The Spirit Detective

You know, being encased in stone for a thousand years is not the most comfortable thing in the world. You tend to get really pissed at the one who did it to you, and would gladly shove your foot down their throat. I'm talking about you Celestia. you are a major bitch, and you know it.

Not to mention the annoying ass company you get from being turned to stone.

You know you love it

Put a sock in it Discord, or I swear I will crumble your statue to dust once I'm free from this stony prison.

I swear that guy is a major pain in the ass.

Is that children I hear? I swear I'm getting tired of all these visits from school kids. At least they are staying over by Discord. I don't want no snot nosed punk insulting my looks again.

"Who is this strange lookin feller here" asked some kid with a bow in her hair, mane, whatever.

Great here we go again.

"Oh that is the statue of the Detective." her school teacher replied to her question with mirth. "It is said that he once caused some trouble many years ago, and was turned to stone by Celestia in order to protect her people."

"He doesn't look that tough"

Why you little orange colored piece of shit. You are so lucky I'm encased in stone right now, or I would so punt your ass.

"Looks can be deceiving children. He may not look tough, but he was able to harness this strange type of energy. This energy was strong enough to hurt even Celestia."

I'll just ignore the part about me not looking tough, and accept the compliment she just gave me.

And now they walk away, great. Now its back to my myself and boredom again.

how rude Discord said to me telepathically.

Shut the fuck up!

Well great, Discord gets freed but I don't. That's so not fare, but that's life I suppose.

Its been about three hours since he left, and I now realize that he may have been the only thing keeping me not bored, because I sure as hell now feeling a bit lonely.

Wait one sec, is that Discord I see being carried by guards back to his original resting place. Oh my god it is, and he is a statue again. Well that is funny as all hell.

Shut up, I don't have to take this from you. Its not like you could do any better.

Want to bet on it?

I still have some magic left in me. If you want to test your luck I can use the last of it to set you free from your prison.

Why can't you just use that magic on yourself?

Because it would be more fun to see you royally screw your one chance at freedom up.

Yeah right, Celestia is not going to get another chance to turn me to stone once I shove my foot up her ass.

With that said I started to feel a little tingly from the magic Discord was using on me. I started feeling the stone that encased me start to fall off. It wasn't long till it fell completely off. I then stretched my arms into the air with my hands clenched into a fist, and took a deep breath to shout.

"Celestia, I'm going to kick your ass."

The two guards nearby didn't take liking to that so much, and armed themselves to attack me. One of them lunged at me with their spear. I side-stepped to the left of him dodging his spear. I then kicked him in the gut with all of my strength, sending him a few feet away.

"Dumb ass, so who's next for a ass kicking."

The second guard took a quick look at his comrade who just recently got kicked in the gut, and then back to me. He then charged me. I just stood still until he was a few feet away from me. I then jumped up into the air at him, and kicked him straight in the face. He was sent into the ground about five feet away.

"Man it feels so good to be kicking ass again."

I then let out a little chuckle of relief and went to exit the castle gardens.

I thought that this castle would have a bit more peo- ponies in it, but it seems to be empty.

"Dammit where is everyone."

I continued walking through the halls of a seemliness empty castle, but luck seemed to have been on my side because I just spotted what appears to be a blue coated unicorn maid with a purple colored mane. I walked up behind said unicorn and asked.

"Do you know where everyone is."

"Everypony." she corrected me, which in turn made me a bit pissed at her. "And they are in the throne room celebrating the hero's who defeated Discord.

She then turned around to see who I was. She was about to scream at the sight of me, but I knocked her out with a punch to the face in order not to lure any guards to my location.

"Thank you very much ma'am."

I was continuing to try and find Celestia, now with the useful information from that unicorn maid.  It didn't help to much though, because this castle is so fucking big and I have no idea where I'm going. It took what seemed forever to find two huge doors guarded by two guards.

"Hey! is that the throne room behind those doors."

"What is it to you sir." asked one of them.

"I have a bone to pick with a big white ass cunt. I think she goes by the name of Celestia."

The guards just growled at my comment, and charged me. I dodged them by jumping out of there way. I then charged one them with my fist ready to strike. I then punched one guard so hard I sent him flying into the other guard knocking them both out cold.

"Now if you excuse me I'll be on my way."

I then walked up to the two huge doors the guards were guarding, and then proceeded to kick them open. Needless to say I got everyone's attention in the room. Which I might add was a shit ton of people.

I saw standing just a few feet in front of the throne, about to put a medal on some lavender colored bitch was none other then the one who encased me in stone.

"Hey Celestia I thought since you encased me in stone and all, that I should drop by and give you a present."

I then grabbed the ring that this strange ass merchant gave me from my pocket, and then put it on my right hands index finger. I then pointed at Celestia with my hand in the gun pose.

"Spirit Gun"