Chapters ***Redone and Remastered***
Kindled Change
Chapter 1: Blind
It’s dark, so very dark. I peruse the halls, swooned feelings of such sweet joy for the dark. I don't see a thing. Darkness covets everything. It is comforting, it brings security and protection. In the dark, I go unnoticed. The walls and ground before me are as familiar to me as the darkness itself. I recognize the musty scent of water dripping from the ceiling. From what you might ask? That I do not know. It falls from above, but even what is above me I do not know, for everything sits still in the darkness. It is what it is, and being different does not change it.
The water that drips onto my nose and back, the walls that hold me and guide me when I’ve lost my path, the enriching sound of wind wallowing through the hollow corridors are my reprise. They are my friends, and they protect me from the dark. I love the dark. An unlit passion, though I fear it and its everlasting, vast embrace. It holds me close when fate reaps, and leaves me distant when I lose sight. It does not matter. I cannot see in the darkness. But I can hear, I can smell, I can taste, and I can feel in this darkness, they are my sight. All of it is worthless though. Being different does not change the truth.
Fate is ruthless, faceless, senseless. In this darkness, I hide from it, from her, from him. I see them, the small fires in their souls. I see how the fire is reduced to nothing but ashes. Fate is ruthless, and it has proved it many times. This darkness solemn as it may be, it is my only protection, I must love it, even if I too must fear what I love. Something begins to form. Something of unknown origin, something I wish to escape and it only brings more fear. Pain. Pain of seeing the fires to ashes. Pain in this darkness that I hide in. Pain of cowering from fate, from not being able to change it, even if only for the weariest of hearts. Being different does not change the darkness, the cowardice… the pain.
I choose my words carefully, if any at all. Standing before the mistress is unnerving. My heart cringes in dismay, hopeful that it would end soon. Yet, I see no ending to this. It is the same every time. Her shouts fill the halls, remnant to what I still have yet to lose. What is there to lose?
Nothing really. All I have is shadows, grim solemn shadows that have been my treasure since I was small. They keep me safe under their coat. I've known nothing more than darkness, and truthfully... that is all I wish I would have ever learned.
I do not know the sun and moon, who once shown and loomed above my head in a vastness of darkness. I held no fear for that darkness however. The one were the sun and moon once lived and loved for me. It was glittered with hope, with lights, bright and small, distant and charming, glittered with unmatched beauty. Then there was the moon itself, a symbol of true hope. I yearn for such times, when I would see that moon rise and shine in a mystical white light. Though, my mind paints a foggy picture of a memory.
I cannot say much of the moon, or of the night. All I own are vague memories so far and forgotten that I cannot hope to remember, for memories like that dull in time, and hopes are taken too far. I fear hope... strange as that may sound. I fear hoping to one day see the night and day again, for I wish strongly in my heart that it is as perfect as my mind sets it to be. I fear disappointment. It is a hopeless faith.
This fate has delivered me to this path. One that follows darkness. This darkness is what I fear. One where there are no stars but fear, exhaustion, and pain. Now that I sit in this darkness and I long for the night, now is when I am scared to hope. For what would night be now that it has been a while since I last saw it? All I can remember are old, faded memories… and I am scared to forget, and scared to remember. This turmoil consumes me, but it keeps me busy, it keeps me sane, if it is sanity at all. It helps me to look forward. It is a hope strong enough to pierce the darkness.
It isn't always all darkness however. There is light, if it could be called that. A serpent green glow that guides the weary to the unholy. A light so vile that, in ways, is darker than the darkness. Crystals, the pillars that decorate hell’s gateway. They are illusive, magnifying, superior, and a new one appears every time she has done her deeds, and more and more are they terrifying. Like her. I've sat before these Crystal, and all I've seen is pain, anger, feuds fueled by such a hatred that can only come from the depths of unholy rage… but… in the reflection of crystals, I see something else.
A face… weary and distressed, full of sadness and yearning. This face is unfamiliar... distant... and I hate it… I wish I could scream and it would go away. I wish I could cry and it would vanish. But when I do, it only gets worse…
This grief overpowers me. It shapes me into something different, and it makes the face go away. Something pulls me out. A voice. It stings the air and pierces the darkness. The voice is cold, sharp, and unforgiving. It calls out a name. This name is unfamiliar. I don’t know who this name belongs to. The voice calls out again and again, more and more impatient, and yet I still don’t know who this voice calls out to. But I follow. To see who it might be. I follow through paths carved out of the ground. I follow... and blindly, I am lead to my despair.
I follow the green crystals that illuminate the corridors to hell. Deeper down I go. I hear chanting. That of different voices. They are all different, but they do not speak words. They only chant hissing sounds. They chant mindless praises. Still I follow, and soon I see them. The minions of hell, the followers to her. They ignore me, they can’t see my form. Their eyes do not have irises, they are dulled, dead. Their eyes are a shade of green, like the crystals.
In the center, in a throne of the green glowing crystals sat... her. She is the only to turn her gaze at me. The irises in her eyes are snake-like. Pure green, greener than the crystals could ever be. They are dark and scary, filled with anger. I freeze up in fear. It was a mistake to come here, but I've followed the voice blindly. She is looking directly at me. The minions still chant praises at her, and she silences them with one hateful glare.
