Chapter 3

"Nonononono nope nopity nope."

Twilight half-galloped-half-flew as fast as her hooves and wings could carry her. She pounded down the cramped ally she was in, trying to shake her pursuers. So far she hadn't been very successful at this.

It was safe to say Twilight was having a bad day.

"I guess it's safe to say I'm having a bad day." The mare said under her breath while trying to catch it, unknowingly pulling a Deadpool.

"Why oh why oh why does this keep happening to me?" She desperately yelled at nopony in particular. "If the system of karma is correct then in my next life I deserve to be a princess- Oh wait, I already am one!." Twilight seldom used sarcasm, but at the moment she was receiving plenty of practice in her highly livid state.

"What did I do to anger the universe? Did I step on it's marigolds? Did I steal it's seat at the theatre? Come on" Twilight reached a two-way intersection. Choosing to left one she continued her stressful reflection.

"Maybe if I go over what I did today" Although she didn't expect an actual answer, she wanted to block her mind off to her current predicament. Deciding to humour herself she began. "Well first I..."

Ponyville's new morning was just a splendid as the previous. Celestia rose the sun to the sky. It's shining radiance gently waking the residence of the town out of their peaceful slumbers.

Twilight however missed out on this therapeutic experience by a few minutes. Instead she was woken by the not-so therapeutic explosion of fire and brimstone.

A noise that resembled a cross between an earthquake and a popping balloon ripped Twilight from the dream world, and consequently ripped her from her bed and on to the floor. This having happened more times than she'd like to admit she quickly took action through muscle memory.

"What's wrong? Ursas? Tirek?" Pinkie? The last option would be by far the worst case scenario. She whirled her head around trying to find the source of the problem. During her search she noticed that she wasn't alone in the room.

"Nothing's wrong Twilight it's just a letter." A small dragon approached her, thrusting a sealed parchment at her expectantly.

"A letter? Spike how does a letter cause an earthquake?"

The dragonet dawned a sheepish look. "Well... I think the ambers I had last night had a little too much air trapped in them."

"Spike, I told you not to have any gems after dinner. You might, and this time you did get indigestion." Groaning she picked up the letter scroll from his claws and began the task of unfurling it.

Giving a small huff of indignation he made for the door. "I'm going start making breakfast."

Twilight turned her full attention to the now open letter and began reading. Before starting she noted that it was from the Crystal Castle.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

There has been a disturbance with the portal the previous night. Somepony stepped through the portal, and before the standard guard on post could ask about his/her identity it escaped!

It managed to run out of the castle and took the southern path. This is the most direct path to Ponyville so are assuming it is after you. We do cannot offer any clues to the mysterious pony's business at the moment. We just hope this letter reaches you before it does.

Best of luck.

• The Crystal Guard

Twilight narrowed her eyes. "What's all this about? I already have enough on my plate with the accidental hook-up offer." She gave a sigh (something she was doing more often now) and went into the bathroom. She quickly washed and made herself presentable. Picking up a brush with her magic she began working on her mane. Running it's bristles through the knots in her mane. While brushing she mentally prepared herself for the day. It was bound to be a long one.

Four days had passed since the posters were released and given her estimates, many of the contestants should be arriving by today.

She finished her brushing and set down the brush. After quickly washed her face she made her way downstairs.

The pleasant aroma of breakfast wafted throughout the castle's kitchen. Today's meal was bountiful to say the least. Various pastries, fruits, and beverages were lined along the spacious dinning table. Covering every surface of it despite it's impressive size.

"Breakfast looks absolutely wonderful Spike! How did you make all this in time?" Twilight knew that the little dragon was an exceptional cook, but this particular morning he seemed to have pulled out all the stops. In the mere minutes she used for her morning ritual her assistant somehow created a feast singlehoofedly (or in his case singleclawedly).

"What do you mean? I didn't make this." Spike plopped down on his cushion while giving Twilight a confused look.

Not expecting the answer she got, Twilight gave Spike an equally perplexed face. "If you didn't make breakfast then who did?"

"I thought you ordered it from the Sugarcube Corner or something. All of it was just sitting outside beside the mailbox, or at least the over-sized container you call a mailbox."

"I didn't order any food." All of Spikes answers are just making more questions she thought.

