I Have Vacation Days?!

Twilight knelt down and pressed a knife to her wrist, slicing it open and letting blood drip into the arcane circle at her feet. As she healed the minor wound, she cast her spell, eldritch blue lightning spilling from her fingers and reacting with the blood on the ground, filling the entire cavern with cold, blue light.

Across from her, near the edge of the circle, lay the bones of an unborn baby dragon, the same one that she had given life to for but a few moments about nine years ago. Twilight chanted, a sheaf of notes orbiting around her as she knelt once more and slit the throat of the bound death row inmate at her feet, spilling his blood and, once she finished a few more incantations, drawing out his soul, stripping it of its mortal memories and pushing it into the nine year old bones of the tiny little drake.

A final flash of light filled the cave, accompanied by a crackling thunderclap. When the dust settled, the inmate had vanished, and a sleek, black, skeletal dragonling lay curled up at her feet, napping peacefully. Twilight cooed over the semi-undead creature, marveling at its glimmering obsidian scales and examining its open chest area. The glowing orb that served as its heart cast an eerie magenta light upon her face as it pulsated, almost in time with Twilight’s own heartbeat.

“So what’s with all the trouble to revive a lizard?” Alucard asked from his spot leaning on the wall, eying his master’s now very developed body as he watched. She had grown into quite the bombshell, just as he predicted. Smooth, creamy thighs, a fantastic rump, and those tits. He barely suppressed a pleasured groan as he thought of the things he could do with those tits.

Twilight petted the draco-lich and waved off Alucard, as if trying to bat away his lecherous gaze. “I almost succeeded in actually creating life from nothing during the magical surge that gifted me with the position of Celestia’s Student nine years ago, but in the end, I couldn’t give the egg a soul, so all I got was a short lived construct that dissolved into a pile of bones. I figured that I might as well keep them and find some way of bringing the dragon to life, just as a childish sentiment, I guess… and stop staring at my tits, you perv! I’m still underage!”

Alucard laughed and grinned at her. “I can’t help that you’ve got nice tits, boss. You still can’t hold a candle to Tia though.” He grinned at the thought of the sun goddess. “Anyway. What are you gonna do with the zombie lizard?”

“His name is Spike,” Twilight decided, “and he’s going to be my little companion. I’ve already wired the mail spell that Celestia taught me into his flame sacs, so I can also use him like a fax machine. And maybe, just maybe, he could eventually be useful in battle… assuming that I did the spell right and he’ll still grow like a normal dragon, albeit accelerated in the mental department.”

“So why does Fax Machine have a big honking hole in his chest?” Alucard asked, still ogling his master’s rack. “And will his tail grow back like other lizards?”

“I think he has the hole because the inmate I used for the soul and body didn’t have enough biomass to actually form into a whole body, since much of the mass was compressed into making the scales about as hard as a normal dragonling’s would be. It’s a good thing that I chose such a… large… prisoner, otherwise Spike might be even more skeletal and thin.” Twilight traced over Spike’s eyebrow ridges, noting to herself that they were indeed quite sharp, but wouldn’t do a lot of damage unless struck with great force. “And I don’t know about growing back, but since he’s undead, I could just reattach the tail, if it falls off.”

“So I can’t eat his tail?” Alucard asked. “And are you going to get another guy to fill the hole with?” He started slowly getting up behind Twilight, hand’s ready to do their usual naughty fun. Twilight preemptively slapped his hands away as she stood, shaking her head.

“I think the hole looks rather nice, actually. And it allows me easy access to his soul core, so I don’t have to worry about it destabilizing and not being able to fix it due to it being inside his chest,” Twilight spoke, carrying Spike as she walked out of the cavern.

Alucard followed Twilight out. “So what do you suppose Tia will think, since she still doesn’t know about your little fetish?” He grinned and smacked her on the ass. Twilight yelped in surprise, whirling on Alucard with a halfhearted glare.

