The Shadows of War

I coughed. My throat was parched, so dry I felt like I had swallowed half the Saddle Arabian sands, and my head pounded. Gritting my teeth, I forced myself back into full wakefulness, shaking off the remnants of whatever dream I had been having, and sucked in a breath of air. That was my first mistake.

The sudden stream of air passing through my desiccated throat triggered a coughing storm. By the princesses, my throat and lungs were on fire! Groaning, I rolled over... and froze. In a chair next to the bed, there was a very familiar Cyan mare with tricolor mane was just blinking awake, her eyes inches from my own. A second later, she yawned and sat up, rubbing her eyes, and I made my second mistake, following suit.

The room spun around me, and the light stabbed into my eyes, waves of nausea rolling through me, and forcing me to clench my jaw as I sat still, trying to stop the world from its merry go round. I ached all over, and my lungs burned so badly! Dammit, the last time I felt this bad I was in a hospital after being treated for gunshot wounds.

Rainbow looked at me and rubbed her eyes. “Morning Wing... sorry if I startled you there. You were having some sort of bad dreams so I stayed in here in case you needed me... you okay?” she said, still looking a bit drowsy.

I nodded, although the motion sent my head spinning again, and I felt like throwing up again. I forced a smile, grimacing at her and clamping down on my rising bile. She stretched her arms up and stood up, and rubbed her eyes. “Alright... I'm gonna go make breakfast then. Come on out when you want to... We got a lot to do today.”

She left and I slowly got out of bed. My shoulders ached, my bones ached, the base of my wing sockets ached, I could swear that my tattered right ear ached! My blood pounded in my ears and... egads... I felt like puking again.

Erg... dammit wing, pull it together... you're gonna be fine, just keep it together and get some chow in you... a bit of food always makes the stomach feel better... I thought, grimacing and getting up. The cool breeze felt like an icy blast on my face, and my skin felt like it was burning off of my skull. THAT brought to mind flamethrowers... and a pang of longing for Blaze.

The next ten minutes were spent looking between pants and sweatpants, and debating weather standing on one leg long enough to pull on regular pants was a good idea. Four minutes after that, I was shuffling out of my room in an army sweatshirt, sweatpants, and bare feet. The cold air felt good on my flushed skin, and I headed out for the kitchen and the smell of food, even though my stomach was churning.

Rainbow Dash was flipping a pancake over, a small stack next to her spread across two plates, and smiled at me as I entered. “Morning! Hey... you SURE you okay? You're a bit flushed...”

I just grunted. I did NOT feel very good... but maybe after eating things would get better. Rainbow finished cooking the last pancake and gave a bite to Tank before carrying the plates over to the table as I sat down, pouring myself a glass of Orange Juice. The pancakes were fluffy and perfectly brown, Rainbow's signature dish. The syrup on top was some sort of strawberry thing, fresh off the stove. Despite my stomach gurgling warningly at me, I ignored it, smiling across at her and taking a bite and starting to eat. “I'm fine... just a bit under the weather” I choked out.

She looked down as I ate quietly, one small bite after another. My stomach gurgled and groaned, and the room seemed to get brighter. It was gray outside but... the room kept getting brighter and swaying... swaying....

With a groan and a crash, I fell out of my chair, clutching my cramping stomach. Rainbow yelped and just about jumped over the table as I tried to pull myself up. Come on... you got this... aw shit, who are you kidding I thought to myself, just as I doubled over, trying to keep the few bites I had down already inside me. I felt a hand on my back, and then a cool hand on my forehead as she helped me towards the bathroom.

A moment later, past the pounding in my ears, I heard her swear soflty. “Sweet Celestia! You're burning up man! Aw crap...” she said as she got me into the bathroom, and I made a beeline for the toilet.

Two minutes later she was sitting on the edge of the bathtub while I had my head in the bowl of the loo, finishing expelling what my body was heartily convinced were invading bits of wheat and strawberry. My head swam, my ears pounded, and a second later I keeled over on the floor, curled up. I am not ashamed to admit I was whimpering about then, it hurt REALLY badly.