"Well no use letting it go to waste I suppose, and besides, you can't complain about free food." Spike started helping himself to a portion of steaming apple tart.

Not wanting to eat the food before knowing her benefactor Twilight continued her questioning. "Spike, when you picked up the food were there any clues to where it came from?"

The dragonet chewed thoughtfully for a moment. He did remember something peculiar about the food delivery. "Well I'm not sure if this helps but all of the food came in separately wrapped baskets, and all of the baskets looked different. I kind of looked like they all came from different sources."

"Huh?"

"Yeah." he continued. "And a lot of them also had letters in them. They're over there." He pointed a clawed finger at a large stack of letters over on his left.

Twilight levitated one of the letters towards her. She took some time looking at it's official looking, but unrecognizable seal.

I should polish up on my seals later. With that thought she broke open the letter and began reading. However no sooner then she began she immediately dropped her head on the table and groaned.

"Ugh already?" She protested.

Giving pause on his bite into his bagel Spike asked "What's wrong Twilight?"

"I'll save the details for later, but basically the poster I made with Scootaloo five days ago misprinted and now all of Equestria thinks I'm looking for a coltfriend."

Spike gave a small snicker at this.

"It's not funny!"

"It is when you react like that." He replied matter-of-factly, and still laughing.

Twilight gave a low huff, choosing to ignore Spike's comment. She started to eat her long awaited breakfast, but didn't

get very far.

"That explains today's headline then."

Oh how she tried to ignore that. She planned on asking after she enjoyed her much deserved food. Unable to restrain her curiosity she eventually dropped her fork.

*sigh* "What was in the paper?" She asked defeated by the undoubtedly Pandora's box statement.

"Oh nothing." he teased "Just that apparently ponies from all over Equestria, and beyond have taken temporary residence in Ponyville."

The air Twilight was breathing had a sudden urge to vacate her lungs.

"Furthermore, every pony seems to be here for the same reason; Princess Twilight's proposal." The young dragon said with a grin.

Now the food that Twilight consumed was starting to show signs of follow her breath.

"So far the growing count of stallions and quite a few mares number around sixty-"

Twilight visibly relaxed. She could handle sixty.

" -But is expected to reach well over a hundred by the end of today."

Twilight simply sat there on her cushion. Blank faced and blinking periodically. Spike finished his plate and waddled to kitchen to find relief for his pent-up laughter. A while passed before the Alicorn broke her statue-like trance

"By Celestia, by Discord, By William Shackler, I don't care who! But I swear on them that I'm going to absolutely savour my breakfast even if it outright kills me." Twilight picked up her fork and ate her meal as if nothing was out of the ordinary. The only individual who did notice her rage was her unfortunate hash browns that was forced to bare the brunt of her passive aggression.

Twilight marched up the stairs and into her study, stomping her hooves irritated. Although she specifically arranged the large room to be as welcoming as possible by resembling her old library, it's usual reminiscent soothing was ineffective. Her problem with the posters was bad enough. Now she had to deal with a runaway pony from the human world. Not to mention that the whoever it was, they seemed to be after her.

"Maybe I could ask Sunset for her opinion. She might have some clues to who it is." She made to reach for some stationary but decided against it. "No the letter said that "anonymous pony" would be arriving today. She won't be able to respond in time."

Putting the matter aside she instead turned her focus towards solving the elephant in the room. The suitor situation. It starting to get out of hoof, and needed to be dealt with as top priority.

"I already tried recalling the posters and that didn't go well." She gave her mane a discrete sniff that to her dismay, still held an ink smell that made her stomach want to swap places her esophagus. "Also there's too many ponies too just tell them to leave. I won't exactly be "best pony" if I tell all the countless visitors, and in part representatives of the world to travel all the way to some small town and then shoo them away. That'll be extremely rude at best."

Twilight fiddling with her quills (or as Spike liked to call it "nervous tick #12"). " Maybe I can just alter the maze so that it has no exits...

Nah that wouldn't work. There's bound to be somepony who cheats."

Twilight got up from her broad stool and started pacing back and forth in her study (nervous tick #25). "Come on Twilight, all you need is imagination" An image of a sentient sponge with the power to manipulate rainbows popped into her head at the statement. "Now that's a little too much imagination."