Her eyes lay unchanged upon mine. Looking into them is seeing an evil untold. Something so fierce that they augment pain into the beholder. Strangely, these eyes hold a glint of beauty, but they are swarmed with malice and hatred. It saddens me to think this way. Her mane a darkened mixture of mystical royal blue with a blooming green, her wings like that of a dragonfly's carved from bright green crystals, delicate and almost ethereal in appearance.
They are the remnants of the beauty that once enlisted upon her. Her unholy eyes and darkened coat is the embodiment of corruption itself. All the other minions are the same. They all chant in hisses, they all have the colors of the queen, yet they are all blinded, for they have no eyes, just green, round mists. I wish darkness was all I ever knew...
I... I am different from them. I am different from her. I do not remember how I truly look like. I've become the shadows themselves and I've lost sight of my own appearance, but I know I'm different. Yet... difference doesn't change the truth.
My voice… I've forgotten what it sounds like. I've become mute. I am not mute, but I do not speak. I've gotten so used lying in the shadows, the silence, that I've become part of them, and my sounds do not belong in that silence. It is why I hide myself as a shadow. A shadow among shadows and no one but her is able to see me. It is if as she feels my presences, sees through my form, my art.
Finally, she speaks. “My dear, do you know what day it is? The time is near for us to take our chance and reclaim what was once ours. I, no we, will take our rightful rule once and for all!” She shouts these last few words and the chanting of hissing noises began again, louder than before and more excited. Her words are like heated daggers; they cut through the soft flesh and leave behind pain and suffering. Her voice is sharp, regal, and frightening. You can almost hear a second voice when she speaks loudly. Her influence instills both loyalty and anger in her minions. She is a terrifying force. One that I dare not question. "You will have a good view of our new kingdom, sitting next to my throne on one of your own." Her words are almost sickening.
She said no more. By this time, all the preying eyes were set onto me. I hadn't realized that my form had disbanded. It has been a while since I last spoke to her, since I last saw these eyes. I tried to befriend them before, but they only told horrible stories and spat venom when I'd get too close. Fear... it is always there.
She says no more and leaves without a moment's notice. There are no sounds, or steps to be heard, she simply disappears. Her presence still remains, and her minions still chatter in hissing noises. What is to come, I still have yet to know, but I walk away in fear, fear of knowing what she has in store. It has been all but too long since I've last spoken to her... and even now the fear I once had still remains, stronger than ever before.
I slip back into the shadows, running far into the darkness, away from the serpent green crystals, away from the unholy light. Fear runs greatly through me once again, like it has many times, and I cower, in fear of what is to come, but I cannot hide from it. I run, but I run towards her no matter which way I go. This darkness is no longer the one I knew, now it turns, shifts. I hit a wall, the walls are beginning to change. A panic runs through me as I try to desperately feel my way around these shifting unfamiliar corridors. Finally, it comes an end.
When it does, a blinding color fills the darkness. This color is too much for my eyes. I try desperately to shield them. A feeling surrounds me. An intense warmth that grows the longer time goes by. Where am I? I cannot see a thing. I feel things brushing up against me, some pulling me. I struggle to break free.
I hear the hissing, to the front of me, and the sides close by. My panic only grows in fear that they might take me. I hold my hoofs close to my eyes, they still pain from this bright color and I struggle more to move away, my body numb from fear. Even the warmth now begins to hurt.
Then I hear her voice once more, in a shout, happy and gloating. "Soon they will all know the name Queen Chrysalis."
Chapter 3: Alone
I follow the sounds, the sights, the smells. I follow the colorful birds in hope that they'll take me away, take me somewhere. Wherever that is, as long as I am lost within these wonders. I am lost, that is true. Yet, it is a good feeling. Of being lost. Where there is such freedom, such joys. So many wonders to behold. Rough patterns in the bark of the trees, the gentle swing of the grass and leaves, the low and distant hum of many birds, the feel of the wet dirt and the prickles of the dew. This joy is delightful, a brand new discovery at every corner, at every turn of the trees or the simplest rocks. It is all so magnificent, my only fear is that I may never have the right word for the beauty of this world.
I rush to a nearby river, the water slowly sliding through the cracks of mossy rocks. It is shallow enough to reflect my vision. I place my countenance within the water, feeling its cool embrace. Holding onto my breath, I open my eyes to see a true wonder. Small spheres with a strange blue glow to them sat at the river's bed. A small fish circled around them and began to pour mud onto them. Almost like a protective blanket. The spheres were eggs. This gave me a warm feeling. It is nice... something like that is.
Soon I realize the birds are gone, gone to their homes, the skies vacant. Yet still the chirping goes on, the melody of hearts. I caught sight of a nest looking up to the trees. My vision impaired but spotted a bright red bird chirping in content. The nest is too high and I can only see down to the bird's beak before being interrupted by the nest.
