Chapters The sun breaks the dawn over the land, over towns and cities all round. Waking every creature from its slumber, all except the still sleeping orange lump in the large bed on an apple orchard just on the outskirts of a certain town filled with color. Also an over energetic party goer.
The sleeping creature under the thick quilted blankets stirred from her deep slumber with a half snore. She then moved her head upwards letting some of the blanket slip down to her neck base. Her beautiful blonde mane hung loose without the band that so adeptly held it in a pony tail.
She turned her head looking with bleary eyes around the dawn lit room, looking first at the near empty closet, it would have been filled with expensive gowns and things like that, but the orange creature saw no need for herself to wear expensive clothing all the time. Hell the most she ever wore was a Nightmare night costume and even that was a tad over the top to her.
A yawn escaped the mare. She then turned her gaze to the simple ticking wall clock it was six forty five ante meridian. The usual time the quadrupedal life form awoke from its sleep.
A light pitter patter of hooves passed the door leading into the bedroom. A young filly had woken earlier than what was usual, usually the little creature slept until at least seven thirty.
'Ah wonder what she'd be doin' up so early,' the orange mare thought.
It wasn't completely odd, it wasn't too early, but it wasn't late enough either. The orange mare shifted out of the soft bed and landed adeptly on the floor making little more than a light few taps.
The orange mare then turned to a small hat-rack that sat a few steps away from her bed. A Stilton hat was hanging from its hook in the soft dawn light, making it pleasantly dark brown. In truth the hat was light brown from years of wear. Like the boots of a workman that had spent years tending to the dusty construction sites, or fixing pallets in the yards.
The blonde mare walked over to the lone hat on the hat rack, picked it up and slipped it onto her head. the fit was slightly snug, but still had just enough room to fit a picture or a deck of cards without raising much awareness of it even being there.
Slowly the blonde mare turned and walked out of her bedroom door, to the hallway. It was rather bare, more or less just painted doors and doorways, a carpet and that was just about it, there were pictures hanging on the walls but they weren't much special.
'Maybe she just woke up from uh, snoring?' the orange mare reasoned to herself.
'Or she could have set plans to abandon her chores and go out early on this fine morning?'
A slight laugh escaped the orange mare. She'd had a short chat with herself in the mornings when she waited for the others to wake up for breakfast while she either read or played with a small red ball she had bought just for the reason to not be bored in the mornings.
'Yeah maybe, or she just needed to go to the bathroom,' she thought, rolling the idea around in her mind.
That seemed the most plausible excuse. Quietly the mare trotted down the hallway and the stairs, stopping at the landing for a quick scan of the area to make sure the filly wasn't waiting for her.
Oddly this wasn't the first time that this had happened. It usually ended in one of them, well precisely the orange one, getting covered in flour or glue and feathers, specifically flour though.
That was what happened when she didn't follow the filly quickly enough. After carefully scanning the area and having nothing conspicuous turning her view she began to walk to the lavatory where she assumed her sister would be.
After arriving at the door she knocked, no reply came through the door. She jiggled the handle a little. It wasn't locked, so that meant the filly wasn't in there. The orange mare looked about trying to find some indication of where the filly was or had gone.
After a moment the orange mare decided the little filly might be outside the building. She adjusted her hat and walked outside her home, looking about as she went out the door. It wasn't all that hard to find the little yellow and red filly.
She was sitting on the hill just a little to the right of the building. She had her eyes closed, taking in the sunlight and morning air. The dawn was serene almost like a scene from a book or a movie.
The orange mare walked up as quietly as possible. Trying not to alert the filly of her presence.
"It's not all helpful when your been bumbling around downstairs when your trying to get the drop on your little sister, sister," The little light yellow filly said.
The orange mare sighed, "Drat," she muttered.
She then took a place next to the filly, who was clearly relaxing in the warm glow of the sun.
"What are you doin'?" The orange mare asked.
"Sitting, what are you doing?"
The orange mare smiled, the answer was slightly cheeky but still, she did answer.
"Sitting and asking you what your doing only to get a half reply."
The little filly opened her light orange eyes. They were truly the windows into her soul. She then turned her head to the full grown mare next to her.
"Sitting and relaxing, now what are you doing?" she said in full.
The orange mare smiled and gave the filly a pat on the back.
"What your doin' sis."
The two sat there for a while, in the warming glow of the sunlight that bathed the land in warmth and color that the night changed when it crossed the land.
"Hey sis let's go back inside, Gran would be up round now," the orange mare said.
"Did you really say Gran?"
"Uh huh, problem?"
The little filly shook her head. Her large red bow wasn't in her mane which made her look a little odd, there was more hair on her head than the orange mare really ever noticed.
"Come on up, up, it's about breakfast time," the orange mare said as she stood on her four legs.
The little filly lingered in the light, basking in its warm glow before moving. She stood and followed her sister into their home.
"So what do ya want to eat?" The orange mare asked.
The little yellow filly rubbed her small light yellow chin, thinking truly on what she wanted to eat.
"How about some oats?" she asked.
The orange mare smiled.
"Ah think were fresh out sugar cube."
The little filly shrugged.
"Dunno, what would you want?"
The orange mare chuckled at what was said.
"How about some fresh toast and a glass of milk?" She asked
The filly nodded, "Some jam toast would be wonderful sis."
The blonde mare opened up the cupboard and removed a cuttingboard and a knife. She then went to the pantry and got out a loaf of bread. It was down to the last few possible cuts before the family had to get another loaf.
A loud pitter patter was heard from upstairs.
"Big brother's up," The filly said.
The orange mare smiled and started to carefully cut the bread into even and precise slices. She ensured that each piece was in necessity the same. She then placed four pieces in the large four slot toaster and slid the lever into place.
The toasting unit let off a very slight electrical buzz to show it was on.
The sound of a shower being turned on could be heard. The orange mare leaned against the countertop. The little filly sighed and leaned back in the chair she had sat on.
"It's gonna be really hot today sis," she stated.
The orange mare looked at the redheaded filly and tilted her head a little.
"And how would you know that?" The mare asked.
"Well your friend told me."
"Which one?"
"The blue one."
"Ah yeah i suppose that she would have, bein' a weather manager in all, she would probably know that," The mare paused, "Wait did you just call her the blue one?"
The little filly smirked.
"Yeah, problem?"
The orange mare realized there that she hadn't finished getting the items to make the toast.
"Sis," She began, "You want zap apple jam?"
The filly shook her head.
"Just ordinary apple jam thank you."
The orange pony smiled and opened the refrigerator and removed the apple jam, a carton of milk and a few other items of food. She placed them on the counter then closed the fridge.
The lever on the toaster sprang up, revealing the toast it had finished making freshly. Quickly the blonde mare used a butter-knife to spread the cooled jam on the warm toast, she then pulled another heated piece of toast to the cutting board and did the same, spreading the jam on the toast.
She then placed the toast on a plate and placed it on the table. She then removed a glass from one of the cupboards, and placed it with a seemingly bartenderly way then poured the fresh milk into it. She then placed the glass on the table just a little in front of the filly.
"Thanks sis, your the best," The little filly said, hugging her big sister.
"Ahh don't worry 'bout it," the orange mare replied, returning the hug.
A few moments passed as the mare continued to make more breakfast for her brother, granny and self. It was fairly easy with such a large toaster. She had finished making the mornings meal by the time her big brother had finished with the shower and come into the room.
"Morning sis," the large light crimson stallion, with a short cut light orange mane, said as he entered the room.
The little filly looked at the large stallion and smiled, "Mornin' brother."
The Stallion looked at the orange mare and tipped his head, "Mornin' A.J."
The Orange mare smirked, "Morning big brother."
The light crimson stallion sat next to the little filly where a plate was located, along with a glass of fresh orange juice. He grabbed the toast and started eating.
"So how's school?" The orange mare asked.
The little filly finished the glass of milk and looked at her sister.
"Oh it's fine, today were going on a field trip to Canterlot," she replied.
The orange mare smiled.
"Oh yeah, and where are ya goin' in Canterlot?" she asked.
"Uh, to a museum?"
The mare chuckled lightly.
