Chapters All of the spectators were silenced as they sat in the dark, waiting. Heavy armored guards watched them all until darkness came. Lights flashed on abrubtly. A ghastly smoke descended onto the stage before everypony.
The band began to accompany the host with upbeat samba music. The smoke cleared, revealing king Sombra sitting on a couch in front of a brick wall decorated with flora and a big screen displaying a live, magnified view of the couch where Sombra sat. Sombra, instead of his old dictator attire, wore a silk royal blue suit that screamed “Hold It! ”. The music stopped.
“Thank you, everypony. This is Crystal Clear. I’m Sombra, king of T.V. ! You probably know me as the old tyrant of the kingdom. I may not have been the nicest guy, but still I know a thing or two about politics given – well – a thousand years of work experience and, I gotta say, our new ruler, y’know – Cadence – she’s as evil as I was.
She’s enforcing love. My gosh. I never caused rampant vomiting in the Crystal Empire while I was in charge.”
The crowd laughed.
“I kid you not, she goes around on weekends and makes arguing couples stop and get romantic. She’s been doing this for decades all the way back in Canterlot. I need to ask her exactly how she knows when two ponies are just brother and sister.”
An uproar of laughter followed.
“So…“ Sombra hesitated, his voice being overshadowed by the audience. “Now… Okay… SILENCE
“Anyways… we’re seeing some big changes in the world of politics. In a matter of three years, we find ourselves living in a completely different place. I feel that it would be a little refreshing to speak to another tyrant who’s been in the game as long as I have.
Everypony, please stomp for Princess Celestia.”
An alabaster alicorn walked onto the stage via a long, gradual staircase, accompanied by a highly zealous applause which continued even after she had sat on the couch across the stage from where Sombra sat. It went on and on...
“ENOUGH
Sombra cleared his throat and calmed himself, retaining his slick showmanship.
“So, princess, tell us, what’s going on in Equestria, today?”
“Well, so much has happened lately. There was the assault of Chrysalis not too long ago. We are just getting through picking up the mess at the capital. Also, recently, I appointed my apprentice to the position of princess.”
“Really?”
“Yes. In best highest judgement I believe that she has proved herself worthy of being a symbol of the nation serving Equestria by me and my Sister.”
“I see. So now there’s four rulers over Equestria?”
“Six, actually. There’s Blueblood, a prince that is usually looked over along with Shining Armor ever since he has married Princess Cadence.”
“Hmm… So there’s six all-powerful in charge? One in charge of another nation, her spouse, and two sisters with issues?”
Sombra paused to turn to his audience.
“Nope.” He said sarcastically. “Absolutely no chance of civil war as far as I can see.”
Laughter of the spectators came, making Celestia disgruntled.
“I remember, I was kicking back watching her and her sister have their little dispute that they seriously had to make a full-on war.”
“Excuse me?” Celestia asked.
“You get into it with your sister, you just call her a name then somepony leaves. Her? She’ll blast her to the moon for squeezing the toothpaste from the middle.”
Snickers ensured.
“What?!”
“I bet my clean shave, that if you go to Canterlot castle, you’re gonna find a big cannon that says “Nag-Launcher” on the side.”
Celestia pounced across the stage throttling Sombra. Cheers, gasps, and laughs came from the audience.
Pointing at the main camera, “Go to commercial! Go to commercial!” Sombra gurgled.
The theme song played and the light over the stage dimmed. The cameras faded, leaving the T.V. viewing audience with the final image of heavily armored security prying Celestia off of Sombra before playing an ad for Ponyville’s “Hay and Stay”.
****************************
Cheers resounded as the show continued with three juggernauts standing around an aggressively satisfied Celestia and Sombra whose chair was scooted far away from the princess.
“Welcome back to Crystal Clear. Now, as you know, we are seeing a rise of the princess of love, but apparently the princess here serve be as an attractive, well-suited substitute.”
“Oh... Thank you, Sombra. I had always thought of myself to as a great multi-tasker. Given the chance, I suppose it would be possible for me to see the prosperity of Equestria and the Crystal Empire while raising and lowering the sun every day.”
“-All that and maintaing your wild love life?”
“Yes of course… Wait, what?” Celestia questioned as “Ooh’s…” filled the studio.
“We’ve got word that you have a thing for your guards… maybe your “apprentice”, but definitely your guards.”
“That is not true!”
“Oh, really now? I’ve got numerous reports from Equestrian journals and the guards that say otherwise.” Images of the evidence appeared on the screen behind him showing numerous newspaper clippings and pictures of royal guards. “Heck, she’s even gone out with me.”
“Ooh…” jeered the audience.
“No... we didn’t.”
“Oh yes we did! We had a nice dinner date.”
“I swear to Luna, it never happened.”
“I was the first stallion online she wanted to meet.”
“Lies! All lies!”
“She’s even went out with one of her garden ornaments! I’m not even kidding! He’s even here today.”
Celestia had a look of panic on her face.
“No, no, no, no! You did not bring him here!”
“Yes we did, fillies and gentlecolts. Give it up for Celestia’s first victim.”
A loud engine roared. A snap resounded and heavy metal music that reflected the ego of the guest. Discord, wearing a toga with an olive crown, rode into the studio on a motorcycle, waving at all of the spectating ponies.
Celestia could not dig her hoof into her face any deeper.
The song was at "Bow down to the, bow down to the king! " when Discord reached the stage. He snapped his fingers and the motorcycle and costume disappeared and the music faded into silence.
Discord languidly took a seat on air.
"Thank you, Sombra, buddy, for having me here."
