An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

The Kickass Bar and Grill

{Me}

[Soren]

^Omega^

*Midnight Shadow*

-Reaper-

Authors note. To save a lot of time and keep up with the dialogue style, and the idea that we are in my head, you will notice that the things that show who's talking in my head are beside the dialogue marks. Just a heads up.

I closed my eyes and slipped into my subconscious.

I awoke in an alleyway. This was where I always landed when I went inside of my head. Unlike everyone else’s mind, I actually did some remodeling. I was in here so often that I couldn’t stand the drab white, so I recreated my hometown of Nashville. There were bars all up and down the street. The arena said the Predators were playing. I could go in and watch, but it would be a past game. And I had business. So I went to the only thing not in Nashville. The Kickass Bar and Grill. Like I said I didn’t like the drab of white, so I made my own bar to meet my consciences in. It was pretty damn good if I say so myself.

______________________________________________________________________________

I took a seat next to Soren. He mouthed something to me.DJ Pon-3 was rockin jams on stage, so I could barely hear him. To fix this I turned the music down. Being in my head was awesome. I motioned for him to say it again.

“It’s the new guy. He’s creepy as hell.”

“Where is he?”

“Don’t know. Only wants to talk to you. Says he remembers you.”

“How? I only helped Anon one time. And that was by spreading the message.”

“Apparently that was enough to make him like you.”

We were interrupted by a sudden flash. A figure dressed all in black walked up to our table. His hands were bones. And I swear I saw a scythe on his back.

-”Good evening host. Soren.”-

[“Ah Reaper. To what do we owe the honor?”]

-”I want to talk to my new host. The last one was so one minded.”-

{“Hold up guys. I gotta lighten the mood.”} I snapped my fingers and instantly Omega(in Luna form) and Rainbow Dash started making out on our table. Like I said. It’s great to be in your mind.

{“Okay. Reaper, continue.”}

-”I’m sure Celestia told you I was a criminal.”-

{“I know. It’s probably bullshit. You were simply showing the people something Celestia didn’t want them to see. Lemme guess. MLP?”}

-”I felt the general populace should know.-”

I sighed. {“You have to realize that it wouldn’t make them rise against anything other than themselves. They’d all go insane, and kill themselves. Trust me, the monarchy is not corrupt. I have yet to see forced poverty, or poverty in general. Wealth is shared. There is no 1% here.”}

-”I suppose you are right. I will assist you in any way I can now. I suggest you reroute all combat magics to me, let Omega take care of healing and categorizing spells, and Soren can do whatever he wants.-”

{“Sounds good to me”}

Reaper leaned back into his chair. -”I suppose I should relax. I could get used to this place. Celestia put me in a jail cell.

[“Speaking of Celestia...”]

{“What?”} Soren pointed over to the doors. Sure enough Celestia walked through the door, and started walking over to our table. Oh shit. She looked kinda pissed when she saw Luna on the table, licking Rainbow Dash’s clit.

{“Soren. We may be kind of fucked.”}

[“What gave you the idea?”]

(“I came in here to make sure that Reaper wasn’t trying to manipulate you.”) She shot a look over at Reaper, who had just conjured up a leather jacket and was chillin in the booth. He was talking to one of my exes. Hmm, that can only end well. Celestia broke my inner inner monologue by addressing me, specifically the hoes on my table.

(“Instead I found YOU with THIS! I DEMAND IT BE REMOVED AT ONCE!) She was yelling. I suddenly heard a familiar beat coming from the DJ booth. I nodded my head, and the girls vanished. However I looked over at Soren, and shot a glance to Midnight Shadow. They both nodded their heads. I slowly turned the music up while Celestia ranted. I nodded my head and all three of us hopped onto the table and started singing and dancing to this tune.

When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly

I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah

This is how I roll, animal print, pants outta control,

It's Redfoo with the big afro

And like Bruce Lee yeah I got the glow

Ahh girl look at dat body.

Ahh I I work out.

Ahh girl look at dat body.

Ahh I I work out.

When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)

Everybody stops and they staring at me

I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it

*{[I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!]}*

WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE YEA!

Celestia turned away right then. (“Please...Make it stop.”)

I turned the music down and we all got back on the table. {“That was to teach you a lesson I hope you don’t forget.”}

(“And what lesson is that?”)

{“Fuck you I do what I want.}

Celestia just sorta stared at me. I then snapped my fingers, and Luna and Rainbow Dash picked up right where they left off. I just kinda leaned back and started smirking. Then to take it to the final level, I pulled a trollface mask out of thin air and put it on. Just for shits and giggles.

(“Lesson...learned. However I have a message for you. Actually two of them.")

{"Whoop de fucking do. Shoot Princess Molestia."} Her eyes burned bright red for a second, before going back to normal.

("First, another brony has entered this world. Second, we have received word of a dragon near Las Pegasus. I have decided that you should go do something about it.")

{"Do I get paid?"}

("Generously.")

{“Good. Now get the fuck out of my mind.”}

I then forcibly removed her from my mind. I looked over at Midnight Shadow. He just sat back, ordered a drink, and finally turned to me.

*”There’s gonna be hell to pay tomorrow.”*

I didn’t doubt that. But for now...totally worth it. I brohoofed Soren before walkin out of the bar. I then fell asleep in that same alleyway, and left my subconscious. Back into Vinyl’s embrace. I snuggled up closer to her. It was about time I was able to finally get some rest tonight.

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