Rainbow sighed and pulled me up gently. “Come on, lets get you to the hospital... looks like you have some sort of stomach bug or something. You didn’t get your shots this season did you” she said, shaking her head. I didn’t dare to reply, keeping my mouth clamped shut as she took me through the side door of her house, into a garage that I did not know she had. Inside was a cyan blue hotrod with a lightning bolt on the hood and tail fins... very stylish, and somehow totally what I could see her in. Bundling me into the passenger side, she went around and started it, turning the heater on as it was still a bit chilly. Winter Wrap-Up was not for another couple of weeks, and until then, the land would continue to heal in preparation for another year.

She pulled out onto the nearly empty road. It was about zero seven hundred, maybe just a bit after, and I leaned back in the seat, trying to breath past congested sinuses as she hauled me to the hospital. I tried to avoid coughing overmuch, as every time I did I felt like heaving again, but thankfully, mercifully, we arrived. She parked, got out, circled around to the other side, and then helped me out and up the stairs to the hospital, trying to hide a grimace at the mess I had made of my shirt. As I looked over at her, I didn’t know if it was my addled mind or the fact she was willing to put up with it, but she looked like an angel right now.

Finally, we were in the doors. The nurse behind the counter, the one I had first met when I had showed up here for counseling, looked up at us. “Can I... oh crap. What's going on with him, Miss Dash?”

Dash held onto my arm for now as she explained my symptoms and what she thought was going on, and the nurse listened as she picked up the phone next to her desk, punching in two or three numbers. A moment later, she said “Doctor Turner to the front desk, you have a patient.”

Less than ten minutes later, I was sitting on an examination table with my shirt off, Rainbow sitting in the corner trying to hide her... shock? Awe? Some sort of startled reaction at my scars. Despite living together, I had managed to keep my chest and back relatively concealed for the last couple of months... she knew I had them, but I don’t think she had actually seen them.

“What are your symptoms, Mister Wing?” he asked, pressing an ice cold stethoscope against my bare back, right on one of the hairless patches, causing me to wince. He moved it around, listening to my breathing as I tried to recall all of them.

“I'm having a bit of trouble breathing, I hurt all over, and I threw up a couple of times. I started feeling ill yesterday...” I said, before coughing again. “I also have a migraine and I keep felling dizzy...” I finished, before closing my eyes for a moment against the light.

After a few moments, he looked over his clipboard and studied it for a bit, and then took a bit of blood before leaving me and Dash in here. I sighed and lay back on the cot. It was surprisingly comfortable, despite being in a hospital. It wasn’t as good as the actual beds, but it worked nicely. Finally, Dash spoke up.

“I think I'm gonna call in some time off. If you are this sick... well, I'm sure not going to leave you by yourself. Hey, you feeling any better?” she asked. I just shook my head and kept silent.

About twenty minutes later Doctor Turner came back, looking over some papers. “Alright, good news or bad news?” he asked, smiling broadly at us.

“Good news if you don’t mind... I could use some to soften the blow...” I muttered, opening my eyes. He flipped one more page over as if to check something, before nodding.

“Hard to believe, but you are NOT sick. Not even a bit. Just allergic to two of your meds, and suffering mana overburn from the third. Turns out you still have so much magic in you from Doctor Stable healing you, the pills put you over the edge. That accounts for the fever and aches, the allergies for the coughing and headaches... well. Not a single pathogen in your system.”

Rainbow stared at him and sighed. “He's been on these meds for over a month! Why are we just seeing this now?” she asked, really more of a statement or an order for information than a request. Her eyes were hard, and she looked a bit skeptical.

“Well... Up until recently, his body was handling it fine. Something probably happened recently, like the pollen starting to come out again, that set him over the edge. And that brings me to the bad news...”

I sighed. “What is it? Some sort of nasty meds to counter the other meds?”

He shook his head. “No, I am proscribing a new set of meds that should do about the same stuff, but work off of different chemicals. The bad news is that I am going to be sending you home with a high-grade antihistamine, and you are going to be stuck in bed for a few days. The antihistamine I am giving you is called Meradrenalil, and I think... your new meds will be... Cavadenazine for the depression, Corderal for anxiety, and a tranquilizer for sleep at night.... maybe... Dash, don’t the wonderbolts use Kiravin for going to sleep right after a workout?”

