A Mess of Titanic Porportion

"Ruth daar soqat spaan ahrk reym tol ris nii vok!" Mason yelled as he slammed his fist against the shield.

"Nii'vok wal nori calmestua!" I cursed alongside him, wait what language is this? Stupid subconscious. Mason turned to me, twitching again.

"Kenny. I would like you to take this shield down, so I can talk with the princesses" He spat out, while trying to take control of his emotions. "We'll hold onto these prisoners for you, as well as the ex-slaves. Just, do what you need to do to get it down."

"None shall stand in my way." Hopefully I don't have to shoot our own civilians. I made my way past the shield and to the gate, "Open the door! NOW!" An unfamiliar voice popped out from the ramparts.

"Oh, crap. One of them came back, what do we do? Um, sorry, you see... this is a secure area. No one comes in, no one comes out. Sorry, you have to come back again, um, never." Wait, were we overthrown? Oh COME ON! Why, just why? I shot the gate down and walked through. I am going to have to smack a bitch. I can't believe I just thought that. On the ay, I ran into a wave of idiots that is the Equestrian military trying to hold me up. I just walked past them, letting them break their spears on my armor. the diamond dogs were more challenging than these. After making my way to the heart, I turned on the loudspeaker on my helmet and yelled, "PONIES OF THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE! I GIVE YOU ONE CHOICE, SIDE WITH THESE USERPERS, AND BE DECLARED ENEMIES OF THE EMPIRE. OR SIDE WITH US, YOUR RULERS AND SAVIORS FROM SOMBRA, HELP TO TAKE BACK YOUR HOME! After several minutes of emptiness, and a tumbleweed rolling passed, "WOW, YOU ALL ARE JACKASSES. AT LEAST WAVE YOUR HOOF IF YOU SUPPORT ME!", at that moment, every hoof in the empire was stuck out the windows, and waved. I facepalmed. Well, at least they support me. I took the heart from its pedestal, and saw the shield fall. "Anyone that gets within ten meters of me will be shot, regardless of allegiance." The streets were eerily quiet, in fact, you could hear a-

"YOU RETURN! FOOLISH MORTALS!"  Several purple vortexes opened throughout the empire, with a seemingly never-ending swarm of dremoras pouring out, all shouting different... shouts. huh. At that moment, something appeared behind me, and I fired.

"Damnit Kenny, you almost hit me!"

"... my bad." Then, a familiar obnoxious voice shouts from the balcony,

"Ponies, don't believe them, see, they have taken the crystal heart! They are as bad as sombra! Do not-" A snowball hit her face. Following the trajectory, and by that I mean looking where mason pointed, I saw the snowball was fired by.... Stoic? and about the entire empire behind him with more snowballs... and a snow cannon?

"What? I always wanted to do that." Can't blame him. And with that, a white hell was unleashed at the balcony.

"Shall we deal with these, usurpers?" I looked at mason, asking if he even need an answer.

Upon finally climbing into the throne room there was a door. "When was there a door here?" Mason either didn't hear me, or didn't care as he walked up to the door, and yelled,

"In the wise words of Sergent Avory Johnson, HEY BASTARDS! KNOCK KNOCK!"

He kicked the door so hard it flung off it hinges, but somehow it stayed intact. looking through, we saw Sunbutt and Moona, decked out in armor, waiting for us. Looking to mason, who was wearing some kind of magic armor, I was confused. "When the hell you put that on?"

"What the hell? Oh well, Dragonskin, mage armor. Nice choice, me."

"Actually, that was me."

"Oh... good choice molag."

"You done talking to yourself mason?" I say with as much sarcasm as possible. He stepped forward,

"Princesses Sunbutt and Moona," Yes, he actually said that to them, I couldn't even facepalm, "Because we are understanding, we will give you one chance to surrender!"

"in other words, give up or die. I give you to the count of three to march back to your room, or else!" I yell pointing to the doors. Luna's face alone was priceless. "ONE" They took a step back from the intensity of my voice. "Two" Celestia hardened her face. "Three" ... and luna bolted to the door. She made it half way before she stopped, and stomped back, face redder than a tomato, and Celestia facehoofing.

"We shall never speak of this again." She said her face held low, suddenly finding her hooves more interesting.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure." I sported the largest shit-eating grin behind my helmet. I am so glad I'm recording this. Just wait until the other nation leaders see this. "So, You remain?" They got ready. I looked to mason, "you take luna, Sunbutts mine." I then charged forward... and tackled her. And the last thing I heard from mason before I focused on celestia,

"Well luna, lets dance." Really mason, sparing a quick glance, I saw mason offering his hand... before getting tackled himself by luna, only getting slightly thrown off balance.

Feeling nothing under me, I rolled over with just enough time to dodge a magic blast. "You bitch!" I opened fire on her, my shots just barely trailing behind her. She unleashed a yellow bolt of magic which just barely missed me, before delivering a downwards magically-reinforced flying kick to me. I blocked it, though it caused cracks to spider web along the floor.

"Just give up, and I will have mercy." I grabbed her leg.

"Not going to happen." And smashed her right next to me, I'm sure I broke her wings with that. Gripping her head and twisting it to the side with one hand, and grabbing the hair with the other, I quickly moved to mount her. No, not like that... perverts. I sat on her stomach and yanked her hair, hard, every time I saw her horn glow. I also continued to smash her head into the ground, eventually rendering her unconscious. I looked over to mason, to see how he is doing,

I saw Luna get smashed out of the air with his mace, as if it was a flyswatter, only to be caught by mason and brought into a tango position. He looked to me with a grin, only to unleash a torrent of lightning into her, knocking her out from the pain. "You proud of me, ma?" I took off my helmet, and gave the most deadpan stare, the world has ever known. I then proceeded to throw Celestia at him, which he caught in another tango pose, before checking her pulse.