"Ya don't know do ya?"
"Nope."
The filly then excused herself from the table and left the room. The orange mare looked at her brother who had just finished his breakfast, still with some crumbs on his chin.
"Got anythin' special on?" she asked.
The stallion placed a hoof to his chin, rubbing it slightly.
"Uh, not that i know of, today at least," he replied.
"Sure?"
"Eeyup."
The orange mare looked out the window, the sun sat in the sky just a little from the horizon. It was clear today would be hot. There were no clouds in the sky, it also had a burnt orange color to it.
"It's gonna be a scorcher today sis," the stallion commented.
The mare looked at her brother and smiled.
"The blue one tell you that?"
"Uh, if thats what you call her now, yeah, she told a bunch of ponys."
The mare chuckled. She was sent a letter specifically detailing the weather for the next few weeks, so was every pony else. But it seemed that they had muddled up one of the specifics and made the current day a hot desert like day instead of a simple warm one like it said.
"So she give you any other details or just say 'It's gonna be a scorcher,'?" she asked.
"Uh, not that i can recall, but probably, something short and not really needed to be added."
A knock came to the door.
"Huh, wonder who'd be knockin' at this time, everyone's still getting up."
The mare went to the front door, leaving her brother to set up lunch for the two farmers. Ususally every second day he'd make the lunch, but it seemed that his sister had taken the job of making breakfast when it was in turn what he was supposed to do.
The mare opened the door, revealing Derpy, the mailmare.
"Mornin' Derpy, whatcha doin' here?"
"Uh i have a letter for a Big Macintosh here," Derpy stated clearly.
"Uh he's in the kitchen, but uh I'll take it to him."
Derpy produced a small clipboard and a fountain pen.
"Sign here," she said, pointing at the dotted line on the bottom of the small sheet attached to the clipboard.
The orange mare signed her name, Applejack, in neat cursive writing on the line.
"Thanks Applejack, have a good day," Derpy said, taking flight.
Applejack waved as the grey colored mare flew away. She then looked at the letter in her hoof.
'Wonder who this could be from?' she thought.
The letter seemed lightly odd. It wasn't made from the traditional white envelope paper. It wasn't white at all, in fact it was coloured black, with a red and blue seal. Applejack turned the letter over and looked at the back. Sure enough there was Big Macintosh's name in silver writing, cursive too.
Although she didn't want to be nosey she was rather curious as of why the letter was so well delivered, and directly to Big Mac, usual mail was sent to the building and ended up on the table. It was unusual that a pony within the building ever got any mail from any-pony outside of Sweet Apple Acres, other than taxes of bills from companys that supply the lumber for the fences and other assortments of things.
Carefully she opened the envelope and removed the letter. It was a smaller envelope within.
'Oh come on is this a joke?'
Applejack then opened the envelope that was about half the size of the original to reveal another envelope.
'This is getting annoying, who posts a letter in a letter in a letter?'
she then opened the envelope to finally get to the letter, it was a simple piece of folded paper which was written in the neatest cursive Applejack had seen.
B. Macintosh.
The cake you ordered for Applejack has been delivered to Sugarcube Corner as requested. It will be held for two conscutive work days before it requires a better location.
The cake cannot be stored in an average refridgeration unit as you know, and as of which cannot be kept within the cooling units of Sugar Cube Corner.
She might catch on.
P. Pie.
"Oh so that's what he's been so secretive about the past few days," Applejack muttered to herself.
Meanwhile Big Mac finished making the sandwiches for his and Applejack's lunch, then placed them in simple brown paper bags.
"Oh brother!" Applejack called.
The red stallion turned around an began to head to the sound.
"Yeah just a moment A.J."
Big Mac made his way to the front door of the Sweet Apple Acres main building.
"Yeah sis? you wanted somethin'?" he asked.
"What's this 'bout a cake?"
The light crimson pony smiled sheepishly and hung his head.
"Ya got me," he chuckled, "Wanted to surprise you but, you just had to find out didn't ya?"
Applejack smiled at her brother, and gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.
"You wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party tomorrow didn't ya?" she asked.
The Stallion nodded, "Uh huh."
"Well Pinkie did go to a length to make sure the letter was safe," Applejack said, holding the three envelopes up in one hoof, "Didn't make sure ah wouldn't get it though."
The stallion chuckled.
"Yeah i guessed she'd do that, i did say it was for a surprise party, and uh, she's throwing one no matter what i say to try and stop her, so act surprised at least, please."
"Don't worry brother, ah will."
A white unicorn mare sat back in a dining chair in the building known as the Carousel Boutique. Her mane brushed into beautiful curls of purple perfection. The mare sipped at a small cup filled with tea. She pored over several dress designs that she had drawn up. Creating the dress though, was her forte, and she was excellent at doing so.
A silvery white filly sat on a chair just on the other side of the very expensive table. Eating from a bowl of sugar cereal. She paused to look up at her sister, who was calmly relaxing in her chair.
The white unicorn moved the small stack of seven or so papers to one side. Then sipped her tea, and began to eat her breakfast. A pancake that was made with such finess that it would have seemed to be made by a professional cook.
She used a knife to seperate a piece and a fork to hold the piece in place. She then moved the piece into some syrup, then took care to chew the piece of pancake before swallowing it.
She then sipped the tea, repeating the cycle until she had finished he breakfast. The filly on the other hand was just eating slowly, savouring the sugary cereal.
It was usual for the two to just eat breakfast silently, there wasn't usually anything to talk about other than what Sweetie Belle was doing at school or new dress designs Rarity had drawn up, the occasional rise in the cost of certain things, nothing special.
Rarity collected her plate and cup with her magic and moved them to the sink. Sweetie Belle finished her cereal and let Rarity take the bowl and spoon.
A little while passed in the normal silence of the morning. Sweetie packed her lunch into her saddlebag and got ready to go off to the Ponyville schoolhouse. Rarity cleaned off the small amount of dishes that required the cycle of washing.
More time passed as Rarity brought Sweetie Belle to the door into and out of the Carousel Boutique and let her go off to school. She then went about her usual activitys of making dresses, tending to customers, drawing up designs, paying bills, and lazing about. The usual activitys for a fashion designer.
'I wonder what Twilight would be up to?' she thought.
Rarity had little time in the past weeks to go and see her friend Twilight or any of the others. This was not one of the times she had to go around to any of them. Slowly the alibaster unicorn traversed the steps to the top floor of the building which was her shop and her home.
She walked along the corridor and into her bedroom, she walked over to the desk and opened a drawer marked, 'Bills'. She removed six pages from the small drawer filled with paperwork and began to read through them.
Mainly they were invoices for the large amounts of material she ordered from different citys, but some were bills for things such as delivery of product cost of collection and things like that.
She sighed as she wrote out the cheques to each specific pony she owed, carefully writing each sum correctly to match each mathematic sum needed to be sent.
Some time passed as she wrote out the cheques carefully making sure that they were with the correct paperwork showing that the sum was paid in full and to the correct reciever.
She then placed the envelopes in a small tray labeled 'To Be Sent' The white unicorn then stood from the desk chair, left the decorated room and headed back to the first floor of the building.
She let out a small sigh and began to set out several display dresses, more new than the current ones, the 'so one day ago' dresses. Rarity sometimes wished to be able to leave the Carousel Boutique to some pony else so that she could do something more fun sometimes.
Sometimes.
The most relaxation she got in the current days were her trips to the spa with Fluttershy.
'Poor thing, last time i was able to get to the spa was about a month ago,' Rarity thought.
She shook the thoughts from her head, she'd have a free saturday this week, This week.
'Oh i wish it was friday so much," She thought.
Some days in the Boutique were a drag, especially on mondays, but at least it was summer. Rarity could go out every now and then in summer, unlike fall, spring or winter. Where she was usually doing some activity that prevented her from being able to elude her work and enjoy her life.
She finished setting up the display dresses and took a seat on one of the several chairs that littered the room. She let out a sigh. It was going to be a long week. She leaned back in her chair and put her hooves up on the small table for magazines.