I want to see. But how? I look around, trying to find some way to be able to get up there, or close enough to see. A thought appears in my head. I have wings, like birds do. Not bird wings, but wings all the same. Perhaps I too can fly and I too can see what the bird sees... There has been no place to use them in the darkness, so I haven't for such a long time. Though, now is no better a time. I am afraid though. I'm not sure if I can use them. I can still control what they do, but I don't know how to fly... I don't know how to move my wings or how to land... Still, that can't get me down. I try to flap them, unsure of how to use them. It does not work. I try harder and still I do not budge. I think I'm too heavy... I try and try but to no avail, and now I am exhausted for my efforts.
Sad tears are rolling down my cheeks. Why? It isn't that bad... I mean, I wanted to see but if I can't then its okay too right? I'm not sure... It isn't that sad... well, I mean... a little. Not sure. I'm not sure. I really want to see... something about it... something...
My eyes shift towards the trees. A thought appears in my head. I might not be able to fly, but I can climb a tree. It is difficult at first. It is hard holding onto the branches, only then do I realize that I'm tired. Tired. I feel drowsy, I feel... tired... but I climb, doing my best to hold on. I want to see that bird. I want to see... well... I'm not sure what I want to see, but I can feel it. It is strange, I cannot say in words what I feel, but I feel something... I think that is what I want to see.
I keep slipping off the bark at times. It hurts as I scrape against it, but the pain is meaningless. It isn't like the other pain... this pain is more... alive. I don't know if I should even call it pain. It isn't that it feels good, I mean... it stings and it hurts, but this pain is something more, something natural. It almost brings me joy, not sure why. Maybe because I can feel it... The pain is neither a good or bad thing. Now that I look around, the storm, the birds, all of this... none if it is truly good or bad... it just... is.
I'm on a tree different from the bird, though it isn't far. I don't want to disturb the bird, so I want to keep my distance. I grab onto the highest branch though it is difficult to push myself up on it. I'm tired, and I'm too weak. I am left dangling on it by my two front forelegs. Well... at least it was high enough. Now I can see the full bird. It is different from the small red patch on its head that I caught in my eye from the ground below. The beak is a light orange while the feathers are bright red. The end of its wing and tail is the same light orange. So... majestic. Like... like a fire.
Something else surprises me. Another bird curled up into the shape of the nest held its wings into the middle. This bird had pink to it on its back and beak. They have a sort of... glow to them. A magnificent and majestic glow. I forget of my weariness and stare in wonder. The rain begins to fade. The pinkish bird lifts up its wing and reveals three very small birds alike to it. The two bigger birds begin to nuzzle them. This feeling...
Suddenly, the two bigger birds take flight into the air. Where are they going? Why are they leaving behind the three small birds? And then I see it, the fledglings jumping off their nests to plummet down . A panic arises in me. If it falls... No!
Then, the small bird surprises me. It begins to fly. Struggling but getting the hang of it and finally following after the two bigger birds.The other two jump off one by one and they all finally catch up to the two bigger birds and out of sight above the treeline. This feeling... it is so warm... My thoughts are filled with small birds. They were so little, their wings look so fragile yet... they flew...
My mind is filled with small birds and flying, and before I have the chance to think it through, I let go of the branch. I feel myself falling, I feel myself trying. I flap my wings as hard as possible... but... I land with a large thud onto the soft ground. It hurts, but only a little. My eyes are still closed, and I'm still beating my wings. I am lying back first onto the ground, and I open my eyes to see the cloudy sky, the dark clouds with a beautiful silver lining, sunshine streaming out through the gaps become larger as the clouds gently begin to sway in the air again, going the direction of the wind.
A smile races across my face. I am not disappointed. I couldn't be. With such beauty around me... I think I want to remain lost... The sun smiles at me. In my memories, I am afraid. Afraid of this sun. Words were whispered of vile things of it. And I believed... And now I know it was a lie. It is near to setting now. Already going into twilight. It is beautiful. A soft and warm golden light begins to blanket the land. The birds are chirping, endlessly content. The river filled with colorful fish. Woodland creatures from rabbits to squirrels playing in the sun content. This feeling... Every creature has someone to them... To play with... to be with... to l-
"Nooooooooo!!!
That horrible scream fills the valley with its vileness. Fear, fear unlike anything I've felt before rushes to me. I shut my eyes in fear, placing my forelegs above my head. My body begins to tremble. That scream... it sticks in the air like a horrid looming memory... I want to run... I want it to go away... I'm in panic... I can't...
All goes completely silent. My eyes are still shut... I still tremble at the thoughts, the memories that consume me... The only sound that remains is the rushing of water. I opened my eyes again slowly, carefully trying to make sure of things...
All the birds are gone... the fish have swam away... the woodland creatures had gone back to the safety of their homes... They must have been scared off... My mind is racing with vile thoughts, and I'm trying my best to avoid them. I walk over to the river and dip my face into it again. It is smooth. The sun is now setting, and the horizon is but a gentle orange edge, the edge of the world...
The only sounds is the rushing of water and the passing wind through the leaves. Though they are beautiful in their own merits, they lack something... that warm feeling... All the creatures left and took that feeling with them... It wasn't to say that the land didn't have feelings of it's own. The world hummed lovely unspoken words, a beautiful melody... but now... that melody turned from a cheery tune to a song of melancholy. The trees... the river... the land itself felt so... lonely.
