Recollections of the Rhodes

Chapter 4

Dancing with The Devil...

Date: 11/(24/25)/2037

Time: To early for me to give a crap. Or too late. Take a pick, can't go wrong.

Location: Everfree Forrest, Rhode castle (Throne room)

Ulysses POV

Ugghhh, why the hell did Cervantes have to piss off the nations leader? I mean, seriously, what the hell man? I was having a nice dream about beach side babes then WHAM-O! ' Rise and shine asshat! Were about to have company!'. He can be a stubborn, testosterone filled turd sometimes but he's still my brother. So right now we're in the throne room, setting up I.E.D.s and bear traps (I don't know how, but he made the bear traps with, and I quote, ' Metal slinky, Lead pipes, Luchbox, and a jar lid'. How in the nine hells? And he calls me the oddball of the family). They're not built to be lethal, just catch and cripple. Or in the I.E.D.s case, blind and smoke them so we get an upperhand, and a reason to wear these cool shades and bandanas I found (What? I have my ways...).

I had popped in my earbuds and decided to start listening to 'Rehab center for fictional characters' by Bo Burnham. Musical prodigies like him are what have made my life so interesting. While I was jamming out, Cervates was busy hooking up a ballista turret he spent some time into apparently, and he was placing it right at the throne. Smart bastard. Camping, but still smart. After we finished, we waited. We took into precaution that some of them had wings, and big bro warned me the ones with horns have some sort of telekenesis ( Thats cheating! OP as hell magic!). We were sitting there for what felt like forever. I was probabably half asleep when a large *Thump* resonated from the front doors.

" Remember, keep your eye open, even in the shadows."  My brother called out.

That's O.K. advice, considering we know next to nothing on these ponies combat capabilities.

" Come out with your paws up and surrender!" We heard one guard yell.

" They're diamond dogs, you think they're gonna listen?" Another voice asked from behind the doors.

A female voice too. Well, this is gonna suck, considering hitting woman is wrong.

I suppose its a good thing we barred the doors and windows within the vicinity

" Thats not gonna happen! I have an idea! Why don't you come inside and try to take us down. Get ready for one hell of a fight too!" Cervy yelled.

Are you trying to jynx us and screw us over!?

" This is the Lunar Guard, and we order you to come out of there with your paws up now you filthy mutts!" Another, deep voiced guard yelled.

" You calling me a mutt!? You can kindly fuck off with the insults sir, 'Cause we're- " He stopped for a moment to peer down a hallway to our left, then right. "GET DOWN!" He yelled, pushing me to the side out of the way of an arrow.

Wow, I didn't even notice that. If they tried to kill me... then I guess I should return the favor. I look down the hall the arrow came from, to see four pissed looking bat pony guards.

" Alright Fuckers!" I yell with a smile as I start up my chainsaw. " PREPARE YOUR ANUS!"

That earned me a confused look from both Cervantes and the guards coming in around us. Enough to the point that the bat ponies weren't paying attention to their surroundings.

*SNAP!*

" Ah buck! My leg!" One of them yelled.

" Hold on, were coming! Alright soldiers, watch your step! We got traps in the area!"

Yeah, but not all of them can be triggered by just you and your soldiers.

Holding the chainsaw in one hand, I take my 357. revolver and shot at an I.E.D. Barrel.

*BLAM*

" Aggghhhh! What the-*Cough Cough Cough* The buck!?" I heard another guard yell.

Running up, I wacked an oncoming guard with the side of my chainsaw, sending him flying to the side. After that, I duck under another entourage of arrows, and bitch slap another pony with my chainsaw happily. Not long after that, I heard Cervantes using his mini-gun like there was no tomorrow.

" Take that dogs paddle away! And get the larger ones contraption from it!" A female voice barked.

Oh, so you think its a paddle? Girl, lemme show you what a paddle can do then...

One of the bat ponies came up to me with a spear, only to have the head cut from the shaft.

" What the-" Was about all the pony had to say as the spearhead clanked on the floor before I punted him back to his friends.

" GOOOAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!" I yelled while dancing in joy.

