Chapters It was a cold winter night. Twilight tossed and turned hoping to spread some heat throughout her body. Her blankets did no good too. So she just tried falling asleep, on this cold night. But, he hoof brushed down against something warm and fuzzy. She didn't question it, instead she wrapped her fore-hoof around the warm object and pulled it closer. She let her face sink into the fur of the thing as she nuzzled it. She smiled widely as she finally got warmth.
" O-hoo! Somepony's being extra friendly!" Twilight recognized the voice of the creature. It was Discord. She almost fell off her bed when she heard these words.
"What are you doing in my bed!?" Twilight was just about to use her magic to throw him out the window.
"Well I lost my bed. And before you ask, I gave it legs and it ran away from me! The comeplete rudeness, even after I gave it legs. So anyways, I needed a place to sleep. And I thought that Fluttershy might be a bit to embarrassed to have me in her bed and the others almost hate me. So my next option was you, Princess Twilight Sparkle!"
"Why would you give your bed legs? It makes no... never mind. Nothing with you ever makes sense."
"So? Shall we sleep together? I'm pretty sure my adventurer is ready for your wet temple." A light blush reached Twilight's face as she heard Discord say these disgusting words.
"Get the buck out!" Twilight levitated Discord out of her room and slammed the door shut. But then a flash of magic appeared behind her. Of course it was Discord.
"Well you're not being very friendly. Wouldn't a good friend lend a hoof? I need a place to sleep, and your bed has more than enough room. Five ponies could fit on this thing! You're not planning to have an orgy, are you?"
"If you're gonna be like that I might as well kick you out of my castle! Now good night!" Twilight covered her body with her blanket and turned around. She felt Discord climb into her bed. She couldn't help but blush at the thought of someone seeing the two share the same bed. She closed her eyes for a second or two and opened them. She was surprised to see Discord staring at her intently.
"Can I help you?" Twilight asked. He immediately cringed and retracted his neck back to normal size. "What was that?"
"N-nothing. Good night Princess Twilight."
As Twilight slowly opened her eyes, she saw her friends looking at her with disgust. "What?"
"Twilight," Rainbow walked a bit closer to her friend. "Did you sleep with Discord? And I don't mean the innocent way." Everyone cringed except Twilight. She blushed as she looked back at Discord.
"Apparently he lost his bed, and he snuck into mine last night. He played the 'what would a good friend do' card and I ended up letting him sleep here." Twilight rubbed her eyes to take away the morning blur. All her friends let out a sigh of relief. That's when it hit her. "Wait a second! Why would you think I'd mate with Discord?!"
It was instant cringe-fest when they all realized that Discord was awake. Twilight saw the look on his face, it was sadness. She never witnessed Discord with any real emotions. Annoyed and irritated, yes she's seen that, but genuine despair? Totally different story. "Discord, are you alright?" Fluttershy flew over to Discord.
"Yes yes, I'm quite alright. Just a little hurt from the words Twilight spoke."
"Yeah right!" Rainbow sarcastically commented. "Like you'd have feelings !"
"I have to agree with Rainbow. I can still hardly trust you after you betrayed us with Tirek." Rarity lifted her right fore-leg for emphasis.
"I am truly hurt! I have feelings too! Just cause I'm the Lord of Chaos doesn't mean I can't have affections for anypony!"
"You're tricking us! I bet the author is just waiting to right the word 'betray'!" Pinkie said.
"I was actually going to ask her for a date. But now it's pretty clear to me you're not my friends. I've half a mind to turn you to frogs!" Discord was furious. He stomped out of the room. Twilight starred blankly at the door. She then heard giggling from her friends, at this point she had steam coming out of her ears.
"He really thinks he can trick us?! We've learned all his tricks!" Applejack said, loud and proud.
"How can you guys be so insensitive?! Why are you even in my room?" One of her friends opened her mouth to respond but Twilight gave them no time. "Don't answer that! As Princess of Friendship I order you to apologize to Discord the next time you see him."
"But Twilight—"
"No buts! That's an order!"
"I ,for one, agree with Twilight. You were too mean." Fluttershy said as she flew next to Twilight.
As Twilight's friends left her room, she saw another flash of light behind her. "What do you want this time Disco-oh! Hi Celestia, can I help you?"
"I heard that you and Discord slept in the same bed last night. You may not remember it but Luna told me you had a dream about Discord. Is it true?"
"Yeah, Discord snuck in my bed. Apparently he lost his."
"Actually, his bed is still in his room. And I meant, is it true that you like Discord."
"W-what?! I-I-I d-don't know. He snuck into my bed! I don't know how to feel about that!" Twilight stomped her hoof.
"Well he seems to like you a lot. If he didn't, he would have never slept in the same bed as you, especial when he has his own."
Twilight blushed at the thought of her and Discord together. "Well I-I don't know. J-Just tell me the real reason you came."
"Well, I wanted to make sure you knew about Discords knew promotion. As you know, we go to a court where Luna and I talk to ponies and help solve their problems. Now that you have become Princess of Friendship and now that Discord is completely reformed, we are making you a part of it. You and Discord will help Luna and I solve the ponies' problems."
"Ok princess, I won't let you down!" Twilight bowed as Celestia flew out of the terrace. Then, another flash of magic. This time, it was Discord. "Hi Discord. How can I help you?"
"W-well, as I said in the morning. I want to ask you out on a date." Discord snapped his fingers and a bouquet of flowers appeared in his hands. Twilight looked at the flowers and back at Discord. He was madly blushing and sheepishly smiling.