She nodded, and he jotted it down, pulling several bottles out of his pockets and looking at them, before scribbling on three of them and handing them over. “Alright, you need to remain in bed for at least two days. Get up if you need to, but you are not to leave the house. Dash, I am holding you to that. This bottle” he said, holding up a large bottle that looked like the pink stuff you take for allergies but filled with green stuff instead, “Is the Meradrenalil, and it has some side effects. The first is that it acts as a sedative. Wait to start the Kiravin until after you are done with this. Other side effects can be a bit of... well, a lot of people describe it as 'dislocating' but the medical term is 'intoxicating'. Take one dose every four hours until you run out. That means waking up in the middle of the night too. The only other major effect is a bit serious with your lung injury. It can affect breathing and for you, that could be a problem. The relaxant could act on your diaphragm... Dash, I am sending home a dose of epinephrine. You need to stay with him at all times, and if he passes out or stops breathing, jab this into his heart and dial emergency services.”

I gaped at him, but he shook his head. “This is a chance with ANY med you have, okay? You suffered a nasty rupture in your lung and as a result it is always expanding and contracting oddly. There is very little anyone can do for you. You survived a war, I doubt a vial of green liquid given by a certified doctor is going to be what gets you. Besides, you are legally obligated to take this. Or go to prison, get me to write up a warrant to remand you to my custody, and then I get to have an orderly jam it down your throat. Popper at the desk is a lot stronger than she looks.”

His logic was sound, and I just shut up. He gave Dash one more med, for the migraine, and then sent us on our way after making sure I took my first dose of the antihistamine. Sitting there for a bit longer, we waited while he filled out some more paperwork, then got the nurse to go and make sure my record was updated. Once he was satisfied, he looked back at dash. “Remember, twenty four hour supervision. Keep him safe, Miss Dash.”

Irritated at them talking as if I wasn't there, I notified them with “I'm right here... and I can hear well enough thank you.”

Dash giggled, but to her credit nodded. “Alright, we good to go?” she asked, and he nodded.

Ten minutes later, we were out the door and driving back home. The trip was as uneventful as the first, with the sun just creeping over the horizon. Celestia was raising it to drive back the dark of the night, and hopefully soon it would be raising over a scene that didn’t involve three feet of snow. While winter was nice, I had gotten the rare pleasure of experiencing it twice. Thankfully, this one did not involve red snow, just the occasional patch of yellow where a foal had decided to mark his yard.

Once we got back, I shuffled from the garage area to the connecting door, grimacing at the jarring pain that accompanied every step I took. With any luck, the meds would help me with the migraine too. Dash escorted me inside, where we headed into the kitchen so she could look at the meds I needed to take. Setting them out in a neat row, she examined each one carefully and put three of them into a dish, and loaded up a syringe. “Alright, here are your meds, and a shot for the migraine. Then we can get you into fresh pajamas, and get you back into bed, okay? And... sorry for laughing at you... my bad” she said, ears going down.

“Not a problem” I replied, taking the meds she offered and washing them down with a glass of apple juice. The stuff Applejack made was really the best, and far better than what they CLAIMED was juice in the military. We called any colored beverage bug juice, but that was mostly a borrowed term from the gryphons who actually made colored juice out of bugs. Nasty.

Once that was done, I suffered the indignity of pulling my sleeve up and forcing myself to look away as she hunted for a vein in my arm. “This is like ibuprofen on steroids... meant to reduce cerebral blood vessel dilation caused by concussion or migraine. I actually use it quite a bit, and I have been told plenty of times it has no reactivity with antihistamines, since I get nasty allergies in spring. Headache should go down in a couple of minutes... there” she said, finding the spot and injecting. Truth be told, I still trusted her more than Doctor Turner. To him, HOW someone got better seemed more important than their recovery, and a patient getting better seemed to just be a side effect to his research. He did have a way of keeping unruly patients in line though, I guess. And evidently he did have a heart, as that cross eyed mare in the picture on his office wall attested to with little pink hearts.