She continued her mechanical pacing. On the odd chances that Spike catches her doing this he would usually point out that the motion was helpful as neither inspiration, nor exercise. Well today was the day she proved him wrong. A figurative candle lit on top of Twilight's horn, enlightening her thoughts. To solve the problem of cheaters all she had to do was simply post a few guards within the maze. As a princess requesting guards can be easily done. Solving the dilemma of cheaters.

Twilight was about to indulge herself in a small hoof-pump for her figurative candle but her parade was rained on by a literal candle. A fortunately unlit candle dropped on her forehead. Effectively sending her celebratory mood up in smoke.

"Ow..." She rubbed her head with her hoof and looked up to spot her candelabra swaying dangerously. "Huh. did something hit the roof? Better not be Rainbow again or I'm going to give her a stern, well composed lecture." (for future reference Rainbow Dash found this hilarious)

The purple mare went over to a window right of the room's door. Since the room's height gave her a vantage point over the castle she threw open the tinted glass to inspect for damages. However, instead of the high-rise view she was expecting she got a unicorn stallion face.

"Hello Princess Sparkle!"

"Aaah! Twilight stumbled away from the pony that was latched onto her windowsill. He casually climbed in, all the while giving her a ear-to-ear grin, and if it were biologically possible, a full 360 wrap-around. "What in Luna's moon are you doing outside my window you crazy pony!"

"Your Majesty! You truly wound me. Do you not remember, or have you forgotten so soon?" The still beaming pony feigned hurt.

Twilight squinted at the new figure. Indeed his appraisal seemed familiar. Pale yellow coat, candy striped mane, boater hat, bow tie, the fog was clearing from her memory but something was missing.

"*sigh* perhaps were really are two halves, brother." Another stallion climbed in through the window. He was identical to the first. Wait... This one had a mustache.

The appearance of the second pony finally jogged her memory clear. "Flim, Flam? What are you doing here? And why did you climb through my window?"

Flim (or is that Flam?) approached Twilight and hoofed her a pamphlet. "Well we just so happen to be a teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy little bit..."

"Bankrupt." His brother finished.

"Yes, and so we thought if we win you could swap our winning smooch with sponsorship for our new product. A backing from a big figure such as a princess would be great for our business. Plus you already did one for that young filly."

Twilight looked down at the product. It looked like a decent enough product. A quick and easy way to clean your coat, but knowing the brothers it was almost certainly a scam. She read to bottom of the pamphlet where she found the expected twist.

... And you can have this wonderful product for only 6 bits*!

*ten easy payments of 6 bits plus tax

She frowned in disappointment. "No"

"Excuse me?" Flam's grin lost it's shiny luster at her reply.

"I said no, I am not sponsoring you. Now get out."

"B-but it's fun to play with your Schtickey!"

"Out."

"Oh I know!" Flim pitched in. "Are you hungry? You're gonna love my nuts!"

"Look, I've had a rough morning, and I don't have time to deal with you two. So I'd really appreciate it if you would see yourselves out." Twilight started to well up magic in her horn causing it to glow a faint purple.

'If you don't have time then want a quick-"

The barbershop pony was cut off as Twilight fired her spell and teleported the two ponies outside the castle gate. She went over to the open door and sealed it tightly, vowing on the pink streak in her mane to never opening it again. "I. Regret. Everything."

"Twilight, you got another letter." Spike entered the study holding a coiled up parchment.

Twilight mentally cringed. All the letters she had received in the past five days have all carried bad news. Since it wasn't adressed from the Mongols it wasn't likely to be an exception. Preparing for the worst she cautiously opened the letter. The letter, if you could call it that, wasn't really a letter at all. Just some short, simple commands.

Dear [Princess] Sparkle,

The first thing she took notice of was that "Princess was written sloppily. As if it was squeezed in as an afterthought.

Make sure that middle the room in the farthest right big tower thingy is empty. That is all.

"Uh, okay? Thanks Spike for the letter Spike... I guess."

The dragon gave a grunt of recognition and left the room to continue doing whatever dragons do, leaving Twilight to her own devices.

Curious to why she was told to clear the space of her study she dragged her desk back a few hooflengths and waited. She didn't have to wait long as the middle of the room started glowing in an ethereal light.

"Starswirl's beard, what now? She groaned.