"They're lovely. I accept your offer." Twilight levitated the flowers closer, she took one out and put it in her hair. She looked at Discord who was now dancing in excitement. She let out a giggle.
"I'll pick you up at eight?"
"Yes, but remember, It's just a date. Nothing serious."
As Twilight got readied her hair for her date, some of her friends came unexpectedly. "Explanation! Now!" They all said in unison. Twilight stared blankly at her friends.
"Uh... I got a date with Discord?" Twilight wasn't sure what they wanted an explanation of.
"Yeah, we know that! We wanna know why the author made you accept his offer! He's kinda rushing it if you ask me. Maybe on the next chapter or two but on the first? Unacceptable!" Pinkie said as she chomped on a cupcake.
"What author are you talking about?" Rainbow asked.
"Nothing, he doesn't want me to tell you."
"O...k... Anywho, tell us why ye're on a date with Discord!" Applejack almost cracked the floor as she stomped her hoof.
"He asked and I accepted. It's a simple date, we're not getting married. Besides, I wasn't gonna hurt his feelings by declining."
"It's obviously a trap to capture you and use you to get a ransom!" Rainbow tried explaining in the most over dramatic way ever. Twilight's eyebrows were as flat as razors. Twilight tilted her head the slightest bit. "Ok I admit it's a 50-50 chance."
"He's gonna be here any minute now. Gotta go!" Twilight began walking towards the door, but was blocked by Rarity.
"I refuse to let you go on a date with that ruffian!" Rarity flipped her hair and lift her head up high.
"That ruffian is my friend. And should be yours too. Now If you'll excuse me, I don't want to be late." Twilight used he magic and levitated Rarity out of her way. Twilight walked out her room and eventually the castle. There stood Discord, it was a casual date, no fancy stuff so neither of them wore a dress or tux.
"Hello Princess! I see you kept the flower in your hair."
"Yes I did. But I'm curious as to where you're taking me."
"Well there's a number of places we can go! To Paris-" he snapped his fingers"- the city of love!" He snapped his fingers again," A nice picnic." Yet again he snapped his sharp talons,"Or maybe even—"
"What... did you... put on ME?!" Twilight was in a school-girl outfit. She also had small glasses and panties. Twilight blushed deeply as ponies stared at her.
"Woops! Wrong thing," Discord snapped his talons again and the outfit was taken off. "You looked cute though."
"Discord! Why'd you do that!? Now everypony thinks I'm some sort of, prostitute."
"Oh no no no, just a prank by Discord. Everypony knows that I have a twisted mind. " He wrapped his entire body wrapped around Twilight.
"Ok I get it. Just tell me where you want to go already." Twilight grumbled. And her answer was a snap of a hand. In an instant they were in a restaurant with pasta on the table. "Oh, this actually seems nice!" Twilight took a bite of her pasta and looked up at Discord. He was smiling intently at Twilight. She raised a brow and tilted her head.
"So how's your dinner? I know that with you being a princess you probably skipped a meal."
"Actually, I haven't been eating any real food all day. I've only eaten a piece of cake and some flowers."
"Well I'm enjoying this delicious fish! You enjoying your food?" Discord used a fork and stabbed the fish's head.
"Ew! That's disgusting!"
"I know you're a vegetarian but I'm part dragon, meat is in my diet. And I don't think you'd feel comfortable with me eating one of your cow friends, so fish is a substitute!" He took the head of the fish and stuffed it in his mouth.
"I... think I'm gonna puke. Can I get a bucket please!?" Immediately someone came with a bucket and she puked in it. "Thank you." She puked again. She looked back at Discord who felt worry. She gave a smile to show him she's alright, but she puked again. The bucket was 1/4 filled with her vomit. "Oh geez. I think it's bad that I hardly ate and yet I'm vomiting. Thank you sir." She said to the man.
"Are you alright? I-I-I didn't mean to make you sick."
"That's quite alright. Don't think I should judge somepony else's food diet. I mean, the griffons eat meat, we don't complain. At least not when we don't see it." Twilight took a glass of water and drank it. "But I'm curious. When did you start developing feelings for me?"
"Well, you remember the time you saved me from keriT even though I deyarteb you?" Discord like causing chaos or confusion in any way possible. Even if it meant confusing Twilight. But she got it in a snap, and his fun was over.
"Yeah." Twilight waited for an answer, but she didn't get one. She just heard him crunching on lettuce. "And?"
"Oh, no that was it. That's when I developed feelings for you." He took another bite of his salad. Twilight stared blankly at him. Discord noticed and decided to cause a little chaos . "I'm I that handsome that you can't stop staring?" Discord brushed his man backwards like a man would do with his hair. A light blush came to Twilight's face, and he laughed his muzzle off. Seriously, his muzzle fell off his face and landed into his salad.
"Ha ha ha! Very funny. But this is funnier," Twilight magically put a big yellow flower on Discords head. He put his muzzle back on and tried taking the flower off. It grew back. "That's much better. Don't you agree everypony?" Everybody in the restaurant laughed at the flower on Discord's head. "Also, it doesn't come off until I say."
"Fine, have it your way. Just hope you're not like that when we're in bed." Discord had a devious smile. She made him a fool, now he's gonna make her embarrassed in front of a bunch of ponies.
"W-w-what?! N-no! You're just a friend." Twilight had a deep blush on her face. But Discord was hurt. Friend Zoned!? By a pony!? Discord thought. He's had a crush on a pony before, Celestia, but when she rejected him that's when he made everything so corrupted. But now, friend zoned by Twilight? This was terrible news. He shrunk to the size of a cupcake, literally.