"No problem. Now Discord, is it true that you have had a romantic period with Celstia?"
"Oh, yes. She was sooo into me. You would not believe."
Celestia's jaw hit the floor.
"Sombra! Sombra! Sombra!" the crowd chanted.
"She was such a wild. To her, I must have looked more alluring to her than a MMM cake. It was a wonderful time we had together. Ah... A thousand years of age hasn't done anything to diminish her beauty."
"Awww…"
"I do remember her hair being pink for a time."
"It was a phase." Celestia grumbled, restrained from strangling Discord by the security guards.
"Filies and gentle colts, " Sombra announced. "Discord has written his story and published his bestselling story entitled "My Sunshine"."
From behind his chair, Sombra pulled out a book with the image of Celestia's cutie mark and a sticker with an orange staircase insignia.
"It's my choice for the book of the week for its vivid imagery and detailed accounts of the Lord of Chaos's heart-warming love story." The book's cover was displayed on the big screen, forcing Celestia to blush and pale. "Could you fill us in a little, Discord?"
"This story covers the episode of our union and how our love has brought us to where we are now. It's all about who we were and who we are and our hopes of what we can become..."
Discord put his arm around Celestia.
Celestia pointed to a pony wearing a suit, holding a clipboard, standing by the camera.
"Is this a televised torture now?" she asked him.
He put a hoof to his ear. He ran up to Sombra and whispered into his ear, then ran off.
"Everypony…" Sombra called out. "…I've got some news for you. We have found the Nag-Launcher!"
"What?!"
The image on the big screen changed to an image of a familiar pink and blue cannon with "Nag-Launcher" written on the side in black marker.
"Hey!" Celestia yelled. "That Luna's-"
The eruption of jeers from the ponies watching stopped her from finishing.
"You know what this means…I'm going to have a beard next time you see me!" Sombra said. "As for now, that's all the time have today. Make sure to tune in next time… OR PERISH
Discord snapped his fingers and the three suddenly bore sombreros on their heads. Discord and Sombra waved to the camera as Sombra's theme song played.
"This is why I hate T.V. … " Celestia grumbled as the screen faded to black.
A great number of ponies sat in anticipation. For a long time, they have waited in PRISIM Studio's chairs - so long that they shook the building with their rumbling hollers as the lights overhead flashed on the stage and the show's theme played.
Sombra walked up the staircase, smugly rubbing his chin which now bore a small black beard. He stroked his new facial hair until he took his seat on the one-person couch.
"Welcome, subjects…" said Sombra. "To Crystal Clear. I am your host, Sombra." Sombra took his hoof off of his chin and leaned back. "Yes. I think this beard does make me look a few centuries younger Today, we'll be giving away a special prize to an audience member with us here.
Last week's episode was very fun for me. We all got to meet two of the most prominent figures in the world and see them at their best…"
The image on the display screen was currently that of Discord, riding his motorcycle.
"…And at their worst..."
The image shown now was a picture of an out-of-control Celestia with her hooves around Sombra's neck which was accompanied by laughter of the audience.
"Now there is a pony without a sense of humor. Even the Lord of Disharmony had the courtesy to show his appreciation."
Sombra then pulled out two parchments from beneath his chair that he unraveled and read aloud the first one.
"Sombra, thank you for having me on the show. I learned a lot from you, I've had a blast being on the show, and you've helped "My Sunshine" become a best-seller in Cloudsdale and Baltimare. The hopes for a movie doesn't seem so impossible now." Sombra paused briefly to let the studio audience express their curiosity. "You've reopened several doors for me as well as many new ones. I can't thank you enough. Keep up the good work. Discord."
A short applause followed the closing of the letter.
"Now, in an unexpected turn, Celstia has sent me a letter as well.
Sombra switched out the parchment and read:
"Dear Sombra… Get bent. From Celestia."
Sombra put both letters away.
"Well," He said. "Now I know who shall receive a fruit basket from the king." He took a short pause to let the cheers subside.
"You see, there is a big difference between the alicorns and me. We both had very different styles of management, I admit, but while I was in charge, I increased the work productivity, oversaw mining projects… stairs. The important thing is that you saw something being done. You don't quite see that with the alicorns.
Think about it… When was the last time it rained? Those pegasi definitely could use a little attention. And have you noticed there's less guards around in the Crystal Empire now? I wouldn't be surprised if the princess's crown gets stolen. Are we just paying the alicorns to give the Wonderbolts nice suits? Because I can't see anything else they're doing with our bits.
You see, I like to know what I'm paying for, which brings me to my first guest, somepony I'm comfortable paying. I like to call her one of my favorite mares. Why? Because she makes my booze. Everypony, please welcome…Applejack."
An orange earth-pony wearing a crescent brimmed hat walked onto the long steps on the side of the stage. This marred bowed her head in response to the welcoming crowd, apparently used to attention. When she got to her seat, she finally got a good look at Sombra.
"Ya' got a little sum thin' on yer face." she said.
Sombra growled slightly, but maintained his composure.
"Applejack, I understand your family's business in Ponyville is the major provider of cider to Equestria, right?"
"Yes, siree!" Applejack grinned. The viewing ponies jeered, rewarding her for her production of drinks. "Things're real great at home since we've figured out bottling like two or three years ago."
"Applejack, how does it feel knowing that Celestia is most likely watching this, drinking your cider?"
Laughter followed.
"Well, I'm just happy we've been coin' much more than just makin' ends meet. The family's got to donate plenty to the local foals' school in Ponyville."
