Krieg's Little Land-Dolphins: Bicycles are Tofu

Meanwhile, in an area we just cut away to in an effort to add some lore/backstory to this fic.

(The thoughts in this scene are that of our antagonist)

“I knew it would happen, just not so soon.”

Prince Shining Armor had just put out an arrest warrant for what he described as the most unstable creature he had seen in his life.

The suspect had been described as a hairless diamond dog wearing a mask and standing at 5’4, notable traits about the creature were his loud voice and notable scent of what felt like a mix of blood and strawberries.

“To think, all of the vault hunters they could send, and they chose a Psycho. After all I’ve been through, there’s no way I’m letting it get away this time.”

Ages ago, a chapter of history forgotten.

Flash was at the end of his journey, his fellow vault hunters had all been enslaved at the hands of the opponent before him. A tall, hairy sasquatch-gargoyle thing.

“All of you, just, like my brother. You care nothing about the consequences of your actions, you look at the life on this world and act as though the power in it is more important, unlike my brother though, I give you a chance. A chance to redeem your-.”,the opponent was cut short by a powerful force brought upon on his jaw.

“You just put my best friends in a bunch of cells to be guarded by something that will probably use them as squeaky toys. I don’t know about you, mr.Chupacabra, but that doesn’t sound like much of a deal.”, Flash looked his opponent in the eye, holding a handgun to his forehead before throwing it to the side. The creature raised an eyebrow at this.

“You do not wish to have the advantage in this fight? I am twice your size, and your pride is twice mine.”, it questioned, before taking a more humble tone. “I honestly give you one more chance. I am aware the princess’s helped you with getting here, but you must understand, my people locked this away because it holds power beyond even our comprehension. Which is why I suggest you-”, this time the blow was to the stomach, then the jaw.

Flash waited for his opponent to stand back up, before running at him full throttle and slamming him into the wall.

“Listen buddy, I didn’t throw that away to boost myself. I did it to downplay you.”. Flash kneed the creatures stomach before backing away.

“So here is how it’s gonna work, we’re gonna both stop spouting bullshit, and I’m gonna beat your ass so bad that the statue will feel the chaos from a mile away.”, Flash made eye contact with the beast, now running purely on a mixture of rage and adrenaline.

“I see there is no convincing you, but I refuse to let you end up like him.”, the beast spoke in a low voice, a mixture of shame, regret, and a small hint of dedication towards sparing Flash, in his voice. He then raised his claws for battle.

“Shove your exposition up your furry ass, Leeds.”, Flash growled, cracking his knuckles. “Fisticuffs."

Present day, Changeling mountain cave

“Ah’m telling ya, ya gosh dern varmit. Ah’ll find a way out of this cage, and then buck yer jaws right out of yer mouth!”, Applejack looked at her captor. There was no way they were gonna hold the element of Honesty captive.

Chrysalis just looked back down at Applejack, her headache was still throbbing.

“Honestly, after seeing the ruthlessness of that other creature. I honestly don’t think there is anything you can do that would harm us in comparison.”, Chrysalis flopped down on her bed, still trying to come up with what she was going to do with all of the sliced cocoons and charred corpses.

Just then, a burning drone ran into the room.

“Don’t tell me he’s-.”, Chrysalis began to speak.

“McDonalds is a fine establishment!”, came a booming voice from across the hall.

Chrysalis was now twitching.

“What in tarnation is-”, Applejack was cut short as Chrysalis stomped out of the room. “goin’ on?”

“Say hi to SANTA for me!”, , Krieg yelled as he pumped the last land-dolphin in the room full of lead.

“YOU!”, a voice came from the other side of the room. Krieg turned to see the land-dolphins CEO was back.

“Let’s end this pointless conflict.”, Krieg taunted as he held his buzzaxe at the monster.

Chrysalis just face-hoofed before they charged at eachother.

The horn and the axe slammed into one another at full throttle. Breaking the lock, Chrysalis head butted Krieg onto his back.

Krieg got up with a back flip and threw his axe at her, his vision still blurry it flew right by her.

She then proceeded to tackle him into her room, before slamming him to the ground.

Scorpan’s body jolted with pain as he hit the ground. Despite Flash’s smaller muscles and lack of experience, his pure rage and hatred towards Scorpan had fueled him to the point where Flash was able to stand toe to toe with his opponent.