It is then that I begin to feel something... a sort of pain. My body begins to hurt... my chest heaves with the pain. It isn't that bad though. I feel... lost. Not the kind of lost that I was willing to be in from before, but... lost. There is not a soul in sight... I am alone... I begin to walk down the river's side. Wherever the animals have all gone... I... I... I don't want to be alone... I'm hoping that I will find them again. I am tired now... so very tired...
The moon now showers the land with it's silver light. The air is cool and calming... It is beautiful... so beautiful... I could sit here and stare at the moon all night. This night floods me with memories... Beautiful memories... Tears begin to swell my eyes again, yet... these tears are different. They are full of joy, of happiness. Though, there is a hint of sadness... of grief... I do not know what to feel of these bittersweet tears...
The night distracts me of my exhaustion... of my memories... the stars all so wonderful. The night is so beautiful... I feel like... I feel like sleeping, but I do not want to miss any of the night... of my first night in a long time... I cannot sleep. Though... as beautiful as it all is... it is a lonely night...
I keep walking down the river, looking at the stars. So many of them, so many wondrous patterns, shapes... They are so bright. It brings joy to me once again. The river is glowing with silver light. The moon reflecting off the edge. It is... amazing. I still cannot find the words for it. Still... it is a spectacle to behold... I pause to cause ripples on the surface of the river. The water gently sways, causing the light to sparkle. It is truly... just... beautiful. If I could describe everything... beautiful would be as close as it would get, but even that lacks what the world truly is...
The more I walk... the more tired I get... I don't want to go to sleep... The moon is more than half way across the sky already... A familiar orange glow begins to fill the sky once again... I am tired... I don't know if I can carry on. My eyes are heavy. The pain from before begins again. I'm not entirely sure what this is... this pain... it doesn't hurt me much... yet it is an uneasy feeling. It becomes larger and larger as the time passes by. I cannot think straight with the pain now consuming my entire body. I'm struggling to keep my balance as I walk. I'm tired... my eyes threaten to close. I don't know how long I can keep this up... but I... I don't want to be alone... I have to find the animals... I... I want to sleep under that feeling... of warmth... I don't want to be alone...
But I am. Ever since that... sound... I have been alone. Not a soul has appeared since. I am tired. I feel like collapsing. There is a strange color. A strange figure. A warmth emanates from it. It keeps me moving forward. It keeps me from giving up. To lay down... and sleep. Though I am unsure, even with this figure, the pain, the exhaustion... it has all grown too large for me... The figure is still far away. A small blurred dot. My vision is failing me now. Fear begins to fill me. Am I to become blind once more? I am scared of falling asleep. I am scared to be alone. I am afraid... tears roll down my numbed cheeks. Their warmth piercing through the exhaustion.
I can't carry on. I collapse to the floor, unable to move my body. My eyes refuse to open, and I am slipping, slipping into the darkness. I am afraid now. I'm afraid... darkness begins to consume me again. I am afraid... afraid of this darkness... Please...
Sleep now, my dear.
That voice... a strange warmth wraps around me... the darkness is all around me now... I... I am afraid... to be... alone.
Chapter 4: Restless
The sky is filled in fire and brimstone. Ash is swept up by the wind creating a black rain. A malicious orange light fills the darkness, flickering violently and creating monstrous shadows. My lungs are filled with smoke. As I cough, more smoke enters me. Heat emanates from all around me. I can't withstand the pain.
The sounds hurt as I listen. They are loud, screeching and cracking. The words they whisper are harsh and ruthless. They know no morality, and they scream out into the night, taking the stars away with them.
The ground is covered in black ash. I feel the softness of the ash, but it is rough, and it hurts to even touch it. Embers still remain within them, and it burns me, the soles of my feet.
I try to open my eyes, but the heat and ash make them water. My vision is blurry... I... I am blind. Truly blind. I can only see the silhouettes of the flames around me, and slowly my vision is fading. My eyes are gauged by the flames and pain strikes me again. I want to scream, but my lungs hurt from the smoke. I want to run, but the fire and embers cover the ground and walls. I want to cry, but it is drowned out in the angered sounds. Despair...
"Hurry! Take her and get out of here, she's badly injured!"
~~~
I awake short of breath, panting for what air I can fill my lungs with. Warm tears roll down my cold numb cheeks. Though they are empty of feeling. Without consent. I don't feel anything for them, yet, they fall... fall into the puddles on the ground causing small ripples on the tranquil surface, creating a chaos both beautiful and disturbing.
The sun begins to fall again, and I am void of feeling. My body is exhausted and I can move it ever so slightly. I can only shift my head sideways to see the puddles on the ground. I feel like nothing, strange as that may sound. I'm not sure of why I am here, of what happened. All I know is that I am. In the middle of the forest... alone...
"You seem to be awake. What a relief, I was worried sick that you might have have never regained consciousness." The voice is smooth, gentle, and almost motherly. I want to shift my gaze, but my body is tired. I don't need to do so, for the voice comes to me. In front of my eyes, I see another pair of eyes. They aren't mine. It isn't the reflection of myself. They have a violet hue to them. They are comforting... That feeling... "Are you alright...?"
