Can't I just stay in Hell?
"NEXT!"
Hell was particularly busy today. A line stretching from an infinite direction each way moving slower than a dead snail and the mood is as uncomfortable and negative as it is in a line for the bathroom is where our her-... our protagoni-... this schmuck named Rudy is. And he was also the reason for the lack of speed in the line, as he was having a bit of a tense conversation with the Lord of Darkness himself.
"Bullshit next! I want out of this nightmare!" Rudy glared at the tall, suit-wearing Caucasian man with slicked back hair behind the desk. Rudy focused more on the blank space that was the man's forehead instead of the piercing red eyes. Though they held a tired expression, the pupils would cause him to go catatonic. They always did. Rudy stood erect, his hands clenched into fists.
Satan rubbed his temples as he dealt with yet another little prick who thought he deserved better treatment. It was a never ending astonishment that fell over him every time the damned made requests. It's like they think Hell is Hebrew for resort. He mused to himself.
"I hate reiterating a point that should be clear, and this is getting rather annoying seeing as this is your sixth time here in your first five days, but I'll remind you that you are the one that got into this predicament. I have no intentions to alter the punishment given to you, and you're expected to finish the task given. If not, you'll be kept in the 'nightmare' as you call it, for eternity."
"Why can't I just stay around here? I'd rather be a burning pile of misery than go back to where you sent me! No offense." Rude cast a sideways glance to the lake of fire that held many moaning, bobbing heads. Returning his attention to Satan, Rudy made the mistake of looking into his eyes, and sure enough, paralysis. The pupils darker than pitch black seemed to engulf his entire existence. Satan used Rudy's silence as a means to end the argument.
"Listen, I'm busy, you've got work to do. This is not negotiable. Your sorry ass is going back, and that's final. Also, I'm cutting communications off between here and there. You should feel fortunate I'm letting you keep your chosen privileges. Now get the hell out of here."
The Prince of Darkness snapped his fingers and watched the schmuck disappear from sight.
"Bout time. Alright, let's see... Adolf. Always a pleasure. Any progress with Care-a-lot and its citizens?
_______________
Rudy awoke with the same pounding headache he had for the last five mornings. His eyes shifted lazily around the small, cramped room he was residing in for the time being. The room was mainly built out of wood, the only things not being made out of it were his mattress and the duffel bag full of his belongings. The only light in the room came from partially open door. Rudy swung his legs off of the straw filled sack of a mattress and heard as his appendages hit the ground with a small clop.
"I aint ever gonna get used to this sh*t." He muttered to himself as he stretched his long blue arms and rolled his head left and right, feeling floppy ears brush his shoulders. He reached over and put on his pair of sunglasses, hating how they squeezed on his head in order to stay on. He left the bed with a small groan and walked over to the door. For the first time in five days, he remembered to duck as he exited the room. The 18-inch horns were probably the most awkward part of his new body. Not that the rest of the lanky minotaur body wasn't unusually gawky, but the horns sure made it a b*tch to get in and out of things.
"Well, time to go meet some royalty." He stretched his back as he glanced around the small desert area, the silhouette of a town in the distance.
Welcome to Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
Rising Wind soared above the clouds, feeling the air push against her as she soared to and fro, not really going to any particular destination. As one of the very few Pegasi living in the town of Appleoosa, she basically had the sky to herself. Loops and corkscrews, dives and dips, demolishing clouds this way and that. It was bliss to zoom around without any restrictions. Except for the occasional pedestrian that happened to be traveling while she was flying close to the ground.
Oh hey look, exactly that.
Crash!
"Ah! Whatever pony I crashed into this time, I'm really sorry!" she rushed her usual apology. She wasn't quite so graceful in her social skills, much like her low altitude flying with closed eyes. The pony she had collided with... oh no! Definitely not a pony.
"Uh, sorry. Didn't mean to just assume you were a pony."
The minotaur rubbed his head with gritted teeth on full display, as well as a decent sized lump in-between his rather impressive sized horns. His Irish green eyes peeked from between his blue navy eye lids.