The door bell chimed. Rarity looked at the customer and puting on her most welcoming smile. But dialing it down as not to try and seem too cheery, last time she did that she managed to make the customer a little uneasy.
Rarity sighed with relief when she saw that it wasn't in fact a customer. It was actually Twilight, the one pony that she'd wanted to see today.
"Hello Twilight," Rarity said, cheerily.
Twilight smiled and returned the greeting. She seemed to be rather happy today, not rushed, or over worked, just like the few days when she had free time. When her schedual allowed it.
Rarity shifted in her seat as Twilight looked about the Boutique for a moment.
"Rarity," The lavender unicorn began, "Do you have any raw diamonds?"
The fashion designer almost fell out of her chair at the question. Why in Equestria would she keep diamonds in such a terrible looking state? Rarity would much rather have cut them with her own magic, or used some Earthpony tools to cut the Diamonds if it would insure that they were in a better looking condition.
"Twilight, why would you ask that?" Rarity questioned.
"It's for a magical experiment, and i only need raw diamonds to do the experiment."
Rarity sighed quietly, she did have a couple raw diamonds, albeit because they looked rather fetching. Rarity had planned to put them on a 'alnatural' outfit, for some rather rich and eccentric pony.
"Yes i may have some in the back," Rarity said, softly, "Though it was rather hard to find ones of this specific shape, which is the reasone they have been kept 'raw'."
Twilight smiled.
"I only need two," She said, "It's a rather strange experiment, i require everything in an even set, or pairs."
Rarity grinned a little, it sounded to be another one of those experiments. Twilight had recently been doing little 'experiments' where she would either cause some massive cufuffle by doing something wrong to the extent it either made a massive bang sound that would deafen anypony within a twenty meter radius of the library or possibly make everything around the library warp and turn the opposite color of what it is.
"Is it going to be loud?" Rarity asked.
Twilight's expression turned to confusion.
"Um, i think it might, why?"
Rarity was sort of bored of the weekly days of working at the Boutique she had gone through, today she wasn't in the mood to sit on her rump and cater to picky customers all day. She was rather determined to get out of the expensive building.
"Because dear, it's rather dreary in here on Monday, i'd rather spend some time with you or some pony, just to get out of here today."
Twilight nodded.
"Okay, i suppose you could be able to help."
Rarity jumped up in excitment, her usual self was going to stay at the Boutique, and she'd go with Twilight to do some inane, possibly mad experiment.
"Oh good!" she jeered, "I'll go get those diamonds and we'll be right off."
Quickly the alabaster unicorn dashed off into the back room, quickly collecting a few raw diamonds. She felt rather happy that she was going to do something more fun than sit in a decorated room, that costed more bits to decorate than it looked.
She selected the two most 'well presented' raw pieces of pressurised carbon and removed them from the small box which she contained them in. Placing them each in a single decorated pouch.
She then reentered the main room, passing the pouch to Twilight and collecting up the 'closed' sign, placing it in the window. Rarity knew that some ponies would be rather dissapointed at the fact they were unable to enter the Boutique, but still, it was going to be a little less drab than the day Rarity was going to have. Albeit at the cost of certain ponies.
"Come on Twilight, let's be off," Rarity said, opening the door to allow Twilight to walk outside first.
The purple unicorn left the building and began to trot down the road, Rarity closed and locked the door into the Boutique. The Alabaster unicorn then moved quickly to catch up to the bookworm of a unicorn.
They had a short chat about what they had been doing in the past month, Rarity more or less wanted to just chat, she was happy to have at least another day off from the Boutique. She wished to bid the place farewell a while ago.
Although they were both paying fare enough attention to the road ahead a rather stoic pony bumped into Twilight. His hat covered his eyes some.
"Excuse me miss," He said, hanging his head a little.
The pony was obviously somewhere else in his mind.
"Don't worry about it sir," Twilight said through a light smile.
Quickly the stranger dark brown pony trotted off. Rarity and Twilight continued to walk down the road to the library.
It was oddly facinating to behold the tree structure, The magical carving of wood into such a large tree was a sight to behold. Even if one was not there when it was made the sight to be seen was spectacular.
The nearly ninety thousand tree was magnificent and breathtaking. It was a true victor of the tree's, a specimen that would have died long ago if the citizens of the town had not protected it how they did.
Initially it was just the oak on the other side of the river, any that passed the threshold of the river were thought rather brave at the time when Ponyville was forming first.
"So Rarity," Twilight began, opening the door into the library, and entering the threshold, "Why exactly are you so eager to help me with something like this?"
Rarity looked at her friend, one of the most magical ponies in all of Equestria and the student to the deity and ruler of the land.
"I don't like spending mondays in the Boutique, it's a bit drab after a while."
"Really? I thought that you of all ponies would love the Boutique."
Rarity shifted on her hooves, "Not quiet."
"Whatever do you mean?" Twilight questioned, setting down the small bag along with her saddle bags.
"Well every monday the customers are quiet picky, they like mistakes even less than on any other day," Rarity replied, mentally adding Damn between 'other' and 'any'.
"You sure it's not because you just don't like Mondays?"
'YES! BLOODY A-RIGHT!' Rarity shouted in her mind.
"Mondays are all well and good, but it's just, some ponies are just a bit grumpy."
Twilight quickly took the large raw diamonds out of their bag and put them in two stands around the room.
"I know, some of the ponies i get in this library are just so grumpy these days," Twilight replied.
Rarity sat down, on the floor. It had been clean thouroughly.
"Twilight dear, where in Equestria is Spike? usually he's falling over himself just trying to get my attention by now."
Twilight dinished adjusting the diamonds in their place and turned.
"I think he's out helping Fluttershy with something."
Rarity looked at Twilight with slight confusion. "You think?"
"What? I can't always keep track of the little barstard all the time you know."
Rarity snickered a little, "He's a little bit stupid if that's what you mean."
"Exactly."
Rarity shifted in her spot. She wasn't all to comfortable.
"So what's this experiment?" She asked.
"Um, turning books into living things i guess?" Twilight replied.
"How do you honestly not know what your doing?"
"What? I can't find what the spell actually does when i use it with this unless i do it."
"I'm going to sit over here," Rarity said, moving off behind the staircase.
A loud pop follow by a splat sound and a massive thoom was what marked Twilight's experiment complete.
Rarity looked out from behind the staircase, Twilight was colored pure black. She coughed out some smoke.
"Are you done?" Rarity asked nonchalant
"Don't you dare say that i messed this up."
"Messed what up?"
"Not a word."
"About what?"
"Not, One, Single, Celesita Damned word."
The wind rushed through the air, following a familiar and nearly famous rainbow colored streak. The sound barrier boomed with each acceleration of the rainbow streak. It shot through the town at speeds that would cause the pony creating the streak and booms to splatter if they hit something solid enough.
The streak turned sharply and shot past Sugarcube Corner. Down past the school house and then around the school house, almost blowing out the windows. The streak then shot back down the road back past Sugarcube Corner and past town hall.
The streak then faltered in speed, flickered and started to bounce across the ground. Throwing up dirt and rock, gravel and sticks. A massive cloud of dust formed after the faltering rainbow streak. Soon a pony was visible instead of the streak. The so rightly named Rainbow Dash.
She soon came to a complete halt after passing through a mound of dirt. She coughed and spluttered, gasping for air between coughing fits.
"Shit," She laughed, through a cough.
She hadn't had a crash landing like that in a while. She barely ever crashed but when she did, they were destructive and went the distance.
The cyan blue Pegasus was now dirty and covered in tiny cuts, she had a black eye forming as the moments passed and she coughed up more dust.
She flapped her wings a couple times to clear away some dust so that she might breath better. She blinked a few times as the dust cleared away, some had gotten in her eyes. She held a hoof over her ribs, she felt some break during the crash.
"Whoo!"
She then moved away from the dust cloud and sat down on what was left of the hill she had just crashed over. The sound of a Ponyville paramedic was heard from where Rainbow was.
She looked at the destruction she had caused with here speed and force. A straight line right through a hillsh mound of dirt, a dragnet of kicked up gravel, rocks and dirt. Several ponies had been caught in the dust cloud and were coughing just in the visible area of the dust cloud. Rainbow Dash laughed.
