The Elements of Misfortune

Sarcasm tackled Celestia, fire of anger flaring in his eyes are he held Celestia down. "What did you do to me you bitch?!" He shouted into her face, struggling to strangle her.

  What Sarcasm didn't know, or realize at the time, was that he was trying to hold down Princess Celestia. The pony with power to raise the sun and banish assholes to the motherfucking moon.

  She just simply levitated Sarcasm off of her, who hung struggling in the air. "Ugh, let me go you stupid cunt!"

  Princess Celestia simply flung Sarcasm away. But considering she raises an orb in the sky that weighs ten times more than four trillion pounds, the power behind the throw broke half of Sarcasm's ribcage as he painfully hit a thick marble pillar. He collapsed to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

  Meanwhile, Hurricane and Rainbow Dash were locked in a wrestle, Rainbow Dash winning slightly. Didn't matter because with each hit, Hurricane looked happier and happier. "Keep hitting me, you dirty little bitch!" Hurricane cried out in intense pleasure, only fueling to the cyan pegasus's confusion.

  Spade was struggling to get up; Rainbow Dash's kick cracked about two of her ribs.

  "I'm gonna fucking rip your tits off..." she growled to herself, watching the offender trying to beat Hurricane. The only thing willing her on was her rage. She got into a standing position, slightly cooped over in pain. The anger smoldering inside her caused her to use all of her strength, ignoring the pain in her arm and ribs.

  Rainbow Dash had her attention directed towards Hurricane when Spade flew at her with fast speed, using both forehooves to punch into her back. "Oh, dang!" Hurricane commented as a loud crack snapped from the cyan pegasus's back.

  Rainbow Dash didn't seem to move as Hurricane drove his hoof into the back of her neck, holding her there, both ponies holding her down with incredible and unneeded force.

  The only pony not fighting was the yellow, shy pegasus who tried hiding behind a fallen pillar.

  Even the sophisticated white unicorn, Rarity,  was locked in combat with Blaze. She was obviously losing as Blaze held her in a headlock, bashing on her horn with his hooves.

  "Staaawp!" She cried, "I'm getting swe-he-tyyy!!"

  Even the blood dripping from a crack in her horn didn't stop her from complaining about the strenuous activity.

  "What about this?" Blaze growled as he ripped a piece of purple hair from her head.

  "No, my gorgeous mane!" She cried.

  Twilight, who was busy shooting explosive magical shit at Ethelind, turned away to the sound of her friend in need.

  "Get off of her, you pig!" She snapped as she shot Blaze square between the eyes with a magic bolt. Immediately, Blaze fell away, grasping his head in a grimace.

  Ethelind shot away a patch of fur on Twilight's back, and their duel was back on.

  Sarcasm was still trying to beat Celestia, and was failing miserably. The white alicorn was dancing circles around the newly formed pegasus.

  "Oh, poor dear." The princess seemed to hum. "You're just making a mistake."

  "I'm gonna stab you!" Sarcasm threatened as he fought to get at least one blow in.

  "You're just toying with him now, you bitch!" Trock yelled as he broke away from his fight with Applejack, which was looking more like a defeat.

  He ran towards them to help his buddy, and Applejack pursued, "Y'all don't get 'taway frum ol' A.J.!" She drawled, grasping his flying tail in her jaws.

  "Rape!" Trock squealed as the orange pony dragged him kicking and screaming.

  He landed a kick on her nose and she released him as blood flew from her nose.

  The yellow pegasus was helping the fallen alicorn back up, leaning on her shoulder.

  "Everypony, knock it off!" A voice, louder than the loudest Rainboom, more powerful than a manticore's roar, crackled through the air.

  The Canterlot Voice halted the battling ponies in their tracks, hooves raised in distrust their opponents will turn, ready to strike.

  "What is the matter with you?!" The voice came from Luna, standing tall with the yellow pegasus grasping her ears, her eyes shut and mouth open in a soundless wail.

  "Thy dear sister, how dare thou takes into art own selfish deeds. Thou art better than this!" Her voice may have lowered a few intervals, but still cracked strong and clear.