Wow, these things aren't that different from four foot tall fuzzy footballs.

" To whom who thinks this is a paddle, let me correct you!" I yell as I rev my chainsaw, raising it high in the air. " It's a Chainsaw! Originally designed for cutting wood!" I continue, before giving them a smile that says ' Does this look like the face of mercy?' " Although, bone and flesh cuts as easily!"

The guards were giving me wide eyes, filled with fear and fecal matter.

Oh no, wait. The latter was coming out the back.

I then proceeded to jump up and down, laughing with child-like manner.

" Scatter!" One of them screamed, which they already did without being ordered.

Recap, got at least seven or eight bat ponies flying around dodging my brothers gunfire, another five were trying to get shots at us from high vantage point, three were rolling around on the ground in pain, two were in bear traps, and five more had scattered, and actually surounded me. Well, i've had worse.

Two of the bat ponies from my rear tried to stab at me from behind. What they didn't expect was the gloves im wearing to have a special kevlar mesh that could take any of my brothers guns any day. Oh, and I suppose it works for catching swords too.

Gripping the swords from behind, I tossed what was attached directly over me. Two ponies flew over me, one flying into a pony with a crash, and the other thumped against a wall, which by the looks of it knocked him out. Afterwards, I took my chainsaw and with a swift wack, sent another one flying right into Cervantes' line of fire.

* thwip * What the- * Thunk *... Ouch.

Looking at my left arm, I saw I recieved a beautiful donation of arrow. Right. In. The. Arm.

" Now hold just a- * whiz * second buddy. You really shouldn't- * whiz * play with- * whiz * that like a * Thunk * toy... ouch,"

Now with two arrows in me, one in the arm, another a little to the left under my lungs. that one hurt. I then leaped towards my attacker, doing a barrel roll ( Hah! You like me now Peppy!?) and straight foward tackled him. The arrow in my abdomen may have gone deeper from that. The bat ponies are actually difficult to catch now that their guards up. * Thunk * * Thunk *... Fuck man! Two more arrows in the back. I wonder how Cervantes is going to pay me back for this...

After dodging countless amounts of arrows, I had opted for hiding behind a pile of rubble. I began trying to work out the arrow in my arm, despite the fact I would start bleeding if I did so. I was however, interrupted by a whistle above me. Turning around, I came face to face with the three guards I escaped from before. Crap, they must have followed me.

" What's the matter mutt? Can't take any more? I thought you were a big bad wolf. Attitude musta left you. Typical in all of you- *WHOMP*"

None of the guards had time to react. Hell, I didn't have time to react, before I abruptly zoomed towards her faster than the blink of an eye. She went flying towards the opposite side of the throne room, her body completely limp. Next up was Fuck-nugget A. He didn't have time to register being slammed into Fuck-nugget B. After the two glomped against the wall, I started to feel... odd. Like almost a light-headed euphoria.

" Ugghhhh... Buck," One of my unlucky victims groaned.

Granted, it was near impossible to hear over Cervantes' gunfire.

Grabbing onto the guard that got up, I pulled him up to my face.

" Listen here, and listen good," I began," You may not know who me or my brother are, but if you're not careful, we'll fuck your shit up. My brother is all I've got, and if either of us is hurt or captured, the other is sure to pursuit ruthlessly. So to save you the pain..."

I realed my head back before giving a swift headbutt, which cleared my euphoria and replaced it with a light tingle. Stumling

" How many left?" I yelled out through his mini-guns fire, which he graciously empited the rubber shells out of judging by the casings that surrounded him.

He stops the gunfire, and looks towards me with a smile. " My count? None,"

I looked around. The ones in the smoke traps were passed out from the gas, and the ones near the door and left wing entrance were either groaning and rolling around the ground, trying their damnest to wiggle out of the bear traps, or the two huddled in a corner of the throne room crying.

" So... We gonna tie up the ones rolling around first?"