Sombra turned toward his audience.
"See? Booze is good for foals."
Sombra gave his signature laugh as spectating ponies chortled. He, however, stopped and a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his head when he saw his manager worringly shook his head, moving his hoof across his neck several times.
"I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding!" Sombra said. "PRISIM does not condone of children drinking."
The manager wiped his brow and held out a hoof indicating his satisfaction.
"So Applejack, does your family provide any products aside from cider?"
Applejack's faced lit up.
"Oh! We also do apple pie, apple juice, apple butter, apple fritters…" And so the farmer kept naming apple-based products - many of them sounding as if they shouldn't be made out of apples at all.
The manager motioned at his wrist, indicating to Sombra that they had to proceed with the show.
"…Apple sandwiches, apple wood, apple dust - "
"Uh, Applejack?" said Sombra. "Is that your colorful friend eating a pear back there?"
"Rainbow Dash!!!" Applejack yelled. She immediately and angrily jumped up out of her seat. She straightened her hat and stormed out heading backstore. "You broke the blood pact!!!"
As the crowd softly clapped as a security guard followed her.
"Talk about a one trick pony." Sombra said.
He was responded with absolute silence.
"Okay, I need a drink now… Right now, I'm thirsty for a more refined drink, being the high class unicorn I am. I think I'll have a drink with our next guest. She's another mare all the way from Ponyville. Please welcome our next guest… Berry Punch."
Sombra levitated a small table with a bottle of wine and two glasses sitting on the top in front of the chairs.
An earth-pony with a coat the color of grapes stumbled onto the stage -- her cheeks currently the color of cherries. With the crowd of ponies giggling, Sombra patiently waited, thinking nothing of the mare's strange behavior. She eventually made it onto the stage and sat (or fell as the case would be) down on the other couch.
Sombra poured himself a glass.
"You see fillies and gentle colts, Berry Punch here is the one who made the recipe for the drink 'Forbidden Fruit' . Could you tell us how did you come up with this recipe?"
Before he could give the sauced mare a glass, she took the bottle instead and drank from it. She wiped her mouth and began.
"You see, I'm the sole survivor of my hoc home planet. " Berry Punch began. "My parents on my home planet foresaw… the end! They only had enough time to build a small spaceship big enough for me." At this point, the audience was having trouble withholding their chortles. Sombra, however, was leaned forward deeply invested. "They blasted me off here before the whole planet exploded hic and so I landed here where my new parent found me with the recipe for 'Forbidden Fruit'."
Sombra put down his glass.
"I'm sorry to hear this." Sombra said. "Have you ever considered writing your story?"
"No, no, no… If I do that, every pony will know that I'm Super-Mare."
"I knew it!" screamed a filly in the stands.
"Quiet, Berry Pinch! We're talking right now!"
"Well, thank you for being so strong for us." Sombra said.
Berry Punch took a sip from the bottle. Her body was swaying now. She chuckled.
"Wow. You're sooo good looking." Berry Punch, said trying to look him straight on. "I love that beard."
"Thank you. You know, you're such a beautiful, eccentric mare yourself."
A mass of Ooh's sounded. Sombra looked away from the attractive mare at his manager. He held up a cue card. It read "She's drunk, moron!". Sombra's face then became as red as Berry Punch's cheeks.
"Guards! " Sombra said. "Take her away! "
Two security guards trotted up to Berry Punch and guided her backstage. Sombra quickly downed the rest of his wine and paused to rub his face, sighing, resolving to make sure the next guest wasn't an earth-pony.
"Digressing to the subject of running a nation, I would like to introduce the book of the week: 'The Queen and I'."
A book cover of a long line of changelings was diplayed on a screen behind him.
"This story is the biography of Queen Chrysalis, a… friend. Switchback writes a very educational story of the queen's rise to power. And about…" Sombra took out a book to read the summary on the back. "…'How the attack in Equestria was not our fault'."
Sombra put away the book and the screen behind him faded to black.
"Now, before I end the show it's time for the giveaway!"
Sombra pulled out of his pocket, an iron charm with a sinister-looking ruby embedded in its center.
"This is the Alicorn Amulet. This is known to give the wielder the ability to bring ruin and devastation. And this is going to ticket number…. 37034!"
A ginger maned filly with a lisp and glasses in the audience bounced up and down waving her ticket in the air, cheering.
A blue unicorn with silver hair stood up, pointed, and roared.
"You suck, Sombra!" she yelled.
"BANISH HER TO THE MINES!
Another security guard came to take the unicorn away (to the security office of course) as she called "You haven't seen the last of Trixie!"
The filly walked onto the stage and put on the amulet.
"What's your name?" Sombra asked.
"My name is Twist."
"Well, Twist, do you have anything you would like to say?"
Happily, Twist looked at the camera and for a brief moment, her eyes flashed red.
"I can't wait to go to school Monday!"
"Well everypony, hearts were broken and dreams were made today -- Just another Friday night. Tune in next week… OR PERISH
As the band played the signature somba music, Sombra disappeared in a cloud of black smoke and credits rolled across the screen.
Sombra walked onto the stage wearing his sinuste grin, absorbing all of the audience's applause, the glow of his eyes especially bright today. He walked with the smug confidence and commanding authority that came from the experience of a leader. As he sat down, he straightened his suit and poured himself a glass of Forbidden Fruit.
"Welcome…" Sombra said, smiling maliciously at his viewers. "On the last episode, I've talked about the differences between the princesses and I in terms of leadership; she's doing the godly fairy-princess thing, I was the evil king - You know. The classic story. Even though it wasn't happily ever after for me, would I do it all again?