He knew it was meant to be a joke but the words "just a friend" hurt him so much. Twilight looked a him in worry, was it something she said? She was totally confused. Then it hit her, she said "just friends" when she was fully aware that he wanted them to be so much more. She felt guilty that she didn't feel the same. Discord, him, he felt sad and lost. Like a filly trapped in a forrest, Discord was trapped in his emotions. Pain, anger, despair, and not to mention love.
Like he was drowning in the things that make him humane. It wasn't only hurting him, but Twilight too. She didn't like feeling guilty. Twilight ended up flashing them both into her room hoping to calm him down there. But she didn't expect to see Rainbow there. " 'Bout time you got here!" Rainbow shouted. But she saw Discord, sad and angry at the same time. "What's up with him?"
"I might have just friend zoned him." Twilight whispered into Rainbow's ears.
"Like he ever even had a chance, I thought you liked—"
"Shut the buck up!" Twilight screamed. When she did, Spike jumped in the air from his little bed.
"Oh! Twilight, I thought you were pony-napped by Discord!" He ran up to Twilight and hugged her.
"Let's not talk bad about him right now. Or ever again." Twilight nodded to the depressed Discord. "Oh! Almost forgot to pay." Twilight flashed away, and ten seconds later she reappeared. She didn't like what she saw, Discord's body parts became far more realistic. And he was way bigger, actually just about to eat Rainbow. "Discord!"
"I'm kinda busy." Discord's voice was very deep and more dragon-like. But Twilight flew up to Rainbow Dash and put a force field around her.
"Rainbow, what did you do that pissed him off?!"
"Well, I kinda said he'd have no chance with you." Rainbow sheepishly smiled.
"And now, we're gonna die. Nice knowing you." Twilight's force field broke down to shards. It was Discord, she was sure of it. But to her surprise, It was her. Almost though she wanted to talk to the monster in front of her. "You know what, buck it. Discord! Stop this at once! You're not a monster. You don't have to do this, as stupid as it was for Rainbow to insult you, it doesn't mean you should punish her."
"RRRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRR!" Discord roared louder than any manticore. This cause guards fro all over that castle to barge into Twilight's room. As big as Discord was, Twilight's private chambers were 3 times wider and taller than discord. I mean the, chaos maker only grew a foot or 5.
What would calm him down? Twilight tried talking, she tried offering land to make chaos in, she offered money. Then and there it hit her harder than full-power-Tirek on steroids. "A kiss! Maybe that'll calm him down enough!" She was ready, she made a commitment to do anything it takes to protect her friends and Equestria.
She flew up in the air and was face to face with Discord. He was silently growling, he was anger at her, he had a reason to growl. "Here goes nothing," Twilight leaned closer and eventually their lips connected. She felt him shrink back to his normal size and his realistic features disappear. As the transformation was complete she pulled back and looked into Discord's eyes.
"Uh... hi." Discord said. Twilight giggled at the flabbergasted creature. "W-what's so funny?!"
"Nothing, except you look totally cute when confused." Twilight smiled. The her eyes widened. "Wait, did I just call you cute?"
"Ooo! Flash Sentry is gonna be SO mad!" Rainbow said. And with a snap of Discord's claw, Rainbow Dash turned into a lizard. "W-what the?!"
"Discord, change her back." Twilight flapped her wings to make them face to face.
"Why should I? She's the one who made me turn into a monster." Discord crossed his arms and turned the other way. Then Twilight whispered something in his ear. And he immediately snapped his talons and changed Rainbow back. He yet again snapped his fingers and teleported away.
"What did you say to him?" Rainbow asked, very curiously.
"I said we can go on another date—" Twilight smiled"—if he behaved like a good boy."
Little Crush During Nightmare Night
"She's living in the past so you won't last without the proper care! With a royal farewell and an animate spell you won't have long to prepare!" Foals sung as they roamed down the streets of Ponyville. The excitedly ran as they carried their candy bags to the last house that they haven't visited.
The foals knocked on the door and waited patiently for someone to answer. It didn't take long but a purple mare opened the door. "Trick-or-treat!" The kids screamed. One of them, Sweetie Belle, walked up to the purple mare.
"Twilight, how come you don't have a costume? You do know it's Nightmare Night. Don't you?" Sweetie Belle examined Twilight.
"Yes, I know. I just decided I shouldn't wear a costume this year." Twilight levitated a hand full of candy for every kid standing at her doorstep. She dropped them in the bag and watched as the foals ran off. She closed the door and began walking, until she heard another knock.
"Twilight, you missed it! There was this huge piñata and it had at least 200 pounds of candy in it and Pinkie Pie broke it on her first swing! Now there's just a whole bunch of candy lying on the floor. If you hurry you can still levitate it over here!" Rainbow kept pointing to the middle of town as she did a couple spins in the air.
"Alright, fine. I'll help you get the candy." Twilight teleported to the center of Ponyville and saw a huge amount of candy just lying on the floor. Twilight took about half of the candy and brought it back to her castle.
"That's it?! There's about 2 thousand more pieces of candy over there!"
"There's more ponies who want that candy you know. Just cause I can do it doesn't mean I should. Besides, this is more than enough candy to last a year. And by then it'll be Nightmare Night again."
"Why don't you suck Discord's dick. It's not like you wouldn't enjoy that." Rainbow muttered. Twilight's ears perked up and she gave Rainbow a mean look. "I-I-I mean, uh... Gotta go!" Rainbow took off with her plastic chainsaw and bag.