"Oh, it's alright. I imagine you would've cracked a pony's skull just as easily as mine. You ok?"
"Uh, yeah... again, I'm really sorry."
Rising Wind had heard a lot of things about minotaurs from stories and tales from her childhood. They were tall and extremely well built. They had a temper that rivaled the eruption of a volcano, and a glare that stabbed more efficiently into a pony than a dagger. They never spoke below a bellow, and they had the tendency to flex while speaking. They ate rocks for a light snack and punched the earth to make earthquakes for fun.
In front of her was a gangly looking loser.
His physique was indeed tall, probably around 7 feet, and that was while he was slouching. He wasn't well built in the loosest sense. She almost thought she could see some of his ribs. For being crashed into, he sure wasn't making any death threats or stab-like glares. His only words so far came out as more of a mutter than anything resembling a scream. She also doubted he could cause any earthquakes. The rock diet theory was yet to be tested.
"It's alright. It's just a welt is all. So, if you're flying around I'm guessing that means there's a town nearby?"
RW nodded. 'Odd,' she thought. 'Why would a minotaur be wandering around this area unless he knew there was a town in these parts? What the heck is a minotaur even doing in these here parts anyway?'
"Uh, yeah. Appleoosa is just a short ways away down that way." The mare tilted her head to the east.
"I see. And I'm assuming there's a way for me to get to different locations from Apalooza?"
"Appleoosa."
"Hm?"
"You said it wrong. It's Appleoosa."
"Alright. Well is there a way to get to a different town or city from Appleooz... Apalus... the town over there?"
RW's smirk betrayed her amusement at the beast's trouble with the word. She nodded and offered to take him there. He responded with a slight smile. And the two were on their way towards the small settlement-town.
"So, what's somepo-, er... somebeast like you doin out in the west by your lonesome?"
"Oh, just traveling about. I need to go see this certain pony and I'm going to need transportation to do so."
"Ah, I see. And what would be the business you and this certain pony got?"
"Classified."
RW kept flying slowly alongside the blue giant as she tried thinking of what the word meant.
"Classified?"
"It means I can't give the knowledge out freely."
"I knew what it meant!" she protested in a slightly offended tone. 'Somewhat.' she mentally added.
"My sincerest apologies miss..."
She stopped her flight in front of the minotaur, making him pause in his tracks.
"Rising Wind. Just call me RW."
"Pleasure to meet you Miss Wind." he smiled, though whether smugly or charmingly she knew not. She was not about to let him get away with the 'Miss Wind' remark though.
"And what would be your name?" She mentally prepared herself to come up with the most unflattering nickname for millions of adjectives followed by nouns.
"Rudy."
...
"Alright, well, what's yer full name?"
"Rudy."
...
"I told you my name, dangit! WHAT'S YOUR NAME! I KNOW OF DRAGONS WITH LONGER NAMES THAN THAT!"
"I assume that's supposed to mean something?"
RW rubbed her forehead with a hoof and continued to fly forward, making the minotaur jog a little to keep pace with her.
"So, how big is this town we're approaching?"
"How do you not know?" she asked in a frustrated tone. "It's the only settlement out here for miles that aint made solely of tipis!"
"Hm, well aint that quaint."
"What?"
"Nothing." She noted the small smirk on his face that displayed the amusement he felt. 'What is with this guy?' she wondered.
"So, why were you just flying about?"
"When you got wings, you fly." She rubbed the back of her neck in discomfort. She'd been there for a few reasons, but absolutely none of them were ideal discussion topics with strangers.
"Seemed rather majestic looking up until the abrupt landing."
"An just how long were you watchin me?" She cast a slight scowl at the blue giant's direction.
"About a mile back that way. Back there, you were merely a dot drawing circles in the sky. At first I thought I was either getting delirious from thirst or some random bird had lost its mind."