It hurt to laugh but still, it had been a while since she'd caused this much carnage. A very, very long time nad she actually couldn't remember when she had actually done so.
"They're going to be so pissed," Rainbow Dash chuckled to herself.
She stood again, feeling the ribs she'd broken shift. She really needed the hospital. Slowly she moved along down the hill and down the road.
The day was still fresh, and the first repairs were underway just a little after every pony had woken from their sleep. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and flew towards the hospital. She watched as ponies near the crash site looked with confusion at the carnage of her crash landing.
"And for today's forcast, confusion, followed by a massive fine," Rainbow joked to herself.
But she was going to be fined an arm and a leg for the damages. In a sense, she had four legs but it was a saying that she had been taught by Anon the local human. Also the local hobo. Rainbow Dash looked down at the alley ways to try and see where he had taken rest.
Usually he'd disappear for a week then turn up in the market place and be given something like an apple for free, or something just to eat.
Anon was strange in all senses. Sometimes he'd punch a tree and have his knuckle skin split and he wouldn't even feel it. Other times he'd be softer than a teddy bear, all cuddly and weird. He was also able to play music like a legend.
And a big plus was he had hundreds of thousands of songs from his world on a small device in his jacket. He was also ridiculos, he'd fall over just by a heavy gust of wind or being tapped on the shoulder.
Also even though he didn't have to sleep in the streets he enjoyed it, although sometimes he'd be allowed into the homes of certain ponies, just cause every pony knew Anon like they knew their own name.
Right now it seemed though, that he was snoozing under a cardboard box with a possum sleeping on his chest. Either sleeping or trying to eat his shirt, one or the other.
Rainbow Dash slowly glided down to the human of Equestria. landing softly next to him. The possum, it seemed, was eating Anon's shirt. In fact it looked like it was trying to eat through the shirt and eat him.
Rainbow shooed the possum off. The little creature scampered away with a hiss. Rainbow Dash gave Anon a kick, it didn't do much, just made him groan like a bear and roll onto his side.
The back of his head was caked with dirt, and he smelled of apple cider, the really strong type his glasses were in his pocket. Rainbow Dash kicked Anon again.
"Come on A' Get you butt up!" Rainbow commanded.
Anon yawned then turned again, to look at Rainbow Dash.
"Hey there blue!" He said, sitting up and putting his glasses on.
Anon was rather large, had a thick stubble but not enough to call a full beard. His hair was coconut brown, his skin was lightly tanned, he looked as though he didn't get out much. His eyes were Violet, oddly. His hair was long enough to reach to bottom of both his ears on either side which caused him to on occasion, reach up and brush it back and his glasses made him look like he thought he was smarter than everything.
His breath smelt thickly of cider, bourbon, scotch and an assortment of other alcoholic drinks.
"Whatcha did now?" He asked in a slur.
Rainbow Dash covered her nose. "Damaged property."
Anon reached into one of his pockets. One of the massive amount of and unbelievably deep pockets. He burped and pulled out a packet of mints, then popped some in his mouth.
He then looked up.
"Still early morning, how'd ya pull that off?" He asked.
"I was going really fast."
Anon looked back at Rainbow with his arms against the ground behind him, to support him. He smiled.
"I knew that bit, but how did you cause the damage little miss broken ribs."
"How'd you know that?"
Anon scratched his head with his right hand. "You're holding your ribs."
Anon coughed and began to stand up.
"Well as you know i was going really fast, seeing how fast i could go around town," Rainbow began.
"Flapped your lefty sooner than your righty and that caused you to turn and touch the ground slightly, and tumble, roll and crash through things right?"
"Yes, 'Mr Sparkle'."
Anon glared at Rainbow Dash.
"Mr Sparkle? Really?"
"Yep got a problem?"
Anon grinned. "Well if that's what your calling me now 'blue', i won't help get the fine off your back so much."
"Fine, fine I'm sorry."
Anon leaned forward close enough that his breath could be smelled. "Are ya really?"
Rainbow Dash covered her nose again. "Yes really now stop doing that."
Anon then stood up and began to walk out of the alleyway. He pulled out his small white device that, if Dash recalled it properly, was called an 'Ipod Shuffle'.
He went through his songs and put in a pair of white headphones. He then put one of the little speakers in his right ear and let the other hang loose. He put the Ipod back into his jacket and walked along whistling along to the tune.
The walk was fairly silent, other than the occasional pony and Anon's whistling. It sounded like that song he always played when he was walking. Bicycle race or something, Dash couldn't recall.
"I don't believe in Peter-pan, Frankenstein or Superman," Anon muttered under his breath, but it was still loud enough for Dash to hear.
"Anon, What in Equestria are you listening to?"
"Queen."
"No the song."
"What song?"
"The song your listening to by 'Queen'."
"I didn't know Equestria had a Queen, other than that Changling Queen, Queen Chrysalis or something, why would you want to talk about her anyway? she's kinda nasty."
"Never-mind."
Anon shrugged as he walked, but soon stopped.
"Hospital's just about a minute away, i have something to do."
"Thanks Anon."
"No Problemo."
Rainbow Dash then walked towards the Ponyville Hospital as Anon walked in the opposite direction. Soon Rainbow Dash arrived at the hospital, the doors pinged and opened. The nurse at the front desk didn't pay much attention to Dash as she walked in.
"Hello, i need to see a doctor," Rainbow said.
"Take a number then take a seat over there," The nurse replied.
Rainbow Dash pulled a small piece of paper from the little number dispenser. Of course she was number one. She was the only pony that walked into the hospital today. Almost immediately a doctor came out to see her.
Obviously she had broken ribs, four to be exact. She was admitted to the hospital for two weeks for her rib's to set. Apparently she'd gotten lucky. Most of the damage was absorbed by the ground rather than her ribcage.
Anon kicked a stone as he walked down the road. He wanted to pull a joke over on the hospital by covering himself in ketchup and getting a pony to play dead so he could run in with them and himself covered in ketchup and shout something like.
"Help this pony has been shot!" Or "Quick i have an assault victim here they need help stat!"
He was always a joker of sorts back on Earth. A comedian in ways, but he was never funny enough. Couldn't make a career of it, nearly no one could. Except a guy called Jim Wash, the real funny bugger of the world.
Anon sighed and looked around, there was a chill wind accompanied to the morning. It wasn't much long after all the ponies woke up and got to where they were going. It was funny in a way, no matter what he was always like this.
Moping and wishing he was back on Earth, out on the beat going to four fifteens and two elevens. Hell, if he was still a cop he'd go to bloody four eighty-sevens. Hell he'd settle for anything if he was back on earth.
Funny thing was the way he got here was through a convenience store on the corner of fifth avenue.
He'd just walked into the store after a four eighty eight and a five ninety four was called in. It was the same everyday crap, nothing special just a simple few minutes drive there from the station, stop for coffee taking another minute to stop and wait for the coffee. Then walk back to the car and drive to the address.
He got out and quickly walked to the door of the little shop. Hell it was more a thrift shop than convenience store. He had his Ipod Shuffle with him when he was on the beat so he could listen to music when he was going to a crime scene.
His cop partner McKenzie waited napping in the backseat of the patrol car, he'd come in if anything actually went down. Anon opened the door, a little chime bell rang as the door opened.
As usual the store owner was pissed, had the kid on camera and was just a little over touchy. Anon sipped his coffee as he listened to the short balding man yell about how he always hated teens and was going to ban them from his store.
'Blah Blah Blah, Yakkity Yakkity Yakkitty, Etcetera Etcetera Etcetera' Anon thought, sipping his coffee again.
Someone across the street was in a black SUV with no plates, a rolls royce chugged to a stop next to it and a guy got out of both vehicles. The two walked up to each other, drug deal, big whoop.
Anon didn't pay much attention to the drug cartels around the city. There were so many mass drug deals these days that it didn't matter if he called it in. The guy on the other end of the line would say something snappy like.
"Well then, tell Anon to mind his own business, because we're already on the case." Or "Shut up woman and stop bitching."
