An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

(Hey guys! Authors note! I really just wanted to fuck around a bit. This chapter is a result of boredom and drinking. Do not take it to seriously.)

{Me}

[Soren]

^Omega^

*Midnight Shadow*

-Reaper-

WHOOP! WHOOP! I’m sorry. I just got mind fucked and  THIS is what I wake up to? Fuck you universe. Fuck you kindly.

[And rape yourself with a horn!]

{Thanks for the input Sor}

[Anything to help.]

“Attention Assholes!” Gawd, these stallions are all the same. “We have you surrounded! We know you are in there Shade and Company!” Wow! Don’t even know...wait. They don’t know our names!

-We can use this.-

{You’re damn right we can!}

I turned towards Shade, who had begun shaking and freakin out. He was going completely apeshit about going back to jail.

“Shit colt what we gonna do? What we gonna buckin do?” I slapped him across the face.

“Get a hold of yourself stallion! Let’s just think aight? Now I don’t think they know who broke you out of jail, a.k.a me and Cloudy over there, so you should be able to hide at my place. Err...Scratch’s place.”

“Think she’ll let us stay?”

“No, but I hope I can make a deal with her” Shade gave me a hoof to the shoulder.

“Thanks brony. I owe you one.”

*Wow! They really do say that in Equestria. It’s not just in Equestria Girls!*

{I guess so. Hey Reaper? Think we can teleport?}

-What part of we won’t have magic for three days do you not understand?-

{A no would’ve sufficed smartass.}

[Yea don’t take my job asshole. I’m the resident smartass. So cool your jets anarchist!”]

Well. That might have been a problem...if we didn’t have a pegasus!

“We are coming in if you do not come out in 30 seconds. At that point we WILL be authorized to use lethal force.” Well that puts a bit of a damper in the plan. I turned towards the still slumbering Dream Cloud.

“Shade. Help me get him upstairs.” He nodded. I grabbed his front two hooves with my hooves (Don’t ask how that shit works. I’m wrapping my head around it right now. Seriously. Da fuq?) and Shade grabbed the back two with magic. Damn I’m gonna miss magic. We trotted up the stair to the manager’s office. As soon as we closed the door, I heard the cops break down the one downstairs. We’re running low on time. I dropped Dream Cloud to the ground. He groaned but didn’t wake up. I kicked him in the nuts.

“OWW! FUCKBERRIES! MY FUCKBERRIES!” Damn! Straight Cloud is gonna crack me up. “What the hay man! Sonuvabitch!” Bet it’s still hell in his mind. Then again it’s still hell in my mind!

[It’s always hell in your mind.]

“Look Cloud. We got a situation. Cop’s are here, my magic’s fucked to hell from saving your ass, and we need to get to Vinyl’s place.” As soon as I said cop’s he perked up. He jumped to his hooves, stretched out his wings, and opened up the window.

“Right then. All aboard the Cloud Express.” I laughed as I hopped on his back.

“Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Sweet Celestia your heavy.” He paused. “Just think about it. A guy with a gay alter ego...in prison. Take a guess why I’m keen to GTFO.” I could see it now. Him arguing with Khayo about whether or not to pick up the soap.

“I get the picture. Pick up Shade, we can run like hell.”

By the time the cops got into the office, we were halfway to Vinyl’s place.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

The sun was high in the sky by the time we reached Vinyl’s. Yet she still didn’t answer the door when we rang the doorbell. Nor did she open it when we knocked. DJs. AMIRITE?

[Yea you’re right. We still remember how hard it was to wake your lazy ass up.]

{Oh fuck you Soren. We needed that gig money.}

[But did we need the drinks and the bitches?]

{THOSE WERE YOUR IDEAS!}

[...Fuck you.]

-Ahem. How does Celestia put it?-

[Reaper don’t you fucking-]

-Mmm. Pussywhipped.-

[God dammit. Today is just not my day.]

{Silence. We need a plan.}

[Fuck that. Officially not helping. I’m gonna take a sick day.]