“Hmph, well, I’m just going to tell her that I managed to animate an organic golem and imbue it with a learning intelligence. Even if that is rather advanced magic, I think Celestia will believe me.” Twilight looked proud of her false explanation, all but strutting up the path back to Canterlot, shucking her robe and stuffing it into the tiny pocket dimension she had created specifically so that she would always have a few spare sets of clothing no matter where she went.

Alucard grinned wider and laughed. “You didn’t seem too upset about getting your ass smacked, boss?” He leaned closer and licked her ear. “Maybe you’re starting to like my advances?” He grabbed her ass and squeezed it.

Twilight blushed and moved away, glaring angrily at Alucard. “As if anyone would ever like your advances. Hmph, I guess I’ve just gotten too used to your idiocy.” She crossed her arms and straightened out her blazer, turning away and starting up the path once more.

“I didn’t hear a no…” Alucard teased as he followed closer. “Maybe you’d like a private lesson in pleasing a man? Lessons from a real man? Hm?” He dragged his tongue on her neck, right over her carotid artery.

“Real man? You’re undead, Alucard. That means your heart doesn’t beat. That means, oops, no throbbing boners for you. So, sorry- not really- but I’m going to have to decline. Now come on, Princess Celestia is waiting,” Twilight snarked and took the easy route, teleporting up the steep mountainside until she finally found herself inside her own tower.

Alucard laughed and looked at nobody in particular. “Total tsundere!” he somewhat sang before chuckling. “She wants me.” He ran up the mountain and quickly caught up with Twilight, seeing her tending to her sleeping zombie lizard.

Twilight ignored Alucard and continued polishing the draco-lich’s scales, wanting him to be presentable when she saw the Princess later that day. Twilight hummed as she worked, administering the lightest of touches to her “baby” dragon’s scales.

Alucard started sneaking up behind her, hoping to get himself a couple handfuls of that soft titflesh while she was distracted by her little pet zombie. Alas, Twilight had warded the area with magical tripwires that would blast the unlucky recipient with a burst of frigid water, setting them to go off if anything with magic crossed their boundaries.

Unaware of the trap, Alucard walked right into it and yelled out in surprise as he was doused in an unwelcome cold shower. “You are made of bitch, boss.” He got revenge by shaking the water all over her.

“Gah! You son of a bitch! I just had this blazer dry cleaned!” Twilight shrieked, inadvertently waking up Spike, who let out a rasping hiss of discontentment and proceeded to blast Alucard with a small burst of magenta flame.

Alucard, face singed and eyebrows burned off, glared at the draco-lich. “Come here, little zombie lizard! You’re my lunch!” He yelled as he lunged for the wyrmling. Spike shrieked in fear and scampered up Twilight’s shoulder even as she struck Alucard in the testicles with a fistful of concussive magic.

“No eating Spike, Alucard!”

Alucard fell to the floor with a groan of pleasure as he grinned up at her. “Ah… The return of the “Why?” boner. With a vengeance!” He glanced up her skirt. “Going commando again, boss?”

Twilight eeped in surprise, “Alucard shut up! It’s just… necromancy makes me all sweaty and gross, okay!?” From the blush on her face, and the very faint whiff of something in the air, Alucard could tell that this was a total lie.

“Yeah that’s bullshit and you know it,” Alucard said. “I’ve seen your face when you drink blood and absorb magic.” He grinned. “Admit it. You get off on it.”

Twilight’s only response was to blush furiously and teleport away, the sound of a running shower echoing through the tower shortly after.

Alucard laughed and called up to her. “You know, taking a cold shower proves my point! Or are you fingering yourself in there?”

Twilight screamed, though the sound was muffled and thus the tone was indecipherable, even as a magenta aura picked Spike up and hurled him, sharpened back plates first, into Alucard’s face, prompting the little lich to start shredding at the vampire’s face in panic.

