An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

{Me}

[Soren]

^Omega^

*Midnight Shadow*

-Reaper-

"Shadow...let's just think this through okay." That was Luna, timidly trying to talk me out of it. I could hear the fear in her voice.

"Already have. You bitches took my memories, and I want them back. I also want a bit of interest."

Celestia slowly spoke, trying to make sure she didn't cut herself on my knife. "What kind of interest? You don't really need bits."

"Why the hell would I want money? No. I want some pretty tall orders. However, if you don't give in to my demands, we see how immortal you are with a knife in your neck."

-Not very.-

[Shhh. It's getting to the good part.]

"Okay...what do you want?" Celestia sounded defeated. I had won. I could have anything! Immortality! Power! Women! But that shit gets old.

"For startes? That memory wipe spell. Just in case I don't like certain memories. Next? I'm droppin out of your damn game. Send me to another universe. I care not which one. But don't send me immediately. Wait exactly one hour, then send me, Dream Cloud, and Shade to a different Equestria." I decided to bring my party with me. I already had a full combat triangle, why try to get it again?. (Combat Triangle Definition: The triangle of combat. Warrior, Ranger, Specialist. A ranger is normally someone who is stealthy, and a specialist is someone who excells in certain skills like a healer. Example: TF2 Soldier, Spy, Mechanic.)

Luna nodded her head. "It shall be done. Now, release thy sister."

"If you think that I would get rid of my...insurance for even ONE second, you must not know who you're dealing with. My memories. Now." Luna slowly walked towards me, and then looked into my eyes.

"Are...are you sure? These memories...they are so sad. Your life...I'm so sorry."

"They are my burden to bear, not yours. They are what made me who I am, and without them I very well may forget who I am. I need them. They may be sad, but they taught me how to survive. When you took them, you took what made me what you wanted me to be. So now, I want them back."

Luna nodded, then touched my horn to hers. There was something...oddly erotic about it.

[Are we...fucking a goddess?!]

-Sorry Soren, but I don't know. We should research Alicorn and Unicorn reproduction.-

[So we should look up porn?]

-Basically. Yes.-

[Reaper, you're cool with me man. I think this is the beginning of a long friendship.]

-I think it is Soren.-

Their voices were drowned out as my life literally flashed before my eyes. My birth, my first fight, my first shoot-out, the first time I had a girlfriend, the first time I watched my girlfriend die. I slowly watched as an innocent young child quickly became a cold, unforgiving man. I wanted to cry for that child, but the saddest part was that I was that child. I watched as I grew up in the ghettos. By the time I was 18, I had seen more violence than most men will ever see. I was scarred, but I was one helluva man. I watched as I went off to Iraq, and watched as I shot through the ranks. I watched as we went off to Iraq, and I watched my whole squad die. I watched as I went AWOL, and I had a front row seat for my decent into madness. First came Soren, who I had since a small boy, but didn't know it. Then Luna, and finally Midnight Shadow. I was watching all the way up until the bullet entered my brain, and I went to Equestria. My vision restored itself, and I was looking at Luna.

[That was...intense. Seeing what made us who we are...Scary.]

-THAT'S what you went through? My condolences. I thought Hades was a bad place...but that beats it.-

[Yea, but we became hardasses because of it.]

-Still...you started a porn business when you were 12?-

[Twice. Almost succeeded one time.]

-And you tried it again later?-

[Almost worked once. Why not now?]

I shivered. "Thank you. Now, there are a few things in order. I want to be transported HERE with Dream Cloud and Shade first. THEN you shall teleport us to a new Equestria. Savvy?"

"Yes. We understand Shadow. Now then, can you release me?"

"Sorry Celestia, but I want that memory wipe spell as well."

"Very well. Luna, get him the scroll."

A scroll appeared out of a midnight blue flame. It opened up, allowing me to see it. It did indeed show how to cast the memory wipe spell.

"Will you release my sister now?"

"One second." I didn't want to release Celestia just so they could throw my ass in jail. I needed a plan.

*Remember in Fallout New Vegas when you meet the Brotherhood of Steel? They don't trust you, so they attach an explosive collar to you?*

{Hey yea! That sounds like a good plan. Reaper? Can we do it?}

-Well, we're making it out of shadows, and it would go boom. I believe it would indeed impress a lady.-

My horn flashed and a mechanical collar attached itself to Celestia's neck.

"If you fuck me over, I will detonate the explosives in this collar, and your body parts will no longer be joined together. Understand?"

Celestia gulped before replying. "Yes Shadow. I understand completely."

"Good." I dissipated the knife, then started trotting toward the door like nothing happened. Halfway there, I used a simple teleport spell and teleported myself to Vinyl's flat. Once again...what the fuck was I seeing?

"Oh hey Shadow! Listen could you help me out? Octavia's gonna be here in a few so I can go on a trip. She's performing a concert in Tailton, and I've always wanted to see the ocean so I'm taggin along. Can you help me pack?" She said it as if she hadn't cheated on me, like so many of my other girlfriends.

[So THAT'S why it felt so familiar!]

"Go get Cloud to help you. I gotta talk with Shade. Bitch." I walked away, once again leaving her stunned.

*LIKE A BOSS!*

__________________________

"Yo Shadow! I heard you put that bitch in her place from over here! What's up?"

"Shade. We're being relocated."

"Well yea man. Vinyl's leavin, so we gotta find another place to crash. Unless she lets us housesit. But I REALLY don't want to house sit."

"No, I mean we're being relocated out of this universe. We're going to another Equestria."

Shade stared at me like I'd gone batshit crazy. "Another Equestria? C'mon man what's next? Now you're gonna say humans are real."

"Oh yea. Haven't I told you? Me and Dream Cloud are both humans sent here by the gods. Now pick your jaw up off the floor. You're gonna catch some flies." I walked back towards Vinyl.

*LIKE A BOSS!*

_____________________

Dream Cloud had just finished helping Vinyl pack, and she was just about to leave. I had viewed the scroll once, and knew the basics of casting it. Now for a bit of practice.

"Hey Vinyl? Come with me outside. Take your bags. I got one last thing I want to tell you." She complied, and followed me out the door. I touched my horn to hers and started talking very quickly. "You do not remember me, Dream Cloud, and Shade is still in prison. We were never here." My horn finished the sentence and I drew away, leaving a very disoriented Vinyl Scratch.

"Wait what? Oh hey there sexy. What's your name colt?"

"Not yours to know. Oh look, it's Octavia." The grey mare seemed to have snuck up on us, and she was now looking at the white DJ.

"Eugh Ms. Scratch will you EVER stop messing around with this common rabble? Now come on, we need to get moving immediately."

"Wha? Oh right. Sorry Tavi." Vinyl picked up her bags with a simple telekenisis spell. "Let's go." Had she looked back, she would've seen a flash of light as I disappeared.