{God dammit. Sometimes, I hate myself for making you.}

[Ey! You didn’t make me. I made you.]

{Reaper? Any genius plans of ancient wisdom?}

-Why don’t we shoot our gun in the air?-

{How would we get said gun?}

-Earth Pony magic. They have access to the same void we do.-

*THAT EXPLAINS PINKIE PIE! WE MUST FIND TWILIGHT SPARKLE AND REPORT OUR DISCOVERY!*

{Yea yea. Cool your ass. You can have your chitchat with the lavender gal later. Right now...}

To answer my unsaid question, my USP.45 appeared in my hooves. Granted, not with any bullets, but all I needed was a loud noise. I dry fired my pistol into the air. A second later, the knob on the door turned and Vinyl came out. Looking like shit I might add.

“What the-” Her eyes grew wide as she looked to Shade, then me. “Get inside.” We all nodded, content just to have a place to hide for the time being. Once inside, Vinyl turned to me.

“What the HAY are you THINKING Shadow?”

“Well. To be honest I’m not.” Oh she looked pissed.

^Bad choice of words.^

{Great. NOW you tell me.}

“Look chill aight? The cops don’t know who busted our stoner buddy over there out. They won’t come here, I promise.” Please buy it, please buy it, please buy it.

“Will they earn their keep? Ain’t no way I can afford to pay for all these mouths. Unless Celestia wants a certain DJ at the Gala.” Of course. She wants money. All women want money.

“If they don’t, I’ll earn it for them.” I gave her a wink. “In more ways than one. Bow chicka bow wow.” She sighed.

“Fine. They sleep on the floor.” That shouldn’t be a problem. There was a good foot of clutter on the ground. “Shade will have to clean up the house.” Well. Fucks to be him. She paused, thinking of more things to force us to do. “Those lessons? They cost money now. AND once you’re good enough? You’re gonna have to do a gig with me.” Well. That fucks, but isn’t that surprising. “Also...you have to watch a TV show with me.” Hmm. That’s an interesting request.

[It’s so interesting, even I’ll bite.]

“What kind of show?”

“Well supposedly it’s just for little colts, but I think us mares can like it!” Wait. This sounds kinda familiar.

“What’s it about?”

“Oh y’know. The day to day lives of six human friends. It’s a very interesting show. You might like it.” Okay. I can kinda get the whole ‘Us being imaginary’ thing. Only makes sense. But there is something VERY familiar here. Hell, it’s on the tip of my pony little tongue.

“What is this show called?”

She answered with the confidence only a DJ could have. “My Little Human, Friendship is Science!”

My jaw hit the ground. My plot later joined it. I struggled to form coherent thoughts. Midnight Shadow was off helping the 5th wall back to its feet. Vinyl looked at me with...is that fear. Wait of COURSE it’s fear! I still remember when I told someone I was a brony.

“Sounds...legit.” She laughed. Whew. Bomb defused. Team A wins!

“It’s, what do you say, aight. You’re not a ho. I don’t expect you to understand. Nor do I expect you to like it.” And Vinyl continues to rape the 5th wall with her horn! Midnight walks away, knowing he can no longer help.

“Hos?” Eh. What the hell.

“Oh, it’s just what the fanbase calls itself.” Damn. I was right. Sorry 5th wall. “The fanbase is actually really awesome! They make music, and write some awesome stories. I don’t read books that often, but I am addicted to these fanfics!”

“Oh really? What’s your favorite one like?”

“Aww. You’re so sweet for attempting to care. Well if you must know it’s about this girl who goes to Earth. She has voices in her head, and is a stoner like Shade. She has a never ending supply of blunts.” Ya know. This sounds vaguely familiar. Can’t quite put my finger on it. “It’s called ‘A stoner’s memories from Earth.’ It’s written by HumaneHuman.” Okay. Fuck logic. I give up.

Hell, while we’re on the subject of breaking dimensional barriers, readers! For each like this story gets, I’ll put a dollar towards therapy for the fourth and fifth walls. Like now to help!