“Ah! Bitch!” Alucard yelled as he tore Spike off his face and held him at arm's length. Spike huffed and blew a cloud of smoke into Alucard’s face, chuffing with laughter.

“.....” Celestia stared at Spike, not sure of what to make of the little draco-lich. “So… you decided to create a pet golem and imbue it with a learning intelligence matrix?”

Twilight nodded and beamed, “Yup! I named him Spike! Isn’t he just wonderful?”

“Wonderful my ass…” Alucard muttered from behind Twilight with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

Celestia nodded slowly, proud of her student but still nonplussed, “A very impressive feat of magic, Twilight. Truly leagues ahead of what I’ve been teaching you. Oh Twilight, you’re growing up so fast!” Celestia hugged Twilight, finally settling on being just proud of her student and almost surrogate daughter.

Twilight hugged her teacher back, both happy that her teacher (and almost second mother) was proud of her accomplishments and that her little white lie had gone through without any scrutiny. “Thank you so much, Princess Celestia!”

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Alucard chanted behind them. “Show me some girl on girl!”

Celestia immediately growled and released Twilight, opting instead to blast Alucard out the window with a cry of, “JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!”

Twilight facepalmed at Alucard’s antics and sat down in her usual beanbag chair, already flipping through her text book as she waited for Celestia to cool down. After a few minutes of heavy breathing, Celestia finally sighed and relaxed, fixing her flowing hair and sitting primly by Twilight. She pointed out a passage in Twilight’s textbook and began from there, “This passage right here details the thaumic interaction between the caster’s mind and the mind of the target, allowing a basic link to form. This is the very basis of most hypnotic spells and many subliminal suggestion spells. Now, if we take a look in page 394…”

Twilight listened intently to Celestia, jotting down notes and annotating her book as the solar princess lectured. Occasionally, Twilight would ask a question or two, but for the most part simply soaked in information and completed diagrams of the subject in question when prompted.

“....and so the runic matrix should allow for one to simply pre-prepare a thaumaturgical ritual circle, thus allowing one to simply activate the ritual on the fly should they have the correct materials. Now, this runic matrix, were it to be added to the circle, would allow the circle to be inscribed on any sort of physical medium,” Twilight explained her extra-curricular notes to Spike, the barely a day old lich not understanding, but still absorbing the information as he learned.

Twilight’s current subject matter lay in trying to find a way to produce necromantic minions on the fly without a long and involved ritual that just reeked of inefficiency. Say what you will about her habits, but the one thing Twilight Sparkle could not tolerate was an inefficiently designed spell or ritual.

Alucard loudly yawned behind her. “Boring!” He lay back on her bed and stretched. “So. Fucking. Boring, boss.” He yawned again and curled up. “Noticed you got rid of all your panties.”

Twilight blushed furiously and tugged her skirt down subconsciously. Truthfully, the amount of necromantic and sangromantic energy running through her body these days meant that wearing any undergarments on her lower half was an exercise in futility and a lot of wasted laundry days.

“So do you have anything interesting to talk about?” Alucard asked. “Have you at least dated or given a man a blowjob?”

“Shut up Alucard I’m trying to teach Spike over here!” Twilight exclaimed, throwing an inkwell at Alucard’s head.

Alucard caught the inkwell and threw it back at her. “Nice try, closet skank.”

Twilight caught the inkwell and set it on her table, growling in exasperation. “Okay, Alucard, there is one thing I do need you to do. C’mere.” She motioned him over impatiently.

“And what’s in it for me, boss?” Alucard, not moving an inch.

Twilight rolled her eyes and stripped off her blazer and blouse, tossing them to the side. “Well I mean, if you don’t want to tattoo runic circles over every inch of my naked body, that’s your decision, I suppose.”

“Say no more!” Alucard said excitedly, phasing over in his mist form. “If I get to touch that body of yours… Well what are we waiting for?”