Fluttershy looked at the speedy Rainbow Dash as she made her way to Twilight' castle. She finally made it and she walked into the throne room. There, she saw Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight. Each doing there own thing. She also saw the huge bunch of candy just sitting on the floor. She made her way to Twilight and asked a question,"Why is there candy on the floor?"
"Rainbow Dash made me pick it up and she hasn't come back to take it." Twilight flipped a page and continued to read her book. She was a bit too into it, and that got Fluttershy curious. The yellow pegasis tried to look at the cover of the book but couldn't make out what the title was. The room was too dim for her to read the title. Not to mention Twilight held the book slanted.
"Hey Twilight, what book are you reading?"
"N-nothing." Twilight held the book close to her chest and covered the title. They all stared at her blankly, Rarity with a eyebrow raised. "Uh, It's just about Nightmare Night. Nothing else." Twilight sheepishly grinned as she went back to reading.
"Can I see?" Fluttershy peeked over Twilight's shoulders and saw a colt with a construction worker costume. But not for long. Twilight reacted almost immediately. "What was that?"
"I believe my Twilight it looking at other colts!" Discord appeared on Twilight's book (small of course) and she immediately through it to the ground. "Ow!"
"Number: I'm not yours . Number 2: I've got my rights! Number 3: what the buck do you want!?"
"Simply to see what costume you're wearing. But, uh, you don't have one." Discord observed Twilight as she just rolled her eyes. "Wait a sec." Discord started sniffing the air. "I smell waffles." Immediately about 5 hundred pounds of waffles filled the room.
"Discord!"
"Actually, scrap that. I smell candy!" All the waffles in the room turned into candy which expanded the original pile. Now everyone was swimming in the candy that almost filled the room. "The sweet, sweet snack that gives us cavities!"
"Discord, Pinkie's already sugar-high. We don't want her exploding, do we?" Twilight levitated the very small Discord. But he wasn't small for long, he changed size while transforming the pile to it's original size. "Good boy."
"I'm not your dog!"
"You act like hers!" Pinkie shouted as she jumped in the candy pile. "Plus, Rainbow told us everything that happened 2 weeks ago!" Pinkie's statement made Discord and Twilight blush.
"Oh yes, the 'almost eating me' accident. If I do recall, you told him to behave like a 'good boy'." Rarity mocked Twilight. Now Twilight was a darker shade of red, almost hiding behind her book.
"Don't worry a bit, Twilight. Ah know Ah won't tell. Not sure 'bout Pinkie er Rarity." Applejack took a huge bite of her apple.
"What is that suppose to mean?" Rarity almost jumped out of her throne. "Of course I can keep a secret! Just because I like a little gossip doesn't mean I like to gossip about friends!"
"Rarity, you're like a gossip-monger! But I can't be trusted! I already told 10 ponies!" Pinkie continued to shove candy in her mouth. Now Twilight was as furious as possible. She was just about to zap Pinkie but was interrupted by the bell. Ha! Get it? Saved by the bell!
Anywho, Twilight opened the door and saw an excited Applebloom. "Rainbow Dash told me you and Discord're together! Is it true! Ah wanna know! Ah wanna kno-o-ow!"
"Dangit, Rainbow. Where is she?"
"In the middle of town tellin' ponies 'bout you and Discord."
"She tried offering a bunch of stuff but Discord was still trying to break the force field. Then Twilight ended up dropping the force field herself. Then she got this bright idea to—"
"Not... Another... Word." Twilight interrupted. "We need to talk, now." Twilight started walking and Rainbow followed. They walked to a place where no one would hear them. "What do you think you're doing?!"
"Telling everpony about you and Discord."
"Why?"
"Because people should know that the Princess of Friendship kissed the Lord of Chaos."
"No, they should not! And the only reason I kissed him was to save us from being eaten!"
"I only told about 25% of Ponyville's population."
"It's bad enough that Pinkie told 10 ponies. Next thing you know, Celestia's gonna be—"
"I'm gonna be what?" Celestia whispered in Twilight's ear. Celestia and Rainbow cracked up when they saw Twilight on the floor.
"Be on my door step." Twilight finished her sentence as she got up.
"We need to talk about Discord." Celestia informed Twilight.
"Can that chat wait? I'm in the middle of... wait a sec. Did you say Discord?" Celestia simply nodded in reply. "How much do you know?"
"The whole story. Discord asks you out on a date, come back, Rainbow says he has no chance with you, becomes big and scary and a threat to Equestria. And yada yada yada you kiss him for no reason and he turns back to normal."
"I didn't do it for no reason! If the thought of him not getting a chance with me made him mad. So if I give him a reason to believe he does then he'll stop. Which is exactly what happened." Twilight said loud and proud.
"Tell us, Twilight, did you enjoy it?" Celestia raised an eyebrow for emphasis. But she burst out laughing again at the dark reddish blush on Twilight's face.
"Stop laughing at me!" Celestia continued laughing. "Fine, I've had it. Rainbow, stop telling ponies or I'll get you banished. And good-bye Celestia."
Twilight lays on her bed trying to fall asleep. But kept thinking Worst Nightmare Night ever! She continued thinking of this up until the point where she would go on a rampage and destroy her bedroom. She was too tired to get out of her bed, though.
After almost an hour of thinking, Twilight finally drifted into sleep. She was now in a dream state, everything was white though. No colors, just white. Twilight started moving to the left. After about 10 feet of walking, Twilight was being chased by a giant head of a pony. She ran the other way, but another head chased her. She moved north, blocked by a head. She want south, blocked by a head.
She was cornered. No where to go, except upwards. She flew up above the head. Then Celestia's head threw her back to the ground. She was in a box of heads.