She was starting to doubt helping this bozo was worth the awkward talk and poorly phrased compliments. "Gee, thanks." He merely responded by humming an odd tune.
On the horizon, thank Celestia and everything good, there was the outline of her hometown. Just a short ways away, and she could finally be rid of this freak. She took in the sun setting in the backdrop of the town. The minotaur had stopped humming, and the sound of silence mixed in with the pleasant view had helped her mood considerably.
Having her face meet the rocky ground didn't as much.
She found her legs and wings bound close together. She tilted her head sideways to see four ponies, one unicorn and three earth ponies, standing around her. The unicorn's horn was glowing, and it didn't take a genius to assume he was the one holding her down.
"Well ello there darlin'. 'Ow are we t'day?" A blue Earth pony with a bit for a cutie mark asked with both a heavy accent and a knife in mouth. She couldn't tell if the dirt on his flank was from earlier rough housing or if it was part of the cutie mark.
"Just peachy." She matched the sneer and raised him a glare of disgust.
"Got any money this fine evenin'?"
"D'ya see any on me?"
"Is tha' an invitation tah check?" A red stallion earth pony said with a slight slur. 'Cider always smells less appealing coming from someone's mouth instead of their mug.' she cringed.
"Go tah Tartarus ya filthy swindlers. I aint got nothin on me."
"See, we'd let ya go on that," the unicorn piped up. "I mean, we let the last few off on that, but we're gettin mighty tired of not acquirin' much income."
"Pretty words for an ugly face to be speakin'." She growled.
"You aint no picture yourself." The unicorn spat on her face. If looks could kill, the unicorn would've been obliterated at that point.
"Where's that blue bucker got to? Why don't you rob him instead?"
"No idea who you're talkin bout sweetie."
______________________________
Rudy had been keeping up with RW up until a bumble bee flew directly in front of his face. He had ended up bolting a different direction. He started walking back in the direction of his pegasi friend when he noticed the others surrounding her.
"Oh cool, some of her friends found her. I'll leave em alone, I bugger her enough as it is."
Thus he continued towards the town while avoiding the situation.
_____________________________
Yeah, how many of you guys thought I was introducing a new main character?
aaaaaaapleoos- Hey where are y'all going?
Sigvatr the Sick was a well known figure back in the days of old. As sadistic Viking who shared no gold, no jewel... really nothing but pain. He did enjoy sharing that. He was so good at his skills in torture and murder that he became feared among the Netherlands and Newfoundland. So feared was he, that other Vikings felt it their duty to put an end to this mad man. So it was that Sigvatr the Sick was murdered by a group of men and women led by Ranog the Decent.
For hundreds of years Sigvatr dwelled in the deeper depths of Hell. Much like on Earth, he gained a fearsome reputation in Hell. Part of Satan's personal guard, he was the second in command for torture, and the number one guy you went to if you wanted to hurt someone badly. (Remember this is Hell, hurting someone that's gotten used to constant flames and misery is a rather hard feat.) He even invented one of the longest running mandatory greeting for Hell. "Kun kuoli, odotit hehkua. Nyt poltat täällä alla." (It got replaced by Reverend Earl Jefforson's "It's a damn shame you ended up here. Now you're a damned shame.") But there was one thing he did that was so infamous that it cemented his place in Hell, so that he could never leave, no matter how many good deeds he did, and no matter how many tasks he completed. And we'll let the characters tell you what that was when we get to it, because I just typed like two paragraphs of exposition-esque backstory.
In case you're wondering why we bring him up, well...
________________________________________________________________
Dirty Money returned to his usual hiding spot with his cronies. The mugging of that dumb Pegasus had left all four of them a little pissed off and frustrated. Not only did she have no money on her, but she had nearly broken the unicorn's horn off from a kick to the head. To top it off, he felt like he had a slight heart burn.
"I told ya she wouldn't have anythin on her!" the unicorn yelled. Dirty just snarled in his direction. He never cared for non-earth ponies. Unicorns always acted so smug and superior.
"Shurrup you dumb fool." spat the crimson pony next to him.