Twilight huffed and handed Alucard a sheaf of papers, a tattoo kit, and several vials of magically charged ink. She turned and began disrobing as she walked, finally laying down on the massage table she had bought about a week ago. “Alright Alucard, the instructions for each circle are written down very thoroughly on each paper, and I trust you to follow them exactly. Because if you don’t, I’m probably going to die screaming in agony. I’ll also need to be unconscious for this entire thing, so do your vampire hypnosis thing and knock me out.”

Alucard grinned and leaned over her with a lecherous grin before holding his middle and index fingers over her face. “Look into my eyes…” he intoned.

Twilight did so, her gaze immediately clouding over as she began to fall asleep. Before she passed out, she mumbled out one last sentence, “Don’t you dare… try to… take my virginity… while I’m… out…”

Alucard stared at her, looking genuinely offended. “I’m a womanizer, not a rapist!” Taking his gloves off, he started working on the tattoos, taking every opportunity to feel her up and explore her curves. “You never said I couldn’t grope every inch I touched, boss.”

Twilight said nothing, merely lying on the table, dead to the world.

Alucard started with her shoulder blade tattoos, then got her shoulders before moving to the base of her neck. While doing the belly button tattoo he spent a bit more time playing with her tits than he should have. While doing the tramp stamp he felt up her ass and fingered her while doing it. He did her ankle tattoos while licking her inner thighs. And he grinned widely as he got to what he considered the best. The one that was right above that now soaking pussy. He slowly licked that sweet tasting hole while doing the tattoo, not having to worry about her squirming since he had her under so deeply.

Once he finished, he decided on a likely painful way to wake her. “But it’ll be so worth it,” he muttered as he started eating her out while slowly lifting the hypnotic sleep. Twilight immediately began twitching a little, slowly writhing more and more as she came back to consciousness.

After a few more moments of sensual moaning, Twilight’s thighs clamped around Alucard’s head even as her hand came around, sheathed in a magenta wind, and decapitated Alucard without the slightest hint of remorse. Twilight uttered one last moan as she decapitated Alucard, the blood splashing against her driving her over the edge and giving her a satisfying climax to her first “real” sexual experience.

She panted as she tossed Alucard’s disembodied head onto the floor and licked some of the blood from her hand, savoring its taste. “Well, Alucard, I’d honestly be more mad at you right now, but the endorphin rush is pretty huge and you didn’t actually break any rules, so I think I’ll just leave you there instead of throwing your head in the incinerator,” she grinned and stumbled over to the mirror, examining the tattoos with a critical eye. Satisfied with Alucard’s work, her whole body pulsed magenta for a brief second as all the tattoos lit up in brilliant crimson, fading away back into black for a brief moment before disappearing entirely. Twilight looked back at Alucard’s still fallen body and smiled, “Great work Alucard! And I really mean it this time!”

“Do I get a reward?” Alucard asked as his body groped around for his head. “Left, body! Left!” he winced at an impact. “That’s a wall, you dumbass.” His body finally found his head and reattached it.

“I think you having all but molested me for the better part of-” She checked the clock “-two hours is reward enough, Alucard.” As she searched around in her wardrobe, she found Spike holding out a bra for her, the young draco-lich having made a nest in her drawers. “Thank you, Spike.” She patted his head and kissed his cheek before putting on the rest of her clothes..

“Can I have a kiss too, boss?” Alucard asked from beside her, leaning close with his lips puckered. “Come on. You know you want to.”

Twilight snorted and pushed his face away, walking over to her dressing mirror and staring down at her still untouched makeup box. Even after she had bought the thing in a brief bout of insanity two years ago, she had just left it lying there, never sparing it a second thought.

“Y’know what, Alucard? I’m feeling pretty good today. I think… I think I’ll actually wear some make up for once in my life.” Twilight seemed surprised at her own statement, but followed through nonetheless, opening the box before groaning at her own haste. “I have no idea how to use any of this. Crap.”