After a couple of minutes, my migraine did subside to a dull throb and I was able to stop squinting against the white glare coming in from the windows. My stomach was very slowly settling down, and she looked at me expectantly. “All better?” she asked, smiling her usual smirk. I nodded, smiling tiredly through my fatigue at her. Even this early in the morning, after this start I was pretty worn out. My stomach still ached in the muscles from throwing up.

“Alright...” she said, looking at me. “Bed or shower first? Personally, I recommend shower, you do kinda smell a bit like... breakfast” she said, her muzzle scrunching up a bit. You could always count on her to be a blunt sledgehammer to Rarity's scalpel of precise political correctness. “You might wanna get in and out before the meds decide to kick in, okay?”

I nodded. It was a reasonable line of logic, and as I got up, she assisted me down the hallway on wobbly legs. Collecting towel, bathrobe, and demeaning pink tubed toothpaste, I headed into the bathroom while she went back to the kitchen, presumably to get something to eat or drink, as I had rudely interrupted her this morning.

SHOWER SCENE BEYOND HERE. NO CLOP THOUGH, SORRY

The warm water was perfect on my hand, and as I pulled off my somewhat soiled shirt and pants, I looked forward to the refreshing shower. Still, it was mostly the mare that was on my mind. She was quite a looker, with her toned abdominals I had seen a couple of times while we were working out. She tended to wear shirts that did not cover her belly, and she was sporting a good six pack down there. Compared to what I looked like now, she was like those little squares of chocolate that you break into perfect rectangles.

While I was slowly getting back into decent shape, I was not totally back up to where I was in the army. The magical healing and the month spent in a coma in the hospital, as well as nearly that long in the army hospital and on the ship back home had not done wonders for my body, and I had been told that the healing may have taken nearly a year off of my life. That... actually did not trouble me at all. The whole war, I had been living on borrowed time. We all had been. My mind still slipped back to that night, the night that we were bombed in that Braytish city. I already forget the name of it... but I will never forget the sight of that poor colt with the bar through his stomach, begging us not to leave him. But left him we did... and poor Silver Star had to live knowing that his younger brother died alone and afraid on a street made of rubble.

The warm water rushed down over my bare shoulders, a comforting torrent that washed away both grime and my sense of guilt for a few moments and allowed me some time for thought.

There was nothing any of us had could have done. My nightmares about such things were now few and far between, and I was grateful for that. Although I could hardly remember any of my dreams, I couldn’t help but think that they were helping me somehow. Every time I woke up from a dream I didn’t remember, I always had some realization or just simply felt a bit better. The times I didn’t, I had a hand on my back and a surprisingly soft spoken blue mare whispering consolations into my tattered ear.

And back to that mare... she saw past my scars, she saw past my ruined face and into my heart. For once, I think someone understood me, and understood how I hurt. I did hurt, I hurt badly, and often. I still flinched at loud noises, but when that DJ across the street had decided to light off firecrackers, Rainbow had gone over and let her have it. She would have made a great drill sergeant, my mind had noted at the time, even as I was cowering under the table. I had thought that they were shelling us with artillery again...

Speaking of artillery... the bombshell that had been the letter about Orange Blaze still shocked me. How was she still in the service? We had both promised that we would get back home, have a few drinks, and never touch a gun again as long as we lived. How could she just...

Suddenly, seething hot anger tore through me. How the HELL could she just up and go back in? I had lost enough friends in the war! Radio Wave on the beach, Wire Tap in that damn bunker, then Sikl and Bar both to a sniper that was MY FAULT! Then I lose her in a foxhole because I shot her in the leg! And now, I find that she is gone, and I am probably going to lose her again because the crown needed her for some super secret misison, and who knows if I will ever see her again? None of this was fair! Why couldn’t things go back to how they were before Bristlebeak decided he wanted the whole bucking world in his claws? What gave him the right? Why did so many have to die to stop him?

I never really got to finish that thought, as a moment later the room wobbled, and I found myself on the floor of the shower, staring up at the ceiling while my head ached and stars danced over my face. In a fraction of a second, I was snapped back to reality by the dawning comprehension that I had not only dropped the soap (as we had been told not to do in the showers), but stepped on it too (generally not a good idea under any circumstances. Ever.)

The end result was Rainbow Dash bursting into the bathroom, staring right down at me and shouting “Hey! The hell happened? You okay?”

