An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

Dream Cloud’s POV

I watch as Midnight gets knocked into the cave. I turn back toward the dragon. It was grinning. Bitch must think she’s already won. Well that bitch can eat her heart out.

“Hey bitch!” The dragon turns to look at me. I bare my teeth in a sardonic grin.

“Come at me bro.” This takes it over the edge. It lashes out at me. If it weren’t for my lightning fast reflexes and my parkour abilities I would’ve been doomed. I quickly realized there was no way I could win this fight. My cutie mark was a dagger and a cloud! Not a sword and shield! I’m a sneaker not a fighter! The dragon rears its ugly head up. I rolled to the side Solo-style as flames cover the area I was just at. I am doomed. I am so totally fucked.

“Midnight! Could use some help here!”

A familiar voice called back. “Never thought you’d ask!”

5 minutes earlier

Midnight Shadow’s POV

{Me}

[Soren]

^Midnight Shadow^

*Omega*

-Reaper-

I took in my wonderful surroundings. Rocks, and plenty of shadows. Perfect.

-I have a plan.- Visions of creating a giant flaming sword and slaughtering the dragon went into my mind.

[Yeaaa. Or we could do it my way.] Soren’s plan flashed through my head.

{That’s so crazy, it could work. Let’s roll with Soren’s thing.}

-Fine. Just this once.-

My horn flashed, and Soren started fashioning a giant fake penis out of the shadows. Once it was finished, I started creeping to the cave entrance.  I watched as Dream Cloud started getting his ass kicked.

“Midnight! Could use some help here!”

I quickly shouted out my own response. “Never thought you’d ask!”

I ran out of the cave with my giant fake penis and slammed it into the dragon’s clit. She screamed out in ecstasy. I was right, she was still a virgin. I quickly spit out a good one liner. “Ya know, I hear the first time is always the hardest!” I slammed the dildo into her vagina with terrifying force. I pulled it back out to slam it back in. Her groans continued as my thrusting grew quicker. I could almost sense she was about to go over the edge. However I also sensed that her magical defenses were failing. I gave a nod over to Dream Cloud, and he flew up into the air. I hope he got the message. I kept going, making my thrusts harder and harder. Suddenly she froze up, and shrieked out. Right then, Dream Cloud pulled off a freaking sonic rain nuke and smashed into the dragon. The dragon collapsed to the ground, before turning into a golden dust.

-Back to the Tartarus with you foul demon.-

[I’ll let that slide once. Only cause you let me do my thing.]

-Well that is where it goes.-

I shook off my voices, and looked back at the glittery voices. “FUS RO DAH!” Nothing happened.

[Eh. Worth a shot.]

I turned to Dream Cloud. I suppose some congratulations were in order. “Hey Dream Cloud! Rad Rain Nuke ya pulled off there.”

He put a hoof over his mouth. “Copy that. 25 Killstreak. Tactical Rain Nuke incoming.”

It looked fun, so I decided to try it out. “Hate detected, firing orbital friendship cannon.” In a few minutes we could barely breathe.

“Hey Shadow, we should hang out more often.”

“Well hell where do you live anyway?”

“Canterlot. Celestia keeps me there.”

“Why don’t ya stick with me in Las Pegasus? I’m getting a house there myself real soon. ‘Till then you could probably spend the night at Vinyl’s place.”

“Why are you sleeping there?”

“Doesn’t matter, as long as you don’t mind sleeping on the couch and animal noises coming from the bedroom.”

“Damn bro. You deserve this brohoof.” He held his hoof out to me. I bumped it. Why the hell not? I needed some friends. I picked my fedora up off the ground and set it on my head.

Dream Cloud’s POV

I masked my disappointment at hearing he was into wome, I mean mares. God that was hard to get right. Still, this guy was VERY good looking, and...

Dammit Kayo. Stop this right now. You know damn well he will never like you like that. I mean look at his damn cutie mark! Don’t get your hopes up. Sadly my internal argument didn’t work, and I started feeling heat from a very unwelcome place. I shook my head, and continued focusing on the path to Las Pegasus. I wonder how I’ll be able to stand being in the same house as this sexy guy... Dammit. Can’t let my thoughts trail there. I noticed his beautiful lips were saying something. Oh shit it was to me!

“Sorry, what? I was kinda lost in myself.”

“I asked what your real name was. We’re both bronies, and since we’re friends...”

Right. Friends. And that is all we will ever be. “My name was Kayo.”

“Kayo. Nice name. Mine was Tanner.”

Tanner. What a wonderful name. Like a lullaby. And he even thought my name was kinda cool!

"Most people thought it was weird."

"Phh so? Dude I have 4 other voices in my head these days. Weird don't mean shit to me. When people thought I was weird I shot em the bird and told em to fuck off! Trust me man, your cool in my book and that makes you a fucking badass. I mean hell you went head to head with a fucking dragon!"

"So did you."

"Yea but my magical powers would make Twi blush. Your obviously a stealth fighter. Yet you had the balls to stare down a fucking dragon!"

"Well when you put it that way...I guess I am a bit of a badass."

"Damn right bro." We brohoofed again. God I am loving him more and more. He makes everything seem so much better... He stopped talking after that. Probably was talking to the voices in his head. I didn't care. He had made me happy. For the first time in a while, I smiled a real smile.

Midnight Shadow's POV

-He is gay.-

[Probably. No scratch that. No doubt.]

{Be nice guys. He's a cool gay guy. Like Wallace.}

*Eh. He seems cool enough. As long as he likes ponies... I mean ya know what they say Love and Tolerate.*

{I'm going with Shadow on this one. What's the harm? He seems like he gets that I'm straight and happy.} I looked over at Dream Cloud. He was even smiling now. {And he's happy too. What's not to love?}

[Fine. But if he kisses us...]

{He won't.}

*Hey guys. Uber fan of everything here. Just thought I should mention. What did we learn from Skyrim?*

{That dragons always travel in packs of three where I am conce...oh shit. You don't think?} My self posed question was answered by two roars. Two huge dragons landed on the path. One blocked the way forward and the other blocked the way back.

"Fuck my luck."