  "As much as your words make me look like a tyrant, I must always side with the pony who has remained loyal to me throughout their whole lives." Princess Celestia pointed out with an edge to her voice, as if suggesting something.

  "We know we may have made... mistakes in the past, but we are ready to change for thy better." Luna replied solemnly, her voice finally going back to normal.

  "So what're we gon' do?" Came a gargled reply from Applejack as she held her bleeding nose.

  "The fuck happened to you?" Blaze asked, scooting away from the orange pony to avoid getting nosebleed on him.

  Trock backed away slowly, trying to grin innocently but failing miserably.

  "Well, the Elements have obviously fallen into the hooves of the wrong ponies. Now they're stuck with them." Twilight summarized. Spade opened her mouth to make a witty remark about how fucking obvious she was when Hurricane elbowed her in the ribs, suggesting that now wasn't the time.

  "Um, guys?" A familiar voice, just a little more groggy, spoke up. "I, uh, acquire your assistance."

  "Dammit Sarcasm we don't care about your sh-" Spade cut herself off as not only her, but the other ponies all gasped as they glanced at the red unicorn.

  Or at least he WAS a red unicorn about ten minutes ago. Before them stood a white pegasus with long, black hair. His eyes held a bright green, just a little brighter than Spade's bitchy cold emeralds.

  "Ha, fucking blank flank." Blaze snorted immediately, pointing out the bare white thigh.

  "Sh-shut up you asshole I didn't ask for this!" Blaze snapped, trying to cover his flank with his wings.

  Because he only just got them, he had no idea how to use them. They just slumped limply onto the ground.

  "It was all her fault! The fucking bitch ripped me of myself!" Sarcasm pointed an accusing hoof at Celestia, who sat there looking rather proud of herself.

  "Your Element doesn't even have a shape anymore." Ethelind pointed out the shapeless, smooth stone embedded on Sarcasm's neck.

  "What the hell did you do to me?" Sarcasm shouted at Celestia. The white alicorn grit her teeth in a smile, not a friendly one either. More like one that would rather tell Sarcasm to go fornicate himself with a cactus than to show happiness.

  "I used a self-restoration spell on you, enhancing the genes in your father's chromosomes, or your mother's chromosomes, which ever one you took after." The princess explained, walking to stand defensively behind the other six ponies.

  "Dear goddess I look like my father!" Sarcasm wailed miserably, trying to rub the white from him in hopes it will rub to red.

  "Not like your unicorn powers did you any good. You only used it-"

  "To be a fucking stoney baloney." Blaze finished Ethelind's sentence.

  "True." Trock agreed.

  "I don't want to be a pegasus!" Sarcasm shouted, trying to shake the wings off his back.

  "It's not that bad, fag, get used to it and shut your mouth." Spade snapped, holding her busted chest in her arms. "Some of us here are actually in real pain."

  "I agree with Spade. Plus watching your suffering is really gettin' me goin'." Hurricane pointed out, smirking.

  "Ew." Twilight wrinkled her nose at Hurricane's comment.

  "Look, if you want the fucking Elements then you can have them." Blaze snorted, snatching the chest piece from his neck and throwing it at the hooves of the other posse, the fireball glimmering with smooth ruby.

   "Did thou not pay attention? Thy Harmonic pieces have imprinted onto thy hearts, into art core of thus souls. Until the flame of thy light is quenched of thus duty, the Elements will refuse to release thy holder.

"Celestia lost power over thy Elements when thou ponies destined to weld thy gems were begotten." Luna repeated again, sounding slightly edgy when nopony listened the first time.

  "Who understood that?" Trock asked stupidly, looking among his friends and hoping one would agree.

  "Everyone but you it seems." Hurricane muttered.

  "Take the damned Elements." Applejack finally spoke, tired of the conflict probably like most of the readers here.

  "But Applejack they're in the wrong hooves, can't you see?" Twilight stepped forward, confronting the farmpony.