" Eeyup,"

" These guards are kind of pussies. This whole thing was kind of quick and anti-climactic in my opinion,"

" I noticed. Also, we should probably get those arrows out of you,"

" I'm not complaining,"

[{((O))}]

After tying up the guards ( And getting medical care. My brother was mumbling something about having more iron in me then there is in the armory), we started heading to the two who were cuddled up in the corner bawling like babies while they held each other. One was a mare and the other was a stallion.

I stuck my mouth up to Cervantes' ear with my hands cupped to it so I could whisper to him without being heard.

" Should we do this good cop, bad cop? Or should we just send them back on their merry way?" I ask quietly.

" Good cop, bad cop. After that, we let them go," He whispered back.

" Excellent, I got dibs on bad cop,"

" Dick, you always get bad cop,"

We had stopped, barely five feet away from these poor ponies. I decided to let Cervantes go first by motioning to him.

" Hey, don'cha worry, we ain't gonna bite. You guys were the smartest by deciding not to fight," He spoke softly. " All we wanna know about is the locations of any nearby towns. Or a map. That would work better actually,"

" Back off you demons!" The stallion yelled pulling out a... oh wow.

That thing is practically a butter knife. I mean, could you pick anything worse than a dagger to fight us? I mean, come on. It's like bringing a boxing glove to a nuclear missile fight. Guy ain't even holding up his threat, since he's shaking worse than a leaf.

Cervantes chuckled at this. " Aww shoot boy, who you kidding? You're shaking too much to hold on your threat, and that knife is nothing compared to mine anyways," He bellowed before...

Holy shit! Is that a military issue 10-inch combat knife with a serrated edge!? Where and when did he get that!? I've always wanted one with the camo handle...

" And this is just a butter knife compared to what Ulysses has," He grins, before pointing to me.

Rape mode: Activated

" Trust me, it's been a while, but I still know some tricks to get information out of you one way or the other," I grin before pulling out my log splitter, which had been chipped and dulled over time with age and use.

" For example: If I were to take this log splitter, I could repeatedly bludgeon every bone in your legs, and if you still aren't providing information, I'll take my old knife, heat it up, and start cutting along your body. Not deep enough to kill you, but still good to give you pain. And the heat will seal the wound behind it so I don't get blood all over the place. After that, I'll begin to take a barbed pole wrapped in sandpaper, and I will proceed to give you internal bleeding from shoving it so far up your anus," I said all this, while giving a sick and twisted smile that would make The Joker proud.

" And if that doesn't work, I'll just pull out a chair and a nice cup of tea so I can listen to the wonderful music of your pained groans as you slowly bleed out on the inside. Hell, I might even enjoy some biscuits!" I cheered.

I can be really freaking scary if I want to be.

The guards just sat there with absolute shock and fear in their eyes, Pansy boy dropping his knife.

" Woah, dude, that's too far," My brother muttered. " Look, my brother can be a bit... psychotic. We just need you to tell us about the neighboring towns, give us a spare map if you have one, and send a message to Luna,"

They looked at each other  for a moment, before giving a nod to my brother.

" Thank you for your co-operation. We'll be realizing the others in one months time, so you don't really need to worry about your comrades. We'll give them proper medical care and all. Now, about the locals..."

[{((O))}]

After we sent the guards on their way with some dandelion brother scrubbed up from outside the castle doors, we began assessing pony injuries. Majority of them were just bruised or knocked out from gas, but a couple of them had broken bones (courtesy of moi). It was nothing Cervantes couldn't handle, although he ain't much of a professional. We converted the servants quarters into a medical bay for those with serious injuries. Mainly because it had no windows for them to escape through, and a single door with a lock that I was currently holding the key to. Had to set up some buckets though. As for the dungeon that my brother went on the hunt for, we put those who would be fine without any medical attention. Had generators hooked up down there to power some lights thanks to some supplies Cervantes had (Still can't figure out why or how he carries all this crap).

So right now, we were trying to assess our situation and future plans.

" How about we just give them Dandelions and grass? The courtyards are filled with the stuff. As for water, we could just boil the stuff in cooking pots from carrying it back from the river. Granted, we need to make some trips, but it could be done. As for fuel, we have a dragon in our garden!"

