An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

The explosions rocked the cavern. I started galloping to the minecart. I threw Daring inside, then started pushing. I vaulted inside and watch as the cavern started collapsing. Only problem is, we were still inside the cavern.

"Okay. Daring, do not for any reason look be-" I facehoofed. Too late.

"WE'RE SO SCREWED!"

"Don't freak out. Don't freak out alright it's perfectly fine. Just keep leaning forward."

"No. He's following us!" I spun around. Sure enough, Cthulhoof was flying as fast as his dragon wings could take him. Even worse, he was still doing a cliche villain monologue!

"Now Mr. Mattingly look what you've done! You've gone and trapped us both! Can you do anything right? Oh right, they wiped your memory. That didn't hurt as much as I'd have liked it to." Wait wut?

"Da fuq you talking about?"

"Try to remember your old life Mr. Mattingly. And when you can't, go talk to this lands precious goddesses. Ask them why they've taken away your old identity."

"Your trying to screw with me."

"Actually, I'm not. Way I see it, only one of us is getting out of here, and odds are it's you. At least I can put a stop to their little game. Small victories I suppose."

"God dammit could you stop being so damn proper!"

"Does it irk you? A shame you no longer have mag-" A piece of rock slammed into his tentacly face and went through his head. I turned back to the front of the cart. Daring was holding on to the front white knuckled.

"Shadow, we got a bit of a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

"The track up ahead is gone." I squinted. Sure enough the end of the track was closing in.

"Well you have wings. Problem solved."

"But you don't!" I jumped on her back.

"Babe, I don't need wings. I got you." I could see her blush. She shook her head and jumped out of the minecart. The sudden burst of speed and air knocked my fedora off. "Dammit! I'm sending Celestia the bill." Daring laughed.

[Damn we are a ladies man.]

{Yea uh do me a favor? Try to find some memories from Earth.}

^Roger that. Beginning scan for memories from Earth. Scan complete. Results: 0^

[What are we gonna do?]

{We're gonna go talk to some lying bitches.}

*Isn't that a bit harsh?*

{THEY TOOK OUR GOD DAMN MEMORIES! THAT'S MY FUCKIN LIFE THEY STOLE! SURE IT WAS PROBABLY A SHITTY ONE, BUT HOW SHOULD I KNOW?}

[So all we know is bits and pieces. Occupations, names, skills.]

{I'm gettin some fuckin answers.}

Daring must have sensed my angst and turned to look at me. "Somethin wrong?"

"I'm fine. Kinda pissed about the hat. It was a bit lucky." She laughed.

"I know the feeling. So straight to Canterlot?"

"Naw. I gotta go check on my friends. I'll see you...around I guess."

She winked at me. "See you around." And that's when I dropped off her back. Right before I hit the ground and became a sexcake, I did a short range teleport and landed on the ground on all four hooves. Ta da!

"YOU CRAZY BASTARD!" Daring had noticed my stunt.

"THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!" I heard her laughing as I trotted to Vinyl's apartment.

CANTERLOT CASTLE, THRONE ROOM, CAMERA 1.43.521

Luna approached her sister Celestia.

"Tia? I need someone to talk to."

"Yes Luna? What's on your mind?"

"We need to tell him. He deserves to know about the game. We don't want another Griffin."

"You've developed feelings towards him haven't you?"

"He's the first friend I've had in a few thousand years. Thou is correct."

"Luna. What have I told you about Thou's?"

"Sorry 'Tia. Still, can we tell him?"

"He's on his way already. Our cousin seems to have told him just to get back at us.

"...He's going to be mad."

"Likely."

"Should we be scared?"

"No. I'll have Shining Armor set up a few guards. We'll be perfectly safe little sister."

"If you believe so 'Tia. I hope you're right."

Author's note! I entered Lollapalooza! And voting has opened. So, just to prove all my bitchy ex girlfriends wrong, I want YOU to vote for me! First go to http://do312.com/remix/djs?page=3 and go vote for DJ SoarinSoren! Then, because we all know everything has to be fucked up, sign in with Facebook(or just sign in) and then vote for me again! Not that hard right? Wanna know how I'll make it up to you? A writing marathon, and at the end? A new story, a new character, and a new premise. Also? 3 more long chapters for THIS story! So my 1,000+ viewers! Go send my skinny white plot to Lollapalooza! PAR-TAY!