Of course I would. You see, I knew how to play my part well. I held the throne for a solid millennium. Looking back, that wasn't bad. Discord couldn't even hold the throne for at least an hour." Sombra paused to look into the camera mockingly. "Taking over the world twice means nothing if you lose your power in the time it takes for me to make a sandwich."
Sombra sat back in his chair and took a sip of wine, taking in the laughs of the viewing ponies.
"I digress." he continued. "Being the bad guy can lend itself to some perks. The first one being your freedom in costume choice. You couldn't dress in such tough-looking armor or devilishly stylish red and black. Besides from attire, you could get away with the whole fire-and-brimstone style. I don't know about you about I couldn't personally trust a hero who walks around with fire on his face, wears a skull on his chest, or dresses in all black and talks with a voice like I do.
I would like to introduce my first guest - somepony's who's embraced the villainous perks and prestige."
Three spotlights fell upon a mare. She was garbed in sharp-looking, plated armor that covered her cutie mark. Draping her back was a blood-red cape. Her whole head (besides from her mint-green horn) was covered by a helmet that had two draconic horns protruding. She took her seat, sitting on the edge, leaning against the back of the sofa.
"Thank you for coming today." Sombra said.
"Thank you for having me." the unicorn replied.
"Tell us what's your name?"
"Uhh…"
The mare's eyes darted back and forth trying to quickly come up with something.
"Stratocaster!" somepony called out from the audience.
"Silence!" yelled the villainous mare. "Oh yeah. That's my name by the way. Stratocaster."
"Well, Stratocaster, all of us villains are nothing without our ambitions. What do you want so much that it makes you chase after it from the dark side?"
"Forever., I've been fascinated the knowledge of the lost civilizations and ancient creatures. Ultimately I just would like to learn more about these to add to my potential and maybe one day begin a new society. Other days, when I'm not doing that, I'm handing down judgement on those who deserve it."
"I see… That's respectable. So have you accomplished anything recently?"
"I recently led a campaign to disrupt the local market."
"Oh yes, that. Well, we've done a little homework and we've actually found some footage of that."
The display screen behind the two showed a video of Stratocaster kicking a fruit stand in Ponyville market square as the owner repeatedly, yet calmly, asks her to stop it.
The laughter of the audience made Stratocaster blush beneath her helmet.
"Stratocaster," Sombra said. "Shouldn't somepony with your knowledge have a higher potential than… that?"
"I do! And I would like to demonstrate. Can we bring a security guard here?"
"Sure thing."
Sombra motioned for an armored pony to step onto the stage. Stratocaster pulled out a carrot and dangled it in front of his face.
"Sit." Stratocaster commanded. And, entranced by the carrot, the guard did so. "Lay down." The guard did so. Stratocaster sat on his back. She waved the carrot in front of his face and he walked around the stage. After she was rewarded with cheers, Stratocaster got off the guard and fed him the carrot.
"Wow." Sombra said. "That was actually impressive."
"-And mind control is only the beginning of what the great and powerful Stratocaster is capable of."
An enraged Trixie stood up in the live audience and tossed a water bottle at Stratocaster, soaking her cape.
"Don't steal my catchphrases, nag!" Trixie called out.
Everything became quiet. Seeing the shock that Stratocaster had on her face, he leaned forward.
"Use your agressive feelings, mare…" Sombra whispered. "Let the hate flow through you…"
Stratocaster horn suddenly burned with a green aura as she levitated the blue unicorn from the stands onto the stage. She lowered her to the guard who was just finishing munching on his carrot.
"Take her away." Stratocaster commanded. The guard did so.
The spectators applauded as Trixie was carried off, dumbfounded.
"If you want, you can go backstage and dry off."
"Fine. As long as we're done. I want to head back there and make a mare pay."
Stratocaster walked off grinning wide. Sombra took another sip of Forbidden Fruit.
"You see, you can’t quite pull off such an assertive persona as a hero.” He said. “Sometimes I feel that heroes are the weird ones. Hear me out. They all have to name themselves Something-Mare or Super-Thing like it's something new. Some of their other choices can be questionable too. How exactly does firing lasers at dark gods is supposed to advocate the values of love and unity anyways? Do you know that Shining Armor’s great go-to Plan-B is to throw his wife? I don't get it. Maybe it’s marital stress getting to him.
Too much stress can make ponies do strange things. It’s important to just sit down and relax every once in a while. I would like to introduce a pony who’s understood this and gotten into a career that takes care of this universal problem.
Everypony… Flora Peace.”
A mare who was the color of aloe leaves with the mane the color of sunflowers trotted up the gradual staircase, smiling wide. She sat down and shook Sombra’s hoof shyly.
“So, Flora, I understand that you’re an aromatherapist?”
“Yes, Sombra.” Flora replied meekly, a little nervous being in front of so many ponies.
“How long have you been in the business?”
“Oh. I’ve been treating ponies for about seven years now ever since I’ve treated one of my brothers. It felt so nice to help and relief stress that I studied and earned my cutie mark.”
“One of your brothers?”
One stallion with a the same coloring as Flora, yet a more wild mane and eccentric energy stood up in the stands drawing the attention of a camera-pony who turned to him.
“Yeah! That’s me! Bananas!” said Bananas, starting to dance. “B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”
Flora was relieved that the cameras were pointed away from her at the same time she wished that they hadn’t fell on Bananas. That was short-lived as the cameras went back to the two on stage, Flora’s face covered by her hoof as she groaned.