" I suppose... although to reduce costs we'll send off about six or seven able bodied ponies today who have family back home. I wanna try and convert some of these ponies here into staying, so we have more aid out here,"

" Hmm... I suppose that could work. Next order of business; the locals. We've got towns on the edge of the forest such as Trottingham, Ponyville, And some place called Collarado. Judging by the fact that the first two were horse puns, they most likely have ponies. So we'll be heading to Collarado, despite the fact that the marks around it on the map indicate to NOT go there. Do you agree Cervantes?"

" Why not. Even though I've only seen these ponies for a couple days I need a break already. Oh, by the way, Lily wanted to meet you today. I suggest going into the courtyard about an hour after sunrise which is... right now,"

Holy shit, the sun's rising? And... O.K., now i'm no scienceoligist but... Isn't the sun moving a wee bit too fast for being the sun? Nope, shutting logic processors off before I hurt myself. Already accomplished that last night

" Got it. I've been looking forward to meeting her too. Next thing on our agenda: Supplies/ Defenses/ And maintenence. We may be able to get food from the forest, but were gonna be screwed this winter if we're housing herbivores. Perhaps we should trade with some locals for mason jars and vinegar so you and me can start pickling food for storage. Not to mention farming equipment. As for defense... well, we can keep most of the wild life out with the walls alone, but if we get more ponies raiding us then we're gonna have a problem. All we have right now is ourselves, traps, and wits, which will make it all the better if we convert those guards. Not to mention they look bad ass.

After that, we might wanna set up rapid fire trebuchets on the walls and sniper trebuchets in the towers. Finally, there's simple things such as plumbing, electricity, and home repair. Some rooms around here are all together fucked without Samus, which the chances of her coming around are low. Plumbing is gonna be a bitch to set up around the entire castle but I can do that in time. And we won't be able to go beyond generators, and basic lighting for a while, until Leo comes around, which again, are low chances.

So Cervantes, what do you think of our odds on survival out here?"

" ... I love them. Granted, it's gonna be a pain in the keister to hook ourselves up, but It'll be smooth sailing after a while,"

" Glad to hear that. Anything you would like to add?"

" Hmmm, we are gonna have to be stingy with ammunition from now on. Looking back, I thought it would be fun to use Clementine, and it was, but we need a way to produce ammunition and spare parts for our guns. Other than that, I've got nothing. If anything pops up, I inform you, and hopefully you'll do the same,"

" Got it,"

[{((O))}]

Arrow Head POV

" Uuggghhhhh..." I groaned. Getting up, I rubbed my head in pain. I noticed I was in some sort of cell. It only took me a moment to realize something in my dazed state.

Last night.

We were sent to the castle in the Everfree to capture a couple of shaved diamond dogs. Commander told our team it outta be easy, since they weren't much more than thieves. What we didn't expect was their weapons. The two of them moved like no diamond dogs i'd ever seen before. They co-operated with each other, spoke perfect equish, and even took hits more than one ever could. The one I shot at took the arrows like they were nothing. Next thing I know, I'm in a dungeon cell.

" Hey, Arrow Head, you up finally?" I heard a familiar voice ask from across my cell.

" Yeah, I'm up Fletcher. How are you doing by the way? The way that mutt punted you must've hurt."

" I'll live. Still can't believe how easily he cut through my spear though,"

" Me neither. Say, What do you think those mutts'll do to us anyways? Think they'd enslave us or eat us?"

" Most likely either sell us or eat us, seeing as how there probably aren't really any valuable resources for them in the area,"

That... was unsettling. So this is how it would end for the great Private Arrow Head? Dying without wives or kids? Having no family what so ever? Wow... looking at my life, I have just now realized I've done absolutely nothing with it. I was considering curling up in a corner and giving up all together when the Dungeon echoed with the sound of wood slamming against cobblestone.

Loud steps were heard coming from up the stairs, making their way down here. Eventually, the voice of one of the dogs, the one with the big machine I think, Bellowed across the cells.

" Good news, ponies. Some of you are going to be released today,"

Well, good bye cruel... wait, what?