The light started to converge near the ceiling into an jagged opaque line. The rip in reality gradually expanded and at it's peak it started to draw in the surrounding air. The vacuum effect grew increasingly stronger, as well as louder in volume. Twilight's eardrums began to pop painfully from the sudden change in air pressure. The heavy quality of the air almost became unbearable until the whole ordeal brusquely ended. The tear, now gone was replaced with an aqua mare.

Twilight blinked a few times. Firstly to make sure her eyes were still in their sockets and not stolen by essentially a giant vacuum cleaner. Secondly to confirm that a pony materialized out of thin air and is currently floating well above her own height.

Said mare turned her head to the right, then to the left, even doing a twirl for good measure. All the while remaining off ground.

"What is with this room? There's nothing in here and the ceiling is so low! The great and powerful Trixie is not amused."

Trixie? Twilight could only stare with her mouth open. A million and one questions were racing around her head. She wondered what the best way to break the silence was when your companion was displaying the ultimate insult to gravity. Worried that the laws of physics were starting to get ticked off she started with a safe question.

"H-hello?"

Trixie jumped at her voice. She whirled her head around trying to find the source of the question.

"Sparkle is that you? Show yourself to Trixie."

"Um... Down here."

Trixie looked down as directed and widened her eyes in surprise.

"What is Sparkle doing down there? Are you trying to hide from Trixie's great and powerful splendor?" Smirking she flipped the turquoise mane residing under her signature hat.

Twilight tried to think of a way to break the news to her unexpected guest. She decided to go for a blunt approach.

"Trixie you're floating in mid air."

The magician gave her a disbelieving laugh. "Twilight that's impossible, the great and powerful Trixie does not subconsciously activate levitation spellssssoh."

An awkward silence ensued as Trixie froze in place. Not wanting to, or knowing when gravity would reactivate.

Twilight kept staring expectantly. "So are you just going to stay up there or-"

"Book reader, catch!" Trixie took the initiative and leaped into Twilight, hoping that she'd break her fall.

Her hopes were misplaced as Twilight fell under her new weight. She attempted to stand back up, but the mare on top of her had a similar idea at the same time. Neither mares were successful and both mares collapsed into a tangle of limbs.

"Hey Twilight you got a visitor-" Spike entered the room without knocking (since Twilight never hears it anyways when she's concentrating), He soon regretted his choice to abandon courtesy. His pupils shrank and his purple scales blazed into a bright red blush at the scene. He took the scene as a cue to leave. "Sorry for interrupting!" He squeaked. He ran out and shut the door behind him.

"Wait! *Mmph* It's not what it looks like!" Twilight managed to untangle herself from Trixie and contemplated going after Spike, but decided against it. She facehoofed (something else she was doing more often as of late) and returned her focus on her self-invited company.

Trixie got up and gave back a cross glare. "What part of "catch" is so difficult to understand Sparkle?" Pausing her complaining she raised a hoof to her head. "Why is Trixie wearing a tiara? And where is Trixie's cape?!" Trixie started to panic. Losing her cape was her biggest fear behind losing her hat.

At Trixie's anxious question Twilight noticed an unusual weight across her back. She craned her neck too see what it was and saw that she was somehow wearing the missing cape.

"Hey, give back Trixie's cape!"

Twilight obliged, unclasping the article of clothing (she noted the clasp held a dove insignia) and returned it to Trixie. Upon it's return her rival immediately grabbed it and held in a protective stance. Assessing that there were no more threats to the cape's safety she began caressing the cloth while whispering to never let it go again.

Twilight simply rolled her eyes at the display "So Trixie, why did you come back to Ponyville.?"

The mare looked away as her cheeks began to tint "The great and powerful Trixie has decided bestowed her priceless time on you because of a certain poster-"

"Oh, look at the time! I'm pretty busy with uh... Princess-y stuff so I'll be going now." Twilight by now learned that nothing good can come from the words "poster". She dashed out the room as fast as she could and ran down the hallway, planning to lock herself in the safety of her bedroom.

In the words of my future self: "Nonononono nope nopity nope"

Author's Note

Vince Offers can't sue me because I added an extra "E" to Schticky

Hope you like this chapter, it was going to be way longer but I've kept you waiting long enough so I just cut it in half. The next chapter is going to start off immediately after this one because of that.

If you want an extra challenge try to guess every reference. I put in a few