The Elements of Misfortune

  It was late at night, the black night sky settling over the land of Equestria. Most buildings were closed for the night, save for the late night bars and the occasional 24/7 drug store.

  Six friends sat in a booth inside one of the late night bars. The bar was located just outside of Ponyville, placed by where the gangs roamed the alleys and the prostitutes work at the street corners.

  The bar was named 'Stonehedge', but to the six friends who sat around the circular booth, it was just called the 'Hedge'.

  The names of the ponies were Ethelind, Blaze, Trock, Hurricane, Spade, and Sarcasm. Ethelind was the smart unicorn of the group, always correcting the other's mistakes. She had a snow-white coat with a short, blonde mane. A pair of glasses resided in front of her blue eyes.

  Ethelind sat next to Blaze the earth pony. The other five didn't really know his true mane color, due to the fact that he constantly styled it in different colors. Tonight it was a slick and shiny black, spiked around. He wore a silver chain around his neck and had a pair of black glasses he rarely removed.

  Blaze was diagnosed bi-polar as a colt. It would probably explain why he would suddenly lash out in a fit of anger.

   Next to Blaze sat Trock, a nerdy gray earth pony with a long, shaggy black mane. He was always trying to hook up with mares, but to his dismay, was always rejected. He always had a bow tie around his neck, everyday it was a different color. Tonight, a red bow tie was tied to his neck.

Sitting in the middle was Hurricane, the red pegasus with red eyes and a slicked red and white mane. Huricane was the sadistic one in the group, as well as a masochist. The other five tried avoiding his house as much as possible. Various torture devices could be found around his house. Once, he had to call the five over. He left the room only to come back and see his friend trying to kill each other with some of his devices.

It's a wonder, sometimes, how they are still friends.

  They stayed away from his place ever since.

Spade sat next to Hurricane. Such a cheater, a lying cheater. She was a light brown pegasus with a black and white mane. It was shaggy, long, and contained various brands of playing cards. If she's losing a game? She just grabs the card needed either from her tail or her mane. Years of practice allowed her to do it unnoticed.

She was caught, of course. Only once. Got herself arrested in the process. She even made Ethelind get up at 3 a.m. to come and bail her out.

Last of all was Sarcasm the unicorn. He's not as sarcastic as his name says he is. He's more perverted than anything. He had a short but shaggy blonde mane and a red coat of fur. He was always getting suspended due to some of the jokes he would make. When the other five had enough of his perversion, they would tie his mouth up and cover his horn with a leather holster so he can't use magic to get free.

  They left him at Blaze's house and forgot about him once. They chained his hooves together and he got stuck under the bed. Blaze hired an exorcism in his room, convinced it would stop the noises from under his bed.

  Sarcasm is still pretty sore about the issue today.

  The six were playing a game of poker. Sarcasm suggested a game of strip poker, but all five down voted it. Ethelind pointed out they rarely even wore clothes anyways.

  "Royal flushhhhh..." Sarcasm snickered, the last to place his hand down.

  "Well, shit." Spade said, pushing her cards away from her. "I ain't got nothing."

  "You haven't won a single hand tonight, Spade. What's up with that?" Hurricane said, taking a swig of his mug.

  "Probably because I hate poker. Texas Hold 'em is even worse." Spade snorted as she sipped from her bottle of Buckweiser. "But you guys should know that."

  Ethelind pushed her hand away from herself as well. "But come on. Even I won a hand or two, and I'm not even drunk."

  "I'm only buzzed." Trock protested.

  "And pigs fly." Blaze muttered and shoved Trock lightly.

  "I think Sarcasm's stoned." Hurricane observed, and all five looked over at the unicorn. His pupils were enlarged, and he was shaking slightly. A large grin was present on his face.

  "Nah, dudes. I'm just reeeeaaalllyyy happy I won." He said as he patted Spade's shoulder. Spade smacked his hoof away.

  "He probably should've stuck with alcohol. If he passes out, I'm not taking him home." Spade declared, scooting slightly away.

  "Not it." Trock said, sticking his hoof in the center. The other four followed, shouting "not it" as they did so.

  Hurricane was last. "Dammit." He muttered, staring daggers at Sarcasm. "If you pass out, I'm shaving your hair."

  "Yup. Drugs are bad. Don't do 'em, kids." Spade said in a terrible role model's voice.

  "So's alcohol." Ethelind pointed out. She was the only one without a drink. "Why do you guys even drink in the first place? It's pointless."

  "Pointless but fun." Blaze muttered just loud enough for all to hear.

  "I drink to get rid of the headache I get from drinking." Spade sat back against the cushions and crossed her arms.

   "Well, don't drink in the first place." Ethelind pointed out, rubbing her head.

  "Well, then how would I get rid of the headache?" Said a clueless Spade.

  "You just went full retard. Never go full retard, dude." Sarcasm slurred.

  "Shut up, Stoner." Blaze sneered and took a big drink of his cider.

  "Well, I'm done with poker." Trock sighed. " 'S anyone up for War?"

  "Nah. Last time we played War was at Hurricane's house. We got into a big argument and tried to kill each other with his torture devices. Like barbarians." Ethelind muttered.

"So that's why? Y' guys never told me why you were trying to do so." Hurricane said.

  "Hell, without the devices, we probably woulda used our hooves." Blaze pointed out.

  Spade smiled and nudged Hurricane. "I found a manticore." She snickered.

"I didn't?" Trock said, confused as Hurricane lowered his head and flushed a brighter red.

  "What, like a baby?" Ethelind asked.

  "Nooo..." Spade said. "It's not a living thing."

  "Shut up, Spade." Hurricane muttered, his ears folding back.

  "What? Was it dead?!" Blaze said, alarmed.

  "It was never alive." Spade snorted.

  "Shut up." Hurricane repeated.

  The other four were confused. "So... What was it?" Trock asked.

"It's a-" Spade began.

  "It's a pair of socks!" interrupted a flustered Hurricane.

  "Sure. A pair of socks." Spade snickered again and sipped her bottle.

  Hurricane shot her a mischievous look. "Wasn't as bad as those cards you keep behind your pillow."

  Spade's eyes went wide and she tried to gasp, resulting in her choking on her beverage. "Dammit, Hurricane!" She spluttered.

  "I honestly didn't know you were into bondage." Hurricane chuckled.

  "What?!" Blaze, Trock, and Ethelind said in unison. Sarcasm just stared ahead blankly.

  "They were a gift!" Exclaimed a red-faced Spade.

  "Who in the fuck gives you porn playing cards as a gift?" Hurricane asked.

  "No one important!" Spade said.

  "Wow Spade. Remind me to stay away from your room." Blaze said, slightly shocked.

  "I don't masturbate, for fuck's sake." Spade snorted. "Hell, I don't even look at them."

  She turned and shot an angry look at Hurricane. "By the way, a manticore is a foot-long butt-plug with spikes."

  "What?!" The four shouted.

  "Well, I think I'm going home for tonight." Blaze said quickly.

  "Same." Trock said.

Sarcasm just fell off the chair.

  Hurricane covered his head with his wings, sheilding his flustered face.

  "Wait." Ethelind said quickly before they went seperate ways. "Are you guys going to the Sun Celebration tomorrow?"

  "That's tomorrow?" Spade asked. "Yeah, probably."

  "I gotta check my schedule." Trock said.

  "What a fag." Sarcasm wheezed from the ground. "I'm going for sure."

  "Why not. I got nothing better to do." Blaze said.

  "I'd assume Hurricane's going." Ethelind said.

  The six then parted ways for the night.