Recollections of the Rhodes

Chapter 3

Tragical Comedy

Date: 11/24/2037

Time: Middle of the night

Location: Everfree Forrest (On path to Castle of the Sisters Rhode castle)

Cervantes POV

Not long after dropping the ponies off at the edge of the forrest, I started walking back to the castle thanks to my handy dandy Impasse. I talked to Ulysses about our situation. Other than the suggestion that Samus and Leo maybe coming around too, he's been pretty quiet. Man, Apocalypse must have fucked him up bad. Seeing him like this is unusual. He was always cheerfull, always trying to get everyone to smile when he was a kid. He went to Nevada for showbuisness since he always was a great comedian. But now? All I see is an empty shell. Prime example of what I was telling that unicorn earlier.

And that's not gonna fly in my air port

"... Hey Ulysses?" I Ask

Nothing.

" Maybe you need a joke to cheer you up,"

Still nothing. *Sigh* Here it goes.

" So, An englishmen, An irishmen, and a scottsman go to the bar," I begin. " And all three of them order a pint of beer. When their glasses arrive, a fly lands in each of their drinks simutaneously. The englishmen refuses it and orders another drink. The irishmen brushes the fly off the foam of his beer and continues to drink it. The scotsman grabs the fly by the wings and says ' Alright, spit it out you wee bastard' ,"

... Still nothing.

" Alright, here's another one-" I begin before he interrupted me.

" You think thats what it's going to take to cheer me up? A little joke? I killed innocent people Cervantes, you still think you're gonna be able to cheer me up? Do ya? I killed people looking for safety, and after a countless amount of death, I had a 14 year-old kid put a slug in my chest when I finally got too cocky. A 14 year-old! You opened my eyes so now i'm going to open yours'. Wake the hell up! We're in a storybook world, With magical talking horses, And mythological creatures! I tore a freaking MANTICORE apart with my chainsaw when I got here! Not to mention what I did to those wolves! They didn't find me, I found them! And I was the one to attack since they were too busy shitting themselves at my appearance! This world was nearly god damn innocent before we arrived! I went around killing woodland creatures, not for food, not out of defense, but for fun! I'm a monster! All I wanted in life was to make people smile!" He yelled.

" All I wanted was to make people smile... Be the one to get their days brightened..." He cried.

Are those... tears? Oh man, big brother mode activating.

" Look at yourself," I began " Hell, Look at me! No one is perfect man! You think you're the only one who fucked up in life? You're talking to the guy who used to treat you and Samus like shit. I partyed all day and drank, leaving you guys to fend for yourself, and whenever I got mad I took it out on you and your sister! I'm suprised to this day that none of you called Childrens Social Services!... Remember Rodger?"

He looks up to me with confusion " The family dog? Yeah, when we were little you said he ran off, although I can understand he died somehow. What's this got to do with anything?"

"... I was the one who killed him. I took him out back while you guys were sleeping one night and took my rage out on him in a drunken haze," I softly spoke through grit teeth. " I kept beating him and beating him till he stopped moving. After a while, I tried to get him to move, but It was no use. So I buried him under the old pear tree. Ever since then I've realised what a monster I became and picked my shit together. If you realise what you've done is wrong, then you get you're act together and start fresh. Granted, I'm not saying you should forget those you've killed, i'm just saying you should forgive yourself, and start anew." I ended, tears softly running down my face.

" ... Damn..." He croaked.

There was silence between us for quite some time, not sure what to do as we sat there for some time. Eventually, I took initiative to embrace him in a bear hug.

" Jesus man, put me down!" He yelled, startled by my sudden actions as his feet started to dangle.

" Nah. You may be a grown man but I still raised you," I laughed.

" And I could kick your hide," Ulysses growled.

" In your dreams, Little bro," I bellowed afterwards.

After dropping him on the ground, I decided to wiped my tears away with my welder gloves.

" ...  Sooo... Are we just gonna call these tears liqiud pride?"

" ... Yeah, let's just go with that,"

" ... Oh by the way,"

" ... What is it?"

" You do realise that joke was so old that the expiration date says it went bad last year, right?" He spoke softly with a grin.

" Heh, Got anything better?" I asked, with a hint of curiosity as to what he had in store for me.