  "Omigosh but the Elements are imprinted on those ponies can't you see that Twilight destiny doesn't want us to keep the Elements, The Elements aren't meant for us and haha I said Elements three times already, oop I said it aga-" the pink, bombastic pony with the fluffy pink mane also known as Pinkie Pie was cut short as a chunk of broken marble whisked through the air and struck the side of her skull.

  She collapsed like rotted bricks.

  "Coltdammit. Makes me feel bad you guys have to put up with that." Spade, the pony who threw the marble, sighed.

  "Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash yelled, rushing to her fallen friend. "You asshole!"

  "It's not that bad after you hang out with them after a while. It's not as bad as seeing you guys have to hang out with that Sarcasm fellow." Twilight commented, nudging the fallen pony. "She's still breathing though."

  "Listen here you little shit-" Sarcasm began, shouldering his way through the the other five.

  "Sarcasm. Cut your shit." Blaze snapped, flashing out and hitting the new pegasus in the back of his own skull.

  Apparently it was a little too hard as Sarcasm collapsed on the spot, the same fate the pink pony met.

  "Dammit Blaze I'm not carrying him." Hurricane grit his teeth, nudging the limp body.

  "Me neither. I got a fucked up chest." Spade muttered with an edge to her voice.

  "This day was a complete trainwreck. I stayed up all night and now we're standing here like idiots arguing. I'd say let's just part ways and think of a way out of this." Rainbow Dash said defeatedly.

  Twilight opened her mouth to say something when Hurricane interjected, "I have to agree. All we've done is repeat the same stuff over and over again."

  "Then I hope you ponies find your way back because until we can find a solution for this, I don't think I can face you six right now." Princess Celestia muttered, looking crushed her student failed.

  "Hold the fuck up, don't try to blame us. If it wasn't for you trying to 'test' your 'student' or whatever bullshit you're trying to spew, then we wouldn't be-" Blaze never got to finish his rent as Celestia flashed her magic bright, blinding all the ponies in the room.

  When the aura toned down, Princess Celestia and the six other ponies had vanished, leaving Trock, Blaze, Ethelind, Hurricane, Spade, and the newly formed Sarcasm together in the castle along with Luna.

  "The damned slut left her own sister behind?" Trock snorted unbelievingly.

  "We believe she hath yet to forgive us. Her soul is consumed with distrust." Luna sighed sadly as if reliving her past when times were good.

  "Well, you got us. We kinda saved you from, well, yourself?" Hurricane said, nudging the blue alicorn around.

  "Yeah, I mean, apart from Trock and Sarcasm and practically everyone else in this group, we're pretty cool." Spade tried to smile, but grimaced as the fractures in her chest shifted.

  "The fuck happened to chu?" Trock asked, poking Spade in the ribs.

  Spade slapped his hoof away angrily, "That stupid rainbow bitch snuck a pussy hit in my ribs and that Twilight Shitstorm or whatever landed a rock on my leg what more do you want?" Spade sneered impatiently. "Now I have to walk back through the fucking Everfree."

  "Sarcasm's still unconscious." Ethelind pointed out.

  "Yeah, I can see that." Blaze snorted sarcastically. "Now YOU get to carry him back through the forest YOU fucking dragged us through!"

  "I didn't-"

  "Yeah you did." Trock interrupted, "but arguing over it isn't gonna get us anywhere. I agree you should carry his fat ass though."

  "Or you can teleport us. Considering you're supposed to be 'gifted' or whatever, I'd  assume you'd be able to." Hurricane muttered.

  "As flattering as that was supposed to sound, I'm not able to teleport this amount of ponies, considering their mass. Nopony can..." Ethelind pointed out, sounding slightly offended.

  "Are you fucking blind? Celestia literally did it right in front of you." Spade pointed out impatiently. "I just want to get home from a travel YOU dragged me into."

  "Fine. Let's just try and get home." Ethelind muttered agreeing with the rest of the others grudgingly.

  "Momma's probably gonna kill me." Sarcasm whimpered as they began to make their way out of the castle.