All the cops except him and McKenzie were corrupt, McKenzie wasn't a cop. In a sense he wasn't, he was, it was just more like he was just the guy who sat in the passenger seat and had a chat with Anon or the Perp. Any activity relating to large crime organizations Anon and McKenzie reported. It was their job.
The store owner said he managed to catch the little shit and put him in the back room, where there wasn't anything he could hurt himself on or damage. Anon wasn't surprised, some of the people he encountered would do that.
"Okay just go unlock the door, I'll deal with him."
The senile old prick went and unlocked the door after shouting through, 'Cops are here kid,'. It wasn't rare to have that happen. Anon opened the door, sipping his coffee. He walked in to see a fifteen or fourteen year old kid sitting in the corner.
It wasn't a sight that was rare in this neighborhood. There was a lot of kidnappings that the cops responded to. If they weren't payed off you'd get the book thrown at you. They'd dump a whole ton of evidence at your house and make you get in a whole heap more shit than you were in.
But that was only for major crimes such as kidnapping or murder, or drug dealing. Petty theft was just up to the officer.
The kid looked at Anon frightened of what trouble he was in. Anon sighed and turned around to the shop owner.
"Sir," He began.
"I hope your going to book his little ass."
"I'm not going to..."
"You'd better throw the book at that little shit!"
Anon clenched his fist and almost squeezed his coffee.
"Bitch please, he's just a kid," he snapped.
The shop owner recoiled a little. With an expression of shock, which soon turned to a scowl.
"Your a pig."
"Yeah? And your an old whore who can't catch a break."
"Get the hell outta my store."
"I'm a cop, I'm here for my job."
"Then do it!"
Anon smiled like an ass. Then sipped his coffee loudly to agitate the store owner. The man's eye twitched.
"I'm on my coffee break."
The man twitched, turning redder and redder.
Anon picked is radio off his shoulder. "McKenzie, come in here, meet my friend ol' whitey here."
Soon McKenzie, Mr Coolio came in through the front door, with his shades and mustache. Whenever Anon called him in, it was to stop things from getting real. McKenzie pulled up his belt.
"Yo hoss, this the guy?"
"Mm hmm."
McKenzie then took the old codger aside and explained that neither him nor any other cop in this city gave a shit what was stolen, just the fact he called it in is the reason they were there.
Anon meanwhile went back into the room to talk with the kid. Whom had disappeared magically. He put his coffee down on the ground next to the door and began to look around the room. The window at the top of the wall was open, and it looked wide enough for Anon to just squeeze through it.
The kid on the other hand was a different story. He was probably long gone with the candy bar or fucking porno magazine he'd stolen.
Anon smiled an brushed his hair back. The little bastard had escaped, and so soon after he'd arrived.
Anon then swiveled around and picked up his beverage, and sipped it, McKenzie and the store owner were still talking.
Goddamn could McKenzie talk, he was a brilliant man. Just never expressed it, never showed it. He could plan five thousand moves ahead of the other guy before his heart had even took it's second beat.
McKenzie was a planner, he'd throw a ball and predict it's trajectory, tell you every single thing that was going to happen from the get go and seven different ways to catch it, all as it went up and down.
The man was like a god. He'd taught Anon how to be that good, how to plan everything ahead. But only about three hundred moves or so.
Anon walked down the aisle, slowly looking from item to item. The store was much larger than its first impression. The aisle went on for ages, Anon walked further and further. The aisle's changed to wooden ones about shoulder high.
The lights overhead flickered, there was no windows in this part of the building. If the lights were out it would be pitch black for as long as they were off. Slowly the items of food and other such items turned to books and little statues. Anon walked further as the lights overhead flickered.
Soon he reached the end of the aisles where an assortment of little statues and pieces of furniture were, a few books and the like. He went around to the next aisle.
The lights blacked out and Anon tripped on something he didn't fall so much a stumble. Soon the lights came back on, except more natural. More like sunlight.
He picked up a book and flicked through the pages, he'd dropped his coffee and had a free hand. He payed more attention to the book rather than the room as he walked down the aisle, soon he walked back into the main part of the building.
"Hey bud how much for the book?" he asked, still reading the book intently.
No voice came back in reply. McKenzie must be talking to him outside. Anon looked up and then boom.
There was a light brown colored pony with a bright red mane standing behind the cash register with a name tag that looked like it said 'Greg', it didn't but still.
Anon looked at the freakishly large eyed pony. He then looked back to the book he was reading and closed it.
"Tales of the unknown."
He then put the book under his armpit and walked towards the counter.
"I asked how much for the book bud."
The little thing looked terrified.
"Can you speak?" Anon asked plainly, not expecting a reply.
"Y-y-y-yes?" The little brown pony stuttered.
Anon's jaw dropped and his eyes rolled back in their sockets. He passed out and fell back on the floor then convulsed violently.
And that was pretty much how he got there, nothing special no massive explosion, no aliens, no super powers, no nothing. Just Anon, his clothes and his glasses.
He had his jacket on with his Ipod shuffle and his headphones and speaker, the little one that played almost anything through it as long as he connected it via a cord which he had.
Anon kicked another stone which bounced off the wall and tinked his glasses. Chipping a lens.
"Score!" Anon mumbled.
"Okay I know it seems like this one's going to be tough, but we can get at least three hostages and a hell-ton of cash off of the stolen goods were going to get from this job, plus we can sell the hostages off for more cash," A gingerbread brown pony said.
Five others sat around the room, they were planning to steal artifacts from the Canterlot Museum and sell them off.
It would be a sinch with the crew, but none of them were really feeling this job, it was too easy.
The first of the six of them Lollipop, a lilac colored Earth pony with a pure white mane, sat with her hind legs atop the table and her front legs behind her head. She was a smoker, her eyes were mismatched, green and orange. She was the group's map head. Every possible exit, entrance, movement plan, escapes all that.
She had a clean record, only once ever was she charged with criminal activity, but all evidence was lost shortly after.
The second was known only as 'Face,' he was pale white with a green mane, both dyed. A mastermind criminal with absolute zero tolerance for failure. He was able to change his appearance like magic, even though he was just a pegasi he could make it seem like he was a unicorn with zero effort.
He was convicted of seven murders, seven thefts, seven rapes, seven kidnappings, and seven impersonations of law officers. All charges were dropped when he turned up dead in saddle lake.
The third and fourth were known as Cherry and Berry, both were opposite colors to each other, Cherry was black Berry was white, Berry had a black mane Cherry a white mane, Their names made them sound like girls but they were both male, and they were both bad-asses. They didn't have much in brains but being the muscle of the group was all brawn.
They had both been convicted of assault and sentenced to three years in prison.
The fifth was the one who had spoken, His name was Co, nothing long just Co, Sometimes his crew would refer to him as Cocoa, as a means to he was brown like it. He was a professional fence. He could move anything without making a sound.
He had been charged with embezzlement but was let off after he bribed the judge.
The sixth was a seemingly innocent pony salmon pink with a white mane, one that wouldn't be expected of anything. She had a clean record and was only known as Filly, She was a master safe cracker who was soon to leave the business as the mean of family.
She wanted a family ever since she was little.
Co slammed his milk colored hoof down on the table.
"Damn it, this could be out big break!" He shouted.
Lollipop blew a bubble with her gum. Cherry looked to Berry, they were playing cards, and all of them were ignoring Co.
"Come on asses, we could move nearly fifty million bits per on this job!"
"Per what?" Face asked, blankly.
"Per Pony!"
Face yawned.
"Oh come on dimwits!"
Filly looked at Co, with a bored expression, "Listen honey, we're in, we're just not feeling it, I'd rather go off and drink cement than do this job."
Co sighed and put his head on the table. Filly was almost immediately next to him Berry and Cherry were at the other end of the table, Face and Lollipop were in the middle.
Filly stroked Co's mane sympathetically. She was like a mother sometimes, comforting like she was a mother to all.
Her face had kept it's youth, she'd be able to pass as a mare just entering adult hood and not a mid-life aged mare.
"This is just so hard," Co muttered.
"I know, i know," Filly soothed.
Co sat back up.