“Want some help?” Alucard asked. “I’ve been around the prissy types before.” Strangely enough, he wasn’t talking about any of the women in Canterlot. He wasn’t sure why, but he had vague memories of helping some woman with her makeup.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnn-yes.” Twilight admitted defeat, sitting down and waiting for Alucard to come help her.

Alucard came over and knelt down beside her. “Damn bitch. You are pale as fuck!” Grabbing the powder, he started carefully applying it to his master’s skin, covering up that pale complexion. “You look like a vampire.”

Twilight crossed her arms and muttered, “Well considering who I hang out with and what I do in my spare time, I might as well be one.”

Alucard laughed as he finished with the blush and started applying some eye shadow. “Might want to consider adding gloves to your outfit.”

“Hmmm… not a bad idea, actually…” Twilight considered the idea, silently resolving to buy a pair of gloves. Not white gloves, though, mostly likely they would be black, so blood stains wouldn’t show up on them.

After finishing with the eye shadow, Alucard got the mascara and started carefully applying it. Twilight nearly squirmed before realizing just how bad of an idea it would be with something so close to her eyes. “Eugh… maybe this was a bad idea… I feel kinda like a clown…”

“Clowns are fucking creepy,” Alucard said as he finished with the mascara. “And you ain’t near that level yet. Last touch.” He applied a lipstick the same color as her eyes to her. “There we go. Bring some attention to those lips.”

Makeup done, Twilight turned towards her mirror and gasped, barely recognizing herself. “W-wow… I actually look pretty good! I never thought I’d say this twice in one day, but thanks, Alucard!” In a moment of impulse, she did the near unthinkable and actually planted a quick peck on Alucard’s cheek, laying down the faintest smudge of violet on the cold, pale skin.

Alucard chuckled. “Wow. Never thought you’d actually kiss me, boss.” Feeling impulsive himself, he caught her lips with his for the briefest of moments. “Soft lips, boss.”

Twilight blushed and looked away, barely stopping herself from slapping Alucard, “I-it’s just a thank-you kiss, you jerk!”

Alucard chuckled and gently patted her head, giving her a rare genuine smile. “When I say that you look beautiful, I mean every word, master.”

Twilight merely blushed further, feeling her heart beat ever faster. “A-anyway, I’m almost out of glyceril trinitrate, s-so I should probably go out to get more!” she stammered, all but bolting out the door, barely remembering to sling Spike’s lazy hide onto her shoulder as she exited.

Schrodinger sighed as he took in the cool mountain air, standing at the top of what would one day be Canterlot with a camera in hand. “Ahh, truly zhe best sings in life are best appreciated by seeing zhem at every point in spacetime at vonce, no?” he spoke to thin air, taking a photo, then making a jaunty step to the side to avoid the carriage that he’d nearly walked into while appearing in modern day Canterlot. “Whoops! Zhat could have been dangerous, right Mr. Narrator?”

Shush, Schrodinger, you’re getting weird looks.

Laughing to himself and thusly ignoring the narrator once more, he skipped away from the financial district, slipped around a lamp post, and popped out from behind a hot dog stand in the thaumaturgical supply district. So focused on taking in the sights was he that he didn’t notice the violet haired girl walking in his direction.

Twilight glanced at her shopping list, scanning its contents and making sure that she hadn’t forgotten any of the myriad reactants and ingredients on the list. So focused was she that she didn’t notice the blond man in front of her until she had walked straight into him, sending the both of them sprawling back in surprise.

“Wah!” Twilight exclaimed, barely keeping her basket from spilling its contents everywhere, “Sorry about that! I didn’t notice you there sir!”

“No harm done, frauline,” Schrodinger said as he looked his camera over. “I am everyvhere and novhere.” He then took notice of her. “Vhoops! Not supposed to meet you yet!” Snapping a picture, he stepped past her, sniffing her hair before appearing atop the palace. Looking at her in his camera’s memory, he smirked to himself. “Zhat frauline smells like Alucard.”