" I'm going to come by your cells and drop your meals off first, then i'll proceed to ask some simple questions. That O.K. with ya'll?"

Interrogation? Oh boy, this isn't good. But we're being released so... bittersweet?

The dog was going from each cell, dropping off plates of something. He came to my cell, and when I expected some kind of gruel, I got... a salad? Huh, maybe they're fattening us up.

He proceeded to drop off a few more plates, before clearing his throat.

" O.K., were gonna start off with something simple. I'll let you clean your plates first, but when you finish, I want you to move to the back of your cell. If I say something that pertains to you, I want you to move up to the front of the cell, O.K.?"

" And just why should we listen to you?" Fletcher asked.

There was a muttering of agreement amongst the guards.

" Because this will decide whether or not some of you go,"

That was responded with silence.

So, just answer some questions and I go home free? Huh, this shouldn't be a problem.

After we all finished our plates and moved to the back of the cells, he proceeded to begin asking his questions.

" O.K., number one. If you have children back home, move to the front of the cell,"

Buck.

I saw a couple of guards move to the front of their cells. The mutt then proceeded to count who was at the front.

" Next question. If you have a wife, fiance, or soul mate in general waiting back home for you, move to the front of your cell,"

Double Buck.

I saw a few more guards move up to front of their cells. Even Fletcher moved up.

" Well congratulations to those of you who moved up front! You'll be going home to your families sooner then you think!" The dog bellowed.

Wait a tick, he's letting them go?

" Seeing as how we don't have enough supplies to support all of you for a long period of time in these cells, we figured it would be best to send those with family home first," He bellowed once more, before pulling out a key chain.

He then walked up to Fletcher's cell first.

" Last night, you were doing nothing more than following orders, so we aren't going to kill any of you for that despite the fact you nearly killed me and my brother on several occasions. However, those of you who are staying, will be staying a while longer for multiple reasons,"

He then proceeded to unlock Fletcher's cell.

Next thing I knew was Fletcher and about nine other guards being rounded up. The dog had his big machine out by now, and had it aimed at the guard from a distance.

" Alright, fillies and colts, up the stairs!" The dog yelled.

None of them had to be told that twice, seeing as how quickly they started up.

Me and the remaining guards were down here for Luna knows how long, before the dog came back down.

" Seven of you left, huh?" He mumbled.

" Well, I think it's best we got acquainted. My full name is Cervantes Maxwell Rhode, but you all can just call me Mr. Rhode for now. Your sentence here will be one full month, so get comfy. I'm more than happy to take up any recommendations within my limits, such as bedding or food, so don't feel shy to make requests. Just make sure their reasonable, O.K.? I'm not going too far out of my way to go give you a cell fit for a king or anything,"

A warden who treats his prisoners with respect? And a Diamond dog no less? This is interesting. I figured I could ask some questions about this situation.

" I'm curious, why are you doing this?" I asked.

" Because, even though your prisoners here, you're still living beings who were doing nothing more than following orders. Also, If any of you have questions, I'm more than happy to take them!"

Another guard, Silver Sword I think judging by her voice, spoke up. " Well, why are you keeping us here ya filthy mutt?"

The dog seemed unphased by the insult, since his reply and facial features showed no irritation at all. " Multiple reasons, actually. One reason is you need to serve your sentence. None of you obviously have a family back home, so you won't be missed any time soon. Another reason is well... Me and my brother decided we needed help out here. I understand if you don't wanna stay, but the spots always open. We've talked about it, and we're letting you know now. If you wish to stay out here with us, than that would be enjoyable. You'd get plenty of food, warm shelter, some spending coin, and in return you help us reconstruct the castle and get somewhere nice to stay. Hell, you could even join in on our adventures if you wanted to.

It's a little ambitious of us, trust me when I say I know it, but we do need help out here. And if you don't wanna join us, then so be it. The castle itself has enough housing for at least 56 ponies right now, and an estimated 200 if we can completely repair it and change up a couple unrequired rooms. The gardens and courtyard could easily be converted to farming zones, and the forest can supply us with plenty more food if you know where to look. Me and my brother can survive just fine off the local river and game, so not much to worry there. And even if we do run low on any supplies, we can trade with the local towns, hopefully without a hitch.