"So crew, you want this to be dangerous like the last ones?"
Face looked at Co and smiled. "What the hell have you been smoking man?"
"How about just before we start the job we inform the uniforms, tell 'em that we got guns, and hostages before we actually do."
Cherry and Berry looked over at Co.
"Sounds fun boss."
"Real fun boss."
"Yeah but who are we gonna get to do that, none of us are fast enough."
"Face is," Filly pointed out.
Face smiled and flapped his wings. "So we doing this today or what?"
"Hells yeah," Co replied.
"Okay, Every-pony stay together when we arrive at the Museum, stay in the group and have fun," Cherliee announced as the bus took off.
Quickly she sat down in her seat. Hopefully, in Celestia's name this field trip would go off without a hitch. The school couldn't afford another lawsuit.
Slowly the bus chugged along towards the City known as Canterlot. It was a pristine place that looked to be made of gold from far away.
It was massive, built partly into a mountain, it was truly, truly the capitol city. The Museum there was a massive monolithic place filled with artifacts made of pure diamond and pure gold. Some were worth more than the building itself.
Some of the filly's' and colts' spoke with each other, some played. But not much noise was made, only the engine was loud enough to hear over the little ones'. Cherilee Smiled and sat looking forward out the front screen. She lifted up her clipboard with all he lesson information a name chart for role-call and a picture of the class.
The bus driver was a grey pony with a black mane, and a permanent bored expression. He shifted gears and steered without even trying.
Cherilee looked out the window next to her, trees and buildings passed by. Like a man running nude down the street, Anon had said that in a drunken slur when he had fallen off the schoolhouse.
He actually fell off a lot of things he got on top of somehow whilst drunk out of his mind. He usually slurred a saying or phrase after falling off said place and then fell asleep. It was nearly a weekly occurrence.
And sometimes it was actually quiet fun to try and guess what building he'd fall off next. Some of the older ponies had made a game of it actually. Anon fall bingo some were calling it. Every time you guessed the right building you'd get every bit that was bet. You guessed wrong along with every-pony else, the cash stay's in the pot.
Once Cherilee had done a bet, it was after six weeks, and the pot was quiet big. She guessed that the next building he'd fall off was the water tower and he did.
Twenty seven fractures, three limbs out of their sockets, twelve broken teeth, two missing teeth, eight broken fingers and a dislocated wrist later, Cherilee was seven thousand bits' richer.
It was a fun but sort of cruel game. Getting the poor sod drunk and leaving him in the street. Sometimes he'd get up there and sleep the beer off, then wake up and fall off the building half drunk still. Somehow he managed to be drunk from the night before.
Though Anon was pretty durable. The only reason he had gotten hurt from falling off the water tower was because he hit every cross beam rock and tree on his way down the hill. He usually could fall off anything without even a bruise.
Cherilee sighed and looked back at the little filly's' and colts' playing games such as tic tac toe or naughts and crosses, The three Cutie Mark Crusaders sitting on the back bench seat making plans for some inane activity when they got back.
The five were in position with clothing to cover their guns and equipment for cutting the cases, Face had managed to find out that there was a school field trip from Ponyville coming in so he'd decided to wait on the alarm.
The field trip would arrive at 12:30 P.M. if the driver was good. The six were planning on using the sewers to haul the loot and little filly's' and colts' before they sold all of it to the right people. The stuff mattered the ponies didn't. They could sell them however they pleased.
Lollipop was outside on the comms making sure to get everyone out when the shit hit the fan.
Cherry and Berry were sitting at the front entrance with their ski masks, they were both smoking in perfect sync. With every movement the two were the same big dumb synchronized brutish pony.
Filly and Co were inside posing as staff, it wasn't that hard seeings as the Museum was barely monitored, only one CCTV camera in each room.
Co checked his watch, 10:10 AM. Two hours and twenty minutes to go.
The time was a breeze, only a very small number of ponies came and went. Soon the two hours turned to ten minutes.
The sound of the bus was heard, chugging up the hill. The engine sounded as though it would blow out.
"Okay every-pony," Lollipop said over the earpiece comms, "We have at least thirty eight brats entering the building."
"Hey," Filly snapped through the earpiece, "They're not brats, all of them are wonderful."
"Yeah whatever."
Co and Filly walked into the designated washrooms, each had their equipment in a designated stall. Co walked into his and put on his gear. Filly likewise.
"Face break the news to the Po-Po."
"Roger."
Ten minutes.
Cherry and Berry both had sawn-off shotguns loaded with the exact same number of rounds, the exact same caliber and the exact same fire rate.
The Fillys' and Colts' entered through the front entrance, Cherry and Berry were at the side. They both slipped on their ski masks.
"Okay now Cher and Ber, your going to go in and on of you is going right to the front entrance to fire off a few rounds, remember do it at the roof not the hostages."
"Roger boss," The two replied in sync.
Filly and Co exited the washrooms and moved into position, there was only the desk clerk and a couple tour guides in the building today. Field trips a usually slow days. No pony real anxious to get into the building.
Ber had the side door down, while Cher moved to the front door, it was easy with half of the buildings light's down.
The little filly's and colts were all in the center of the room behind what seemed to be their teacher. Cher slid out from behind a pillar and in front of the front door.
"Get on the floor now!" He shouted, firing a round to the roof.
There was a few screams but it seemed that they complied.
"Okay the cops are en-route, you have five minutes to get the loot and get out. Face will be here in a few seconds."
"Now," Cherry began, "It isn't everyday i have to rob a Museum, but you see, this one has a field trip of little hostages i can use."
Co and Filly came out of the shadows, Face came in through the side door.
"Now i want all of you to stay calm, the police are on the way here right now, So we're going to be out of your hair in about three minutes."
Face and Co quickly went to work breaking the cases and moving the loot into their bags, after they had filled their bags they swapped positions with Cherry and Berry. It had taken less than a minute to fill the first two bags, it took two minutes to fill the second ones.
"Okay guys, i can see some of the cops at the end of the road, you need to get outta there."
"Yup," Co said through the comm.
Cherry, Berry and face each grabbed a filly, One was orange with a purple mane and tail, and by goodness she was a fighter.
The second was a very lightly colored unicorn that seemed to be frozen still with fear.
The third was a simple Earth-pony filly, red hair with a bow in it, and a yellow coat, she bit Berry but a quick smack to the head stopped her.
The five left the building through the side entrance with their hostages, Lollipop had left her perch on the building across the street. She was heading down to the sewer junction to help the team get out of the city before 'rush hour'.
She opened the door and moved to the manhole that was in the little alleyway just outside in the alleyway. She opened it and slid down the ladder, she put her equipment down then went up and closed the manhole over.
Meanwhile the five with the hostages were already at the junction. They only had five minutes before the afternoon surge. The sewers of Canterlot were massive yes, but every week on Monday to be exact, around twelve forty a massive surge of sewage spewed through the sewers and washed away any blockages.
It was the most vile way of cleaning a sewer.
Lollipop came up from the left side tunnel.
"Come on we only have nine minutes to clear a half mile!" she urged beginning to run.
The five followed her. She was the getaway, the crew's safe way out.
It wouldn't take long for the cops to find out they took the sewers out. It only took a few seconds in reality.
"Stop right there!" One of the few that got down in the sewers shouted.
Face looked back and smiled, "Catch us if you can coppers, because as soon as we're out of sight we're gone!"
It wasn't much use for any of the officers to chase after them, they were to far off.
Anon walked past the Golden oaks library, he was at first intent on entering, but when he saw the windows black as though filled with smoke, he deemed it unsafe to enter by himself. Probably another whacky experiment that had a chance to turn him into a sentient pile of goo or ash, again.
It was a problem, like crime in Equestria. It was at first unexpected to Anon that there was a remote risk of being mugged by a cute looking colorful pony. It was rare as hell for that to happen here or up the mountain, where that white weirdo lived.
She didn't go around much more, Celestia all powerful but became more like Anon's god when he came along. Yeah there was the annual gala, that Anon was forced to attend by the ponies that were supposed to watch him.
He received ten invitations every year. At twelve on Monday a week before the gala. He could bring nine ponies with him.