The next couple of moments were her helping me up, not showing the least bit of concern at my lack of modesty, and setting me down on the toilet and looking into my eyes carefully. I just stared back at her, my previous anger melting in those large amethyst eyes. My head was starting to feel just a bit fuzzy, and I shook it to clear it up for a bit. What followed was a short and sad story about me falling down in the shower.

Finally, I got dried off and into a bathrobe, a bit too tired to worry about my indiscretion, and she helped me get up. My legs really were a bit wobbly, and I had to concentrate on one foot in front of the other as she steered me to the one room I had not been in yet.

As she led me into her room, she said “Sorry but... after the shower, and with what the doc said, you're sleeping in here. You don’t mind... do you?” she said, looking at me with raised eyebrows. I just shook my head, although I couldn’t hide a slight burning in my cheeks.

“Alright... I'll go and get your pajamas then. I can't leave you alone when you're getting changed... just sit on the bed for now” she said, before husting off and coming back with my long johns.

Turning away from her as she averted her gaze, I pulled off the bathrobe and sat down again to avoid falling over, and pulled the bottoms on. As I started to go for the shirt, she spoke up again, a bit more softly.

“You have a lot of scars all over... how did you get so many? I mean... I know it might be a bit of a sore subject but... when I saw them in the doctors office, and again just now... how can you have been injured so many times and still be... okay?” she asked. At that I stopped. What could I say? That it was nothing? That they were only scratches?

Something inside me spoke softly though, a velvety voice like that of a dream. This... this wasn’t the time for bravado or just brushing off something. After all that she had done for me, I owed this one thing to her. I could return a small favor by just letting her know a bit of what had happened...

Pausing in putting the shirt on, I pulled it back off and stood slowly, turning around. For once, she could see me full on from the front and in direct light, and her face paled a bit. Two long, jagged scars ran across my chest, one of them on the upper torso, and the other in the center of the abdomen. Several pockmarks littered my entire front side, like craters on a the battlefield where I had gotten them. My right shoulder was a tiny bit lumpy, and there was a pattern of missing fur and burn marks across the left side, just under the armpit. The worst, although she had already seen it, was my face. In this new light, I guess she just saw it again, and for once, the brash yet caring mare was struck silent.

“So... what?” I asked, looking at her before sitting down on the bed with a sigh, staring at her. She slowly walked forward, looking at me.

“How... how did you get all of these?” she said, reaching towards me. I flinched a bit, and she recoiled. “May I... please?” she asked.

For once... I nodded. I trusted her absolutely in this moment, and I was like a foal. I knew she would not harm me.

She reached out and traced the long, jagged scar on my belly first. “What was this one?” she asked, looking into my eyes.

“That one... took away my flying. It and the one up top, the other one, are actually field surgery scars. They don’t have time to do a neat nip and tuck, so it ends up being a bit nasty. That one got infected, so they had to re-cut and drain it to make it heal properly.”

She grimaced, but then stared at the expanse of pockmarks. “What are all of those? I mean... those can't be bullet wounds, some of them are over important things.”

I nodded, heart beating a bit quickly as I attempted to recall just when and how I got most of them. “Most of them... well, a mortar does most of its damage by flinging bits of stuff all over the place. Blaze and I were up on the wall at Saint Feathersburg, and a mortar landed about fifteen feet from us. We didn’t catch any shrapnel, but a lot of the hot stones that were shattered landed on me while I was just sitting up from being asleep, and burned through my uniform.”

She nodded, and her hand moved over my ribs and to the burn marks under the armpit. I twitched, and she looked like she was going to giggle, but stifled it. “Sorry... are you a bit tickelish? How did you get this here?”

I shrugged. “Second day in Saint Feathersburg, we were hunting for an SS trooper that was hiding out in the place, probably a buddy to a... a sniper...” I said, a lump in my throat. This one was painful...

“He... we found him in a warehouse just after dawn. I had taken off my uniform jacket since it was soaked in sweat and blood, and I was roasting in the hot air in the place. He came out of nowhere with a burning iron, and slammed it into my side. It took us twelve guys to put him down... he was so big...” I said, more to myself than to her. The memory of him... he had to be nearly eight feet tall of rippling muscle, and he had broken five ribs of mine, and killed six others by the time the second reload of an automatic rifle had brought him down. He had been shot nearly fifteen times, and had been able to kill half a squad in close quarters. That was only the fifth worst day of my life though.