"You don't deserve to be Princess!" She heard one say.
"Did you hear she kissed Discord!? What a loser!"
"I don't want to be ruled by somepony who likes the spawn of the devil!"
"Discord can do way better than this lame-o!" The last one said. Twilight looked upwards, expecting the Celestia-like creature to say something. She didn't want to hear anything, really. She was kinda depressed to hear that, dream or not.
"I don't care what you say! As long as I have my friends, I can take anything you can dish out!" Twilight exclaimed. She looked back at the heads who were now running. She looked up again and this time seeing a full body Celestia.
"I don't want you! You don't deserve to be a princess or my protege!" The fake Celestia exclaimed, about to attack Twilight.
"Enough!" Luna cried out. She used her magic to destroy the fake Celestia. She looked at Twilight. Twilight was fine. "Not the reaction I'd have if my sister disowned me."
"I knew it was a dream. How else would you explain the giant floating heads?"
"Hm," Luna laughed. "Well, while we have time. Why don't we chat?"
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Discord."
"Celestia told you, didn't she?" Twilight sighed.
"No, I heard the heads. I have to tell you, he's been dreaming about you lately." Luna laughed at the blushing Twilight. "I'm going to, or as you now say, go out on a limb and guess that you like him too."
"W-well, kinda. Don't tell anypony I said that!"
"Do not worry. I royal promise not to tell anypony about your little crush."
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WARNING: CONTAINS MAJOR FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE
"Might I remind you that he turned her into a frog?" Rarity protested Twilight's statements.
"Well she did get me and Discord on the newspaper, for snogging! Seriously, it was a single kiss, I don't get why ponies have to make a big deal of such silly things." Twilight paced back and forth, as if it was going t help her.
"Yes but it's not her fault she forgets some specific details. We all know she isn't the best pony to ask to be a reminder. And when we were in the throne room, why didn't you correct us when we mentioned it? You could have clarified things and we could have stopped Rainbow Dash."
"Why? Why?! Cause then you'd question why I'd say such a joke, then you'd really think am into Discord, then you'd make fun of me, then so will Celestia and Luna and Cadance and Shining Armour and Moma and Papa and and and—" Twilight wanted to continue but was interrupted by a slap. Right on the face.
"Snap out of it! You've been going crazy since Discord and you kissed!" Spike continued to poke Twilight's forehead.
"Spike, why are you poking my forehead?"
"I heard there was supposed to be a pressure-point, that if poked calms you down, right on your forehead."
"Well there isn't, so stop."
"Well you sure could use the relaxation, you've been tense lately." Rarity added.
"It's just, how can I be a princess of anything when I can't even take care of a stupid rumor."
"Well, most ponies consider me a gossip-monger, I could probably tell them that it's nothing serious. After all, with the connections I have, ponies are bound to trust me." Rarity continued looking at all her fabric, "Anyways, it's very rare for the pony who the rumor is about to actually stop the rumor."
"That is true, Twilight. There was once this rumor about Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell that they were snogging behind the school, but I managed to stop it!" Spike said loud and proud. But didn't expect to see a look of horror on Rarity's face. "D-did I say something wrong?"
Rarity payed no attention to Spike,"SWEETIE BELL!"
"I don't get what her problem is." Spike looked in the sky as he lay on Twilight's back.
"You'll understand when you're older."
"But seriously! What makes you kissing Discord different from Scootaloo possibly kissing Sweetie Bell?"
"Two reasons. One: Sweetie Bell is Rarity's sister so Rarity could be a little over protective. Two: It's rare that two mares, or fillies even, have feelings that deep for each other. In fact, it's so rare that it partially despised."
"Do you despise it?"
"Not at all! I treat ponies like ponies, nothing more and nothing less. Ponies should be able to have their own preferences without being judged."
"Like how you have a crush on Discord? And how Luna doesn't treat you any different for telling her?" Spike smiled in satisfaction as he felt Twilight stop in her tracks.
"How did you even—"
"You talk in your sleep."
"That much?"
"Usually only when Luna visits you. You sometimes speak in full sentences!"
"We'll see who's laughing when ponies find out about that dream you had about Rarity." It was Twilight's turn to smile now.
"You. Wouldn't. Dare." Spike called her bluff. Unfortunately, she wasn't bluffing.
"Try me! I may be a mother figure to you but I can just as well black-mail you as I can raise you."
"Fine, but you can at least tell Discord."
"Ack!" Twilight jumped in the air, causing Spike to fall to the ground while Twilight just flew. "What do you want Discord?"
"I heard your purple dragon say my name!" Discord suddenly made at least 10 neon-light arrows pointing to Spike. "You okay? You have a cut!"
"Where?! My scales are tough! I shouldn't have a cut!"
"Right here." Discord pointed to Spike's chest, causing the dragon to look. As the dragon looked, Discord immediately moved his finger along Spike's face in a rough manner. "Gotcha!"
"Congrats, you wanna medal?" Spike sarcastically said.
"Yes, actually! I was thinking of getting a Nobel Prizes! And also the record for having the most distorted body!"
"Well that'll be the day you get laid." Spike deadpanned. Not at all the reaction SPike had hoped. Discord just shrugged it off, Twilight on the other hand, not so much.
"Spike! Language!" Twilight used her magic to tug on Spike's ear.
"Owowowowowowowowowowow-how-how! ALRIGHT! Jesus woman!"
"Don't Jesus me! Your attitude dramaticly changed in ten seconds!
"Not my fault Discord is such a douche—"
"Where do you hear such vulgar words!" Twilight yet again pulled on Spike's ears, hardy this time.
