An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

{Me}

[Soren]

^Omega^

*Midnight Shadow*

-Reaper-

I teleported into Vinyl's house to see...the fuck was I seeing?

"Oh shit uh...hey Shadow! Buddy, uh wassup. Hey I'd like to thank Soren for all that charm he gave me." Dream Cloud, gay little Cloudie, was on top of Vinyl Scratch. Vinyl turned towards me, and her mouth was hitting the ground. If I hadn't felt so betrayed, it'd be funny as hell.

"Fuck it. I cheated on you with Daring damn Do anyways. As long as we got a place to stay I don't give a damn. Where's Shade?" I was the image of cool. If you looked up Ice Cold in the dictionary, my picture would be the example. I guess it just felt too familiar for me to give a damn.

[I will give him style points for getting Vinyl.]

{Wait a second. What am I doing? I'm a manipulative asshole right?}

[Probably.]

-Well I am. Close enough.-

{Let's milk this bitch.}

Vinyl pointed towards a room. I walked over to it, and just before walking in, did something that felt right.

"Hey Pon-3? I want those lessons to be free. At least i had the decency to only flirt." Score one for the badasses.

-Nice work. Now slam door to show you're serious.-

SLAM!

________________________

"Thanks for patching me up Shade. Setting off that blast really bucked me up."

"Well I owe you my life. I can start repaying by saving yours." I chuckled.

"C'mon man. It wasn't that big a deal."

"You broke into a maximum security prison, the only one in Equestria, that had prototype equipment, and your sayin it wasn't a big deal?"

"Just another day at the office." Now Shade laughed.

"You've got one crazy office."

________________________

I teleported outside of Canterlot Castle. I wanted to give myself as much time as possible to cool myself down. I needed to be a blank slate. If Celestia knew I was pissed, I would be out in a second. Gotta keep mah kool.

"Halt!" Fuck.

^Murder them.^

*Fus Ro Dah them.*

{I'm gonna use Shadies idea. Reaper, know the megaphone spell from that party book?}

-Yes. Why?-

{I want it with enough force to throw a pony or two.}

My horn started glowing. I stared at the guards in my way.

"FUS! RO! DAH!" The two guards went flying away. A shame they weren't pegasus. They now probably have broken legs. I chuckled as I continued on my path to the throne room. I kick so much ass. And now, I felt cooler than ice.

[Like a glacier]

-Like my ex-girlfriend.-

*^[{YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND?!?!}]^*

-Another time. We are here.-

I slowly approached the door. I was getting my sir on.

"Dearest Celelstia and Luna! I would like to ask a few questions." They both kinda stared at me, as if expecting me to burst into flames and kill them. Luna was the first to regain the ability of sensical speak, as well as the ability to breathe.

"What would you like to know?"

"While I was...dealing with the dangerous Cthulhoof, he said something about a chess game. One played by the gods. He also told me I was summoned by one of the gods. Could I get an explanation? Oh and my pay for that Cthulhoof bit?" Celestia finally started breathing again. How that mare survived for that long without air was beyond me. Probably magic.

"You will be paid by Ms. Do. She is currently on another adventure at the moment. I'm sure you'll get paid eventually. As for the chess game..." Luna butted in.

"'Tia, I brought him here. I should say it. Now then Shadow? Everything my sister told you is a lie."

"Well, seeing how I ignored her unless money was involved, I probably missed it." Ahh charm. Is there no situation you can't get me out of?

Luna took a moment to stop giggling like a little filly before continuing on. "There are indeed multiple Equestria's, but they are not created by those with enough power. They are created by the god's, and we watch them much like you watch us."

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"So wait. That means all those fanfics are movies to you? ALL of them?"

"Thou is correct young Shadow."

"So where is the porn section? I mean with all the clopfiction written an-" Celestia stepped in.

"That is ENOUGH young Midnight Shadow. Soren, stop making him think these thoughts."

[Actually, that was all him. Didn't once speak up.]

"Continuing on, the god's decided to have even more fun. Living eternally makes you quite bored. They decided to each pick their own champion and send them to Equestria. I'm not entirely sure how you win, but me and my sister joined as a team. We sent out for the most combat enabled and smartest human alive. We got you. Discord will be getting his soon, and so will Father Time. The others...we are uncertain."

"Okay, so what am I. A pawn?"

Luna looked at me with...are those SEX eyes! How does she know how to make SEX EYES?! "No. You are our knight in shining armor. That's why we're telling you this."

"I'm guessing a knight is important in chess?"

Celestia looked at me flatly. "Don't tell me you've never played chess."

Showtime. "Well, in truth..." I teleported behind her, and materialized a knife out of the shadows. "I'm a bit of a poker player. The high stakes kind. Now that you can't do anything, where the FUCK are my memories!"

Author's note. Finally! We're in the Chess Game of The God's universe! Just so everyone knows, I arrived one week BEFORE Rust and Blackwing arrive. In the world, they are showing up tomorrow. The reason they said they don't want another Griffin is because they know how violent he is (because they know who Discord and Time are bringing.) That make perfect sense? Really? Good. Now that everyone's nice and savvy, let's see what's going on with Dream Cloud,

DREAM CLOUD'S POV

{Me}

[Khayo]

Vinyl stared up at me in horror. "Think he'll be alright?"

I smiled. Gotta make her feel better. "He'll be fine. Sure he's pissed as hell right now, but knowing him he'll get another one."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better. That he'll replace me?"

"Considering that you never really loved him and used him for meaningless sex, and have been pissed since he showed up, I think that's the best you could get."

"Well...true. Wanna go to my bedroom?"

"Hell yea."

[NO! C'MON! HE'S OUR BEST FRIEND!]

{Dude. Go suck a cock. The badass code. Ho's before Bro's. Beside's, he'll find another. However, how could we ever find someone as badass and sexy as Pon-3?}

"You comin? Or am I expected to rut myself?"

{Yeah. No answer.}

"Yea yea. Get over here you sexy, crazy bitch."

Author's note part 2. Yea. I made Vinyl a slut (because most of us DJ's will literally fuck whatever we can get our hands on. Well, I do.) and showed that what we had was simply meaningless sex. Also, I just wrote that badass code. No one should follow it. Bronies before hoenies.