Honestly he just wanted to go out to a club somewhere in Canterlot, or Ponyville and stay up all through the night. Rather than wear some stuffy suit and sit at a party with snobs.
Anon sat at the nearby bench and leaned back, putting his arms up over the back support. He sighed and pulled out his Ipod shuffle and switched it to Escape by Rupert Holmes or officially known to Anon as The Piña Colada Song.
He pulled out his packet of cigarettes, they were bought just a few days ago. When Dash had boxed him in the nose when he'd gotten a her and a few others drunk.
It was his yearly party, he'd celebrate the day he got there. With lots of alcohol, and a very, very big cake.
He flicked it open and pulled one out, it was a menthol cigarette so it smelled minty. He searched through his pockets for his zippo. It took a few moments to find.
Anon looked at the zippo, it had a picture of a four leafed clover in the bottom right corner. He rubbed his thumb over it and sighed. He then flicked it open and struck the flint.
He then held the flame to the cigarette tip and lit it. He then closed the zippo and put it away, along with the cigarettes.
He then took a long breath from the cigarette's filter, smoke filled his lungs. He then exhaled through his nose.
He then let his head hang back over the seat's back. He wanted something interesting to do, in reality he was bored beyond boredom.
"Hey Anon."
Anon snapped back into his correct position. Derpy was sitting on the seat, right next to him.
"Hello?" he replied.
Derpy produced a letter from the saddlebag she had. Whenever she was on duty she seemed to disappear then reappear magically.
"What's this?" Anon asked.
"Open it," The grey Pegasus replied.
Anon put his cigarette in his mouth an picked the letter up, he inhaled and used his right hand to remove the cigarette from his mouth, then exhaled.
He put the cigarette back in his mouth and opened the letter. It seemed to be an invitation from first view. Anon put his cigarette down on the bench.
He removed the card looking letter from the envelope. He then opened the little card. It seemed to be an invitation to a birthday party for Dinky.
"And you decided to deliver this to me yourself instead of another mail thing?"
Anon looked to where Derpy was last, and as usual she had disappeared. He looked up to see her, somehow in the tree by the bench.
"And you got up there why?"
"No reason, just thought i saw a squirrel."
"Give me my actual mail now please."
Derpy pulled out a small bundle of envelopes and packages then dropped them down to Anon. He caught them expertly.
Slowly he removed the strings and rubber bands that held the pile together. He then opened the first package. It was colored light brown with a yellow sticker that had the to and all that.
He opened it and pulled out the box, then opened it. The contents were from a pony somewhere off in the distance who wanted to meet him. The first of the five items was a small hoof made jar of jam. It looked to be made from apricots.
The second was a small note that was put in a envelope colored teal green. With cursive writing on top.
"Eaugh boy," Anon mumbled.
He then pulled the letter out, on the front it said 'Anon,' what a surprise. It was probably filled with sympathy and attempts to say they know how it feels to be in a strange place. Well LA DI bloody DA.
Anon put the envelope in his jacket pocket and continued through the package. It had a pair of shoes that would fit Anon perfectly. In the bottom of the box was a picture frame, and at the end of the box was a small tin of biscuits.
Anon continued through the mail he had until he reached a note in particular.
The name Anon, in print on the front. It seemed to be from the big white cloud that sat in her throne room all the time. How much Anon wanted to show her how much like his god she was now.
And how she'd react, oh so funny.
He opened the top of it and pulled out the letter. He thought of a few inappropriate jokes he could make about the letter after he had read it.
It turned out the letter was from the guard office, formally known as the Police office to Anon, they were like cops. A lot of ponies called them that anyway.
It said that items from the Canterlot Museum had been stolen along with three hostages getting kidnapped. They needed his help seeings as he was good at solving cases.
Anon sighed and let his head drop back.
"Today's gonna be hell."
He then collected his cigarette and stood up, and began to walk towards the train station.
Anon Boarded the express train pulling out the ticket he had bought while sipping at the ice cold fizzy drink he had bought. He sat at the vacant seat and waited for the train to take off. A few more passengers boarded and sat around the carriage. There was fifteen in all, including Anon. He cracked his neck and switched the song on his Ipod shuffle to one that better suited the mood.
He thought that Bohemian rhapsody, was a good idea. The song began to play after a few seconds as the train shot off. Anon sipped his drink a few times, he looked at the pony directly across from him.
She was a Platinum colored little thing, with a beautiful liberty blue mane, and a pair of light carmine pink eyes. Anon had seen her a few times here and there. If he recalled correctly her name was Silver Driver, daughter of a professional miner in the crystal north. She was fairly nice whenever she was with another pony, but she was more a keep to themselves type.
The train's conductor said something about the train going to arrive at the station in a few minutes.
Anon looked around to try and find more ponies that he knew.
A few seats off to his left was a pony called Silk River, She was an Azure blue unicorn with an ash grey mane and blue-magenta violet eyes. She was the owner of a shop up in Canterlot, she was one of the few ponies that wasn't interested in Anons, 'Physical' appearance. She was actually one who loved an intelligent chat.
Anon looked over to the two ponies who were chatting at the far end of the carriage.
The first was Cherry Bliss, a claret color unicorn with a blonde mane, her eyes were coffee brown. She sat chatting with her spouse, Chrome Note.
Chrome was a dark liver grey colored Pegasus with a dim grey mane and tail, he always wore sunglasses that had a chrome like outer look that reflected everything, they also had a chrome frame. His eyes in reality were gamboge colored.
Chrome Note was a D.J like Vinyl Scratch, he didn't play the clubs she did but he was an up and coming star. He liked to act, and was in all a massive asshole. He'd been done for drug use once, but got let off cause he had a good lawyer.
Anon tilted his head to the left and closed his left eye, he scanned the train a little more. There was a pony colored Honeydew white with a hunter green mane and tail, and Harvard crimson eyes. But anon hadn't met him yet, there were quiet a lot of ponies he hadn't met as of yet.
Anon finished off his drink and crushed the can between his hands. Letting out a burp as he put the flattened can into his pocket. Soon the train arrived at the station, and the carriage was emptied. Anon hailed a cab and got to the Canterlot Museum a little after three.
Anon stepped over the low police tape, and into the scene. Immediately a guard stopped him.
"Halt," The guard said.
"Seems this guy's bin livin' under a rock for the past year," Anon muttered to himself.
"And you are?" the guard questioned.
"Princess fucking Luna," Anon replied sarcastically.
"You look nothing like the princess of the night."
"Yeah but you look like a dumb ass," Anon said, pressing his index finger against the guard's forehead.
"Are you supposed to be here?"
"Are you my mother?"
"No."
"Good, now fuck off and get me a coffee."
The guard's face turned bright red.
"This is a crime scene and civilians are not supposed to be here," The guard hissed.
"This is a crime scene and dumb asses aren't supposed to be here either, now fuck off."
"I can't let you go in there sir."
"I'm Anon you twat."
The guard then realized that the local, and only human of Equestria was supposed to come and help out with the investigation.
"Oh sorry sir," The guard apologized, sheepishly.
Anon pulled a face and flapped is hands while mimicking the guard, "Ehhck Shorry Fer."
The guard then moved away. The crime scene surrounded the Museum and about a block of streets, In Anons world there would be a hell of a lot of traffic now, but since Equestria was mainly foot traffic there was no big problem.
Anon walked down the alleyway to the side door, it seemed to be fine. He then turned and looked at the strew of a crime scene down the way.
Anon then pulled out his Ipod and switched the song to the Mission Impossible theme song.
He looked about the large scene outside. It seemed that a crowbar had been left laying next to an open manhole. The cover was only a foot or so away. Anon picked up the crowbar and examined it closely. No marks, no dents, no scratches, no chipped paint, this thing was good as new.
Suppose an old one would make the job harder. Anon put the crowbar back in place, then stood up and went towards the Museum's side door.
There would be more evidence where the crime actually happened. He went through the broken entrance and up the few steps there. When he entered the main room he soon realized this was a professional job. Only one shot fired to make sure that they were heard. The cases were all broken in rather than in any way possible, and all the valuable stuff was gone.