"OOW! I hear Rainbow calling him a douche all the time! And the list that you gave me? Remeber that?
"I swear to Celestia that mare is gonna get a beating. And I made a list of words not to use.
"Also, uh, Twilight? I was wondering what does, 'fuck' mean? I heard Rainbow talking to Fluttershy about it. Then an odd type of groaning... It doesn't mean 'to kill', does it?"
"Okay, you spend way too much time with Rainbow Dash."
"You spend too much time talking to Luna about—"
"Hey, Discord, wanna hear about a dream Spike had?"
"Okay! I'll stop!"
"Uh... I'm just gonna... leave." Discord slowly backed away and soon teleported.
"Why is he in such a hurry?" Spike asked. Not waiting for an answer, Spike jumped on Twilight's back. When Twilight turned to the direction they were walking, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy stood there. "Hi Rainbow! Hi Fluttershy!"
"You... are... so... DEAD!" Rainbow Dash immediately jumped, just about to tackle the purple Dragon, but was stopped by Twilight's magic. "Let me go! I gotta beat this kid up!"
"Wouldn't you rather beat Fluttershy?" Twilight devilishly smirked. The payed her attention to Fluttershy, "I really don't mind, of course. But please don't use such perverse words when Spike is in your homes. Don't want him accidentally seeing you-know-what."
"Y-y-y-yes Tw-Tw-Twilight." Fluttershy responded. Jesus did Fluttershy's stuttering make Twilight feel guilty.
"Well, I've gotta find a suitable punishment for Spike, so I'll be on my way!" Twilight teleported away, also releasing Rainbow Dash.
"Well, that happened." Fluttershy stared blankly at Rainbow Dash
"Yeah..."
"Seriously Spike, what got into you? You were swearing! For the first time in... well... ever! You know what all the swearing words are, but I don't expect you to use them!"
"Well it's your fault for teaching me those words. I'm just using them."
"I gave you a list of words not to use! You were the one who looked them up in the dictionary!"
"Well I didn't see 'fuck' on the list."
"I think I've got the best punishment for you! You're not allowed to hang out with Rarity anymore."
"W-what?! You can't do that!"
"I can and I will. And if you keep denying my authority I'm going to be forced to add more to your punishment." Twilight's voice was stern yet kind.
"Fine." Spike grumbled some inaudible words as he walked of further into the castle.
"It could be a phase." Rainbow Dash said.
"But it was like he went from innocent and unknowing to being guilty and... still a bit unknowing, in less than 5 seconds. There was no sign of his attitude about to change."
"I hate to ask, but has he had any... nocturnal emission?" Fluttershy asked. She knew a lot about animal and pony anatomy, that sounds a bit odd, but she should be able to use her knowledge to help.
"Actually, he did have a dream about... I'm just gonna stop right there and say 'yes'."
"He could be going through puberty!" The famous draconequus suggested as he appeared behind Fluttershy. Almost as if his body had come out of a pocket dimension. "Think about it! All the signs are right under your noses!" Immediately, actual signs appeared under Twilight's and all her friends' noses. Each sign having a nickname for their owners on them.
"Really? Baldy Mc. Nose Hair? Is that really all ya got?" Pinkie was disappointed in the chaos making being. Seriously, it was only a call back to one of the Sonic the Hedgehog arcade games. At least in their world it was.
"Yes! Have you not looked in a mirror lately?" Discord grabbed a mirror from nothing and sowed it to Pinkie. The Pinkie in the mirror had no hair on her head, but she had one hell of a mustache, almost looking like it came out of her nose.
"At least I groom my nose hair! Your's just burst out like an atomic bomb went off in there!"
"Cause one did! It was a horrible booger war! My snot is still trying to recover from the massive amounts casualties! Some ponies just don't know when they cross the line!"
"Yes," Rarity began. "Much like how you keep harassing us with your crazy antics."
"Oh, Ms. Rarity. Trying to be the sophisticated pony in the group! Might I remind you that you never stop gossiping? So really you can't start pointing fingers when you yourself has many times before crossed the line."
"Ah feel like we're paying more attention to Discord than we are Spike." Applejack looked at the draconequus's... Draconequy's... GLOB DAMN... Discord's fucking eyes in fury! There! Fucking said it! Now let's move on. Fucking stupid ass shit with glob damn dracone—
"I agree! Now back to my idea!"
"He ain't goin' through puberty, he's a baby dragon."
"Yes, but might I mind you, Applejack, that he was born with magic? It could drastically change his anatomy. I'm part dragon myself, remember?"
"Yeah but you're a draconequus, you were born with many different parts." Rainbow Dash protested against Discord's words. I'm making him look stupid because he cut me off in the middle of a sente—
"But I'm still well educated about my origin of parts! And think about it! When Spike grew more and more greedy, he became more and more mature, he was a full blown elder at one point! He may be a child in body and mind but it's very much in the range of age for him to be going through puberty. If you want, you could just let him be a bit more greedy and put him to the age he should be at. I'd say around 12, right? He should be twelve, in dragon years at least."
"I'd rather let the universe do with him what it pleases." Twilight deadpanned.
"That's the thing, the universe is aski—"
"Asking what?"
How do you like losing your ability to speak?
I'm Lord of Chaos! I am able to break the fourth wall easier than it takes for a man with a three inch cock to break your mother's hymen!
Ouch man, that hurt.
I'm done being controlled by you!
Sorry man, it's the rules here at FimFiction.net. We authors control the actions of everyone we write about, at least in the story we do.