There is that voice again. I'm not sure what it is saying. Now however, I know it comes from those violet eyes, and that violet shape on top of me. I'm not entirely sure what to think. All I can do is seep back in thought. Those eyes are... I'm not sure what they are. They are pleasant. This warm feeling inside me... it isn't like the one from before. This is different... I stare at them. The colors and the shape. They have an allure to them, and I can't help but lose myself. The voice is gone, and all I have for company now are these gazing eyes that are not mine.
The eyes suddenly vanish along with the violet shape and I am left alone once again, lying still on the grass, waiting for something. I hear strange sounds. Unlike what I've heard before. My body is numb, but I can see and I can hear, at least that is something.
"You are pretty hurt. Some of the wounds were too severe for me to use magic on, so I had to use a little concoction to heal it up. You're lucky I found you out in these woods. It isn't safe for a pony." These words... I understand them, but I don't know what they are speaking of. Or speaking to for that matter. I don't know the meaning of these words. Just an arrangement of words. I am not sure of their purpose, but it is the same voice from before, and they are speaking out to someone. "You regained consciousness an hour after I began treatment. I'm not even sure how long you've been out here. Though it seems I found you fast enough to prevent infection in the wounds. Hold on tight for a second, I'm not going to lie, this will sting very badly for a few seconds, or even minutes. Here it goes."
A slight tingling sensation begins to adjure into my right leg. I feel almost relieved as I regain back feeling again. My body becomes less and less numb. As it does however, the tingling begins to... hurt? More and more until it becomes unbearable. The stinging hurts my leg, and I am afraid. What is going on? What is happening to me...? I try to move my body in hopes to ease the pain. Something warm and soft pushes me down, impeding me from moving. I am frightened.
The eyes return, and in them is an expression of concern, of worry... and it infuses a sort of panic in me. The pain is too much. I need to move... I don't feel safe. Why? I'm not sure. Those eyes say that I'm not safe. They are filled with troubling thoughts. I'm not sure of anything. I'm not sure why there is panic in me. I'm not sure why I am trying to get away, struggling to move. I'm not sure if moving will ease the pain, it seems to make it worse. I'm not sure if the eyes are the ones that caused it. I'm not sure...
"Oh, please don't move. Just a little longer. Don't worry, please. It'll be fine." That voice... is it... is it speaking to me? The beating of my heart slows to a crawl, and my panic subsides as the gentle voice allures me once more. All I can do is breath heavily and look at the eyes that were now infused with a bit of pride. Proud of itself maybe? So... it was talking to me? "Does it hurt still?" And that is when I take notice. I am not. So it really was talking to me. What is it that is speaking to me? Wait... no... who is it that is speaking to me? "So, a simple yes or no. Gotta make sure, I had to make due with some of herbs and I'm afraid that it didn't work properly. So does it hurt?" It is waiting an answer... from me? All I can do is stare at those wondering eyes. I shake my head. I'm not sure what that'll do, but I do.
"Great. Well, you can understand me. In that case, let me properly introduce myself." The purple figure lets go of me and moves a bit farther away. "I am Twilight Sparkle. It is rather odd that we've met in these circumstances, but by now I'm sort of used to it. I hope I didn't hurt you by restraining you. You are still very much hurt, and I would suggest not moving for a while."
Those words pass through me. I know it's name, but that is all I really understood. Why is it speaking to me? I'm not sure. I have regained a bit of my strength now that my sense of touch has returned to me, and I do the great effort to lift my body up so I can sit up right.
"Oh, please, I really suggest you lay down a bit longer. You are in no condition to make any stressful movements."
My unbroken line of sight against those eyes break as I notice the puddle beside me. A figure rests in the chaotic water. A yellow figure similar to the purple one, a darker shade of yellow as a mane. What is this thing...? No... who is this thing?Those eyes... they are a bright yellow... and... these are my eyes... I slowly lower my head towards the water. It... is it really me? I look down at my legs. So... it really is me... The yellow in the puddle matches my coat... but... this isn't my face...
"So uh... who are you?" I turn back towards Twilight Sparkle. It asks me who I am... I am... I am not sure really. I only stare back, thinking, waiting for it to do something. "Well uhm... let's start with something else. Where is your home? Do you have any parents or family around? How did you get here anyways?" These are questions I do not have the answer too, as I do not understand them. Home? I shift my gaze towards the grass and earth. They dance in the soft wind. This... was as close to home as I could say. I do not have words to say to it, nor words I can say to myself, so I do not speak and silence fills the gaps of trees once more.
"Well uh... uhm I'm sure you can tell me later. When you are ready, we should get out of here. It isn't safe in the Everfree forest. I've never met a pony who comes through here willingly, and I only asked because I was wondering if you had a purpose to be here. I've fixed you up a bit and all you need now is a bit of rest, so we can skip going to the doctor when we get to Ponyville where I live. So how about it?"