" Enough that if it were real food, you just might actually be able to feed Africa," He said with a grin.

Oh shit, here we go.

[{((O))}]

" Oh my god my sides! It KILLS!" I laughed maniacly with tears streaming down my face.

" Just remember," Ulysses said with a devious grin " Give the white horse a banana and you're safe,"

" Hahahaha! Where do you come up with this shit!?" I ask, struggling to breath.

" Combination of Craigslist and Schizophrenia, with just a dash of racist rainbow" He bellowed with a grin.

Eventually, we stopped at the castle gates.

" Hey, is this the place?" He asked, interrupting my fit of mania.

" Y-yeah, this is... it" I gasped with no breath remaining.

" Sheesh, where the hell is a dragon when you need it?" He asked with a grin.

" She's in the courtyard actually, I'm sure you'll like her," I bellow after catching my breath

It's good to be able to inhale oxygen regularly.

" You're serious," He said with a deadpan expression.

I nod my head to his statement.

" Well, It's nice to have a roommate that's most likely going to clean our fridge out every week," He said before his eyes lit up.

" Hey... do you think she would mind if she found out the amount of dragons i've killed on Skyrim?"

[{((O))}]

After giving him the grand tour of the castle, I decided to let him sleep the master bedroom. I had just opened the door to the courtyard.

" Lily, Im home~," I sing out cheerfully.

" Whuh, you're back? I saw that bastard of a drake flying out earlier so I knew you did you're job, but I honestly didn't expect you to make it out of the ordeal alive,"

" You really think i'm that easy to get rid of?" I Asked her.

*Sigh* " I suppose this means you'll be around more often?"

" Eeyup,"

" Well, I suppose it would be nice to have a charmng fellow like you around," She asked, batting her eyelashes.

Hey buddy, you remember our conversation earlier? The one about interspecies being a no-no? Right, well what part do you not understand that this is WRONG!!! This is even worse actually! You aren't even in the same sections of the ANIMAL KINGDOM!

I don't honestly suppose this matters, If your in love, your in love.

Food.

Stomach has a point, go ahead and march that hill soldier! Just... not today. In time, say... a year. Or something like that.

Just don't drink yourself into doing it please.

Alright Alright. Sheesh, you guys sound like dad before he left. Like I would ever tap that. I'm going to stick to my species and that's that.

" Well... I found some one along the way. I hope you like him, his behavior may take some adjusting to though," I added

" Oh, and who could this be?" She asked with a curious gaze, dropping the lustfull attitude

" My brother. I'm sure you'll be O.K. with him, but he can be a bit... Chaotic," I gestured with my finger swirling in loops at the side of my head to get the point across.

" Understandable... But he's going to have to do something for me tomorrow as well. Tell him I'll give him details about it in the morning,"

" No problem," I grunted and saluted afterwards.

After that, I shut the door behind me and proceeded to one of the master bedrooms. The one with a crescent moon on it, so I could be close to my brother while he rested behind the door with a sun on it. Upon entering however... I think I found the source of my Impasse detector going haywire. Well, best get cleansing the demons.

" Hello? Anyone in here? I can sense you, so it's no use to hide right now," I bellow, not really caring about volume.

There was a shift in the shadows for a brief moment before a shadowy figure appeared. It was shaped like those ponies with a horn, but had a pair of bat wings. The figure was... giving off nothing. No feeling their death what so ever. Odd.

" You... can sense... me? " It hissed, barely as loud as a whisper.

This must be one powerful spirit if i'm able to hear it.

" I can also hear you as well, although it's barely louder than a whisper," I speak softly, so as I don't startle the guy with my voice that much.

" That's... Interesting... The last being who... could talk to me was... the one who used to... live in this room... " It spoke.

" Well, I'm a human by the name of Cervantes, and seeing as how no one is roaming this castle anymore, me and my brother decided to bunk up in this place and get it fixed up," I chuckled, glad to make a new friend for the Nth time today.

" I'm... Nighmare Moon... It is a pleasure... to meet you... "

" As is a pleasure for me to meet you. As I said though, I will be sleeping here tonight. If you prefer being alone though then I understand, but the other rooms need fixing up first," I whisper, laying down on the weather stained mattress.

The figure nodded it's approval before dissipating.