Twilight stared at where the odd man had just been a second ago before thinking to herself, ‘Were those…. cat ears?’ She shrugged and continued her shopping, not seeing the use in dwelling on someone she’d likely never see again. Atop her shoulder, Spike grumbled happily, enjoying the fresh air and the strange sights.

Seras sighed to herself and stared at the full moon. Fifteen years in the military had merited her several promotion opportunities, but given that she preferred working in the field, she turned all of them down, though the military had retaliated by forcibly giving her a raise and moving her to an upscale neighborhood… not that she was complaining. Down below, partially hidden by trees, lay a rather grisly scene.

A man in a robe surrounded by the entrails of at least six other people, their disemboweled corpses stacked in a strange pattern in front of him. Five of them happened to be people Seras had met at some point or another.

Seras glared at the hooded man, her custom made gauntlets creaking from the force of her rage. With a near silent movement, she whipped her hands forward, launching a pair of silvery blades from her gauntlets and neatly impaling the man from behind through the throat and abdomen. The draculina smirked and flicked her wrists outwards, the wires connected to the blades wrapping around the man as she flung him up into the air. She leapt from her tree branch and ascended to her target’s already dying form, spinning around and delivering a brutal axe kick to his abdomen and disengaging the wires, causing the cultist to smash into the ground as a bloody paste, ritual unfinished and damage paid back in full.

Seras landed silently and dusted off her hands, “All in a night’s work.”

The sound of clapping came from behind her. “Vonderful performance, Seras! You get rid of your Harkonnen to copy Valter’s wires?” Schrodinger asked from the tree branch that Seras had been on moments earlier. “Und bayonets too? Vhat if zhat papist sees vhat you’ve done?”

Seras whirled on the voice, ready to deliver a world of hurt before stopping in surprise. Though there wasn’t a whole lot of resemblance anymore, she still recognized her twin brother.

“A-alex!? W-where have you been!? I’ve been looking for you for so long!” She rushed forward and engulfed the cat-man in a hug, crushing him to her chest and shaking back and forth in joy. “Oh I missed you, Alex! I was so worried that you might be dead or amnesiac or something weird! I’m so happy to see you again!”

“I’m fine, Seras,” he said from behind her, her arms now empty. “Und I’ve been perfectly safe. After all, I am everyvhere and novhere.” He grinned. “I see you got zhose big breasts you alvays vanted. I found Alucard too!”

Seras whirled around again, pointing her finger at Schrodinger’s nose, “One, I’m still your sister Chloe, so you can still call me that. Two, drop the shitty accent, it’s rather grating to the ears. Three, yes, I do have a rather impressive set of knockers now, don’t I? Four, you found Thomas!?”

Schrodinger laughed. “Oh yes. Alucard vent batshit crazy and slaughtered people for three decades, got turned to stone by zhe princesses, und now he’s been bound to a frauline since she vas six years old.”

“Wait WHAT!?” Seras couldn’t believe her ears, her best friend, the pacifistic altruist, slaughtering people for three decades straight? Had the world gone mad? Then again, she mused, this was Equestria.

“Und get zhis!” Schrodinger went on. “He’s been acting like Abridged Alucard und sexually harassing Princess Celestia. Even Twilight Sparkle is not safe from it, even though she is his master.”

Seras facepalmed and leaned against a tree, “Oh god I can already feel the headache forming… Meeting him again is just going to be an exercise in anger management, isn’t it?”

“He seems pretty close to Twilight,” Schrodinger said with a grin, showing Seras the picture he’d snapped of her. “Such a pretty frauline, isn’t she? Und she smells like Alucard.”

“..... She looks kinda like how I did the one time I let Thomas do my makeup…” Seras noted, tapping her chin in thought. “Anyway, can we go somewhere that isn’t so…. gory? As much as I am a vampire, I still have no intention of feasting like Thomas apparently has… also, the body’s starting to reek of piss and shit.”