He wiped the blood off of his mouth and barely managed to push himself onto his knees Turning around to see his nightmares come true.

“NO!”, Scorpan was now begging in desperation. Everything he had done, stopping his brother, befriending the wizard, and helping restore the glory of Equestria, were all about to be in vain.

Flash looked back. His opponent’s eye were beginning to shed tears, pleading for Flash to give up after all he had been through.

“You lose. Deal with it.”, he smirked, holding up the small object in his hand.

The Alicorn amulet, although it was already infamous on this world for corrupting the wearer, none of this world’s citizens knew of it’s true purpose, the true power it held as a mere key.

“No.”, the monster continued to plead, it’s voice getting lower.

He jammed it into the slot in the wall as the hieroglyphics started to glow. Flash smiled as the walls split in two, revealing a violet light. This was it, this was the day when his team would become legend.

“No.”, the monster begged again, slowly taking an angry tone.

Flash shot a shit-eating grin at his fallen foe one last time.

“Sorry, buddy, but I got better things to do than take orders from a gargoyle with a hair disorder. Just go back to the mind of whatever 3rd grader that made you.”, Flash then turned around and began to walk towards the vault to retrieve his rightfully-deserved loot, only to find himself being levitated by some form of red energy.

“It won’t end this way!.”, Flash was forcibly turned around to make eye contact with the beast whose rage now matched that of his own at the beginning of the fight. “Not again.”

In an instant, the now paralyzed commando felt himself being thrust into the wall. Practically every bone in his body was being shattered, but that was nothing compared to the psychological torture he now experienced.

He had just failed everyone he knew.

-slam-

His friends and teammates whom with the mutual promise of glory and riches was made, failed.

-slam-

His pregnant wife, whom he had promised he’d come back to help and raise their unborn son, failed.

-slam-

Himself, who he tricked into thinking his life of violence and greed would one day pay off, failed.

-slam-

He was dying alone, without even so much as something for the world to remember him by. No guns on him, no one on the other side of the ECHO, and the only worthwhile possession he had with him, was something he refused to let go.

-thud-

Flash fell to the ground, his body writhing in pain, his legs unable to move.

He looked up at Scorpan, who despite winning, seemed to be ashamed of his supposed victory.

Flash wasn’t going to fool himself anymore, he was dying, his opponent, who had dickishly imprisoned his fellow vault hunters, apparently respected him enough to let him die with dignity.

He summoned up the strength in his (barely) functioning arm. to pull out his most prized possession. Ignoring the agonizing pain and excessive bleeding, just so he could get one final look at it. He got it back in basic training, and it had been a partner to him ever since. Every commando was empty without one. Barely managing to keep his eyes open, he got one final look at his sentry turret.

His vision slowly started to fade.

Krieg’s vision was fading, all he could see was the land-dolphin raising her horn to thrust into his chest, before she was knocked to the side.

“Thanks for the help, pardner!”, he looked to the side to see an orange earth pony with a mango tattoo on its butt.

 A bit further behind her on the ground, he saw a lock in a perfect slice, which then lead him to see his buzz-axe lodged in the wall.

That’s… convenient., Krieg’s head voice muttered.

Krieg looked at his ECHO display to see his shield recharging. After his shield recharged, his ECHO automatically administered a pain-killer medicine.

Leaping back onto his feet, Krieg hit a button on his glove, causing his axe to disintegrate and regenerate in his hand.

He let out a battle cry, catching the attention of both the Land-Dolphin and the Oompony-loompony.

“You fucking bitch.”,he pointed at the land-dolphin CEO. “You tackled me, brought me into your bedroom, and knocked me unconscious.”

The psycho, now hyperventilating, leaped into the air and swung his buzz-axe at full throttle.

“I’m a big boy! It’s too EARLY for bedtime!”, he screeched.

Applejack stood there. It had happened so fast.

She looked down in disbelief at the sight before her. The ground at her hooves were covered in green ooze. In front of her stood a psychopath, holding an axe covered in said substance. In between them, there lay the limp body of the changeling queen.

To think, there I was, 300 years ago, dead. Yet here I stand, healthy, unscathed, and living the tame life of a goddamn horse. What the hell happened? I don't know. What I do know, is that I have a second chance at the vault, a chance to finish what I started. This time, I won't blow it.