“So you said you have more brothers?” Sombra asked her.
“Yeah. We have a big family. I’m one of eight ponies among my siblings.”
(“Bananas!” cried out Bananas)
“Wow…” Sombra said. “Hearth’s Warming must be a disaster.”
Flora said absolutely nothing, instilling some unease in Sombra.
"What?" he asked.
"That wasn't funny." she answered with a hint of hostility in her tone.
“You know Flora, one of your customers knew you were here today and she practically begged to see you.”
“Which one?” she asked, sitting up.
“A certain courier griffon who was not pleased.”
Flora brought her hoof to her face and groaned. Sombra took notice of this resentment in her and chuckled slightly.
“For those of you who don't know,” he said “Flora had a bad day at work to say the least and the griffon walked out with a soreness in her wing. She had to take a couple of days off. I know sometimes you can make a mistake… Sometimes you can make a huge mistake, but I'm not here to judge... That’s what she’s for.”
The crowd “oohed” when they saw a griffon storm on to the stage, steam practically flowing from her beak.
"You!…" the griffon the audience knew as Gilda said pointing at Flora who looked at her. "I got a bone to pick with you... What kind of masseuses are you?!" Flora remained unexpressional. "I don't know how you're going to make ME pay after I lost work!… Say something!…"
Flora got up out of her seat.
"Shut up, you 5-piece meal!" Flora yelled.
Taken back by this sudden outburst, Gilda took a step back, eyes widened.
"I told you to keep still! I told you I've never massaged a griffon! You can go back and you can go take it up with some else, right now!"
Gilda scoffed and turned around away from the mare.
"I ain't here to start something on T.V…." Gilda huffed (much to the disappointment of the studio crowd). "I'm still getting paid, right Sombra?"
At the “P” word, Sombra motioned for a guard to take her away to the back, resulting in an unconscious security pony. Several more had to run onto the stage and take away the rampaging Gilda, her curses made inaudible by the audience’s hollering and the censor bleeps thrown in, of course.
Sombra stared at the green mare, mouth agape when his manager made his gesture signaling the end.
“Well, I personally wished we had more time today,” said Sombra turning to the cameras “but that just isn’t going to happen. On the up side, I think I may have a candidate for an apprentice in mind, and I know who’s going to come back on the next episode… But you’ll have to tune in next week, peasants. Good night. Hail Sombra!”
“Hail Sombra!”
The music played and, giving the viewers one last look at Bananas’s dancing, the screen faded away to reveal the credits.
“Fillies and gentlecolts…” answered a deep-voiced stallion over a stereo. “…From the shadows, a king was born. All of the power of the dark is his. Please give it up for our host, Sombra!”
To his somba theme music, Sombra proudly marched onto the stage and sat on his couch with a forboding smile.
“Welcome everypony… For a while I’ve anticipated tonight’s guest – A pony’s who’s been on my radar for almost a month now.” Sombra said. “…But we’ll get to that soon enough.
Right now I’d like to say happy Hearth’s Warming! I know it’s a little too late for that. Over the holidays Discord granted a wish to three… ambitious fillies. They had just tried starting a band together. They need some work. Discord pulled some strings to get them a recorded album. Since I ticked off Discord with some of my comments in the last episode, he gave me the first copy. I have to say, well played, Discord.
I’ve gotten around to thinking about the youth and this generation. It confuses me how some of the biggest complaints is that there isn’t enough change and that there’s just too much change. When I think about how some ponies have reacted to Twilight Sparkle’s coronation. There were more objections to that, then letting Nightmare Moon – Whoops, I mean Luna – becoming a princess.
I’m sorry, but that’s when someone should’ve said something. I mean, the mare breaks out of prison terrorizes Equestria, says ‘sorry’, then she gets to be a princess again by the next morning?!” Sombra paused to let the crowd cheered. “I know we live in a fairly sunshiney world, but we still know right and wrong when we see it and if that’s alright… Then I need to send Cadence a fruit basket and an apology card and get my throne back.
Now back to Twilight… Contrary to popular opinion here in Crystal Clear, I personally don't have any issues with her being a princess." Some ponies stood up in the audience. They were silenced by Sombra's fire-eyed glare. “I’ve only known Twilight for a short time, but I’ve come to understand that she, in a sense, is Celestia’s next generation. She’s learned about friendship because of Celestia, she’s turned Discord to stone just like Celestia, and has even dealt with her own ‘Nightmare Moon’, some nag named Sunset Shimmer or something like that. That whole transition into princess seems natural enough.
With that in mind, I can’t help but wonder who my next generation is. I hope that it doesn’t turn out to be that Stratocaster mare. Twilight will have no problem dealing with her. Although, I do see some potential in our guest to take my place.
Now before she comes out, I want to get a little something ready…”
Sombra reached underneath a new coffee table in front of him and pulled out a bottle of Forbidden Fruit and, using his magic, popped off the cork and took a few sips before setting the wine bottle back on the table.
"Alright… I'm ready. Now, allow me to introduce our first guest--"
Sombra stopped all of a sudden when the lights suddenly flickered off. Over of to the side of the set, a spotlight turned on as the same song that played when Discord appeared on the show. Just like that day, a motorcycle rolled up the gradual staircase was Trixie wearing her violet cape and hat. Small fireworks shot up and went off as Trixie progressed to the stage, a spotlight following her. When she finally arrived on the stage, she took a few laps before she finally dismounted her bike and took a seat as the music faded away.
"Everypony," Sombra began. "This-"
"I am the great and powerful Trixie!" announced Trixie. A trumpet fanfare played and a few fireworks shot up.