“Have you been drinking blood, Seras?” Schrodinger asked. “I can’t imagine you could get soil from your birthplace to line a coffin.”

Seras shuddered, “Not really, just a few blood packs every few months. I still can’t get used to the taste at all. And I told you, Alex, I’m still your sister, call me Chloe. Y’know, because it’s my name?”

Schrodinger laughed. “But I like calling you Seras,” he said with a grin and twitching ears. “So don’t call me Alex. Call me Schrodinger.” He appeared behind her. “Alex is not everyvhere and novhere.”

Seras groaned, “Jesus Christ, I knew you were into method acting but honestly this is just ridiculous. It’s like you don’t even want to remember Earth anymore.”

“Maybe I don’t,” Schrodinger said, smirking as he leaned on the tree. “Back on Earth, I’m a nobody. Some faceless little man in a crowd. But here? Here, I am everyvhere and novhere. Everysing I could never hope to be on Earth.” He narrowed his eyes while still smirking. “You may vant to go back, but I don’t. I like it here, Seras.”

“No no, I don’t want to go back, honestly,” Seras shook her head, “I just think that maybe we shouldn’t just… forget Earth, you know? I mean, yes, I’ve been going as Seras for the last fifteen years, but I still remember how Earth was… even though… okay, well, there wasn’t much worth remembering other than the release of Splatoon and Brawl 2, and a few other things, but still.”

“Seras, Earth isn’t really vorth remembering,” Schrodinger said. “Getting stuck in Equestria vas zhe best thing zhat ever happened to us.” He chuckled as he looked at a picture he’d snapped of the rampaging Alucard and showed it to her. “Such a paradox. Zhis monster is Thomas Lancaster, yet not Thomas Lancaster.”

“Well, at least he still has that sharp jawline,” Seras snarked, staring at the photo with a slight amount of horror. “Though, has he been… any more like Thomas lately? In any way?”

“Vell…” Schrodinger thought back to what he’d seen of the vampire king and his master. “He’s become quite zhe tsundere. Acting like Abridged Alucard around most, but vhen he’s alone vith Twilight Sparkle, he shows a certain tenderness zhat only canon Alucard has. Zhe tenderness Alucard showed to Integra Hellsing.” He chuckled. “I zhink he’s falling in love vith her.”

Seras stared, “You’re not shitting me?”

“I shit you not, Seras,” Schrodinger said, still grinning. “Little Twilight Sparkle hasn’t even left Canterlot yet, und she’s already stolen her servant’s heart.” He swooned a bit. “Don’t zhey make a cute couple, Seras? Such a pretty ship. Zhe Alulight it shall be called!”

“.... Oh god you’re still a romantic that is both such a relief and so annoying,” Seras dropped her face into her hands, “And oh god that is such a Thomas thing to do. Stupid wanker fell in love with one of the best people he could have chosen like the lucky bastard he is.”

“Zhe irony is zhat he’s such a bad influence,” Schrodinger said. “Twilight’s been practicing necromancy und sangromancy behind Celestia’s back. Even passed off her new draco-lich as a pet golem zhat can learn.”

“....Again, such a Thomas thing to do…” Seras shook her head and grabbed Schrodinger’s arm. “Alright, Schrodinger- and man that is going to take some time to get used to- I’m bringing you back to base. I mean, as fun as seeing you again was, I feel like you wouldn’t want to be cooped up in a military base for the rest of your days, so I think I can pull a few strings and get you in as a freelancer.”

“Zhey couldn’t hold me anyvay,” Schrodinger said. “After all. I am…”

“Everywhere and nowhere, big fucking whoop. You’ve said that like four hundred times you prat,” Seras rolled her eyes and continued leading her immature twin over to the rendezvous base, her hand already drifting over the communications array sewn into her badge. “Base, this is Agent Seras Victoria. Confirmation code: ZVX343SS2. Two for pickup, Agent plus guest.”