"Really mason? just really?"

"What?"

"Nothing. What happened to cadence?" Where is she anyway? We walked to the balcony, to see Cadence, buried up to her neck in snow, and constantly getting pelted by more. "...I think my camera is still on."

"...can I get a copy?'

Two days later, we find ourselves, once more, at the table of friendship, still with the cracks of last time. Only this time, there are only the five of us, and the princess in chains... and surrounded by guards, both crystal and dremora, and according to mason, held halfway between this plane and oblivion. By the way, Eagles peak and shining star found their way back to us; turned out the escaped the day they were caught, and just spending time with family.

"So, whats going to happen now?" Oh, yea, make that six of us. The princesses perked up at his voice.

"He is still technically dead."

"We're just waiting to find a husk to put him in." Really mason? a husk? forget it. I stood up, and began,

"All present at this table, say aye, or something." I say as I glared at celestia. I will not forget what you've done.

"Aye, or something" I reached over and hit mason on the backside of his head, "ow fucker."

"Aye." Luna didn't have as much conviction as she did last time, still with some sparks jumping out of her mane.

"Here" Cadence spoke next, still wearing a blanket. I glared at Celestia, daring her to do it again.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Present" My fist smashed the table in front of me, "... I meant aye." she quietly muttered.

"We are gathered here today, to discuss the event and its repercussions of two days prior. if anyone has anything they would like to add, please speak now, or hold your peace." Luna quickly slammed her hooves on the table... and then sat back in her seat.

"Yes, I have something to add," We all looked at mason, "I have to use the bathroom." I hit him again.

"Now we will proce-"

"Hold up wait." We stared at him again, "Ok go on." Not going to ask.

"Now we will proce-"

"Hold up wait." We stared at him again, "Ok go on." I slammed his head into the table.

"Now we will proce-" I paused, glaring at him.

"hmf umf mft... mm mff fm."

"We will proceed regardless of interruptions. It has been decided by the head of the third crystal Reich, that-"

"Excuse me?! The what?" I glared at cadence, I don't blame her, but I have had enough of being cut off. Mason was trying to dislodge his horns from the table.

"that the Equestrian government will hereby sign a non-aggression pact which shall last for ten years, In addition, the Equestrian military, nor other armed forces may enter the territory of the Crystal Empire and all her lands, as shown by this map, not can they be posted within 20 kilometers of it."

"NAY! Tis completely unfair!" I would say something, but I was cut off.

"No, the unfairness hasn't even started princess." I glared at mason, and mentally thanked him for clarifying it for her.

"Ahem, Continuing on, Equestria shall grant us non-restricted mining rights within their territory." Celestia's face was turned into such a glare, I thought it would melt my helmet. "Princess Cadence, you may return to your room. Princesses Celestia and luna, you will stay." I ripped masons head from the table and sat him back down, like a child.

After waiting for cadence to exit, I flung the table to the far wall, stood up, and walked forward to tower over them; mason joining me after nursing his horns. "Now, young mares." They looked indignant, I continued from mason,

"Time for the personal punishment." Luna looked nervous, whereas celestia continued to look indignant.

"Can I give an idea?"

"Kenny, up to you."

"Lets hear it." I say staring at the crystal. The princesses audibly gulped.

"Spanking" All the color drained from their faces.

"Well, Kenny, I think we have a winner." My smile could only be described as sadistic.

"N-now lets not be too hasty. I-I'm s-sure there are o-other options." I'm not sure which one said it, as both of their mouths were moving.

"Oh, were not being hasty, besides, If you really want... I'm sure sombra can think of another one."

"No no, its fine." I could hear snickering from the crystal, "On one condition." Excuse me?

"Oh? and what might that be?"

"You smash that crystal" Hmmmmm, no.

"You're not really in a position to make demands princess" Mason whispered in their ears, wait, when did he get back there? I quickly remembered something,

"Mason, watch them, I'll be back." I left as he muttered something about a missed opportunity.

Arriving at that door, I wondered aloud. "I never thought I'd enter this room, ever." But, progress demands sacrifice. I steeled myself, and walked in.

I walked back to the throne room with several large paddles, one of which I was swinging against my hand. "Hey, that one was my favorite" Ignoring sombra, I walked to the princesses who now looked like they've seen a ghost. They did, the ghost of their dignity leaving through their asses.

"L-lets just get this over with" Celestia stood up.

"Oh no no no. We're not doing this here." She looked confused, before her eyes widened. "N-no, please."

"We're doing this publically" Luna looked ready to cry. And mason cracked out in maniacal laughter, in fact, I couldn't tell which one was in control of him.

"ALL RIGHT," I yelled like it was a carnival, "COME ONE COME ALL, TEN SPANKS PER PONY ON EACH PRINCESS, PADDLES PROVIDED." There was an immediate lineup of ponies, led by stoic. Looking back to the princesses, now in stockades, it seemed like they couldn't tell either to be red or white, so they seemed to be a combination of both. I kneeled down to their level and whispered, "Ready princesses? As soon as mason comes back, the first pony steps up." I saw mason quickly jog the distance and say quite loudly,

"2000 ponies and increasing exponentially," oh my, "LET THE SHOW BEGIN!"