"Yeah…what she said." Sombra said with a roll of his eyes. "I have to say, you have… moxie."
Trixie closed her eyes and put a hoof to her chest.
“When you have the ability of the great and powerful Trixie, confidence comes naturally.”
“For somepony of your ability, you’re easily defeated; twice by Twilight Sparkle, twice by security.”
“Don’t even go there. Twilight Sparkle is a mare with friends with some sort of complex. I mean, they interrupt a magic act because I was showing off?! It’s my job, for Luna’s sake! I couldn’t even anticipate her and two deficient colts ruining my career.”
“Not everypony in Ponyville is so nice, huh?”
“It was a hick town anyways. Let me tell you, they should get a psychiatrist down there to take a look at all of the mud ponies down there. All they know is apples, gardening, and doing whatever the purple nag says.”
“Oh that place can’t be all that bad. I mean, that is where you found love.”
“Say what?”
“Oh yes. A certain stallion named Big Bri-“
Trixie leapt over the coffee table and slammed her body into Sombra, toppling his chair.
“Lies! Lies! All! Lies!” Trixie yelled as the armored security guards came to pry Trixie off of Sombra.
Sombra sat back up.
“Okay, Trixie…” he said to the restrained mare. “You put on so much effort just to sit down and say your name. I don’t want all of that to go to waste, so I’ll give you one more chance to behave yourself.”
Trixie shrugged off the guards and sat back down.
“Trixie will humor you, only for all of her fans everywhere.” she replied.
Sombra sighed.
“Anyways, you getting run out of Ponyville was a long time ago. What have you done to make ends meet.”
“Trixie is a mare of many talents. She has been into geological agriculture, the justice system, and even the food industry. She’s gotten far since Ponyville and she got the bits to fix her stage and is currently on her fabulous world tour and is even doing a show here in the Crystal Empire tomorrow night.”
“Well Trixie, you talk a big game. Do you want to show us what your show’s all about?”
The crowd began to chant.
“As much as you’re all dying to see Trixie’s brilliance, Trixie doesn’t just give favors. If anypony wants to see, they’ll have to buy a ticket.”
Sombra, front legs crossed looked at her annoyed.
“Do you have something to say?” asked Trixie.
“All you do is talk.” Sombra answered. “You’ve defeated Twilight Sparkle and every time you show up here, you talk down to me. I want to see something amazing.”
The live audience’s chants continued in agreement.
“Fine.” Trixie sighed.
The mare flipped off her hat and held it out for all to see, and she pulled out a rabbit. Silence followed. One pony coughed, then it was silent again.
“Is that about it?” Sombra asked.
“Yeah..” she answered.
Trixie got up and began to walk out.
"Trixie?" said Sombra.
The magician turned around.
"Here." he said levitating a CD to her. "Here's a free album curtousy of us here at Crystal Clear."
A few ponies in the audience snickered lightly, but Trixie payed them no mind and took the CD, placing it under her hat, nodded to Sombra, and walked out.
When Trixie left, the audience cheered.
"I guess I have to thank Discord after all." said Sombra. "Speaking of giving, I have one more guest tonight. She's a very lovely mare, possibly the most sane pony from Ponyville. Everypony, please welcome, Ponyville's prominent philequinest, Day Dream."
A mare made her way onto the stage, several ponies stomping as she sat down.
"Good evening." Sombra greeted.
"Thank you." Day Dream responded.
"So, can you tell us a little about yourself?"
"I was a little filly growing up in Ponyville. I was always a wanting sort of pony, but I noticed that there was foals with more hopeful wishes than I, so now I work in political management to help make those more genuine wishes come true."
"So, what have you accomplished so far?"
"In Ponyville, I helped to set up a playground for all foals to enjoy wether they're pegasi or just orphans."
Everyone was staring at a snorting Sombra who had a hoof in front of his face.
"What?" asked Day Dream.
"Oh, oh, it's nothing." he answered. "It's just when you said 'orphan' it reminded me of a joke I used to tell my advisor, Shale." The silence continued. Sombra gave a nervous cough. "So, how's your project here in the Crytal Empire going so far?"
"It's a little slow-paced right now, but I was working with Cadence to help rebuild the market places that were destroyed during the last Crystal Rebellion."
"Ha, ha! I remember that! That was the funnest Tuesday I ever-"
Besides from a gasp, all was quiet as all ponies looked at Sombra with wide eyes.
Sombra nervously laughed again as sweat rolled down the side of his head. He reached for the wine on the table and drank another mouthful.
"If this is a government based project, then funding should be low considering the efforts to support Equestria, right?"
"Actually, yes. I try to work with what I do. I know the princess’s business is important too.”
“Would it speed things up, if I were to write out a check for - let’s say - 100,000 bits?”
Day Dreams eyes widened.
“Really?” she asked, believing she misheard Sombra.
“Sure. Who am I to leave ponies suffering?”
Sombra took a few more sips of Forbidden Fruit to find that he drank the entire bottle over the course of the show and suddenly he felt a little dizzy. Maintaining balance and composure, he took out a small book from his jacket pocket and wrote out a check that he levitated to Day Dream with some struggle.
“Thank you, Sombra.” said Day Dream.
“There’s donuts in the back for you.” Sombra spoke.
“Oh, well… okay. I’ll go get some… I guess.”
And on that note Day Dream trotted off to the backstage, leaving Sombra to stare blankly at his audience. His manager gave a warning cough and suddenly, Sombra remembered where he left off.