And you'll even get access to advanced technologies! Granted, we can't go further than electric lights, Plumbing, Weapons, And Indoor gardens if we can fix up the old throne room at the moment, seeing as how our resources are limited. Not to mention we would prefer you keeping the know how of them secret until we feel ready to-"

" I call bullshit," One of the guards growled.

They're voice was gruff with a deep baritone. I think it was Cloud Nine.

" You call bullshit? How?"

" There is no way in Tarturus that you could be powering those lights with electricity. A mutt like you probably wouldn't understand, but electricity is only found in clouds. And even then, Its still magic based,"

" Mmmhmmm... Do me a favor, and lick this D battery at the nubs. We use these to power most of our clocks and torches back home,"

The dog then pulled out... Some sort of Gold and Black bar with strange symbols on it? Huh, weird. Must be some sort of rune.

He walked to a cell out of my line of sight, and next thing I heard was-

" Ow, what the buck!?"

" There are three main forms of battery around here that you will see if you stay. That was a D battery, and they store the highest voltage out of them all. The other batteries are AA, and AAA. Anyways, were getting off topic. You stick with us, and you get living quarters, food, coin, and much more. Granted, we may end up running out of coin soon, but we could do some work at the neighboring towns. If you prefer to keep your loyalties to your leader, I understand completely. Just remember this though; the reason you all were sent here was because I got into an argument with Luna. And seeing as how your currently on the other side of the bars, I obviously won that argument,"

" What do ya mean ya filthy hound? We're here because of your filthy raiding you lying sack of scum!" Silver Sword yelled.

Are you trying to get us eaten Silver? I mean, look at how... calm he is. O.K., something is up.

" Oh, is that what Luna told you? Well... you don't have to trust us if you want to, but i'm just going to tell you my side of the story. What happened was this; I was dreaming about what I normally dream, which she sensed as dark for some reason. Then she questioned me about things like; What are you? Or; What is your purpose in Equestria? Or even; What are your innate abilities? The abilities part was because I sensed her without really using my senses. That secret dies with me by the way. After a while, she started asking questions that were a bit personal, which led me to threaten to wake up. When she said she would send guards down here to catch me, I laughed at her. I told her that it was going to be too easy. Since she didn't believe me, she obviously sent you guys down. And that's all she wrote,"

" Who wrote what?" I asked, slightly confused.

" Seriously? It's a saying where I'm from that means ' that's everything ' in a way. Anyways, you have all month to decide,"

So... we were lied to? That's... an interesting development. I'm cut between joining the dogs or sticking to Luna. This isn't the first time the princesses made a mistake. Like Celestia and her cake addiction. She needs to be careful, or else some paparazzi will get pictures of that. Joining them is treason, but we get adventure, a place to stay, food and everything else. Buck it, I won't be missing my bed bunk at at the barracks anytime soon. I signed up for adventure anyways, not border patrol and grunt work.

" I'll board that train!" I yelled.

" R-Really? Wow, that's quick. You'll still be spending your-"

" Traitor!"

" Get out of here ya scum!"

" Boo!"

Saw that coming a mile away.

" Soldiers! Stand down!"

What's Cloud up to?

" Look at yourselves, hating on Arrow because of his choice! Now I'm not necessarily in agreement with his actions, but i'm not giving him Tarturus because of it. He's a grown stallion and he can make his own choices! Considering the revelation that we were sent into a mission with false information, My own trust for Luna has been cracked. Of course, we could still be given false information right now, but this wouldn't be the first time the princesses made a mistake. I'll still serve her with loyalty, but my trust is gonna be a bit more limited from now on. Now quit acting like school children and get it together!"

Wow, Clouds backing me up? That's pretty noble of him.

Most of the other guards were silent for a moment. But then, Lo and Behold, Silver Sword herself spoke up.

" So, mutt... Is there anything else you can tell us about our stay here?"