For a moment, as I remembered, we both sat in silence. She looked at me before saying “I see that one all the time but... you never told me what really happened. How did you survive your... that one? That one looks so bad...”

A lump formed in my throat as I thought back to the night before the Worst Day. Opening my mouth once, and closing it, I had to open it again before I could start.

“It was the night before the assault on  Talonskrach, a Gryphon town overlooking the Reighn River that was going to give us the ability to move large amounts of equipment and armor into central Gryphany. Even the threat of us moving in on their capitol was enough to force a surrender, but right then, we had to make that threat. They had bigger guns in that town, so we couldn’t get our mobile artillery into place before their scouts zeroed it and blew it up. Thus, we had to do it the old fasioned way... and go in all on foot.”

“Blaze and I were in a foxhole at night, just before an artillery attack. We were under a blanket, since it was really freaking cold out, and we had a canopy of sticks to hold it up, and some snow on the top of it that had fallen during the last couple of hours. A small burner in the bottom and some soup, and we were set for the long haul. We had been talking about something... I don’t remember what exactly, but we were not paying attention, and some Gryphon soldier who was walking a patrol, and who made it past four sentries and a few other holes just steps on the cover of ours, and falls in.”

“The whole thing was confusion, and Blaze and I were trying to figure out what idiot had fallen into our foxhole, when he started screeching in Gryphanic, and we fought with him... I acciendently shot Blaze in the leg while going for my gun and he... he got me across the face...” I said, looking down at my hands. For once, they were not shaking much... a slight tremor, but nothing compared to my voice as I looked back up to her.

“I... I didn’t know what to do...” I said, my eyes growing wet. “I was scared, and I was confused and cold and hungry and I wanted to go home! There was a town over the hill with tanks and guns and soldiers who wanted to kill me and my friends, and I was tired and angry, and then it all happened so fast! She should have been there with me in that last fight! She should have been with me and she would have gotten out and we would have been fine!” I said, voice rising. “She should have BEEN there with me! We at least could have died together! We would have had each other! She told me she would be with me the whole way and help me! We would protect each other and I couldn’t protect her and she left me! Dash... she LEFT me! I survived the storms of war, but I am still living in their damn shadows!”

There was nothing for a moment but my heavy breathing, and then she flung her arms around me and held me tight as I felt the first warm tear drop onto her shoulder. A moment later she pulled back, looked me in the eye, and then kissed me full on the mouth. I was totally stunned as she pulled back and said “Wing... I will NEVER leave you. You are not a soldier anymore... you are my friend, and you are the new security consultant at Golden Bits Banks. You are a Hero! You saved my friend Applejack and her sister. You saved a bunch of people at a bank from a robbery! You were kind to everyone at Hearth Warming Eve! Wing, you are an amazing person, and you have come so far since you got back! I won't EVER forget what I did to you back in Sugarcube Corner when you first arrived. You were scared, and hurt, and alone. I used to be like that before I met Twilight. I was always showing off, trying to prove I was better than everyone else. Two years ago, she gave everything to protect us from Tirek, and showed me that it isn’t what you do or get from others that makes a good person... it is what you give back. And you have given more than anyone has a right to ask... but I am going to ask for one more thing...”

I nodded, tears streaming down my face. Inside, I was even more of a mess. Rage, sorrow, confusion, envy, and a tiny bit of hope warred within me for control of what was left of my face. Slowly, I nodded again.

“Come back. Leave Gryphany and Braytan and Prance. Leave all of it behind... you are here now. Stay here, with me. You don’t owe anyone anything anymore... you gave everything you had. Just stay here...” she said, pulling me close and patting me on my back as she slowly pulled us down on the bed. A moment later, I was crying like a foal all over again as she pulled the blanket over both of us and I slowly drifted off.

For once, they were not tears of despair or shame. It only took me a few months to realize I had a friend... someone who finally cared about me.

Someone who wasn't going to leave me.