“Well, everypony,” he spoke. “The holidays are here, not for giving, but to remind us to give and just how good giving feels. It touches me to see that. It’s great to see Discord giving to foals, Cadence giving to the kingdom, and it feels great to give a little something to Day Dream. Even Trixie left her motorcycle for me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go ride it before I pass out. Good night! Thanks for tuning in! COPS Equestria should be on right about now! Bye!”
A mariachi band began to play. Sombra hopped on the bike that Trixie forgot about (much to the worry of his manager) and rode out of sight as the screen faded to black and the credits rolled.
Episode 5 - Tribute Episode
"Welcome everypony to tonight's episode of Crystal Clear." said Sombra, seated on his couch, hooves crossed. "We have an interesting line-up today We even have a celeberity guest tonight, but we'll get to all of that soon.
If you saw last week's episode, you'll know that I have started a campaign to regain my power - You know. It was the fruit basket. I was serious about that. I sent the fruit basket right after the show and Cadence replied immediately and I have the letter with me right now."
Sombra took an envolope out of his suit pocket, opened it up and read it.
"'Dear Sombra... get bent.'."
Sombra paused to let the giggles from his audience pass.
"Say what you will, but I'm still calling this a win. This right here proves that Cadence is a fan. Speaking about princesses, I almost forgot to mention that Luna called us and she'll be going the show next week."
A wave of "ooh's" sounded.
"Hear that Celestia? I don't know if your sister told you, but she has a few things to say. I'll be looking forward to it.
Sometimes, though, I feel we put a little too much emphasis on our leaders. The little ponies in society are important too. Imagine a society without metal because nopony works with metal. We’d be living like animals. That’s why I made sure there was plenty of ponies working in my mines at all times. Think about how hard things would be if there was no one making maps.
There’s one pony I have to give credit to for going above and beyond by being the first one to map out the Everfree.
He called up the show, we talked, and he had a few interesting qualities, so we got him here today. He brought his pet today… please don’t be alarmed by her.
Without further ado, please bow down for Cloverleaf and his pet Stara.”
A leafy-green unicorn, wearing a red vest, proudly made his way onto the stage, a young cockatrice, with sunglasses taped onto her face, coiled around his horn. The stallion sat down and the cockatrice leapt off of his head and onto his lap.
"Thank you for coming today, Cloverleaf."
"It's my pleasure." the unicorn replied. "Little Stara here is so excited."
"Well Cloverleaf, not everypony has such an exotic pet such as a basilisk."
"She's a cockatrice. you racist."
"- Anyways, I would like to know how you two met."
"Well, I was in the Everfree in Ponyville, working to be the first map-maker to chart it. I was in a clearing when I saw this little guy as a chick sitting all alone in a bush. I couldn't just leave her all by herself in the Everfree - I didn't even like being alone there - so I took her home with me. Ever since then... she's really liked me."
"Aww..." went the audience.
"Eventually, I went back and finished the map of the forest ."
"Touching." said Sombra. "You know, I always wanted a pet cockatrice myself, but I was never one to get stoned."
Silence filled the studio.
"So, Cloverleaf, I understand you have a shared ownership of the Mustang Cart company?"
"Yeah. It's been real helpful having that money around, but I'm outside a lot anyways so I just spend a good bit of it on Stara, pay the bills, and get groceries."
"I would never expect mapping out the Everfree would get you the money to buy out ownership of one of the most sucessful-"
"No, hold on. I didn't get paid much for mapping out the Everfree."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Some of the authorities in the area already had small portions of the forest mapped out for an investigation they did a while back and I had to pull some strings to get those. Then I sold my maps back to the authorities since they're really the only ones who really would want a map of the Everfree, so the profit wasn't really big."
"Then how did you get that ownership?"
"Oh that. Stara here started Mustang carts. She let me in on a share."
Sombra looked at Cloverleaf, confused and disbelieving.
"Seriously?" asked Sombra.
"Yeah. Little Stara went and got her degree in business and engineering and started the company."
"Well, I've heard wierder. Maybe I should be asking her the questions."
"She is a smart girl. Just ask her."
"I was kind of kidding, but okay..."
Sombra leaned forward closer to the cockatrice's eye-level.
"So, Stara, did you have any troubles on the road to sucess?"
"Bawk!" Stara clucked.
"I can translate." said Cloverleaf "She said 'It's been rough starting out, being a cockatrice and all. It was hard to be taken seriously, but I fought the prejudice and just looked forward.'"
"Okay. You must be real exicited to be here. You're kind of fidgeting a bit."
"Bawk!"
"She said she's a little scared right now." Cloverleaf translated.
"What? Why?" Sombra questioned.
"Bawk!"
"She says you kind be abusive of your guests and that you have some wierd fixation on Celestia. It creeps her out."
Sombra moved closer to Cloverleaf.
"Listen here..." Sombra growled. "I brought ruin to thousands and have crippled gods! You better watch how you talk..."
Cloverleaf, pressing against his seat coughed.
"I'm sorry. " Cloverleaf squeaked. "But I'm only translating."
"Oh, sorry." Sombra lowered himself back to Stara's eye-level. "You heard what I said."
"Bawk!" she clucked.
Cloverleaf remained silent.
"What did she say?" asked Sombra.
"Oh, she didn't say anything." answered Cloverleaf. "That was only a chicken noise."
"Bawk!"
"Okay. Now, she says she wants to leave."
"I think that's a good idea." said Sombra.
Cloverleaf briskly walked off, Stara riding on his back. Sombra took a few deep breaths and regained his composure.
