Love me Tender

Not much goes on in the daily life of an equestrian guard, you get up really early, do some PT before breakfast, then stand still for a long time if you don't get a patrol or some other shit duty. Since the forming of the 'friendship guards' nothing exciting has happened since so you could say everything was routine up to this point. The point of even having guards in the first place is to have a task force ready for a quick response to anything but nothing could have prepared them for the sight of a running naked human.

Now if this was the Day or Night guard then they probably would have stopped the streaker but Twilight's guards just stood there unable to comprehend what's happening in front of them. It wasn't until a running, screaming princess appeared that they finally gave chase. Her friends followed just behind their friend and Applejack grabbed a rope between her teeth while shouting, "Come here ya little varmit!"

Everypony but Lyra, Bon Bon, Rarity and Fluttershy joined in the pursuit of the human, Bon Bon because she was still stunned at what she did and Lyra because she couldn't stop smiling. Rarity and Fluttershy didn't join the chase because they felt a bit ashamed at what they just did to the poor thing.

Breaking away from her daze Bon Bon looked at Lyra then frowned before saying, "Now look at what you did! We have a freaked out human running around town probably scaring everypony by now."

"I know isn't it great!" Lyra responded with glee.

"Just how is this great?! We have a serious problem here and it's your fault!" The earth pony tried to scold her roommate but the mint green unicorn's smile just couldn't be broken.

"It hasn't even been 20 minutes and my little human is already out there disproving all the ponies who doubted me, I think I'm in love!" Lyra said with the most love struck expression Bon Bon had ever seen. This sent up too many red flags and she tried to put a stop before she went too far.

"No No No Lyra! Listen too me you got to...." Bon Bon was unable to finish because Lyra sprinted fulled speed out the castle leaving her roommate sighing and shaking her head. "Of course Lyra had to convince Princess Twilight to summon a human when we all are so close to estrus. Celestia help us all."

As for our human friend you could say he was not having a good day. He got home late from work last night and got very little sleep before he had to wake up and go to his morning classes. Having to walk to school cause his car wouldn't start left him swearing like a sailor and very irate. The gods must have hated him because even though the weather forecast was for clear skies dark clouds rolled in and started pouring heavy rain. About halfway to the campus it started thundering and then he was struck by lightning which was painful. After waking up to molestation by colorful ponies, he is now running with the mother of all hard-ons and he doesn't know why.

This made running rather uncomfortable, when he ran it felt like he had a jousting lance attached to his groin. He tried slapping it a few times to make it go away but it just bounced like a weeble wobble. If our human friend wasn't fleeing for his life he probably would take care of it but survival took priority.

Escaping the weird tree shaped castle was, surprisingly easy. Escaping the chasing ponies isn't. Equines could outrun any two legged creature without a doubt but were not able to maneuver quickly. Normally he would have gotten away by now but these fuckers had wings! WINGS! Between the orange pony with a rope, the guards and the flying blue one, freedom is almost a long gone dream. The rest of the pursuers just passively followed instead of trying to catch the human which was a relief.

Outside the tree castle there is a village of medieval style buildings with countless more pastel ponies. They were startled by the 'lancing' human and his chasing posse. Shocked doesn't even describe how the citizens of ponyville looked as the gang passed on through. A certain mint green unicorn wasted no time in gloating as they passed certain ponies.

"Hey look at what I got everypony! A real live human!" Lyra yelled at the other ponies as the chase passed them. "I was right and you were wrong! In your face Caramel!"

Rainbow dive bombed the human sending the both sprawling out on the ground, tripping some of the guards while the rest piled on trying to catch the primate. In a cartoonish way a cloud of dust was thrown up obscuring everyponies' sight as they poked in and out of it trying to get their mark. The human managed to crawl out of the fight while the others still assumed he was in the cloud with him. As the dust settled they all were comically intertwined with one another and their target was nowhere in sight.

"Aggggghhh! I can't believe we lost him. Well I still have his stuff so he will have to come get it eventually." Princess Twilight Sparkle huffed out of frustration before returning to her castle and laying down with the nice book she found. As for our human friend he managed to hide away under a stall that sold bed sheets and managed to snag one for his modesty. The guards having recovered from their impromptu wrestling match all scattered to search for their quarry.

When the coast was clear of pursuers he tried to leave from his hiding place but luck definitely wasn't on his side because the owner returned to the stall. It was a young mare with a tan coat and long brown mane. Now that the human wasn't being chased he noticed that most of these equines had tattoos on their butts which was weird because there's no way that's natural. This particular mare had a tattoo of a milk bottle on her ass. He was brought out of his thoughts when he saw her lift a hoof and extend it backwards to her nethers.

"Oh my god this chick is rubbing herself in public!" The human thought as he got a got a good look at the show. He brought his focus back to trying to get out of the stall without being noticed but unfortunately this mare had a couple customers. The really freaky part is that this mare kept going while conducting her business and her customers either didn't care or were none the wiser. This mare even came a few times and managed to stifle her moans which meant she's done this before.

Stuck being a voyer and unable to escape the human noticed that it was little more cramped under the stall and felt something fuzzy up against his skin. Turning his head slowly to the right he sees the pink pony from before with the biggest smile adorning her features.

"Hi there!" The party pony practically yelled in his face startling both him and the clopping mare. The stall owner looked under it and saw Pinkie Pie and a weird creature. She immediately blushed as the human took off with Pinkie bouncing after him. Lyra and the others caught sight of this and resumed chasing.

Obviously not in the best of shape and hungry our human friend lost a bunch of energy and the guards caught up with him. Not looking were he's going, he collides with something big tall and furry and ends up bouncing off of it while whatever it was remains upright. On his back and looking upward he sees what he crashed into was none other than a minotaur of mythology. Puzzled and a bit curious the taur just looks at the human. Not long after the human got to his feet a rope zipped through the air and closed around him.

"Ah fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk!" He yelled when he was caught.

"I've got chu now!" The orange cowpony yelled through gritted teeth and powerfully yanked the human off his feet. Once again landing on his back, Applejack wasted no time hog tying him down as the guards held him down. "WOO WEE! For a two legged critter ya sure do run fast."

"Ya but it's still not as fast as me!" Rainbow said while landing next to the group just as Pinkie caught up as well.

"Well no duh Dashie nopony is as fast as you but now that we have our new friend here we can through him a big 'welcome to ponyville' party! Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh I just thought of how we can do it!" The party pony blabbed on about how awesome the party's going to be while the human just yelled profane things until one of the unicorn guards just gagged the poor guy. Then as they were loading him onto the back of one of the guards a voice loudly rang out in righteous anger.

"BY THE GREAT HORN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT POOR BULL!!!"

The group turned to see an angry minotaur practically screaming at them. Right then and there both Applejack and Rainbow Dash face hoofed while saying in unison.

"Oh buck it's Iron Will."