest of the room and I gave her a small nod.
Celestia gave me a curious look and said, "I'll allow it. Now, those of you who are okay with this marriage please raise your hooves."
I raised my emerald coloured hoof, along with several other members of the council, and watched as my hidden companions hesitated before raising theirs as well, just pushing the amount of raised hooves past half the room.
"Well then, I think this matter is now settled and my proposition is no longer needed. The meeting is concluded for today, in the meantime, we shall begin to plan the wedding. Feel free to speak with Cadenza," Celestia said before strolling out of the room.
I got up a moment after the monarch strolled out of the room and tried to make myself scarce, nearly groaning in frustration as someone blocked my path until I saw that it was Cadence.
"Ah, Princess Cadenza, what a pleasure," I said with a small bow, my gray mane falling into my eyes.
"Please, just Cadence will suffice, and I appreciate that," she said with a blush.
"What, the vote? It was nothing, just helping out a fellow mare get the stallion of her dreams," I said with a sad smile, more for emphasis that anything, although there was a small twinge of pain deep in my heart.
"Well either way, I sincerely thank you," she replied. "Is there anything I could do to repay you?"
"No, I think I'll be fine," I said as I tried to weasel my way out of the situation and the room.
"I really wouldn't feel right without doing something to repay you," she said, pausing. Just as I was about to make my escape she suddenly said, "Ah, I've got it, let me take you out for dinner sometime, okay?"
"Alright, fine," I said, hoping to just escape from this crowded room before something happened, but not really archiving the offer.
"You promise that you'll let me take you out," she said, giving me a look that I had never seen before. I didn't know how to explain it, and I didn't want to know the words to explain it, but I knew that it made feelings of...pity, or something like pity, rise up inside of me.
I finally broke and said, "Okay, fine, how about this Friday, I'll meet you at...La Botte near six?"
"Uhh, yeah," she replied, not sounding too sure about herself.
"It's on Fraxton Street in Downtown Canterlot, just ask Celestia for directions," I said, passing her a reassuring smile.
The next two days passed by as normal, other than a few odd occurrences with some guards, catching sight of more than a few patrols simply watching my movements, although acting as though they weren't I could still tell. And I knew exactly why too, Celestia knew nothing about me and she probably wouldn't let her newly revealed Alicorn simply leave the castle. I partially commended her, if not for her protectiveness of her land then her somewhat coherent guard force.
Friday came and I found myself at the restaurant a quarter past six; somewhat purposefully, somewhat due to my guards relentless nagging to let them protect me from a threat that wasn't existent at the moment. I stepped into the restaurant and almost immediately spotted Cadence, her bright pink coat standing out among the blandly coloured nobles of Canterlot. I escorted myself to the table and sat down, despite the protests of the server, which silenced once Cadence smiled and motioned to him that it was fine.
"That was a bit rude, don't you think," she whispered.
"I don't get along with most ponies," I replied instantly, "which is why I was so hesitant to take you up on this offer."
"Please, what about your entourage," she asked, causing me to raise my eyebrows. "You know, those two stallions that always follow you around."
"They're not my entourage," I said, "they are simply..." I paused as I considered it, they were simply guards to me, but I couldn't say that without telling her about what I truly was. So I just finished with, "They're just some stallions who've got their heads screwed on too tight."
"Oh, possible suitors," Cadence asked, causing me to almost choke on the air.
"No, no no no, for the love of Celestia no," I replied once I'd gotten my coughing under control.
"Well they obviously mean something to you," she replied.
"And that you're right, but I can't entirely share that."
"Yet."
"Yet?"
"What, you think this is the only time we're ever going to get together and talk; no, you helped make my marriage possible, and I plan to never forget that."
"Oh great," I muttered, "right, well let's just try to get through this meal together and then we'll see what you think. Waiter, we're ready to order."
And that was the night I met Cadence and our friendship began.
The Grand Galloping Gala came and went and I stayed at home, much to Cadences annoyance. And then came the next few months, I progressively grew used to Cadence and even allowed myself to be included in her daily life, and everything seemed as though it would be fine, and I even started to hint at the prospect of introducing a new race to the Equestrians, and perhaps helping them survive, giving ideas of spreading towards the north, although Celestia shot each one down. Then came the day when Discord escaped.
Chaos was running rampant throughout all of Equestria, things were going wrong, and I was sleeping in bed, completely drained from running around with Cadence as she tried to get some of the things she needed for her wedding together, the date finally being set a week ago, and as Cadence always did, she would let no one but me help her with preparing the wedding. I suppose a life of secrecy gave you the wrong priorities friendwise. I did have to admit, having a friend did make life a lot more interesting.
Either way I'm getting off track. I was laying in bed, my disguise down, and who else comes rushing in but Cadence, her ramblings at what was happening outside stopping once she saw me. I groggy sat up at the sound of someone entering the room and turned my gaze over to the door, freezing as I saw Cadence and the look on her face. I quickly put on my disguise and rushed to her, covering her mouth with a hoof.
"Shh, promise me you won't scream if I take my hoof off your mouth," I said, looking her right in the eye.
She slowly nodded and I pulled my hoof back a little. "Chryssie," she asked, making me wince at the nickname. "Okay, it is you."
"Of course it's me," I grumbled. "It's been me."
"Okay, so do you wanna explain," she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
And so, on the day, or days if you want to keep track of the time Discord made fly past (literally), that Discord came back and rained chaos on all of Equestria, me and Cadence sat inside my house as I explained what a Changeling was and about our lifestyle. And I eventually got to the part of why I had come here, but now, being so far away from the hive for so long, those problems didn't seem so large. When I told her that she nearly lost it, and it brings both a smile to my face and tears to my eyes as I think about her readiness to help a race she'd only just found out about.