The 'kids' as Anon referred to them were with miss Cheerilee in the corner near the exit. The receptionists and a few tour guides were all near the front desk.
Anon fished an apple out of his jacket and took a bite. He then walked over the the receptionists and tour guides in a fashion that said 'there's nothing wrong here'.
Anon was good at being a cop, he would have made detective when he was in the force but turned it down every time. He let someone else take the credit so he could stay a cop.
He didn't even want to have the desk part of the job. But he had it anyway, paperwork was the devil.
But now he was a cop that didn't have to deal with paperwork.
Anon stopped next to the five ponies and took another bite of his apple.
"Hi," He said with his mouth full, "I'd like to ashk you a few queshtionsh."
Anon swallowed his bit of apple.
"Any of you see anything?"
There was one receptionist working the front desk at the time, the rest came a little later in the day.
"Yes," A Light magenta mare said.
"So," Anon began, taking a bite of his apple, "Shee the perpsh?"
"Yes, one was Black with a white mane and tail, another was opposite colored, as in white with a black mane and tail, There were three others, one was uh, really white with a green mane, he had a really creepy smile, then there was a female one that was really light pink with a white mane, most of them where white somewhere."
"And the Fifth one?"
"He-he was brown, completely, they all used ear pieces to communicate with some pony that was running the operation outside."
"Anything else?"
"No."
"Got a tooth-pick?"
The magenta mare then produced a small wooden tooth-pick and passed it to Anon. "Thanks."
Anon then began to saunter over to the class of kids, and Cherilee who seemed to be being spoken to by a guard. Anon took another large bite out of his apple, and lined up a shot with the guard's head.
He then piffed the apple as hard as possible at the guard. The apple flew through the air and hit the guard's helmet with a resonating bonk. That vibrated through the Armour.
The guard immediately spun around, very upset at whomever threw the apple at him.
"What was that for?" He questioned loudly.
"Cause you weren't looking," Anon replied nonchalant.
"Your an ass."
"You forgot the hole."
"What?"
"B'dum Tish."
The guard then sighed. "So your the one that's supposed to help with the investigation?"
"No it's uh, the other human that lives in Equestria and is a cop, Obviously it couldn't possibly ever be me."
"Yeah yeah, real funny, funny man."
"Whatcha got?"
"Not much, just three students were taken hostage and taken during the getaway."
"Names?"
"I haven't gotten as far as i should have."
"What? Eating your high grade doughnuts and drinking your Chai latte Then waltzing in cause you felt like it and didn't get ol' Receptionist over there, to give you the down low on what your looking for."
"Your intuition is astounding
"Wait what? I got it right?"
"You go ahead at talk with Cherilee here, I'll go over there and hope, to all that is holy you can't guess something else about me."
The guard walked past Anon. "Who in hell drinks Chai Latte's , no actually, who in the fuck Waltzes ?"
Anon then blinked and looked back at the group of thirty -give or take this is Anon we're talking about- filly's and colts'. And Cherilee the lavender purple mare.
"Hey girlfriend," Anon said in a perfect mimic black woman voice.
"Hey Anon," Cherilee replied, looking at the clipboard.
"Whasamatterwichoo?"
"Three Filly's that i was supposed to look after have been taken hostage in a major crime."
"Larceny and kidnapping."
"Yeah and your still the ass that payed for half of this field trip, 'Museums are more fun than falling off buildings,' remember?"
"Shish, if i knew you were gonna be like that after Sweetie, Applebloom and Scoots were kidnapped i wouldn't of come."
"Your an ass with the most amazing memory skills i have ever seen."
"Yes i am."
"Your going to make me hug you now aren't you?"
"You want a hug?"
"No."
"Ah your such a buzz kill man."
"And your supposed to be finding three missing students before i lose my job."
"And i am going to do that, soon."
"Really?"
"Noooooooooooope."
"Go away."
"Hug?"
"Anon."
"Ah your so boring."
"Go do your job."
"Hug?"
"Anon, for the sake of all that is good in this world i will hurt you."
Anon then turned and walked towards the entrance the criminals had taken out of the building.
"Hey Anon, there's some burnt cloth in the toilets over here," a guard called out.
"So?"
"You might want to take a look at it!"
"You might want to stick it where the sun don't shine, cracker."
Anon for the life of him couldn't remember when he became such an asshole. But still, he was a good cop. A very racist, hypocritical, psychotic cop.
Anon walked out of the building and walked over to the open manhole.
"Hmmm, Man-Hole, that sounds like something I'd say when interrogating someone, Open His Man Hole ."
Anon then looked around to see a guard that seemed to be on his break snickering to the joke.
"Hey, that's my joke, not yours."
"No problem bud, you just keep makin' 'em," the guard laughed.
Anon then squatted down next to the manhole, he could already smell the cesspit that awaited him at the bottom.
"Hey bud, I'll bring ya back a cup of whatever is in a cup down there."
Anon then looked down the hole and began to climb down, the wrong part, he slipped and fell a few feet to the walkway beneath.
"SHEET OF PAPER!" he shouted as he fell.
When Anon got back up he had very small rings of some sort of excrement covering his back.
He then scanned the area for any chances he might get a clue of where the criminals had gone off to. The main sewer line lead right down out to a massive grate about a half mile across the mountain. Down from there was a massive tube that went seamlessly into the mountain to a sewage treatment plant, where they sterilized the water and cleaned it.
Anon had been there once, they had fresh corn pieces for lunch there. Anon assumed it came from the 'corn filter' they used to sort things that weren't liquid or, 'Soggy enough to pass through the grate'. He almost gagged when he found out they called it the corn filter.
He could imagine it being cleaned and sugared then put in those frozen corn packages.
It put him off corn. For about ten minutes.
Anon looked about the sewers, after the weekly system flush out it was damn near impossible to find anything.
Suddenly Anon slipped on what felt like a diamond bracelet. When he managed to stand out of the 'Godknowswhat' he picked the bracelet up. It didn't have much in the look of expensive, it looked quiet fake on account it was covered in 'Godknowswhat'.
Anon pocketed the jewelry and continued to snoop.
Until he slipped again and wound up in three feet of 'OnlyGodKnowsWhat'. If he'd screamed he would have gotten a mouthful of something, and caught some disease that only stays in your mouth.
He stood up and brushed off the goop as best he could, then continued about the little area. He walked a little while passing open tubes.
Open tubes that occasionally spewed forth some sort of liquid that felt like it should never have been put down the toilet.
Soon Anon reached the final exit tube to the sewers. The crooks would have most likely taken this one, it was about a quarter mile from the Museum and exited right out to the outer parts of Canterlot.
Further down the line was just more open tubes that Anon wanted to block with the pony that flushed whatever came out on Anon when he came past.
He clambered out of the sewer, slipping and falling six times on account of him being covered in a liquid that had a smell he was damn sure was never going to come out. After he exited the sewer he managed to find little markings he'd seen in heist cases. It was hard to find the route but still.
Anon had been an undercover cop more than once, he knew how Mappers worked.
This one seemed rather good and sure of themselves. But Anon was much better, he could not only imagine where they went he could feel it.
And whatever was dripping down his neck then going down his back.
Anon followed the trail until he reached a dead end alley, Only three buildings on this block had entrances onto the street. And one of the building's looked abandoned.
"Fuck, no brainer here," Anon said, "It's the abandoned one."
He then walked over the the building and pushed on the door. It fell open with a resounding thump that echoed through the building.
'Shis,' Anon thought.
He then side stepped over the door and into the building. He then trekked up the stairs.
That didn't support his weight on account of them being made a fucking thousand years ago.
He dropped right through the first set of stairs and into the basement. He stood up, and seemed to be in what looked like an abandoned group hideout.
With a map of locations, Anon pulled out his Ipod, which didn't seem to have any damage from the river of shit he had fallen into. He changed the song to Spirit in the sky, by Norman Greenbaum. One of his favorite musicians.
He picked the map up and put it in an oddly readily prepared plastic bag.
He then put it in his jacket and tried to get back out of the building.
It took twenty two hours to reach the first floor.