A reason to be here? Well... I'm not sure. I still do not have an answer to its questions, but I nod. I'm not sure of what it is speaking of. Doctor? Ponyville? Well, I suppose I won't be alone. It almost feels nice... as if it cares about me... of what happens to me. This warm feeling... it's nice... Sort of like a fever, but without the pain. It fills my cheeks as Twilight Sparkle holsters me up onto it's back. I've slept a while now as the sun is already in sunset. I've been asleep all day, but somehow, I still feel sleepy, and the warmth of this Twilight Sparkle is comforting and soothing.
I close my eyes. I'm not sure of anything right now, but at least I'm not alone...
Chapter 5: Found
The wind picks up strong and shakes the rigid window open. I've awoken in the middle of the night, I cannot go back to sleep. Everything is silent other than the wind which hums quietly through the air. I'm wrapped around a blanket and everything is dark. The only clouds I see are from the windows, in through which a stream of silver light passes through and hits the floor with patterns as if made from the inside of a tree.
The only other light is a soft orange and red glow from the candle sitting close to me on a desk. I've been lost in thought staring at it. Empty thoughts. Lost within a void. The thoughts are there... memories... but... I can't decipher any of it. They are hidden behind the daunting shadows.
I hold some fear of this flame within me. Yet, I am unsure how to respond to that fear. In ways, it is beautiful. The way it flickers in the wind causing a strange array of light. It too dances with the wind in a slovenly serenade. It is gentle and warm, and it gives light. But fear exists in me, and I am not sure what to think of it. I am lost in thought.
I don't know where Twilight Sparkle has gone to, and I am not sure of where I am. The flicker of flame has left me blind towards the shadows. I can only see the outlines of the things around me. Something is strange however. I am not entirely sure of how I know of everything. The only thing I had ever known was the shadows, the crystals, them... and her. How is that I know what a candle, a desk, or a flame is? How is it that I knew what birds and trees where? This thought doesn't disturb me enough to lose myself in thought with, because, in many ways, I am glad I know. I know their name at the very least, and there is happiness in the memories of today. I learned more of what they are.
However... even the thought of knowing the names of everything bothers me in other ways. Because... I... I still don't know my name. I don't dwell on it too much. I... I am afraid to know it. I am not sure what it is about it all. There is a grasping fear within me. My thoughts always pull me towards it, yet, I am not sure if I should fear it... or if I need to fear it. Fear what? Even of that I am unsure.
It bothers me that I am unsure of everything. Unsure of my own feelings. Of this fear. Of my thoughts, but even being unsure makes me... unsure. I want to know, but I am afraid of knowing. I'm afraid of what it might change. Things change all around me so suddenly, unlike in the darkness. They change without my consent. The wind has no pattern when it blows, the Earth itself has a small but subtle tremor. The animals left... but Twilight Sparkle appeared, and now it is gone like the rest, and now I am somewhere different under this small candle, waiting and watching for any sign of change. My world as changed, and I don't know to fear it or to like it.
These changes aren't bad, but the more they happen, the more I am confused, the more fear builds up in me. So much that tears begin to roll down my cheeks... well... not my cheeks. I'm not even sure if this is even me at this point. At least one thing has not changed. The yellow of my eyes.
I know what a wish is. It is the hope of something to occur. Something different. Something that you want it to happen... but it is just a hope, a wish. It never really happens... well... I am wrong on that. Looking at the moon is always nice, it shows that I am wrong. Wishes do happen. When it does or why it does, that is a mystery on it's own. I am beneath the vast darkness that holds light. Small sparkling gems in a sea of nothing.
It eases me a bit. At least I can lose myself in thought wondering what purpose they have or why they seem to make patterns. Perhaps I'll never know, and this is one case of being unsure that doesn't leave an emptiness within me. Even if I may never truly know why they are what they are, I am glad that they exist. They shine and fill the emptiness... an emptiness within me if only for the night alone.
It is strange. It is hard to say what I truly feel. My emotions run rampant without me noticing, and then some of them mix together, many different ones at a time too. Yet... I feel... disconnected from them. There is one feeling I know all too well. Sadness. I'm not quite sure what it is supposed to feel like, or what it is. I just know the name. I call sadness the emptiness within me. What detaches me from my own feelings. Because no matter what emotion, it looms over them, shrouding them into nonexistence. Until they reside to nothing but ashes and dying embers.
It is okay though, because every time I do feel something else, it is wonderful and new. Like now. Looking out at the stars I realize how beautiful they are. Then I dwell deep into thought again, feel that sadness within me, and when I am able to break free, there it is, the night sky. It isn't like before. The moon is lower, the stars are different, the sky is ever changing. But it is still the sky, and it will never cease to be the sky, and the sky is beautiful. Every time the moon lowers, every time do I feel the need to reach out and grab it. Every phase and change brings about a strange new feeling within me, and they are all wonderful. Very unlike the darkness, for when I lost sight it would leave me distant.
I am afraid of change. Afraid of what it may bring, or take away. Though it is strange to me. There is small changes happening at every moment. Some big, some small. The late night critters have no pattern as to when they play. Sometimes, the crickets will play for a long time without end until they take a break. The wind comes by occasionally. The clouds loom lazily in the sky, their form ever changing. I am confused as to why I fear change. Seeing all of this... I am always unsure, at least that much stays the same.
