An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

{Me}

[Soren]

^Omega^

*Midnight Shadow*

-Reaper-

I was in the large throne room. Dream Cloud was on my right, and to my left was Shade. Princess Celestia still had the collar on. Luna still looked scared. Pretty much just how I left them.

"Okay Shadow. We have done what you wish. Just give the word, and I will teleport you away."

"Not just yet! One last thing. Come over here. Both of you." The two princesses obliged. I motioned for them to lean their heads down. I then touched my horn to both of theirs. Once again, I spoke quite quickly.

"In exactly five minutes you will forget that me, Dream Cloud, and Shade ever existed. We were never here." I though for a few seconds, then decided to have even more fun. "You do not know what the Chess Game of the Gods is, and you do not know who any god's pawn is. Human's also are a myth." I backed away. The two princesses just stared at me.

"You wanted something Shadow?"

"Yea. Send us the hell away."

"As you wish."

"Sister! The collar!" I waved my hand and it fell off. Suddenly, 20 guards teleported into the room. I looked up to see a smug Celestia.

"You didn't think it'd be that easy did you?"

"I sure as hell hoped it wouldn't be!" I bended the shadows to my whim, creating a huge flaming sword that pierced all the guards before holding itself to Celestia's neck. "Now then. The only way that sword is going to dissapear is if it's source goes out of this universe. Since I'm the source... You get the point."

"You are quite the strategist. Are you sure you've never played chess?"

"I have, but I needed to set up a one-liner. Always good to have one handy."

^Three minutes before you don't exist.^

{Yea yea don't remind me.}

"Now then. A different Equestria. Now."

"Very well Midnight Shadow. You have bested us, and we shall reward you accordingly."

A flash of light and me and my company vanished off the face of Equestria. Well. Almost.

CANTERLOT CASTLE, THRONE ROOM, CAMERA 1.43.521

"Do you think he'll be alright?"

"I hope not."

"'Tia, why do you hate him so?"

"It's a mutual thing LuLu."

"So what have you done to him?"

"Who said I did anything?"

"I know you. You tried to get back at him. What did you do?"

"He said any Equestria. So I sent him to one."

"What's wrong with it?"

"It will put him through trials like he's never faced before. He'll still have a bit of fools luck of course, but he'll need more than that. He'll have to make friends...and then he'll lose them all. And once it's done, he'll realize it was all his fault."

"You're so cruel 'Tia."

"He was crueler."

"...who was crueler?"

"I...I can't remember. What were we talking about?"

"Strange. I do not know myself."

______________

A few multiverses away...

"Those biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitcheeeeeeeeeeesss!!!!" Sure Celestia and Luna sent me to a new Equestria, but they teleported me a few miles off the ground. I suddenly felt my rapid descent stop.

"Woah there man. How the hell'd you get up here? Also are you alright? Probably should've asked that one first."

"Dream Cloud?"

"Dream Cloud? Nah man. Name's Rainbow Dagger." I turned to look at him. He had a rainbow mane, with a green coat. I couldn't quite see his cutie mark.

"Wait! The others!"

"What others? You're the only one here!" I sat up too quickly and almost fell out of Dagger's grasp.

"What? Shit! Dream Cloud and Shade are probably fucked all to hell right now!"

"Are they friends of yours?" I nodded.

"We came over together. Damn those bitch princesses!"

"Hey! They aren't that bad!"

"Not in this universe! The other Equestria!" I fell to the ground with a small thud. Apperently, a shocked Rainbow couldn't hold stuff.

"Do you like bananas?" What? That's a strange...no way. Really? Well only one way to find out.

"I know where you can go bananas." His face lit up. I prepared my smokers lungs.

"ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEEEYETCH!"

I started laughing. "Well hell! Another brony. I'd brohoof ya, but currently I'm on the ground."

"Oh sorry about that." He pulled me up. I'm still wondering how he did that with a hoof. Might want to ask Twilight.

/Well you seem nice/

"Who the fuck was that?"

/All though I could do without the swearing./

Dagger looked at me sheepishly. "Man have I got a story to tell you. C'mon, there's a town not to far from here. The pub makes a good hard apple cider. Not as good as an Absolut, but alcohol is alcohol am I right?"

"Long as you're buyin, I ain't carin."

____________

Seventeen shots later

"So I wake up, and they tell me it was a success. So now I got a few more brains in my head."

"Hey I got my own voices. I know the pain. But Soarin' fucked his own sister! Damn that's funny."

(We shall never trust you ever again.)

Dagger ordered another round. When he turned, I glanced at his cutiemark. Crosshairs on a skull. Pretty badass.

"What's your mark for?"

"I can shoot a bullseye with any weapon, at any range."

"Doesn't seem like an average pegasus mark."

"Yea. I got it when we first got here. I still had the chip, so I conjured up a gun and killed a few timberwolves with it. Got the thing immediately."

"Pretty sweet that you can do magic while a pegasus."

"I'm not really a pegasus though. I'm a lab experiment. What's yours for though?"

"Pickin up chicks."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope. That's what it's for. I can perform any spell that would impress a girl. So raining down hellfire from the sky? Yes. Cleaning spell? No."

"Seems like a gift and a curse."

"How so?"

"Well on one...hoof you can perform some of the most badass magical feats. On the other, you can't do simple stuff."

"That's what I got Shade for! Well, usually. I hope they're okay."

"I'm sure they'll be fine. C'mon, I still gotta tell you about college."

"Dear god. Can I get another shot first?"

"Deal."

_________________

{Me}

[Khayo]

"Eugh. What the hell happened? Shade are you alright?"

"A bit. I think I broke my fucking legs." Khayo winced at his swearing.

[That's our fault.]

{So? Builds character.}

[It's a bad habit. I wish we could fix it.]

{Quiet you.}

"Where the bloody 'ell are we Shade?"

"How should I know? Hey look! A town! Let's ask them!"

"Eh. I ain't got a better idea. But we gotta find Shadow."

"Don't worry. We'll find him. I'm sure he's fine. Drunk, but probably fine."

"You know him so well already." Shade chuckled at my poor joke.

"C'mon. Let's find out where we are."