"Now Cadence, you have to promise me something, you can tell no one, not even Shining about this," I said.
"But we could help you Chrysalis," she replied.
"How do you think Equestria would react to finding out about a race that has been living just north of them that feeds on emotions and has had spies in their midst for months now," I asked.
"You're not a spy though, and from what you're telling me, the Changelings could be a benefactor to Equestria," she said, getting defensive of my people for me.
"Just, please Cadence, trust me," I said.
She was silent for a few moments, looking out the window at the now clear night sky. "Okay," she said at last, "but answer me one question. That night when we went to La Botte, what happened to that food, I mean if Changelings can't digest food then-"
"I managed to keep it down until I got home," I replied, earning a laugh from her.
After that came no noticeable events on my part, until about a month later, when one of my subjects showed up. It was late at night and Cadence had just left, her curiosity of my race had been sated for the most part by now, but her drive to help hadn't diminished, and so I simply assumed she had come back with another plan to introduce the race to Equestria. I was wrong. I opened the front door and a Changeling fell into the floor facefirst, the sound of the fall a loud slap in the silence of the house. I quickly closed the door and moved the subject to the recliner, allowing my disguise to bleed off as he woke up. I began to study him and took note of how bony he seemed to be, coupled with the fact that he was a soldier I immediately concluded that things at the hive were bad.
To be blunt, things at the hive were the worst they'd ever been, with a new plague popping up, the last of the Kings men appearing suddenly, and more of their slowly declining food source dying off despite their best efforts. To say they were in trouble would be a massive understatement. I knew that I needed to speed up what we were doing, but neither me nor Cadence knew what to do. Then, a few months before Cadences wedding it hit me, and despite how much I hated it, I knew that it had to be done.
I needed to take over Canterlot.
The problem was when, I had to give my troops just enough time to get to Canterlot, but it had to be soon as well, and then the worst date I could have possibly imagined at the time appeared in my head. Cadences wedding. I instantly scolded myself for it, but the more I thought it over the more logical it seemed. There wouldn't be another opportunity like it, the guards would all be focused on Cadence and Shining, what little there would be at least. They would never see it coming. Then came the major snatch in my plan, Celestia. I would have to get close enough to her to take her out almost immediately, but I had already made Cadence promise that I wouldn't be a bridesmaid and I very well couldn't go back on that, or face being suspicious, and then my mind began to wander.
If you're reading this, and the Changelings are now an extinct race, place all of the blame on me if you must, but I am doing what I must to at least assure my races continued existence. So, depending on how history moves on from this point, you'll know that I left my position on Celestias council and dissapeared as Chrysalis for a while, instead taking the place of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. And this is how that happened.
"CHRYSALIS," Cadence shouted as she barged into my room.
"Oh boy, here we go," I muttered, turning around and giving Cadence a wide smile. "Heeeeyyy there Cadence, what's up?"
"What's up, what's up," she repeated almost hysterically, holding up a copy of the resignation letter I'd submitted. "What's up with this?!"
"Right, that. Well, to tell the truth, I have a plan to save my hive," I said, turning my back to her and continuing to pack my travel saddle.
"You're leaving," she said softly.
"I'm not leaving, I'm just changing forms," I said, feeling more that a twinge of guilt as I prepared to go through with my plan.
"Well-" she began, her sentence being cut off as I used my magic to shove a gag in her mouth and a magic canceler on her horn.
Within five minutes I had her tied up, and I had to look away, a queasy feeling upsetting my stomach each time I looked at her. The worst part was her eyes, showing no hatred, only compassion and understanding in them. It took me an hour to successfully get every detail of her form down, trying to do it from memory at first but having to look at her for reference.
"I'm sorry," I whispered before leaving the room. I ran into my guards and said, "Cadence is tied up in my room for right now, please find somewhere to hide her for the moment, until I find somewhere better."
I spent the next two days in the Canterlot archives, pretending to look for somepony to help with the catering for the wedding but really looking for somewhere close but remote to hide Cadence, and then I found out about the crystal mines in the mountain that Canterlot was built on. It was the perfect place to hide her, and over the next week I learned Cadences routine, the nobles she knew, and Shinings family. It was a week of appearances and I soon learned that she acted a lot less royal with me, making me feel even worse about all this. I planned the attack over the next month, almost forgetting about the wedding until Celestia reminded me of it, catching me off guard and making me realize just how little of a time frame I had.
Luckily for me Shining saved me, saying that he'd call in on his sister and her friends. Meanwhile, my feelings were a whirlwind, and Shinings love wasn't helping me one bit. Soon enough my feelings of sadness and dismay turned to bitterness and hate as I came to terms with my situation, the love that I could never obtain, the kingdom that we would never be a part of, it all grew too much and I snapped. I began to treat Cadence poorly, no longer treating her as a friend would when I would serve her meals and becoming much rougher with her when I moved her, to prevent any rogue explorers from finding her. All in all, I have become the monster Ni feared I would, but I feel as though he never expected this level of madness.
Twilight and her friends finally arrived, but I was no better to them, and apparently Twilight knew Cadence as a foal, this does pose something of a hitch, especially since she's wary of me now, but I'm going to assume that all of this is common information by the time someone finds this. I simply can't handle all of this, the pressures, the hiding, the changes. I feel as though my psyche is a glass vase, and everything that's happened has been a shot, none of the bullets breaking me, but each one causing irreparable damage.
I suppose only time will tell what happens next, as for now, I have to go and keep up my persona.
Author's Note
So, a bit of a shorter entry, but this should be enough to sate you guys for the moment, at least until I make the final chapter.