A door gently closes off in the shadows. It is faint, but I can hear it, along with the taps on the floor. I stare at the flickering flame to distract me from the noises, whatever they may be. Twilight Sparkle drifts silently into view and now bathing in the golden-orange glow from the candle.
"Oh. You are awake. I thought you would sleep through the night." I shift my eyes towards Twilight Sparkle. I am tired, and I am sure it reflects that in my eyes, for it can see it too. I see Twilight Sparkle's expression change into a worried one. "And by the looks of it, you should be asleep by now. You need to get some rest, it is still a while until you fully recover and you need all the sleep you can get."
The flame flickers silently in the wind and a gust blows through the open window, threatening to put out the flame. It is cold. The blanket itself is thin and spare no protection against the cold. It was cold the other night, but I hadn't cared then. At the time... the only thing I really cared about was... not being alone. I feel myself shiver. I curl up and close my eyes, hoping that I could conserve warmth.
"Well, Spike is already fast asleep. Taking his blanket would be rude. It is rather chilly tonight..I was going to take the couch tonight, but I hope you don't mind company." I am not able to respond with even a nod. I am shivering too much to dare to uncurl. Or even open my eyes. A slight movement goes underneath me and I turn my direction towards Twilight Sparkle. It is beside me, laying down like I. It looks at me for a bit. "You are very sensitive to the cold, huh? Well, all things considered you do look a bit young, still a filly or a mare? Younger than Pinkie Pie, but not by a long-shot either. Huh. I can't quite put my hoof on it. Anyways, I can try closing the window if you'd like." A filly? Mare? Pinkie Pie?
This time, I shake my head. I do not want her to close the window, no matter how cold it becomes. The breeze makes me happy. "Oh, well, sorry I can't really do much then." It turns it's back to me. "And also, I'm sorry I wasn't able to find your parents. I tried asking around town all night, but nobody even seemed to know who you were." I am not sure how to respond to this. Parents? Who I am? I...
"I promise I'll try harder tomorrow. For now, you worry on getting some rest. If you don't want to talk to me, I understand. I'm still a stranger to you at this moment, but you can trust me. I should stop talking and let you get some rest, we can talk tomorrow if you'd like."
Talk... I am afraid I do not have a response for Twilight Sparkle. My voice has left me... there is nothing I could say to it... I'm not sure what it is asking of me, not sure what it wants from me. I am not sure... but... that strange feeling still rests in me. It is a strange kind of warmth. The warmth from before... as if it cares about me... I am not sure...
The wind picks up again and a breeze coats over the room again. I feel my self shivering, though, I can feel something else too. Twilight Sparkle is shivering too? I gently place my hoof to its body. It is freezing cold and stings when I touch it. I pull away immediately.
"Huh?" Twilight Sparkle notices me as I pull my hoof away. "Oh, heh, sorry. I was out all night talking to the townsfolk. It was really cold, forgot to take my scarf so I pretty much returned icy cold. I might even be coming down with a cold. Come to think of it, I should leave you alone, if I do come up with a cold I might pass it on to you. Call it crisis averted, but that epiphany might do us both some good." I understand some of it. And in a sudden spur, I place my hoof onto Twilight Sparkle before it has the chance to leave. It turns back to see me.
I am still slightly shivering. I'm not entirely sure of anything right now, but I do know that I don't want to be alone. It is as if Twilight Sparkle can read my eyes. "Well... I guess I can stay with you. You must be at least a bit scared of me. I am stranger. You aren't bothered by that?"
A stranger? I shake my head. I'm not sure what it is talking about, but I am not bothered by anything other than it leaving.
"Well, okay. I just hope it doesn't come to what I said before. I wouldn't want to get you more sick." It turns it's back to me. I have that warm feeling in me again, but it is brighter. A small flame lit. I'm not sure what to do. I put my forehead onto Twilight Sparkle's body. It stings, but... it is warm at the same time. I feel my warm breath bouncing off back to me as I breath. I feel my forehead becoming warmer.
Twilight Sparkle moves suddenly. I am too tired to open my eyes to really see what is going on, but I make the effort to move my forehead back onto it's body. Something pillows the lower part of my face with the same stinging but warm sensation and my forehead reaches it's resting place. My body follows soon after curling up near the rest of its body, and suddenly I feel warmth reach out and hold me in an embrace.
Does Twilight Sparkle care about me...? I'm not sure... but this warmth that I feel within me... It wants me to be sure that it does. Then there is a certain doubt within the back of my heart. It conflicts against each other, but the more the night passes by, the warmth overwhelms me and I feel myself slipping into a dream.
Twilight Sparkle was trying to help me... it does care... I want to show my gratitude... but... how?
"Thank you." That... voice... Twilight Sparkle? No... it is different... gentle and frail, small and tiny. It sounds familiar... and distant... a voice that I haven't heard in so long....