"Anyways..." Sombra said. "We're going to take a short break. When we get back, I'm going to have a talk with Lyra Heartstrings, Ponyville's prominent conspiracy theorist, about her most recent discovery. Don't go anywhere. We will reveal the real reason why you are paying the government a little too much. Stay tuned."
The lights turned on and, sitting across from Sombra, was a familiar looking mint-green unicorn.
"Welcome back to Crystal Clear." said Sombra. "I'm here with Lyra Heartstrings who has made an intresting discovery. Tell us Lyra, what have you found."
"I was looking through the historical texts of Equestria when I noticed something wrong."
A picture from an old book of Luna and Celestia was shown on the big screen behind the two.
"It doesn't take a spiky-haired attorney to see that Celestia's hair is all pink, when everypony knows that her mane is multi-colored. Is it a mistake in illustration? No, everything else was colored the way it should be. Is it the way the illustrator decided it should look? I thought so, but then I took other texts, and those that decribe the princess's appearence say she has a mane like a spectrum. You might be thinking that this all might be a mistake. People add details to history all the time, especially with plays and reannactments, but this is not like what Starswirl's favorite meal is - We see Celestia today and we can see that her mane is clearly mult-colored.
Could she have changed her mane color? While it would make sense, I don't remember ponys' hair changing color. There's a teacher in Ponyville named Cheerilee, who has agreed to letting me use two pictures of her."
A picture of Cherilee in her school days and a more current picture showed up on the display.
"I'm sorry Lyra," said Sombra. "But the last time she was on the show, she said that the pink hair was a part of a phase."
"There's an easy explanation to that... She lied. Now why would she do that? I found in a biography, a journal entry of Captain Shining Armor. I so happen to have brought a copy." Lyra slipped out a piece of paper for the audience to see. "Several years ago, he writes that 'Celestia dyed her mane again.' 'I heard some of the guards talking amongst themselves about the princess scaring them, harrasing them. This only seems to happen when she changes her hair, though. I never have really asked her about it.'.
There is one last piece to the puzzle and that is Prince Blueblood - Celestia's nephew as some reconize him as. What does this have to do with anything you might ask? Well, he couldn't be Luna's child. She's only reappeared on Earth less than five years ago."
Silence filled the studio.
"This could only mean one thing..." said Lyra. "Celestia has a secret twin." Hundreds of ponies gasped. "This is would account for how Blueblood has inherited any power and why does history hint towards a different Celestia."
Sombra sat there, as speechless as everypony watching.
"Wh- why would she lie about this?!" asked Sombra.
"Easy. By the accounts of the royal guards, this twin is a imposing, intimidating pony and Celestia seems to be keeping her a secret to protect herself from the shame."
Sombra suddenly laughed.
"This is too good..." Sombra chuckled. "Thank you for coming here today, Lyra. I'll have to ask Luna about this next week."
"I'll be watching."
Lyra trotted off leaving Sombra to smile menacingly at his audience.
"I really wonder what this other Celestia could be like..." he grinned. "Although, I don't think we'll be getting HER on the show anytime soon. The fact that there is a second Celestia is a little hard to swallow for me, but it is interesting to imagine what she's like. Maybe she's the passionate mare that Discord fell in love with... Maybe she's just as evil as me... Nah.
Our celebrity guest tonight, however, just might be that evil.
Please welcome, one of the evilest ponies around, the one responsible for the changes for the foals' show, Spongebob Hoofpants, Hooves Cervantes!”
Boos echoed as a grey coated unicorn made his way to the couch.
“Cervantes, I love what you’ve done with Spongebob Hoofpants.”
“Thank you. I don't get to hear that very often.”
“I, personally, especially love the new running joke of the grouchy neighbor getting hurt in every episode.”
“It got good reactions before, so I just wanted to give the fans more of that.”
“I think it’s pretty funny that he gets hurt no matter what he does. I mean, it just goes to show the foals that abuse is funny.”
“No. That wasn’t –“
“I do like what you’ve done with Hoofpants.”
“What do you mean? He’s still the same innocent goofball we all know and love.”
“No, no. He used to be so innocent and friendly. I like the more diabolic sponge. I mean… he just goes around terrorizes his town, drives his neighbor to clinical depression, and just doesn’t care.”
“But he-“
“And I just love how you show such cringing, disgusting imagery on the show. There is nothing like the sight a hoof being ripped off a stallion to just add to the dark feel of it all. It’s like you’ve made the older angry while you terrorized younger masses. I wish I could’ve been just as evil as you are back in my kingship.”
“Thanks. But I –“
“Forget the people who say this is a bad job you've done.”
"I usually do."
"All I want to say is, keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing that new Hoofpants movie. "
"I'm glad somepony is."
All of the ponies in the audience shot hostile glances at Cervantes.
"You know what, I think I'm going to get going." he said right before he sprang up and ran out.
"Bye!" Sombra called out. "I hope you have a lovely time in suite #115 in the Hay and Stay on 1987 Ruby Lane!" he turned back to his audience with a grin. "I hope you got all that..."
Well everpony, I guess I’m going to be busy next week. I've I got a lot of strings to pull for next week. I'm pretty sure I just pissed off a network or two with the talk with the last guest tonight and I know I'm gonna be dealing with some network lawyers soon. Those guys are definitely more evil than me, but don't worry. I still know my way around a court. How else do you think I got that staircase in the crystal castle built? Enough about that.
I'll see you... in the episode. Bye, bye!"
Sombra's theme played and the screen faded away as the credits rolled.