"Oh, I can't point out when I tried stoppin y'all from makin mules o yourselves?" he countered. Dirty felt his heart burn intensify a little bit as he thought about the nerve this new member of his gang had. Thinking about shoving his face into the ground didn't seem to help much.
They all sulked around a bit more as he browsed his surroundings. The same old small shack outside of Apploosa. It always made him bitter to see how well off the ponies were in town. What really infuriated him, though, was when a foreigner from a different town or city would come. Their very mannerisms would do all the bragging and showing off so they wouldn't have to go out of their way to say it.
Fuming over these events made his heart pound and burn like a steam engine. And then the straw flew from the unicorn's mouth with the sole purpose of breaking the metaphorical camel's back.
"Stupid Earth ponies can't do nothin' right."
And then Dirty Money spontaneously combusted.
...
No I'm serious, that's what happened. The pony was engulfed in flames as a roar of echoed from his mouth, sounding like a mix of windigo screech and manticor roar... and a hint of Sam Kinison yell.
His three companions all raced to the opposite end of the room, eyes wide in fear and confusion as their "friend" seemed to be burning to death. It lasted for about ten seconds before the flames extinguished in the blink of an eye. Dirty Money's body stayed frozen in its position, the only sign of change was the absence of pupils from his eyes. His face held a look of incredible suffering and agonizing pain. His every muscle jutted out like snakes underneath bed sheets.
The other three stayed stock still in their cowering positions, until the one I haven't bothered to describe yet broke the silence.
"What should we do?"
"Somepony needs to go see if he's breathin'." Replied the red stallion.
They both looked expectantly at the unicorn. With a bitter sigh, he stood and slowly made his way over to his catatonic acquaintance.
"Dirty, y'all right?"
The body didn't move an inch. The unicorn moved forward and extended a hoof. "Dir-"
"F*cking Satan."
The unicorn flinched at the sound of Dirty's voice. It seemed off. Raspier, colder, more detached.
"You alright?"
"Yeah. Am I a horse?"
The unicorn squinted his eye brows at the question and looked back to the two stallions in the corner of the room. They merely shrugged with their own dumb-founded faces. He looked back at Dirty and noticed his face seemed off. A little more twisted and pale. As if the fur on his face was actually changing color. His eyes also seemed to be changing color. The whites of his eyes were now a soft pink, and seemed to be darkening in a shade of red.
"Uh..."
"Yeah, yeah I am. Great. Wait, am I wearing boots?"
"Uh, yeah, you are."
"I have a knife in my boots."
"Um, yeah? Listen, I think you should lie down for a bit. Somethin musta went screwy with your hea-"
________________________________________________________
Rising Wind stomped into the saloon with a grim expression on her face.
'Lousy minotaur, distractin me, makin me get mugged, kick him where I kicked the last bucker who messed with me'.
Her thoughts continued grumbling as she ordered a mug of cider and guzzled it down. She looked out the window to see the train was in town. She sniffed at it contemptuously and leaned her head back to drink. Once again the mug was empty and she went to order another. The saloon pony, whose name she never got around to learning, shook his head.
"Everypony knows the rule. After the tenth mug, ya gotta pay before you get your next ten."
The train's engine roared in the distance.
"Oh, alright mister."
______________________________________________________________-
RW gasped for breath as she collapsed onto a seat in the train car. Her wings were burning from how fast she had been to get on the train. She smiled at herself. She'd always needed a good reason to leave. And now she was finally getting out of that terrible little nothing town. She sat up and looked around. Most of the other seats were empty. She stretched out her forelegs and yawned. A good night's sleep might bring a better day to her. She laid back down, head by the window and hind legs out by the aisle. She slowly closed her eyes.
"Good night, Miss Wind."
Her eyes bolted wide open as a familiar gangly navy colored figure appeared next to her seat. She closed her eyes, bent her knee and gave a powerful kick. A THUMP! and a slight moan of pain was all she needed to go to bed.