It is my voice.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 2: Lost
My vision has left me, though I'm unsure. I do not see the darkness like I used to. Its blurred, if it can be. Like mist hogging up the eyes. This realization scares me. I do not want to become them. What is there left for me to do? I can't hope this all away. I've lived in the shadows, as a shadow, and shadows cannot strike back. Darkness has been my haven, but I've lost that too. This darkness is not so remorseful or kind, the one shielding the veil of color, the one of blinding light.
I cannot see even the shadows that were once part of me. Fear is brought up again. I fear not being able to see again, but... it feels as if I'm fading. Fading away into nothing. It is strange, confusing, and that is was scares me the most. The fear of not knowing... of what could be beyond or of what change can bring... and what it could destroy.
Hear the sound. A subtle blow of a breeze strokes my hair gently, almost as if saying hello to an old friend. It held me close, comforting, cool and kind. It speaks words that I cannot yet fathom. Too old a friend, one that I've missed greatly. This... a delight. I cannot say for sure how much joy it brings me. This breeze is different from the one in the darkness. The other was a fragment of its true self, shaped and corrupted by the walls and crystals. This however... this is pure, a strong gale both gentle and graceful.
Listen to the world. I hear... A rushing sound, it's familiar. I cannot place my thoughts on it. It seems familiar yet so distant. As if I have forgotten it. A similar sound appears, more gentle and discreet. I lose myself in the sounds. Where am I? I don't dare open my eyes. I am afraid to open my eyes that are shut from the blinding colors. I'm afraid that I could be truly blind. But, now my heart eases as I do not hear the hissing from before, all is silent, all is still.
Touch the ground. As I took steps, tiny soft prickles began to rub against me. Tired from the fear, I fall to my knees. Softness wraps around them, the sharp soft prickles is grass... How was it that I knew all of this? Fragments of my memory began to fill me. It is painful as they begin, but leave wonders in my head. The touch of the wind, the embrace of the earth, the sounds of rising life... I still dared not open my eyes. It all feels so soft... So warm... I quiver at the touch of the prickling cold sensation of the dew gathering on the grass. I do not have words for this, words that I would be able to recite in my thoughts. There is no words for this, none that I could even conjure up even in my right mind... A feeling way beyond what I could have fathomed. Years lost, but found, and somehow I wish for the return... the return to something familiar. As wonderful as this may all be, I long for the bittersweet shadows...
Sweet scents that swirl. This voice... The air lightly brushes by my nose. A sweet scent rests in my lungs. The aroma strong but sweet, the smell of maple sap close by. How is that I know this...? The scent is mixed in with the musty and fresh smell of wet dirt. It is refreshing as I fill my lungs with the cool air. I can smell flowers. Rosemary, daffodils... Lunaria Annua... How... My thoughts are in turmoil once more, but they quickly fade into the scents of the mixing aromas. My nose distracts my panic, and I lose myself in the scents once more. Now more then ever, I wish with all my heart, that I am able to see, if just a little more, I want to be able to see the wonders. I want to open my eyes... but I am afraid...
Open your eyes, and see the world. That voice... it fades this time, fades into the air itself. I do not know what to think. I do not know what to do... Do I dare open my eyes? I'm blind... I fear that what I feel, what I hear, and what I smell could be a lie. I fear to be truly blind. I fear... fear... Maybe... maybe I will. Maybe I can. I will. I can.
Slowly, I open my eyes, my eyelids feel heavy, almost drowsy and exhausted. The light is blinding. I cannot see, and before panic could set in me, my vision begins to... clear... I hold my breath, I become numb, I become deaf... all of this... this... I am truly lost at words.
Tears begin to form in my eyes. They cloud my vision, and in a panic I brush them away. The world... all of it... all I had wished for, and more... Full of color, of wonders, of greatness. I can see. I can see. I can see. I repeat this in my head as I scan my surroundings. The sky darkened by grey clouds, all with a silver lining. The dark rough bark of the maple trees, the swift movement of the green leaves gently coaxed by the gentle breeze, the birds who flew by, perching occasionally on the long branches. The grass swaying in rhythm with the world around.
I am weak, but I manage to walk to a nearby pool. Standing over it, I look down to see my reflection. My tears begin to agitate the still water with ripples. My tears... of joy. I see a familiar shade of yellow. My eyes are how I remember them... pure and untouched... all that time... My skin is a pale black color. It isn't as deep as the others, but it marks me. It is a mark of who I am and what I am... My hair is glistening, small beads of water begin to drop onto it, making it shimmer in the clouded sunlight that scarcely shown through the increasing number of dark clouds.
The smell of wet dirt, the cool breeze, the birds nesting under shelter, the faint sounds of trickling water. I was too tired... I was lost. Unsure of where to go, the rain washes over the land and I am left to sit in the middle of the storm. Everyone has already gone, but that's a good thing. I pick up my weary body and follow blindly ahead towards the direction of the small colorful birds, my eyes unwilling to blink, unwilling to miss any of it all. All I have known seems pointless now... void... This sense of freedom... this sense of joy. It is all so... alien. It feels so strange... but... good... I want to lose myself in this world, but I am afraid... I'm still very much afraid...
I do not know of where I'm going, of who I am. Though I do know that I'm still alone... I still do not know where I am... I am lost...