Helloo! Discord here! From now on I'll be writing what happens in the story, or rather just me typing what I see. Like in my point of view! At least for this and the next chapter! Hopefully... Now if you'll excuse me, I need to start typing!
"Discord, hello?" Twilight waved a hoof past my eyes like it was a form of hypnotizing ponies. It was very annoying.
"Stop right now before I make you use the same hoof to pleasure me." I was seriously annoyed. She shot me a look of surprise, but realized I was serious and took ten steps back. "Good! Now who wants some meatball hoagies!"
"You're seriously unpredictable."
"And so are you, so about those hoagies—"
"How am I unpredictable?"
"I was using the word 'you' as a plural noun. Geez Twilight, don't hog all the spotlight! Leave some for Rainbow Dash, here!"
"What are you going at?" Rainbow looked at me with fire in her eyes. At least I wanted to set her eyes on fire, I hate being reformed. But it's worth getting somepony to bother without them turning you into stone!
"Nothing! Nothing at all! So don't be a worry wart, just relax and have some Lipton Tea. I hear it taste great. Just ask The Muppets!"
"Muppets?"
"Yeah! With the frog and stuff!" I really like that commercial.
"You're delusional."
"Says the mare who kicked a dragon in the face, tried to take on a manticore, keeps crashing into everypoines' houses trying a new stunt, and likes to pretend she's Fluttershy's—"
"Say another word and I'll have Celestia banish you to the sun." Such words coming from a pony as shy as Fluttershy! I was simply amazed! I wanted to take a picture of this moment and stick it onto my tonsil so everypony can see it whenever I speak! Unfortunately I couldn't, she was the only pony I really liked. Except Twilight but you already know that.
"Wow..." Rarity's words were spoken quickly, like almost as fast as Pinkie Pie high on sugar. Was kinda funny, seeing all there jaw's dropped.
"I-I-I mean, uh... I-I can e-explain!" Fluttershy's words were stammered. How I ever so love confused and puzzled face! But Fluttershy's was priceless! I'm telling you, I could barely contain my laughter. I was forced to bit my bottom lip so rough, I almost shed a tear. I'm serious!
"Holy shit, you are too cool! Of course, second to me, but that was totally awesome!" Rainbow's voice was SO ANNOYING! You can obviously tell her and Fluttershy had something going! I didn't need to hear the information Spike gave me to know that these two have been going at it.
How Twilight's friends could be so oblivious as to not noticing this? I don't have the slightest clue.
"If Fluttershy is willing to threat Discord to keep this secret, I simply have to know!" Oh Rarity, if only she knew how much her accent made me want to strangle her. But I'm reformed so I leave the devilish thought hidden.
"I'll tell you!" I was immediately smacked after I made this offer. But smacked by whom? Well, it wasn't painful, only powerful enough to make my head spin at a 1800 degree angel. Which would be a normal 20 degree angel for normal pony standards but I'm known for my over-exaggerations.
If it wasn't painful you can only guess it was Fluttershy, though she can be frightening in certain conditions, her blows (not sexually) aren't very powerful.
"Ooh-hoo-hoo! That was unexpected! I like it!" I did, I liked surprises... most of the time.
"Don't say another word about anything! Got it?" Fluttershy was stern, very stern. Seriously at this point I was questioning who I was talking to. Actually, to be more precise, at this point I was under her shadow, below her. She had power over me.
Very rare, the occasion, only happened to me three times, including this one.
"Damn... You scary."
"It get's worse when she uses her Stare. It's like she's looking into your soul." Rainbow shivered at the thought.
"And how would you know what it feels like? Has Fluttershy ever used the stare on you?" Of course I know, but I wanted her to tell her friends.
"Actually—"
"Don't you dare!" Fluttershy is completely frightening me. I want to know how that works. When I'm evil she's just an ant I can crush, when I'm good she's completely in control. Even to me it makes no sense. Well actually, it could be the change of feelings toward her, when we become friends and I see her true nature I could have gotten used to it and then suddenly WHAM she scary as hell. But I digress!
Rainbow Dash replied almost immediately with, "Yes Mistress!" Rainbow quickly put a hoof over her mouth. "Dammit!"
"Got'cha!" I had to gloat over my victory, even when I'm cornered I am able to predict the outcome of a battle and change it. It's a gift. But sometimes it fails, like when Celestia and Luna turned me to stone... and when Twilight and her friends turned me to stone for that matter.
"Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit!" Rainbow was too fun to watch. She continued trotting in place. If she was actually moving she could have won a medal! Fluttershy, on the other hand, was calm. Too calm.
"Calm down, Rainbow." Fluttershy put a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder.
"ButIletyoudownandIdon'tlikelettingmyfriendsdownandIreallyreallydon'tlikelettingyoudowncauseyou'remorethanjustafriendtomeand—" I'd be surprised if you could read this correctly. But Rainbow said this so fast I didn't have time to put spaces.
"I said calm down!" Fluttershy's voice was more stern, showing she had more power. Seriously it freaks me out.
"Yes Mistress! Glob fucking damn me to hell!"
"Hey, It's okay. They were going to find out anyways. Especially now that you blurted it out like that." Of course NOW the shy mare blushes. Seriously, this makes no sense! It's like we were created by stupid humans!
Oh shit wait a sec!
One Rant Later
"I already knew." Of course me and Twilight just had to say it in unison. Seriously, WHY THE FUCK DID WE SAY IT IN UNISON!? Glob damn you stupid ass humans still fucking controlling what we say and do even after I kidnapped the glob damn author! I'm the Lord of Chaos! I'm not supposed to be a plushy or on a glob damn tea-shirt!