And that's about when I had my first dream in this rainbow land.

Fun fact: I'm also a lucid dreamer.

[{((O))}]

I sat there, all alone in the desert. I may be a lucid dreamer but I've always preferred this. Especially the sandstorm. It gives me a... calm of some sort. Helps me collect my thought. In other words, It's a form of meditation. I was sitting here, collecting my thoughts when, I felt another presence. As soon as I felt it, the storm suddenly stopped, as if it was never there. In fact, my entire area was reduced to a green pasture with chirping birds in the background

" Why are you here? I don't enjoy it when people disrupt my meditation," I Bellow, turning around to see my invader.

She was similar to Nightmare Moon, aside from the feathered wings instead of bat-wings.

" What are you? I have never seen something quite like you. And the energy you give off is... worrying," She queried, keeping a stance of caution.

" I am a human, and my name is Cervantes Maxwell Rhode," I Bellow.

" Strange... My name is Luna, and I am princess of the night," Luna spoke.

" Sooo... why are you in my dreams?" I ask.

" I felt your dreams were in a dark sense and figured I should help you as I do all of my subjects. Although upon arriving in your dreams, you seem to have a similar energy signature me and my sister felt earlier. So I'm going to ask now, why are you in Equestria,"

That name... too familiar... Where the hell is that from?

" O.K., One, I'm a lucid dreamer, so I don't really need help in that field. Two, I'm not exactly in Equestria because I want to be. I was shipped here via strange flash of light which dropped me out of the sky. If anything, your world is a completely new territory for me. If anything, It's been helping out though as well as throwing shit in my face. On the upside, I have increased healing factor, my natural abilities such as... well its classified, have increased in power sharply. I even have my own castle. Granted it's in disrepair, and it's kind of far off from civilization-"

" Wait, did you say castle?"

" Uhh, yeah?"

" And it's far off from civilization?"

" ... Yeah? What about it?"

" ... You wouldn't happen to be in the Everfree, would you?"

" Actually, yeah I am. Why?"

" Why would you be out there? The nature around there is chaotic, And evil lurks within every shadow,"

" Well to put it simply, Why not? My kind is extremely adaptable. Granted, i'm probably going to have a rough start, but i'll survive. The world i'm from happens to be rather similar to this forests nature, so i'll probably be more comfortable out here with that in mind. Then there's food and water to worry about. I came across a river a while ago, and the forest can supply me with all of the game and wild vegetables me and my brother would need. As for other needs such as toilet paper, plumbing, electricity, that sort of thing, we would probably trade with any nearby towns for proper supplies. And when trouble arises, I could either talk my way out of it. If there's no reasoning, I know for a fact me and my brother can stand our own in a fight. In short, i'm no pussy. I know what i'm doing and I know I can survive. Got any other questions princess?" I finish.

" Well... i'm curious. What exactly are your abilities?" She asked with a curious gaze.

" Well, i'm good with heavy weapons, such as my swords and Clementine."

" Clementine?"

" It's the name I gave my mini-gun. I also have an unusually fast healing factor, explosives, high pain-tolerance, high alcohol tolerance, my mobile workshop which has allowed me to fix things up on the go and help me with construction, enough strength to take a tree down with brute force, aaaand... well i'm not gonna say the last one,"

" Why not?"

" We're gonna drop it there, or I force myself to wake up which would leave you without information. Your call,"

" Or I could just send guards out into the forest to take you back to me and my sisters castle,"

" That wouldn't exactly be fair,"

" Life isn't fair, your call,"

" No, I mean that wouldn't be fair for the guards. I'd take them down like holiday decorations. They've got family and everything so imagine what i'd be forced to do to them,"

" Are you questioning my guards capabilities?"

" ... Mayyybee~," I reply, not bothering to hide my thoughts as I gave her a wide ass grin.

" Very well, I suppose It is time for you to wake up. My guards are coming right as we speak,"

" So it's a date!" I cheer, clapping my gloved hands together.

" Yes... wait, what?"

[{((O))}]

I got up, blinking for a moment. If she's really sending out troops, then I gotta get me and Ulysses hooked up. Bumbling out of my new room in a groggy state, I knocked on the door with the sun.

" Yo! Rise and shine ass hat, we're about to have company!"