An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

{Me}

[Soren]

^Omega^

*Midnight Shadow*

-Reaper-

I burst back into the throne room. Celestia had left, and Luna was looking kind of alone. D'aww.

"Yo Lulu!" She turned towards me with a smile on her face.

"That joke against my sister, it was a good one! It really got to her. I guess you're alright with us...me." She shook her head. "Sorry. I'm still working on speaking normally."

"Hey Sans Soucii and all that right!" She looked at me in surprise.

"You speak Prench?"

"Nope." She nodded her head thoughtfully, before shaking her thoughts away.

"I'm sure you aren't here to listen to an old mare ramble. What do you need young Midnight Shadow?"

"A solid."

"I'm sorry what? I've been gone for a 1,000 years."

"Well, how 'bout I cut you a deal. You help me, and I'll catch you up to the modern age." She smiled widely at that.

"I think I'd like that. So what do you need...friend." She squeaked out that last one. She seemed very hesitant to say it, and was searching my eyes for a reaction. I gave her a warm smile.

"I uh...kinda overtaxed myself. My magic went poof." She looked at me in surprise.

"You did magic outside of your spectrum! But that's so dangerous!"

"We were running out of options, and out of time. So I had to improvise."

"You're lucky to have only lost your magic."

"If I was lucky, I wouldn't have had to go outside my range of magic."

"True. Well, I think I can fix you up. Let me see what I can do for thee." Her horn lit up the room. I started floating in the air. I felt a tingle in my horn, and then was placed back on my hooves. Luna looked very exhausted, and almost fell off her throne. I ran up and gave her a hug.

"Thanks for the help! I feel amazing!" The exhaustion was swept away from her face, and replaced with happiness. I knew I had done the right thing once more.

[Dude, we're like Superman. We know when we're needed.]

*Nice job Jdog. You cheered up best pony.*

{Thanks guys. And Sor, I believe a better line would've been 'It's Magic I Ain't Gotta Explain Shit!'}

I left her embrace. "Alright Lulu. Gotta go save Equestria and all that."

She laughed. "Well, you are just full of surprises aren't you! Stay safe Shadow."

I laughed as I walked out of the room. "No promises!" Before Luna could make another sound, I teleported out of the room. Man I missed magic!

_______________________________________

I was waiting next to the cave where the Diamond Dogs were trying to raise Cthulhoof. Daring Do was late. Which gave me time to make a plan. And drink. I had pulled out my flask a few minutes ago, and was trying my damndest to empty the bottomless flask out. Then I felt it. 8 hairy legs crawling onto my flank. I didn't dare look at it. I already knew it was a...spider. The very thought scared me to death.

[KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!]

*IS IT A SPIDER? GET IT OFF!*

{I CAN'T! I'M TOO PARALYZED BY MY FEAR!}

Let's just say I really, really, REALLY, don't like spiders.

CRACK! I felt a whip hit my flank. It left a sharp pain, but I also no longer felt the spider. I spun around to see my hero/assailant. Of course. Now Ms. Do decides to show up.

"Woah. Sorry Do, didn't know you were into spanking and bondage. Kinda kinky don't ya think?" She took my comment with stride. Putting on her most seductive face, she sweetly said one of the scariest things I've ever heard.

"Oh believe me. You don't even WANT to know what I think about when I picture you. Spanking and bondage is the least of it." Oh It. Is. On!

"Wow. Didn't know you were such a bad pony. Maybe I should spank you a bit." This left her speechless. I gave her a wink to know I was kidding.

[ROUND ONE! WIN!]

{Still undefeated champions!}

"So right then. Miss Do, what do you propose we do here?"

"Well, I think you should just wing it. However few brief pointers. They have magic powers, they can burrow in the Earth," She paused when she saw my eyes light up. "Wait why do you look so happy?"

I magicked up my tweed coat and eyeglass again. "Why it's elementary my dear Daring. Whereas you see the Dogs being major threats, I see Equestria's most realistic game of Whack-A-Mole!" She laughed as I let my outfit dissipate.

"Glad to see you'll be having fun. I scouted out the area before my...setback." She spat the word out. "There's an entrance around back. While you do...whatever, I'll slip on in."

[Bow chicka bow wow.]

i nodded my head. "Alright. Make sure your in position-"

[Bow chicka bow wow.]

"When I give the signal, sneak in from behind."

[Bow chicka bow wow. Damn! I'm on a roll!]

Daring nodded her head before taking off, leaving me without a plan.

-I suppose we could--

[HOLD IT! I think we should let Omega be...itself? Besides, it hasn't had a chance to make a plan yet.]

^Yes WONDERFUL! I suggest we BLOW THEM ALL TO HELL!!!^

*Wow. Now he really sounds like Omega.*

[I am liking this idea! Reaper! How much do you think we'll need?]

-Well. In doubt. C4. I think 10 pounds should do it.-

A pile of C4 packets appeared at my feet. I hurriedly set them where the cave seemed strongest. That way the weaker parts would be destroyed by the top coming in on itself. Then I thought about it, and added some C4 to the roof. Just in case Do needs my help, I don't want to have to dig my way through a cave-in.

[Good idea.]

{No shit.}

[Yea. We're the same person. Don't have to be a dick about it.]

I didn't respond, and instead opted to move back to a somewhat safe distance. I was still danger close, but eh... Whatever. I created a dethonator, and pulled the trigger. The explosion destroyed the cave, and a little bit of the mountainside. Okay. A LOT of the mountainside got destroyed. And even better, the explosion got my prey's attention.

^Now. TERMINATE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!^

I saw multiple paths of uneven earth coming towards me. A telltale sign of a burrowing animal. The first one popped its ugly head up...and got beat back down into his hole. "1 point!" And that's when the rage came in. I let my instincts kick in, no thoughts ran through my head. Just see, hit, add to score, repeat. I couldn't tell when the dogs stopped coming. I actually kept bucking until I heard the scream.

"Why you savages! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! SHADOW!!"

*Incoming shitstorm.*

{We have to help her. Reaper? See a way in?}

^Let's make our own.^

A RPG-7 appeared on my shoulder. I lined it up in the general direction of what is left of the cave entrance and pulled the trigger. The whole thing blew apart, leaving a small hole for me to get through. I galloped in. Time to save my partner, and save Equestria.