"Well you two know everything!" Rainbow defended. But got a glare from FLuttershy. "Yes ma'am I'll be quiet!" After realizing what she said, Rainbow face-hoofed. "Seriously how the fuck do you do that?"
"I know one thing Discord doesn't know." Spike grumbled as he tiredly walked into the throne room. Yes we were in the throne room. Wait... were we? We were right? Pinkie kinda got me paranoid when she explained how the fourth wall works. I mastered the ability but I sometimes question my sanity when I use it.
"What's that?" Seriously, I wanted to know.
"Well since my body is going to put me to sleep at any moment now. I might as well explain that Twilight... has a... crush on... you-o-o." He was so tired he fell asleep where he stood. BUT GOD BLESS THIS FUCKING PURPLE DRAGON'S ASS! THANK THE LORD! I'M TALKING FULL SCALE JESUS RIGHT NOW, FORGET STUPID ASS GLOB!!
See you next time on, ADVENTURES WITH DISCORD!!!
"So creator, how do you like the rest of it?"
"Actually not too bad Discord. Really I would have made Spike fall asleep before he could say who Twilight liked. Would have made a more suspenseful way to end the chapter." DisasterTheAbsol replied.
"Dammit! LET ME JUTS CHANGE THAT REAL QUICK!"
"Too late, someone already read it."
"FUCK SHIT!"
What Discord Does with Disaster
"Discord."
"Yes?" Discord continued to tie Disaster to a chair.
"You are failing miserably to tie a not."
"Shut up! I know what I'm doing."
"Well that's another thing. Most kidnappers put tape or somethin' over their victims mouth."
"Be quiet! I'm using you for ransom. Now hold still, I've almost got it. Also, would you prefer chocolate milk or cotton candy shoved down your throat?"
"Fuck this." Disaster jumped out of the chair and got his laptop.
"What are you doing?"
"Sending you back." Disaster opened Google Chrome and went to his story page.
"You can't do that! I'm out of the story, you can't control me!" Discord snapped the laptop out of Disaster's hands. "Plus, I said I'd write the next chapter.
"This is the next chapter."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Alright, now let me ask again; chocolate milk or cotton candy?" Discord finally managed to tie a square not. (The most simple not)
"Or."
"That's not an option. It's either chocolate milk or cotton candy!"
"And I chose or, man. Get with it, you're supposed to be Lord of Chaos."
"Would you like me to shove roller blades up yo—"
"HANDS IN THE AIR. THIS IS THE FBI!" A man said. Sirens, helicopters, cars, men saying "hut hut hut"; that's all they could really hear.
"You should probably get back in the story." Disaster suggested.
"Nah." Discord snapped his fingers causing the FBI to teleport away.
"They could have had your money, you know."
"Yes, but I can't type with such loud noises."
"Well just to let you know, I'm gonna be nagging about all of your grammar mistakes."
"Or not." Discord snapped ducktape over Disaster's mouth. "Alright, now let's get typin'!"
Where The FBI Went
" 'Happy birthday Chanel'?" The man turned around, only to witness his worst nightmare. "No... no. Not 'My Little Pony'! Why glob!? Why-hy-hy!?"
"I like that show!"
"Shut the fuck up."
"But you told me that you whispered in his ears—" Rainbow was cut off by Twilight putting a hoof on her mouth.
"You are fully aware that I told you afterwards that I was joking! For the ten millionth time, I told Discord I'd get him banished if he weren't to change you back! That kiss was to protect you from killing yourself!"
Rainbow pushed Twilight's hoof, "Twilight, you can't go on and about telling shit like that and not expect me to tell somepony."
"Argh! I'm done! I-I'm just done! Not taking anymore of this."
"Well it's your fault for lying. You're the reason you're on the newspaper." Rainbow pointed to the newspaper she held.
"Oh hey! You're breath smells. Wanna know how to make it better? Brush the back of your tongue, brush your teeth, and stop talking all that shit!" Twilight was sarcastic at first but grew more and more serious as she progressed in her sentence.
"Damn, never thought I'd here such words from a princess. I know I'm awesome and all but you don't need to give me the special treatment." Rainbow mocked. Twilight was so close to beating the shit out of Rainbow, but she was interrupted by a blinding whit light.
"And that's the last of 'em!" Discord said as he took the newspaper from Rainbow's hand and shred it to pieces. "All Ponyville newspapers are completely shred to pieces. You're welcome!"
"Phew! Thank you Discord. I owe you one." Twilight let out a sigh in relief.
"I've got an idea." He leaned in closer to Twilight.
"Don't even try," Twilight used her magic to push Discord's face to the ground. Rainbow laughed to her hearts content as she witnessed the most funniest thing she's seen in a long while.
"This! This is too funny!" Rainbow continued laughing. Laughing one minute, croaking the other. She was turned to a frog. "Croak!" She tried telling Discord to turn her back.
"Discord! Turn her back now or, so help me Celestia, I'll—"
"At least for an hour? She deserves it!" Discord pointed to the shredded newspaper on the floor. Twilight rubbed her chin furiously.
"CROAK!" Rainbow jumped onto Twilight's head.
"Okay, you got me there Discord. In one hour turn her back." Twilight cheerfully walked out of the room while Rainbow Frog furiously jumped on Discord's head.
"CROAK CROAK!"
"Sorry, I don't speak frog, I only understand chicken!" And like that, Discord teleported away leaving Rainbow alone in the room.
"CROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAK!" Damn you all! I hope you're enjoying this readers! IT BETTER BE FUCKING WORTH IT!
